the captives-第49章
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ot more angry about it all？ He had pretended to be indignant； he had hated Thurston as he stood there 。 。 。 But had he？ Half of him hated him。 Then with a jerk Thurston's words came back to him： 〃There's two of each of us； that's the truth of it。〃 〃Two of each of us 。 。 。〃 Sitting there； listening to Mrs。 Alweed's voice that flowed like a river behind him； he saw the two figures； saw them quite clearly and distinctly； flesh and blood； even clothes and voices and smile。 And he knew that all his life these two figures had been growing； waiting for the moment when he would recognise them。 One figure was the Martin whom he knewbrown； healthy； strong and sane； a figure wearing his clothes； his own clothes； the tweeds and the cloths； the brogues and the heavy boots； the soft untidy hats； the figure was hard； definite； resolute； quarrelling； arguing； loving； joking； swearing all in the sensible way。 It was a figure that all the world had understood； that had been drunk often enough； lent other men money； been hard…up and extravagant and thoughtless。 〃A good chap。〃 〃A sensible fellow。〃 〃A pal。〃 〃No flies on Warlock。〃 That was the kind of figure。 And the life had been physical； had never asked questions； had never known morbidity； had lived on what it saw and could touch and could break 。 。 。 And the other figure！ That was； physically； less plainly seen。 No； there it was； standing a little away from the other； standing away； contemptuously； despising it； deriding it。 Fat； soft； white hanging cheeks； wearing anything to cover its body； but shining in some way through the clothes； so that it was body that you saw。 A soft body； hands soft and the colour of the flesh pale and unhealthy。 But it was the eyes that spoke： the mouth trembled and was weak； the chin was fat and feeble； but the eyes lived； livedwere eager； fighting； beseeching； longing； captive eyes！
And this figure； Martin knew； was a prey to every morbid desire； rushed to sensual excess and then crept back miserably to search for some spiritual flagellation。 Above all； it was restless； as some one presses round a dark room searching for the lock of the door； restless and lonely； cowardly and selfish； but searching and sensitive and even faithful； faithful to something or to some one 。 。 。 pursued also by something or some one。 A figure to whom this world offered only opportunities for sin and failure and defeat； but a figure to whom this world was the merest shadow hiding； as a shade hides a lamp； the life within。 Wretched enough with its bad health； its growing corpulence； its weak mouth； its furtive desires； but despising； nevertheless； the strong； healthy figure beside it。 Thurston was right。 Men are not born to be free； but to fight； to the very death； for the imprisonment and destruction of all that is easiest and most physically active and most pleasant to the sight and touch 。 。 。
〃And so Hector really hopes that he'll be able to get down to us for Christmas； although he's been asked to go on this reading party。 Of course； it's simply a question as to whether he works better at home or with his friends。 If he were a weak character； I think Mr。 Alweed would insist in his coming home； but Hector really cares for his work more than anything。 He's never been very good at games； his short sight prevents him； poor boy； and as he very justly remarked； when he was home last holidays； 'I don't see； mother； how I am going to do my duty as a solicitor （that's what he hopes to be） if I don't work now。 Many men regard Cambridge as a time for play。 Not so I。'〃
〃But I hope that if Hector comes home this Christmas he'll attend the Chapel services。 The influence your father might have on such a boy as Hector； Mr。 Warlock； a boy； sensitive and thoughtful 。 。 。 I was saying； Miss Pyncheon； that Hector〃
Miss Pyncheon was the soul of good…naturebut she was much more than that。 She was by far the most sensible； genial； and worldly of the Inside Saints； it was； in fact； astonishing that she should be an Inside Saint at all。
Of them all she impressed Martin the most； because there was nothing of the crank about her。 She went to theatres； to the seaside in the summer； took in The Queen； and was a subscriber to Boots' Circulating Library。 She dressed quietly and in excellent tastein grey or black and white。 She had jolly brown eyes and a dimple in the middle of her chin。 She was ready to discuss any question with any one； was marvellously broad…minded and tolerant； and although she was both poor and generous； always succeeded in making her little flat in Soho Square pretty and attractive。
Her chief fault； perhaps； was that she cared for no one especially she had neither lovers nor parents nor sisters nor brothers； and to all her friends she behaved with the same kind geniality； welcoming one as another。 She was thus aloof from them all and relied upon no one。 The centre of her life was； of course； her religion； but of this she never spoke； although strangely enough no one doubted the intensity of her belief and the reality of her devotion。
She was a determined follower of Mr。 Warlock； what he said she believed； but here； too； there seemed to be no personal attachment。 She did not allow criticism of him in her own presence； but； on the other hand； she never spoke as though it would distress her very greatly to lose him。 He was a sign； a symbol 。 。 。 If one symbol went another could be found。
To Martin she was the one out…standing proof of the reality of the Chapel。 All the othershis sister； Miss Avies； Thurston； Crashaw； the Miss Cardinals； yes； and his father too； were； in one way or another； eccentric； abnormal； but Miss Pyncheon was the sane every… day world； the worldly world； the world of drinks and dinners； and banks and tobacconists； and yet she believed as profoundly as any of them。 What did she believe？ She was an Inside Saint； therefore she must have accepted this whole story of the Second Coming and the rest of it。 Of course women would believe anything 。 。 。 Nevertheless 。 。 。
He scarcely listened to their chatter。 He was forcing himself not to look at his sister； and yet Thurston's news seemed so extraordinary to him that his eye kept stealing round to her to see whether she were still the same。 Could she have accepted him； that bounder and cad and charlatan？ He felt a sudden cold chill of isolation as though in this world none of the ordinary laws were followed。 〃By God； I am a stranger here；〃 he thought。 It was not until after dinner that night that he was alone with his father。 He had resolved on many fine things in the interval。 He was going to 〃have it out with him；〃 〃to put his foot down；〃 〃to tell him that such a thing as Thurston's marriage to his sister was perfectly impossible。〃 And then； for the thousandth time since his return to England he felt strangely weak and irresolute。 He did wish to be 〃firm〃 with his father； but it would have been so much easier to be firm had he not been so fond of him。 〃Soft； sentimental weakness；〃 he called it to himself； but he knew that it was something deeper than that； something that he would never be able to deny。
He went into his father's study that night with a strange dismal foreboding as though he were being drawn along upon some path that he did not want to follow。 What was his father mixed up with all this business for？ Why were such men as Thurston in existence？ Why couldn't life be simple and straightforward with people like his father and himself and that girl Maggie alone somewhere with nothing to interfere？ Life was never just as you wanted it； always a little askew； a little twisted； cynically cocking its eye at you before it vanished round the corner？ He didn't seem to be able to manage it。 Anyway； he wasn't going to have that fellow Thurston marrying his sister。
He found his father lying back in his arm…chair fast asleep； looking like a dead man； his long thin face pale with fatigue； his eyelids a dull grey； his mouth tightly closed as though in a grim determination to pursue some battle。 And at the sight of him thus worn out and beaten Martin's affection flooded his heart。 He stood opposite his father looking at him and loving him more deeply than he had ever done before。
〃I will take him away from
