the captives-第123章

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wicked。　I　can't　help　it。　I　can't　come　back　to　you　and　Grace。　Perhaps　later　when　he　is　quite　well　I　shall　be　able　to；　but　I　don't　think　so。　You　don't　need　me；　I　have　never　been　satisfactory　to　you；　only　a　worry。　Grace　will　never　be　able　to　live　with　me　again；　and　I　can't　stay　in　Skeaton　any　more　after　Uncle　Mathew's　death。　It　has　all　been　a　wretched　mistake；　Paul；　our　marriage；　hasn't　it？　It　was　my　fault　entirely。　I　shouldn't　have　married　you　when　I　knew　that　I　would　always　love　Martin。　I　thought　then　that　I　should　be　able　to　make　you　happy。　If　now　I　felt　that　I　could　I　would　come　back　at　once；　but　you　know　as　well　as　I　do　that；　after　this；　we　shall　never　be　happy　together　again。　I　blame　myself　so　much　but　I　can't　act　differently。　Perhaps　when　Martin　is　well　he　will　not　want　me　at　all；　but　even　then　I　don't　think　I　could　come　back。　Isn't　it　better　that　at　least　I　should　stay　away　for　a　time？　You　can　say　that　I　am　staying　with　friends　in　London。　You　will　be　happier　without　me；　oh；　much　happier…　…and　Grace　will　be　happier　too。　Perhaps　you　will　think　it　better　to　forget　me　altogether　and　then　your　life　will　be　as　it　was　before　you　met　me。

I　won't　ask　you　to　forgive　me　for　all　the　trouble　I　have　been　to　you。　I　don't　think　you　can。　But　I　can't　do　differently　now。　Your　affectionate　MAGGIE。

　She　felt　when　she　had　finished　it　that　it　was　miserably　inadequate；　but　at　least　it　was　truthful。　As　she　wrote　it　her　old　feelings　of　tenderness　and　affection　for　Paul　came　back　in　a　great　flood。　She　saw　him　during　the　many；　many　times　when　he　had　been　so　good　to　her。　She　was　miserable　as　she　finished　it；　but　she　knew　that　there　was　nothing　else　to　do。　And　he　would　know　it　too。

A　day　later　a　long　letter　came　from　Paul。　It　was　very　characteristic。　It　began　by　saying　that　of　course　Maggie　must　return　at　once。　Throughout；　the　voice　was　that　of　a　grieved　and　angry　elder　talking　to　a　wicked　and　disobedient　child。　She　saw　that；　far　beyond　everything　else；　it　was　his　pride　that　was　wounded；　wounded　as　it　had　never　been　before。　He　could　see　nothing　but　that。　Did　she　realise；　he　asked　her；　what　she　was　doing？　Sinning　against　all　the　laws　of　God　and　man。　If　she　persisted　in　her　wickedness　she　would　be　cut　off　from　all　decent　people。　No　one　could　say　that　he　had　not　shown　her　every　indulgence；　every　kindness；　every　affection。　Even　now　he　was　ready　to　forgive　her；　but　she　must　come　back　at　once；　at　once。　Her　extreme　youth　excused　much；　and　both　he　and　Grace　realised　it。

Through　it　all　the　straindid　she　not　see　what　she　was　doing？　How　could　she　behave　so　wickedly　when　she　had　been　given　so　many　blessings；　when　she　had　been　shown　the　happiness　of　a　Christian　home？　。　。　。

It　was　not　a　letter　to　soften　Maggie's　resolve。　She　wrote　a　short　reply　saying　that　she　could　not　come。　She　thought　then　that　he　would　run　up　to　London　to　fetch　her。　But　he　did　not。　He　wrote　once　more；　and　then；　for　a　time；　there　was　silence。

She　had　little　interval　in　which　to　think　about　Paul；　Martin　soon　compelled　her　attention。　He　was　well　enough　now　to　be　up。　He　would　lie　all　day；　without　moving　except　to　take　his　meals；　on　the　old　red　sofa；　stretched　out　there；　his　arms　behind　his　head；　looking　at　Maggie　with　a　strange　taunting　malicious　stare　as　though　he　were　defying　her　to　stand　up　to　him。　She　did　stand　up　to　him；　although　it　needed　all　her　strength；　moral　and　physical。　He　was　attacking　her　soul　and　she　was　saving　his　。　。　。

He　said　no　more　about　his　going　away。　He　accepted　it　as　a　fact　that　she　was　there　and　that　she　would　stay　there。　He　had　changed　his　position　and　was　fighting　her　on　another　ground。

Maggie　had　once；　years　before；　read　in　a　magazine；　a　story　about　a　traveller　and　a　deserted　house。　This　traveller；　lost；　as　are　all　travellers　in　stories；　in　a　forest；　benighted　and　hungry；　saw　the　lights　of　a　house。

