the captives-第30章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


！　。　。　。　and　since　I've　been　in　this　house　I've　hated　it　more　and　more。　You　don't　know　what　it　was　like　with　father。　I　don't　think　of　it　now　or　talk　of　it；　but　I　know　what　it　made　of　HIM。　And　now　it's　the　same　here；　only　it　takes　them　in　a　different　way。　But　it's　the　same　in　the　endno　one　who's　religious　cares　for　any　one。　And　they'd　make　the　same　of　me。　Aunt　Anne　wouldthe　same　as　she's　made　of　Aunt　Elizabeth。　They　haven't　said　much　yet；　but　they're　waiting　for　the　right　moment；　and　then　they'll　spring　it　upon　me。　It's　in　the　house；　it's　in　the　rooms；　it's　in　the　very　furniture。　It's　as　though　father　had　come　back　and　was　driving　me　into　it。　And　I　want　to　be　free；　I　want　to　lead　my　own　life；　to　make　it　myself。　I　don't　want　to　think　about　God　or　Heaven　or　Hell。　I　don't　care　whether　I'm　good　or　bad。　。　。　。　What's　the　use　of　my　being　here　in　London　and　never　seeing　anything。　I'll　go　into　a　shop　or　something　and　work　my　fingers　to　the　bone。　They　SHAN'T　catch　me。　They　SHAN'T　。　。　。　If　Uncle　Mathew　were　here　。　。　。〃

She　broke　off　suddenly；　breathless；　staring　at　Mr。　Magnus　as　though　she　had　not　been　aware　until　now　that　he　was　in　the　room。　To　say　that　her　outburst　astonished　him　was　to　put　it　very　mildly　indeed。　She　had　always　been　so　quiet　and　restrained；　she　had　seemed　so　happy　and　tranquil。

He　blushed；　pushed　his　spectacles　with　his　fingers；　then　finally　stammered：

〃I'd　no　ideathatthat　you　hated　it　so　much。〃

She　was　quiet　and　composed　again。　〃I　don't　hate　it；〃　she　answered　very　calmly。　〃Only　they　shan't　tie　meno　one　shall。　And　in　the　house　it's　as　though　some　one　were　watching　behind　every　door。　It　used　to　be　just　the　same　at　home。　When　people　think　a　lot　about　religion　something　seems　to　get　into　a　place。　Why；　truly；　Mr。　Magnus；　I've　wondered　once　or　twice　lately；　in　spite　of　myself；　whether　they　mayn't　be　right　after　all　and　God's　going　to　come　in　a　chariot　and　set　the　world　on　fire。〃

〃It　sounds　silly；　but　when　you　see　the　way　Aunt　Anne　and　Mr。　Warlock　believe　things　it　almost　makes　them　true。〃

Maggie　finally　added：　〃You　mustn't　think　me　selfish。　I'm　very　very　grateful　for　all　their　kindness。　I'm　very　happy。　It's　all　splendid　compared　with　what　life　used　to　be　at　homebut　I　fancy　sometimes　that　the　aunts　think　I'm　just　going　to　settle　down　here　for　ever　and　be　like　themand　I'm　notI'm　afraid　of　Aunt　Anne。〃

〃Afraid　of　her？〃　said　Mr。　Magnus。　〃Ah；　you　mustn't　be　that。〃

〃She　has　some　plan　in　her　head。　I　know　she　has〃

〃No　plan　is　set　except　for　your　good；〃　said　Mr。　Magnus。

〃I　don't　want　any　one　to　bother　about　my　good；〃　answered　Maggie。　〃I　can　look　after　that　for　myself。〃

This　little　conversation　revealed　Maggie　to　Mr。　Magnus　in　an　entirely　new　light。　He　had　thought　her；　until　now；　a　good　simple　girl；　entirely　ignorant　of　life　and　eager　to　be　taught。　The　sudden　discovery　of　her　independence　distressed　him。　He　left　the　house　that　afternoon　with　many　new　points　to　consider。

Meanwhile　Maggie　had　kept　from　him　the　true　root　of　the　matter。　She　had　said　nothing　of　Martin　Warlock。　She　had　said　nothing；　even　to　herself；　about　him；　and　yet　the　consciousness　of　her　meeting　with　him　was　always　with　her　as　a　fire　smoulders　in　the　hold　of　a　ship；　burning　stealthily　through　the　thick　heart　of　the　place；　dim　and　concealed；　to　burst　suddenly；　with　a　touch　of　the　wind；　into　shining　flame。

It　was　after　her　talk　to　Mr。　Magnus　that　she　suddenly　saw　that　Martin　Warlock　was　always　in　her　thoughts；　and　then；　because　she　was　Maggie　and　had　never　been　deceitful　to　herself　or　to　any　one　else；　she　faced　the　fact　and　considered　it。　She　knew　that　she　was　ignorant　of　the　world　and　of　life；　that　she　knew　nothing　about　men　and；　although　she　had　many　times　fancied　to　herself　what　love　must　be　like；　she　did　not　tell　herself　now　that　it　was　love　that　had　come　to　her。

She　saw　him　as　a　desirable　companion；　she　thought　that　he　would　make　a　most　interesting　friend；　she　would　like　to　make　her　experiences　of　life　with　him　at　her　side。　She　would　be　free　and　he　would　be　free；　but　they　would　exchange　confidences。

