the legacy of cain-第39章

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into　her　father's　bedroom。　〃He　is　able　to　sit　up　in　an　armchair；〃
she　said；　〃and　he　might　do　more；　as　I　think；　if　he　would　exert
himself。　He　won't　exert　himself。　Very　sad。　Would　you　like　to　look
at　your　room；　before　you　see　my　father？　It　is　quite　ready　for
you。　We　hope〃she　favored　me　with　a　fascinating　smile；　devoted
to　winning　my　heart　when　her　interests　required　it〃we　hope　you
will　pay　us　a　long　visit；　we　look　on　you　as　one　of　ourselves。〃

I　thanked　her；　and　said　I　would　shake　hands　with　my　old　friend
before　I　went　to　my　room。　We　parted　at　the　bedroom　door。

It　is　out　of　my　power　to　describe　the　shock　that　overpowered　me
when　I　first　saw　the　Minister　again；　after　the　long　interval　of
time　that　had　separated　us。　Nothing　that　his　daughter　said；
nothing　that　I　myself　anticipated；　had　prepared　me　for　that
lamentable　change。　For　the　moment；　I　was　not　sufficiently　master
of　myself　to　be　able　to　speak　to　him。　He　added　to　my
embarrassment　by　the　humility　of　his　manner；　and　the　formal
elaboration　of　his　apologies。

〃I　feel　painfully　that　I　have　taken　a　liberty　with　you；〃　he　said；
〃after　the　long　estrangement　between　usfor　which　my　want　of
Christian　forbearance　is　to　blame。　Forgive　it；　sir；　and　forget
it。　I　hope　to　show　that　necessity　justifies　my　presumption；　in
subjecting　you　to　a　wearisome　journey　for　my　sake。〃

Beginning　to　recover　myself；　I　begged　that　he　would　make　no　more
excuses。　My　interruption　seemed　to　confuse　him。

〃I　wished　to　say；〃　he　went　on；　〃that　you　are　the　one　man　who　can
understand　me。　There　is　my　only　reason　for　asking　to　see　you；　and
looking　forward　as　I　do　to　your　advice。　You　remember　the
nightor　was　it　the　day？before　that　miserable　woman　was
hanged？　You　were　the　only　person　present　when　I　agreed　to　adopt
the　poor　little　creature；　stained　already　（one　may　say）　by　its
mother's　infamy。　I　think　your　wisdom　foresaw　what　a　terrible
responsibility　I　was　undertaking；　you　tried　to　prevent　it。　Well！
well！　you　have　been　in　my　confidenceyou　only。　Mind！　nobody　in
this　house　knows　that　one　of　the　two　girls　is　not　really　my
daughter。　Pray　stop　me；　if　you　find　me　wandering　from　the　point。
My　wish　is　to　show　that　you　are　the　only　man　I　can　open　my　heart
to。　She〃　He　paused；　as　if　in　search　of　a　lost　idea；　and　left
the　sentence　uncompleted。　〃Yes；〃　he　went　on；　〃I　was　thinking　of
my　adopted　child。　Did　I　ever　tell　you　that　I　baptized　her　myself？
and　by　a　good　Scripture　name　tooEunice。　Ah；　sir；　that　little
helpless　baby　is　a　grown…up　girl　now；　of　an　age　to　inspire　love；
and　to　feel　love。　I　blush　to　acknowledge　it；　I　have　behaved　with
a　want　of　self…control；　with　a　cowardly　weakness。No！　I　am；
indeed；　wandering　this　time。　I　ought　to　have　told　you　first　that
I　have　been　brought　face　to　face　with　the　possibility　of　Eunice's
marriage。　And；　to　make　it　worse　still；　I　can't　help　liking　the
young　man。　He　comes　of　a　good　familyexcellent　manners；　highly
educated；　plenty　of　money；　a　gentleman　in　every　sense　of　the
word。　And　poor　little　Eunice　is　so　fond　of　him！　Isn't　it　dreadful
to　be　obliged　to　check　her　dearly…loved　Philip？　The　young
gentleman's　name　is　Philip。　Do　you　like　the　name？　I　say　I　am
obliged　to　cheek　her　sweetheart　in　the　rudest　manner；　when　all　he
wants　to　do　is　to　ask　me　modestly　for　my　sweet　Eunice's　hand。　Oh；
what　have　I　not　suffered；　without　a　word　of　sympathy　to　comfort
me；　before　I　had　courage　enough　to　write　to　you！　Shall　I　make　a
dreadful　confession？　If　my　religious　convictions　had　not　stood　in
my　way；　I　believe　I　should　have　committed　suicide。　Put　yourself
in　my　place。　Try　to　see　yourself　shrinking　from　a　necessary
explanation；　when　the　happiness　of　a　harmless　girlso　dutiful；
so　affectionatedepended　on　a　word　of　kindness　from　your　lips。
And　that　word　you　are　afraid　to　speak！　Don't　take　offense；　sir；　I
mean　myself；　not　you。　Why　don't　you　say　something？〃　he　burst　out
fiercely；　incapable　of　perceiving　that　he　had　allowed　me　no
opportunity　of　speaking　to　him。　〃Good　God！　don't　you　understand
me；　after　all？〃

