the captives-第79章
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Aunt Anne said nothing。
〃You know that it's better for me to go；〃 said Maggie。 〃We can't live together any more after what happened。 You and Aunt Elizabeth have been very very good to me； but you know now that I'm a disappointment。 I haven't ever fitted into the life here。 I never shall。〃
〃The life here is over；〃 said Aunt Anne。 〃Everything is overthe house is dead。 Of course you must go。 If you feel anger with me now or afterwards remember that I have lost every hope or desire I ever had。 I don't want your pity。 I want no one's pity。 I wanted once your affection； but I wanted it on my own terms。 That was wrong。 I do not want your affection any longer； you were never the girl I thought you。 You're a strange girl； Maggie； and you will have； I am afraid； a very unhappy life。〃
〃No； I will not；〃 said Maggie。 〃I will have a happy life。〃
〃That is for God to say；〃 said Aunt Anne。
〃No； it is not；〃 said Maggie。 〃I can make my own happiness。 God can't touch it； if I don't let Him。〃
〃Maggie； you're blasphemous；〃 said Aunt Anne； but not in anger。
〃I'm not；〃 said Maggie。 〃When I came here first I didn't believe in God； but nowI'm not sure。 There's something strange； which may be God for all I know。 I'm going to find out。 If He has the doing of everything then He's taken away all I cared for； and I'm not going to give Him the satisfaction of seeing that it hurt； if He didn't do it； then it doesn't matter。〃
〃You'll believe in Him before you die； Maggie；〃 said Aunt Anne。 〃It's in you； and you won't escape it。 I thought it was I who was to bring you to Him； but I was going too fast。 The Lord has His own time。 You'll come to Him afterwards。〃
〃Oh；〃 cried Maggie。 〃I'm so glad I'm going somewhere where it won't be always religion； where they'll think of something else than the Lord and His Coming。 I want real life； banks and motor…cars and shops and clothes and work 。 。 。〃
She stopped suddenly。
Aunt Anne was doing what Maggie had never seen her do before； even in the worst bouts of her painshe was crying 。 。 。 cold solitary lonely tears that crept slowly； reluctantly down her thin cheeks。
〃I meant to do well。 In everything I have done ill 。 。 。 Everything has failed in my hands〃
Once again； as long before at St。 Dreot's； Maggie could do nothing。
There was a long miserable silence； then Aunt Anne got up and went away。
Next day Katherine came in a beautiful motor…car to fetch Maggie。 Maggie had packed her few things。 Bound her neck next her skin was the ring with three pearls 。 。 。
She said good…bye to the house： her bedroom beneath which the motor… omnibuses clanged； the sitting…room with the family group； the passage with the Armed Men； the dark hall with the green baize door 。 。 。 then good…bye to Aunt Elizabeth （two kisses）； Aunt Anne （one kiss）； Martha； Thomas the cat； the parrot 。 。 。 all； everything； good…bye； good…bye； good…bye！
May I never see any of you again。 Never； never； never； never！ 。 。 。
She was helped into the car； rugs were wrapped round her； there was a warm cosy smell of rich leather； a little clock ticked away； a silver vase with red and blue flowers winked at her； and Katherine was there close beside her 。 。 。
Never again； never again！ And yet how strange； as they turned the corner of the street down into the Strand； Maggie felt a sudden pang of regret； of pathos； of loneliness； as though she were leaving something that had loved her dearly； and leaving it without a word of friendliness。
〃Poor dear！〃 She wanted to return； to tell it 。 。 。 to tell it what？ She had made her choice。 She was plunging now into the other half of the world； and plunging not quite alone； because she was taking Martin with her。
〃I do hope you won't mind； dear；〃 said Katherine。 〃My cousin Paul the clergyman you met onceis staying with us。 He and his sister。 No one else。〃
〃Oh； I shan't mind；〃 said Maggie。 Her fingers； inside her blouse； tightly clutched the little pearl ring。
CHAPTER II
PLUNGE INTO THE OTHER HALF
For a week Maggie was so comfortable that she could think of nothing but that。 It must be remembered that she had never before known what comfort was； never at St。 Dreot's； never at Aunt Anne's； and these two places had been the background of all her life。
She had never conceived of the kind of way that she now lived。 Her bedroom was so pretty that it made her almost cry to look at it： the wall…paper scattered with little rosy trees； the soft pink cretonne on the chairs； the old bureau with a sheet of glass covering its surface that was her dressing…table； the old gold mirrorall these things were wonders indeed。 She was ordered to have breakfast in bed； servants looked after her with a kindliness and ease and readiness to help that she had never dreamed of as possible。 The food was wonderful； there was the motor ready to take her for a drive in the afternoon； and there was the whole house at her service； soft and cosy and ordered so that it seemed to roll along upon its own impulse without any human agency。
〃I believe if every one went away and left it；〃 she thought； 〃it would go on in exactly the same way。〃
Figures gradually took their places in front of this background。 The principals at first were Katherine and Philip； Henry and Millicent； Katherine's brother and sister； Mr。 Trenchard senior； Katherine's father； Lady Rachel Seddon； Katherine's best friend； and Mr。 Faunder； Katherine's uncle。 She saw at once that they all revolved around Katherine； if Katherine were not there they would not hold together at all。 They were all so differentso different and yet so strangely alike。 There was； for instance； Millicent Trenchard； whom Maggie liked best of them all after Katherine。 Millie was a young woman of twenty…one； pretty； gay； ferociously independent； enthusiastic about one thing after another； with hosts of friends； male and female； none of whom she took very seriously。 The love of her life； she told Maggie almost at once； was Katherine。 She would never love any one； man or woman； so much again。 She lived with her mother and father in an old house in Westminster； and Maggie understood that there had been some trouble about Katherine's marriage； so that； although it happened three years ago； Mrs。 Trenchard would not come to see Katherine and would not allow Katherine to come and see her。
Then there was Henry； a very strange young man。 He was at Cambridge and said to be very clever。 He did indeed seem to lead a mysterious life of his own and paid very little attention to Maggie； asking her once whether she did not think The Golden Ass wonderful； and what did she think of Petronius； and when Maggie laughed and said that she was glad to say she never read anything； he left her in an agitated horror。 Lady Rachel Seddon was very grand and splendid； and frightened Katherine。 She was related to every kind of duke and marquis； and although that fact did not impress Maggie in the least； it did seem to remove Lady Rachel into quite another world。
But they were all in another worldMaggie discovered that at once。 They had； of course； every sort of catch…word and allusion and joke that no one but themselves and the people whom they brought into the house understood； Katherine was kindness itself。 Philip too （he seemed to Maggie a weak； amiable young man） took a lot of trouble about her； but they did not belong to her nor she to them。
〃And why should they？〃 said Maggie to herself。 〃I must look on it as though I were staying at a delightful hotel and were going on with my journey very soon。〃
There was somebody； however； who did not belong any more than Maggie did； and very soon he became Maggie's constant companionthis was the Rev。 Paul Trenchard； Kathorine's cousin。
From the very moment months ago； when Maggie and he had first met in Katherine's drawing…room； they had been friends。 He had liked her； Maggie felt； at once。 She on her side was attracted by a certain childlike simplicity and innocence。 This very quality； she soon saw； moved the others； Philip and Henry and Mr。 Trenchard senior； to derision。 They did not like the Rev。 Paul。 They chaffed him； and he was very easily teased； because he was not clever and did not see their jokes。 This put Maggie up in