And　then　because　she　was　very　simple　and　had　learnt　nothing　of　the　difference　between　the　things　that　decent　girls　might　do　and　the　things　they　might　not　she　began　to　consider　the　easiest　way　of　meeting　him。　She　intended　to　go　to　him　simply　as　one　human　being　to　another　and　tell　him　that　she　liked　him　and　hoped　that　they　would　often　see　one　another。　There　were　no　confused　issues　nor　questions　of　propriety　before　Maggie。　Certainly　she　was　aware　that　men　took　advantage　of　girls'　weaknessbut　that　was；　as　in　the　case　of　Uncle　Mathew；　when　they　had　drunk　too　muchand　it　was　the　fault　of　the　girls；　too；　for　not　looking　after　themselves。　Maggie　felt　that　she　could　look　after　herself　anywhere。　She　was　more　afraid；　by　far；　of　her　Aunt　Anne　than　of　any　man。

It　happened　on　the　very　day　after　that　conversation　with　Mr。　Magnus　that　Aunt　Anne　said　at　luncheon：

〃I　think；　Maggie　dear；　if　you　don't　mind；　that　you　and　I　will　pay　a　call　on　Mrs。　Warlock　this　afternoon。　You　have　not　been　there　yet。　To…day　will　be　a　very　good　opportunity。〃

Maggie's　mind　flew　at　once　to　her　clothes。　She　had　been　with　Caroline　Smith　to　that　young　lady's　dressmaker；　a　thin　and　sharp…　faced　woman　whose　black　dress　gleamed　with　innumerable　pins。　Maggie　had　been　pinched　and　measured；　pulled　in　here　and　pulled　out　there。　Then　there　had　been　afternoons　when　she　had　been　〃fitted〃　under　Caroline's　humorous　and　critical　eye。　Finally　the　dress　had　been　delivered；　only　two　days　ago；　in　a　long　card…board　box；　it　waited　now　for　the　great　occasion。

The　great　occasion　had；　in　the　guise　of　the　Warlock　family；　surely　arrived。　Maggie's　heart　beat　as　she　went　up　to　her　room。　When　at　last　she　was　wearing　the　dress；　standing　before　her　mirror；　her　cheeks　were　red　and　her　hands　shook　a　little。

The　dress　was　very　finesimple　of　course　and　quite　plain；　but　elegant　as　no　dress　of　Maggie's　had　ever　been　elegant。　There　surely　could　not　anywhere　be　a　more　perfect　black　dress；　and　yet；　as　Maggie　gazed；　she　was　aware　that　there　was　something　not　quite　right。　She　was　always　straightforward　with　herself；　yes；　the　thing　that　was　not　quite　right　was　her　own　stupid　shape。　Her　figure　was　too　square；　her　back　was　too　short；　her　hands　too　large。　She　had　a　moment　of　acute　disgust　with　herself　so　that　she　could　have　torn　the　dress　from　her　and　rushed　into　her　old　obscure　and　dingy　black　again。　Of　what　use　to　dress　her　up？　She　would　always　look　wrong；　always　be　awkward　and　ungainly　。　。　。　tears　of　disappointment　gathered　slowly　in　her　eyes。　Then　her　pride　reasserted　itself；　she　raised　her　head　proudly　and　laughed　at　her　anxious　gaze。　There　was　still　her　new　hat。　She　took　it　from　the　bed　and　put　it　on；　sticking　big　pins　into　it；　moving　back　from　the　mirror；　then　forward　again；　turning　her　back；　standing　on　her　toes；　suddenly　bowing　to　herself　and　waving　her　hand。

She　was　caught　thus；　laughing　into　the　mirror；　by　old　Martha；　who　pushed　her　sour　face　through　the　door　and　said：　〃They've　been　waiting　this　long　time　for　you；　Miss。〃

〃All　right；　Martha；〃　Maggie　answered　sharply；　annoyed　that　she　should　be　found；　posturing　and　bowing；　by　the　woman。　〃Why　didn't　you　knock？〃

〃I　did　knock；　Miss。　You　were　that　occupied　you　didn't　hear　me。〃　The　old　woman　was　grinning。

Maggie　went　downstairs；　her　heart　still　beating；　her　cheeks　still　flushed。　She　did　hope　that　Aunt　Anne　would　be　pleased。　Aunt　Anne；　although　she　never　said　anything　about　clothes；　must；　of　course；　notice　such　things；　and　if　she　loved　Maggie　as　Mr。　Magnus　said　she　did；　then　she　would　〃show　her　approval。〃　The　girl　stood　for　a　moment　on　the　bottom　step　of　the　staircase　looking　at　her　aunt　who　was　waiting　for　her　in　the　little　dark　hall。

〃Well；　dearI'm　waiting；〃　she　said。

The　burning　eyes　of　Thomas　the　cat　watched　from　the　deep　shadows。

〃I'm　so　sorry。　I　was　dressing；〃　said　Maggie。

Her　aunt　said　nothing　more　and　they　left　the　house。

Maggie；　as　always　when　she　walked　with　Aunt　Anne；　was　aware　that　they　made　a　strange　couple；　she　so　short　and　the　other　so　tall；　she　with　her　sturdy　masculine　walk；　her　aunt　with　her　awkward　halting　movement。　They　went　in　silence。

Maggie　longed　for　a　word　of　approval；　a　short　sentence　such　as　〃How　nice