the legacy of cain-第13章

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she　wrote；　〃would　have　contradicted　me　as　you　did。　Who　but　you
could　have　failed　to　see　that　papa's　strange　objection　to　let　it
be　known　which　of　us　is　the　elder　makes　us　ridiculous　before
other　people？　My　presence　of　mind　prevented　that。　You　ought　to
have　been　grateful；　and　held　your　tongue。〃　Perhaps　Helena　is
rightbut　I　don't　feel　it　so。

On　Sunday　we　went　to　chapel　twice。　We　also　had　a　sermon　read　at
home；　and　a　cold　dinner。　In　the　evening；　a　hot　dispute　on
religion　between　Mr。　Staveley　and　his　son。　I　don't　blame　them。
After　being　pious　all　day　long　on　Sunday；　I　have　myself　felt　my
piety　give　way　toward　evening。

There　is　something　pleasant　in　prospect　for　to…morrow。　All　London
is　going　just　now　to　the　exhibition　of　pictures。　We　are　going
with　all　London。

。　。　。　。　。　。　。

I　don't　know　what　is　the　matter　with　me　tonight。　I　have
positively　been　to　bed；　without　going　to　sleep！　After　tossing　and
twisting　and　trying　all　sorts　of　positions；　I　am　so　angry　with
myself　that　I　have　got　up　again。　Rather　than　do　nothing；　I　have
opened　my　ink…bottle；　and　I　mean　to　go　on　with　my　journal。

Now　I　think　of　it；　it　seems　likely　that　the　exhibition　of　works
of　art　may　have　upset　me。

I　found　a　dreadfully　large　number　of　pictures；　matched　by　a
dreadfully　large　number　of　people　to　look　at　them。　It　is　not
possible　for　me　to　write　about　what　I　saw：　there　was　too　much　of
it。　Besides；　the　show　disappointed　me。　I　would　rather　write　about
a　disagreement　（oh；　dear；　another　dispute！）　I　had　with　Mrs。
Staveley。　The　cause　of　it　was　a　famous　artist；　not　himself；　but
his　works。　He　exhibited　four　pictureswhat　they　call　figure
subjects。　Mrs。　Staveley　had　a　pencil。　At　every　one　of　the　great
man's　four　pictures；　she　made　a　big　mark　of　admiration　on　her
catalogue。　At　the　fourth　one；　she　spoke　to　me：　〃Perfectly
beautiful；
　Eunice；　isn't　it？〃

I　said　I　didn't　know。　She　said：　〃You　strange　girl；　what　do　you
mean　by　that？〃

It　would　have　been　rude　not　to　have　given　the　best　answer　I　could
find。　I　said：　〃I　never　saw　the　flesh　of　any　person's　face　like
the　flesh　in　the　faces　which　that　man　paints。　He　reminds　me　of
wax…work。　Why　does　he　paint　the　same　waxy　flesh　in　all　four　of
his　pictures？　I　don't　see　the　same　colored　flesh　in　all　the　faces
about　us。〃　Mrs。　Staveley　held　up　her　hand；　by　way　of　stopping　me。
She　said：　〃Don't　speak　so　loud；　Eunice；　you　are　only　exposing
your　own　ignorance。〃

A　voice　behind　us　joined　in。　The　voice　said：　〃Excuse　me；　Mrs。
Staveley；　if　I　expose　_my_　ignorance。　I　entirely　agree　with　the
young　lady。〃

I　felt　grateful　to　the　person　who　took　my　part；　just　when　I　was
at　a　loss　what　to　say　for　myself；　and　I　looked　round。　The　person
was　a　young　gentleman。

He　wore　a　beautiful　blue　frock…coat；　buttoned　up。　I　like　a
frock…coat　to　be　buttoned　up。　He　had　light…colored　trousers　and
gray　gloves　and　a　pretty　cane。　I　like　light…colored　trousers　and
gray　gloves　and　a　pretty　cane。　What　color　his　eyes　were　is　more
than　I　can　say；　I　only　know　they　made　me　hot　when　they　looked　at
me。　Not　that　I　mind　being　made　hot；　it　is　surely　better　than
being　made　cold。　He　and　Mrs。　Staveley　shook　hands。

They　seemed　to　be　old　friends。　I　wished　I　had　been　an　old
friendnot　for　any　bad　reason；　I　hope。　I　only　wanted　to　shake
hands；　too。　What　Mrs。　Staveley　said　to　him　escaped　me；　somehow。　I
think　the　picture　escaped　me　also；　I　don't　remember　noticing
anything　except　the　young　gentleman；　especially　when　he　took　off
his　hat　to　me。　He　looked　at　me　twice　before　he　went　away。　I　got
hot　again。　I　said　to　Mrs。　Staveley：　〃Who　is　he？〃

She　laughed　at　me。　I　said　again：　〃Who　is　he？〃　She　said：　〃He　is
young　Mr。　Dunboyne。〃　I　said：　〃Does　he　live　in　London？〃　She
laughed　again。　I　said　again：　〃Does　he　live　in　London？〃　She　said：
〃He　is　here　for　a　holiday；　he　lives　with　his　father　at　Fairmount；
in　Ireland。〃

Young　Mr。　Dunboynehere　for　a　holidaylives　with　his　father　at
Fairmount；　in　Ireland。　I　have　said　that　to　myself　fifty　times
over。　And　here　it　is；　saying　itself　for　the　fifty…first　time　in
my　Journal。　I　must　indeed　be　a　simpleton；　as　Helena　says。　I　had
better　go　to　bed　again。