He　goes　forward　and　finds　a　magnificent　mansion；　blazing　with　light　in　every　window；　but　apparently　deserted。　He　enters　and　finds　room　after　room　prepared　for　guests。　A　fine　meal　is　laid　ready　and　he　enjoys　it。　He　discovers　the　softest　of　beds　and　soon　is　fast　asleep；　but　when　he　is　safely　snoring　back　creep　all　the　guests　out　of　the　forest；　hideous　and　evil；　warped　and　deformed；　maimed　and　rotten　with　disease。　They　had　left　the　house；　that　he　might　be　lured　in　it；　knowing　that　he　would　never　come　whilst　they　were　there。　And　so　they　creep　into　all　the　rooms；　flinging　their　horrible　shadows　upon　the　gleaming　walls；　and　gradually　they　steal　about　the　bed　。　。　。

Maggie　forgot　the　end　of　the　story。　The　traveller　escaped；　or　perhaps　he　did　not。　Perhaps　he　was　strangled。　But　that　moment　of　his　awakening；　when　his　startled　eyes　first　stared　upon　those　horrible　faces；　those　deformed　bodies；　those　evil　smiles！　What　could　one　do；　one　naked　and　defenceless　against　so　many？

Maggie　thought　of　this　story　during　Martin's　convalescence。　She　seemed　to　see　the　evil　guests；　crowding　back；　one　after　the　other　into　his　soul；　and　as　they　came　back　they　peeped　out　at　her；　smiling　from　the　lighted　windows。　She　saw　that　his　plan　was　to　thrust　before　her　the　very　worst　of　himself。　He　said：　〃Well；　I've　tried　to　get　rid　of　her　and　she　won't　go。　That's　her　own　affair；　but　if　she　stays；　at　least　she　shall　see　me　as　I　am。　No　false　sentimental　picture。　I'll　cure　her。〃

It　was　the　oldest　trick　in　the　world；　but　to　Maggie　it　was　new　enough。　At　first　she　was　terrified。　In　spite　of　her　early　experience　with　her　father；　when　she　had　learnt　what　wickedness　could　be；　she　was　a　child　in　all　knowledge　of　the　world。　Above　all　she　knew　very　little　about　her　own　sex　and　its　relation　with　men。　But　she　determined　that　she　must　take　the　whole　of　Martin；　in　the　very　first　days　of　her　love　she　had　resolved　that；　and　now　that　resolution　was　to　be　put　to　the　test。　Her　terrified　fear　was　lest　the　things　that　he　told　her　about　himself　should　affect　her　love　for　him。　She　had　told　him　years　before：　〃It　isn't　the　things　you've　done　that　I　mind　or　care　about：　it's　you；　not　actions　that　matter。〃　But　his　actions　were　himself；　and　what　was　she　to　do　if　all　these　things　that　he　said　were　true？

Then　she　discovered　that　she　had　indeed　spoken　the　truth。　Her　love　for　him　did　not　change；　it　rather　grew；　helped　and　strengthened　by　a　maternal　pity　and　care　that　deepened　and　deepened。　He　seemed　to　her　a　man　really　possessed；　in　literal　fact；　by　devils。　The　story　of　the　lighted　house　was　the　symbol；　only　he；　in　the　bitterness　and　defiance　of　his　heart；　had　invited　the　guests；　not　been　surprised　by　them。

He　pretended　to　glory　in　his　narration；　boasting　and　swearing　what　he　would　do　when　he　would　return　to　the　old　scenes；　how　happy　and　triumphant　he　had　been　in　the　midst　of　his　filthbut　young　and　ignorant　though　she　was　she　saw　beneath　this　the　misery；　the　shame；　the　bitterness；　the　ignominy。　He　was　down　in　the　dust；　in　a　despair　furious　and　more　self…accusing　than　anything　of　which　she　had　ever　conceived。

Again　and　again；　too；　although　this　was　never　deliberately　stated；　she　saw　that　he　spoke　like　a　man　caught　in　a　trap。　He　did　not　blame　any　one　but　himself　for　the　catastrophe　of　his　life；　but　he　often　spoke；　in　spite　of　himself；　like　a　man　who　from　the　very　beginning　had　been　under　some　occult　influence。　He　never　alluded　now　to　his　early　days　but　she　remembered　how　he　had　once　told　her　that　that　〃Religion〃　had　〃got〃　him　from　the　very　beginning；　and　had　weighted　all　the　scales　against　him。　It　was　as　though　he　had　said：　〃I　was　told　from　the　very　beginning　that　I　was　to　be　made　a　fighting…ground　of。　I　didn't　want　to　be　that。　I　wasn't　the　man　for　that。　I　was　chosen　wrongly。〃

He　only　once　made　any　allusion　to　his　father's　death；　but　Maggie　very　soon　discovered　that　that　was　never　away　from　his　mind。　〃I　loved　my　father　and　I　killed　him；〃　he　said　one　day；　〃so　I　thought　it　wise　not　to　love　any　one　again。〃

Gradually　a　picture　was　created　in　Maggie's　mind；　a　picture　originating　in　that　dirty；　dark　room　where　they　were。　She　saw　many　foreign　countries　and　many　foreign　towns；　and　in　all　of　them　men　and　women　were　evil。　The　towns　were　always　in　the　hour　between　daylight　and　dark；　the　streets　twisted　and　obscure；　the　inhabitants　furtive　and　sinister。

The　things　that　those　inhabitants　did　were　made　quite　plain　to　her。