the captives-第77章

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eth　sitting　with　Maggie。

〃How　do　you　do；　Miss　Cardinal？〃　They　shook　hands；　Miss　Avies　standing　over　Aunt　Elizabeth　like　the　boa　constrictor　raised　above　the　mouse。

〃That's　all　right　。　。　。　No；　I　don't　want　to　see　your　sister。　And　to　be　quite　honest；　I　don't　want　to　see　you　either。　It's　your　niece　I　want　to　see。　And　alone〃

〃Certainlyit's　only　the　doctor　said〃

〃Not　to　excite　her。　I　know。　But　I'm　not　going　to　excite　her。　I'm　going　to　give　her　some　medicine。　You　come　back　in　half　an　hour　from　now。　Will　you？　That's　right。　Thank　you　so　much。〃

Aunt　Elizabeth；　unhappy；　uncomfortable；　filled　with　misgivings；　as　in　these　days　she　always　was；　left　the　room。

〃Well；　there　。　。　。　that's　right；〃　said　Miss　Avies；　settling　herself　in　the　opposite　side　of　the　fire　from　Maggie　and　looking　at　her　with　not　unfriendly　eyes。　〃How　are　you？〃

〃Oh　much　better；　thank　you；〃　said　Maggie。　〃Ever　so　much　better。〃

〃No；　you're　not；〃　said　Miss　Avies。　〃And　you're　only　lying　when　you　say　you　are。　You'll　never　get　better　unless　you　do　what　I　tell　you　〃

〃What's　that？〃　asked　Maggie。

〃Face　things。　Face　everything。　Have　it　all　out。　Don't　leave　a　bit　of　it　alone；　and　then　just　keep　what's　useful。〃

〃I　don't　quite　know　what　you　mean；〃　said　Maggiebut　the　faint　colour　had　faded　from　her　cheeks　and　her　hands　had　run　together　for　protection。

Miss　Avies's　voice　softened〃I'm　probably　going　away　very　soon；〃　she　said；　〃going　away　and　not　coming　back。　All　my　work's　over　here。　But　I　wanted　to　see　you　before　I　went。　You　remember　another　talk　we　had　here？〃

〃Very　well；〃　said　Maggie。

〃You　remember　what　I　told　you？〃

〃You　told　me　not　to　stay　here；〃　said　Maggie。

〃Yes；　I　did。〃　said　Miss　Avies。　〃and　I　meant　it。　The　matter　with　you　is　that　you've　been　kept　here　all　this　time　without　any　proper　work　to　do　and　that's　been　very　bad　for　you　and　made　you　sit　with　your　hands　folded　in　front　of　you；　your　head　filling　with　silly　fancies。〃

Maggie　couldn't　help　smiling　at　this　description　of　herself。

〃Oh；　you　smile；〃　said　Miss　Avies　vigorously；　〃but　it's　perfectly　true。〃

〃Well；　it's　all　right　now。〃　said　Maggie；　〃because　I　am　going　away　as　soon　as　ever　I'm　well　enough。〃　〃What　to　do？〃　asked　Miss　Avies。

〃I　don't　quite　know　yet；〃　said　Maggie。

〃Well；　I　know；〃　said　Miss　Avies。　〃You're　going　away　to　brood　over　that　young　man。〃

Maggie　said　nothing。

〃Oh　I　know　。　。　。　It　seems　cruel　of　me　to　speak　of　it　just　when　you've　had　such　a　bad　time；　but　it's　kindness　really。　If　I　don't　force　you　to　think　it　all　out　and　face　it　properly　you'll　be　burying　it　in　some　precious　spot　and　always　digging　it　up　to　look　at　it。　You　face　it；　my　girl。　You　say　to　yourselfwell；　he　wasn't　such　a　wonderful　young　man　after　all。　I　can　lead　my　life　all　right　without　himof　course　I　can。　I'm　not　going　to　be　dependent　on　him　and　sigh　and　groan　and　waste　away　because　I　can't　see　him。　I　know　what　it　is。　I've　been　through　it　myself。〃

Then　there　was　a　pause；　then　Maggie　suddenly　looked　up　and　smiled。

〃But　you're　quite　wrong；　Miss　Avies。　I've　no　intention　of　not　facing　Martin；　and　I've　no　intention　either　of　having　my　life　ruined　because　he's　not　here。　At　first；　when　I　was　very　ill；　I　was　unhappy；　and　then　I　saw　how　silly　I　was。〃

〃Why？〃　said　Miss　Avies　with　great　pleasure。　〃You've　got　over　it　already！　I　must　say　I'm　delighted　because　I　never　thought　much　of　Martin　Warlock　if　you　want　to　know；　my　dear。　I　always　thought　him　a　weak　young　man；　and　he　wouldn't　have　done　you　any　good。　I'm　delightedindeed　I　am。〃

〃That's　not　true　either；〃　said　Maggie　quietly。　〃If　by　getting　over　it　you　mean　that　I　don't　love　Martin　you're　quite　wrong。　I　loved　him　the　first　moment　I　saw　him　and　I　shall　love　him　in　just　the　same　way　until　I　die。　I　don't　think　it　matters　what　he　does　or　where　he　is　so　far　as　loving　him　goes。　But　that　doesn't　mean　I'm　sitting　and　pining。　I'm　not。〃

Miss　Avies　looked　at　her　with　displeasure。

〃It's　the　same　thing　then；〃　she　said。　〃You　may　fancy　you're　going　to　lead　an　ordinary　life　again；　but　all　the　time　you'll　just　be　waiting　for　him　to　come　back。〃