CHAPTER　XIII。

EUNICE'S　DIARY。


NOT　long　before　I　left　home；　I　heard　one　of　our　two　servants
telling　the　other　about　a　person　who　had　been　〃bewitched。〃　Are
you　bewitched　when　you　don't　understand　your　own　self？　That　has
been　my　curious　case；　since　I　returned　from　the　picture　show。
This　morning　I　took　my　drawing　materials　out　of　my　box；　and　tried
to　make　a　portrait　of　young　Mr。　Dunboyne　from　recollection。　I
succeeded　pretty　well　with　his　frock…coat　and　cane；　but；　try　as　I
might；　his　face　was　beyond　me。　I　have　never　drawn　anything　so
badly　since　I　was　a　little　girl；　I　almost　felt　ready　to　cry。　What
a　fool　I　am！

This　morning　I　received　a　letter　from　papait　was　in　reply　to　a
letter　that　I　had　written　to　himso　kind；　so　beautifully
expressed；　so　like　himself；　that　I　felt　inclined　to　send　him　a
confession　of　the　strange　state　of　feeling　that　has　come　over　me；
and　to　ask　him　to　comfort　and　advise　me。　On　second　thoughts；　I
was　afraid　to　do　it。　Afraid　of　papa！　I　am　further　away　from
understanding　myself　than　ever。

Mr。　Dunboyne　paid　us　a　visit　in　the　afternoon。　Fortunately；
before　we　went　out。

I　thought　I　would　have　a　good　look　at　him；　so　as　to　know　his　face
better　than　I　had　known　it　yet。　Another　disappointment　was　in
store　for　me。　Without　intending　it；　I　am　sure；　he　did　what　no
other　young　man　has　ever　donehe　made　me　feel　confused。　Instead
of　looking　at　him；　I　sat　with　my　head　down；　and　listened　to　his
talk。　His　voicethis　is　high　praisereminded　me　of　papa's
voice。　It　seemed　to　persuade　me　as　papa　persuades　his
congregation。　I　felt　quite　at　ease　again。　When　he　went　away；　we
shook　hands。　He　gave　my　hand　a　little　squeeze。　I　gave　him　back
the　squeezewithout　knowing　why。　When　he　was　gone；　I　wished　I
had　not　done　itwithout　knowing　why；　either。

I　heard　his　Christian　name　for　the　first　time　to…day。　Mrs。
Staveley　said　to　me：　〃We　are　going　to　have　a　dinner…party。　Shall
I　ask　Philip　Dunboyne？〃　I　said　to　Mrs。　Staveley：　〃Oh；　do！〃

She　is　an　old　woman；　her　eyes　are　dim。　At　times；　she　can　look
mischievous。　She　looked　at　me　mischievously　now。　I　wished　I　had
not　been　so　eager　to　have　Mr。　Dunboyne　asked　to　dinner。

A　fear　has　come　to　me　that　I　may　have　degraded　myself。　My　spirits
are　depressed。　This；　as　papa　tells　us　in　his　sermons；　is　a
miserable　world。　I　am　sorry　I　accepted　the　Staveleys'　invitation。
I　am　sorry　I　went　to　see　the　pictures。　When　that　young　man　comes
to　dinner；　I　shall　say　I　have　got　a　headache；　and　shall　stop
upstairs　by　myself。　I　don't　think　I　like　his　Christian　name。　I
hate　London。　I　hate　everybody。

What　I　wrote　up　above；　yesterday；　is　nonsense。　I　think　his
Christian　name　is　perfect。　I　like　London。　I　love　everybody。

He　came　to　dinner　to…day。　I　sat　next　to　him。　How　beautiful　a
dress…coat　is；　and　a　white　cravat！　We　talked。　He　wanted　to　know
what　my　Christian　name　was。　I　was　so　pleased　when　I　found　he　was
one　of　the　few　people　who　like　it。　His　hair　curls　naturally。　In
color；　it　is　something　between　my　hair　and　Helena's。　He　wears　his
beard。　How　manly！　It　curls　naturally；　like　his　hair；　it　smells
deliciously　of　some　perfume　which　is　new　to　me。　He　has　white
hands；　his　nails　look　as　if　he　polished　them；　I　should　like　to
polish　my　nails　if　I　knew　how。　Whatever　I　said；　he　agreed　with
me；　I　felt　satisfied　with　my　own　conversation；　for　the　first　time
in　my　life。　Helena　won't　find　me　a　simpleton　when　I　go　home。　What
exquisite　things　dinner…parties　are！


My　sister　told　me　（when　we　said　good…by）　to　be　particular　in
writing　down　my　true　opinion　of　the　Staveleys。　Helena　wishes　to
compare　what　she　thinks　of　them　with　what　I　think　of　them。

My　opinion　of　Mr。　Staveley　isI　don't　like　him。　My　opinion　of
Miss　Staveley　isI　can't　endure　her。　As　for　Master　Staveley；　my
clever　sister　will　understand　that　_he_　is　beneath　notice。　But；
oh；　what　a　wonderful　woman　Mrs。　Staveley　is！　We　went　out
together；　after　luncheon　today；　for　a　walk　in　Kensington　Gardens。
Never　have　I　heard　any　conversation　to　compare　with　Mrs。
Staveley's。　Helena　shall　enjoy　it　here；　at　second　hand。　I　am
quite　changed　in　two　thin