the sorrows of young werther-第12章
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ound； the hills clothed from foot to peak with tall； thick forest trees； the valleys in all their varied windings； shaded with the loveliest woods； and the soft river gliding along amongst the lisping reeds； mirroring the beautiful clouds which the soft evening breeze wafted across the sky； when I heard the groves about me melodious with the music of birds； and saw the million swarms of insects dancing in the last golden beams of the sun； whose setting rays awoke the humming beetles from their grassy beds； whilst the subdued tumult around directed my attention to the ground； and I there observed the arid rock compelled to yield nutriment to the dry moss； whilst the heath flourished upon the barren sands below me； all this displayed to me the inner warmth which animates all nature； and filled and glowed within my heart。 I felt myself exalted by this overflowing fulness to the perception of the Godhead； and the glorious forms of an infinite universe became visible to my soul！ Stupendous mountains encompassed me； abysses yawned at my feet； and cataracts fell headlong down before me； impetuous rivers rolled through the plain； and rocks and mountains resounded from afar。 In the depths of the earth I saw innumerable powers in motion； and multiplying to infinity； whilst upon its surface； and beneath the heavens； there teemed ten thousand varieties of living creatures。 Everything around is alive with an infinite number of forms； while mankind fly for security to their petty houses； from the shelter of which they rule in their imaginations over the wide…extended universe。 Poor fool！ in whose petty estimation all things are little。 From the inaccessible mountains； across the desert which no mortal foot has trod； far as the confines of the unknown ocean； breathes the spirit of the eternal Creator； and every atom to which he has given existence finds favour in his sight。 Ah； how often at that time has the flight of a bird； soaring above my head； inspired me with the desire of being transported to the shores of the immeasurable waters； there to quaff the pleasures of life from the foaming goblet of the Infinite； and to partake； if but for a moment even； with the confined powers of my soul； the beatitude of that Creator who accomplishes all things in himself； and through himself！
My dear friend； the bare recollection of those hours still consoles me。 Even this effort to recall those ineffable sensations； and give them utterance； exalts my soul above itself； and makes me doubly feel the intensity of my present anguish。
It is as if a curtain had been drawn from before my eyes； and； instead of prospects of eternal life； the abyss of an ever open grave yawned before me。 Can we say of anything that it exists when all passes away； when time； with the speed of a storm； carries all things onward； and our transitory existence； hurried along by the torrent； is either swallowed up by the waves or dashed against the rocks？ There is not a moment but preys upon you； and upon all around you； not a moment in which you do not yourself become a destroyer。 The most innocent walk deprives of life thousands of poor insects： one step destroys the fabric of the industrious ant； and converts a little world into chaos。 No： it is not the great and rare calamities of the world； the floods which sweep away whole villages； the earthquakes which swallow up our towns； that affect me。 My heart is wasted by the thought of that destructive power which lies concealed in every part of universal nature。 Nature has formed nothing that does not consume itself； and every object near it： so that； surrounded by earth and air； and all the active powers； I wander on my way with aching heart； and the universe is to me a fearful monster； for ever devouring its own offspring。 AUGUST 21。
In vain do I stretch out my arms toward her when I awaken in the morning from my weary slumbers。 In vain do I seek for her at night in my bed； when some innocent dream has happily deceived me； and placed her near me in the fields； when I have seized her hand and covered it with countless kisses。 And when I feel for her in the half confusion of sleep； with the happy sense that she is near； tears flow from my oppressed heart； and； bereft of all comfort； I weep over my future woes。
AUGUST 22。
What a misfortune； Wilhelm！ My active spirits have degenerated into contented indolence。 I cannot be idle； and yet I am unable to set to work。 I cannot think： I have no longer any feeling for the beauties of nature； and books are distasteful to me。 Once we give ourselves up； we are totally lost。 Many a time and oft I wish I were a common labourer； that； awakening in the morning； I might have but one prospect； one pursuit； one hope； for the day which has dawned。 I often envy Albert when I see him buried in a heap of papers and parchments； and I fancy I should be happy were I in his place。 Often impressed with this feeling I have been on the point of writing to you and to the minister； for the appointment at the embassy； which you think I might obtain。 I believe I might procure it。 The minister has long shown a regard for me； and has frequently urged me to seek employment。 It is the business of an hour only。 Now and then the fable of the horse recurs to me。 Weary of liberty； he suffered himself to be saddled and bridled； and was ridden to death for his pains。 I know not what to determine upon。 For is not this anxiety for change the consequence of that restless spirit which would pursue me equally in every situation of life？
AUGUST 28。
If my ills would admit of any cure； they would certainly be cured here。 This is my birthday； and early in the morning I received a packet from Albert。 Upon opening it； I found one of the pink ribbons which Charlotte wore in her dress the first time I saw her； and which I had several times asked her to give me。 With it were two volumes in duodecimo of Wetstein's 〃Homer；〃 a book I had often wished for； to save me the inconvenience of carrying the large Ernestine edition with me upon my walks。 You see how they anticipate my wishes； how well they understand all those little attentions of friendship； so superior to the costly presents of the great； which are humiliating。 I kissed the ribbon a thousand times； and in every breath inhaled the remembrance of those happy and irrevocable days which filled me with the keenest joy。 Such； Wilhelm； is our fate。 I do not murmur at it： the flowers of life are but visionary。 How many pass away； and leave no trace behind how few yield any fruit and the fruit itself； how rarely does it ripen！ And yet there are flowers enough！ and is it not strange； my friend； that we should suffer the little that does really ripen； to rot； decay； and perish unenjoyed？ Farewell！ This is a glorious summer。 I often climb into the trees in Charlotte's orchard； and shake down the pears that hang on the highest branches。 She stands below； and catches them as they fall。
AUGUST 3O。
Unhappy being that I am！ Why do I thus deceive myself？ What is to come of all this wild； aimless； endless passion？ I cannot pray except to her。 My imagination sees nothing but her： all surrounding objects are of no account； except as they relate to her。 In this dreamy state I enjoy many happy hours； till at length I feel compelled to tear myself away from her。 Ah； Wilhelm； to what does not my heart often compel me！ When I have spent several hours in her company； till I feel completely absorbed by her figure； her grace； the divine expression of her thoughts； my mind becomes gradually excited to the highest excess； my sight grows dim； my hearing confused； my breathing oppressed as if by the hand of a murderer； and my beating heart seeks to obtain relief for my aching senses。 I am sometimes unconscious whether I really exist。 If in such moments I find no sympathy； and Charlotte does not allow me to enjoy the melancholy consolation of bathing her hand with my tears； I feel compelled to tear myself from her； when I either wander through the country； climb some precipitous cliff； or force a path through the trackless thicket； where I am lacerated and torn by thorns and briers； and thence I find relief。 Sometimes I lie stretched on th