The　signs　of　mental　confusion　in　his　talk　had　so　distressed　me；
that　I　had　not　been　composed　enough　to　feel　sure　of　what　he
really　meant；　until　he　described　himself　as　〃shrinking　from　a
necessary　explanation。〃　Hearing　those　words；　my　knowledge　of　the
circumstances　helped　me；　I　realized　what　his　situation　really
was。

〃Compose　yourself；〃　I　said；　〃I　understand　you　at　last。〃

He　had　suddenly　become　distrustful。

〃Prove　it；〃　he　muttered；　with　a　furtive　look　at　me。　〃I　want　to　be
satisfied　that　you　understand　my　position。〃

〃This　is　your　position；〃　I　told　him。　〃You　are　placed　between　two
deplorable　alternatives。　If　you　tell　this　young　gentleman　that
Miss　Eunice's　mother　was　a　criminal　hanged　for　murder；　his
familyeven　if　he　himself　doesn't　recoil　from　itwill
unquestionably　forbid　the　marriage；　and　your　adopted　daughter's
happiness　will　be　the　sacrifice。〃

〃True！〃　he　said。　〃Frightfully　true！　Go　on。〃

〃If；　on　the　other　hand；　you　sanction　the　marriage；　and　conceal
the　truth；　you　commit　a　deliberate　act　of　deceit；　and　you　leave
the　lives　of　the　young　couple　at　the　mercy　of　a　possible
discovery；　which　might　part　husband　and　wifecast　a　slur　on
their　childrenand　break　up　the　household。〃

He　shuddered　while　he　listened　to　me。　〃Come　to　the　end　of　it；〃　he
cried。

I　had　no　more　to　say；　and　I　was　obliged　to　answer　him　to　that
effect。

〃No　more　to　say？〃　he　replied。　〃You　have　not　told　me　yet　what　I
most　want　to　know。〃

I　did　a　rash　thing；　I　asked　what　it　was　that　he　most　wanted　to
know。

〃Can't　you　see　it　for　yourself？〃　he　demanded　indignantly。
〃Suppose　you　were　put　between　those　two　alternatives　which　you
mentioned　just　now。〃

〃Well？〃

〃What　would　you　do；　sir；　in　my　place？　Would　you　own　the
disgraceful　truthbefore　the　marriageor　run　the　risk；　and　keep
the　horrid　story　to　yourself？〃

Either　way；　my　reply　might　lead　to　serious　consequences。　I
hesitated。

He　threatened　me　with　his　poor　feeble　hand。　It　was　only　the　anger
of　a　moment；　　his　humor　changed　to　supplication。　He　reminded　me
piteously　of　bygone　days：　〃You　used　to　be　a　kind…hearted　man。　Has
age　hardened　you？　Have　you　no　pity　left　for　your　old　friend？　My
poor　heart　is　sadly　in　want　of　a　word　of　wisdom；　spoken　kindly。〃

Who　could　have　resisted　this？　I　took　his　hand：　〃Be　at　ease；　dear
Minister。　In　your　place　I　should　run　the　risk；　and　keep　that
horrid　story　to　myself。〃

He　sank　back　gently　in　his　chair。　〃Oh；　the　relief　of　it！〃　he
said。　〃How　can　I　thank　you　as　I　ought　for　quieting　my　mind？〃

I　seized　the　opportunity　of　quieting　his　mind　to　good　purpose　by
suggesting　a　change　of　subject。　〃Let　us　have　done　with　serious
talk　for　the　present；〃　I　proposed。　〃I　have　been　an　idle　man　for
the　last　five　years；　and　I　want　to　tell　you　about　my　travels。〃

His　attention　began　to　wander；　he　evidently　felt　no　interest　in
my　travels。　〃Are　you　sure；〃　he　asked　anxiously；　〃that　we　have
said　all　we　ought　to　say？　No！〃　he　cried；　answering　his　own
question。　〃I　believe　I　have　forgotten　somethingI　am　certain　I
have　forgotten　something。　Perhaps　I　mentioned　it　in　the　letter　I
wrote　to　you。　Have　you　got　my　letter？〃

I　showed　it　to　him。　He　read　the　letter；　and　gave　it　back　to　me
with　a　heavy　sigh。　〃Not　there！〃　he　said　despairingly。　〃Not
there！〃

〃Is　the　lost　remembrance　connected　with　anybody　in　the　house？〃　I
asked；　trying　to　help　him。　〃Does　it　relate；　by　any　chance；　to　one
of　the　young　ladies？〃

〃You　wonderful　man！　Nothing　escapes　you。　Yes；　the　thing　I　have
forgotten　concerns　one　of　the　girls。　Stop！　Let　me　get　at　it　by
myself。　Surely　it　relates　to　Helena？〃　He　hesitated；　his　face
clouded　over　with　an　expression　of　anxious　thought。　〃Yes；　it
relates　to　Helena；〃　he　repeated　〃but　how？〃　His　eyes　filled　with
tears。　〃I　am　ashamed　of　my　weakness；〃　he　said　faintly。　〃You　don't
know　how　dreadful　it　is　to　forget　things　in　this　way。〃

The　injury　that　his　mind　had　sustained　now　assumed　an　aspect　that
was　serious　indeed。　The　subtle　machinery；　which　stimulates　the
memory；　by　means　of　the　association　of　ideas；　appeared　to　have
lost　its　working　power　in　the　intellect　of　this　unhappy　man。　I
made　the　first　suggestion　that　occurred　to　me；　rather　than　add　to
his　distress　by　remaining