〃No；〃　said　Maggie；　〃I　shall　not。　I've　had　plenty　of　time　for　thinking　these　last　weeks；　and　I've　made　up　my　mind　to　his　never　coming　backnever　at　all。　And　even　if　he　did　come　back　he　mightn't　want　me。　So　I'm　not　going　to　waste　time　about　it。　I　shall　find　work　and　make　myself　useful　somewhere；　but　I　shall　always　love　Martin　just　as　I　do　now。〃

〃You're　rery　young；〃　said　Miss　Avies；　touched　in　spite　of　herself。　〃Later　on　you'll　find　some　one　much　better　than　young　Warlock。〃

〃Perhaps　I　shall；〃　said　Maggie。　〃But　what's　the　use　of　that　if　he　isn't　Martin？　I've　heard　people　say　that　beforesome　one's　'better'　or　'stronger'　or　'wiser。'But　what　has　that　got　to　do　with　it？　I　love　Martin　because　he's　Martin。　He's　got　a　weak　character　you　say。　That's　why　he　wants　me；　and　I　want　to　be　wanted　more　than　anything　on　earth。〃

〃Why；　child；〃　said　Miss　Avies；　astonished。　〃How　you've　grown　these　last　weeks！〃

〃Do　you　want　to　know　how　I　love　Martin；〃　said　Maggie；　〃so　that　there　shall　be　no　mistake　about　it？　Well；　I　can't　tell　you。　I　couldn't　tell　any　one。　I　don't　know　how　I　love　him；　but　I　know　that　I　shall　never　change　or　alter　all　my　lifeeven　though　he　never　comes　back　again。　I've　given　over　being　silly；〃　she　went　on。　〃There　were　days　and　days　at　first　when　I　just　wanted　to　die。　But　now　I'm　going　to　make　my　own　life　and　have　a　good　timeand　never　stop　loving　Martin　for　one　single　second。〃

〃Supposing；〃　said　Miss　Avies；　〃some　one　wanted　to　marry　you？　Would　you？〃

〃It　would　depend；〃　said　Maggie；　〃if　I　liked　him　and　he　really　wanted　me　and　I　could　help　him　I　might。　Only；　of　course；　I'd　tell　him　about　Martin　first。〃

She　went　on　after　a　little　pause：　〃You　see；　Miss　Avies；　I　haven't　been　very　happy　with　my　aunts；　and　I　always　thought　it　was　their　fault　that　I　wasn't。　But　during　these　weeks　when　I've　been　lying　in　bed　I　saw　that　it　was　my　own　fault　for　being　so　gloomy　about　everything。　Now　that　I've　got　Martin〃

〃Got　him！〃　interrupted　Miss　Avies；　〃why；　you've　only　just　lost　him！〃

〃No；　I　haven't；〃　answered　Maggie。　〃He　didn't　go　away　because　he　hated　me　or　was　tired　of　me；　he　went　away　because　he　didn't　want　to　do　me　any　harm；　and　I　think　he　cared　for　me　more　just　at　that　minute　than　he'd　ever　done　before。　So　I've　nothing　to　spoil　my　memory　of　him。　I　daresay　we　wouldn't　have　got　on　well；　together；　I　don't　think　I　would　ever　have　fascinated　him　enough　to　keep　him　with　me　for　very　longbut　now　I　know　that　he　loved　me　at　the　very　moment　he　went　away　and　wasn't　thinking　how　ugly　I　was　or　what　a　nasty　temper　I　had　or　how　irritating　I　could　be。〃

〃But；　my　dear　child；〃　said　Miss　Avies；　astonished。　〃How　can　you　say　you　loved　one　another　if　you　were　always　quarrelling　and　expecting　to　part？〃　〃We　weren't　always　quarrelling；〃　said　Maggie。　〃We　weren't　together　enough；　but　if　we　had　been　it　wouldn't　have　meant　that　we　didn't　love　one　another。　I　don't　think　we'd　ever　been　very　happy；　but　being　happy　together　doesn't　seem　to　me　the　only　sign　of　love。　Love　seems　to　me　to　be　moments　of　great　joy　rising　from　every　kind　of　trouble　and　bother。　I　don't　call　tranquillity　happiness。〃

〃Well；　you　have　thought　things　out；〃　said　Miss　Avies；　〃and　all　of　us　considering　you　so　stupid〃

〃I'm　not　going　to　squash　myself　into　a　corner　any　more；〃　said　Maggie。　〃Why　should　I？　I　find　I'm　as　good　as　any　one　else。　I　made　Martin　love　meeven　though　it　was　only　for　a　moment。　So　I'm　going　to　be　shy　no　longer。〃

〃And　here　was　I　thinking　you　heart…broken；〃　said　Miss　Avies。

〃I'm　going　out　into　the　world；〃　said　Maggie　half　to　herself。　〃I'm　going　to　have　adventures。　I've　been　in　this　house　long　enough。　I'm　going　to　see　what　men　and　women　are　really　likeI　know　this　isn't　real　here。　And　I　want　to　discover　about　religion　too。　Since　Martin　went　away　I've　felt　that　there　was　something　in　it。　I　can't　think　what　and　the　aunts　can't　think　either；　none　of　you　know　here；　but　some　one　must　have　found　out　something。　I'm　going　to　settle　what　it　all　means。〃

〃You've　got　your　work　cut　out；〃　said　Miss　Avies。　〃I'll　come　and　see　you　again　one　day　soon。〃

〃Yes；　do；〃　said　Maggie。

When　Miss　Avies　had　gone　Maggie　realised　that　she　had　been　talking　with　bravadoin　fact　she　hid　her　head