those extraordinary twins-第3章

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don't　know；　themselvesthey　just　work　whichever　arm　comes　handy。　　Of
course　they　do；　especially　if　they　are　in　a　hurry　and　can't　stop　to　think
which　belongs　to　which。〃

The　mother　seemed　to　have　the　rights　of　the　argument；　so　the　daughter
abandoned　the　struggle。　　Presently　the　widow　rose　with　a　yawn　and　said：

〃Poor　thing；　I　hope　it　won't　catch　cold；　it　was　powerful　wet；　just
drenched；　you　may　say。　　I　hope　it　has　left　its　boots　outside；　so　they　can
be　dried。〃

Then　she　gave　a　little　start；　and　looked　perplexed。

〃Now　I　remember　I　heard　one　of　them　ask　Joe　to　call　him　at　half　after
sevenI　think　it　was　the　one　on　the　leftno；　it　was　the　one　to　the　east
of　the　other　onebut　I　didn't　hear　the　other　one　say　any　thing。　　I
wonder　if　he　wants　to　be　called　too。　　Do　you　reckon　it's　too　late　to
ask？〃

〃Why；　ma；　it's　not　necessary。　　Calling　one　is　calling　both。　　If　one　gets
up；　the　other's　got　to。〃

〃Sho；　of　course；　I　never　thought　of　that。　　Well；　come　along；　maybe　we　can
get　some　sleep；　but　I　don't　know；　I'm　so　shook　up　with　what　we've　been
through。〃

The　stranger　had　made　an　impression　on　the　boys；　too。　　They　had　a　word　of
talk　as　they　were　getting　to　bed。　　Henry；　the　gentle；　the　humane；　said：

〃I　feel　ever　so　sorry　for　it；　don't　you；　Joe？〃

But　Joe　was　a　boy　of　this　world；　active；　enterprising；　and　had　a
theatrical　side　to　him：

〃Sorry？　　Why；　how　you　talk！　　It　can't　stir　a　step　without　attracting
attention。　　It's　just　grand！〃

Henry　said；；　reproachfully：

〃Instead　of　pitying　it；　Joe；　you　talk　as　if〃

〃Talk　as　if　what？　　I　know　one　thing　mighty　certain：　if　you　can　fix　me　so
I　can　eat　for　two　and　only　have　to　stub　toes　for　one；　I　ain't　going　to
fool　away　no　such　chance　just　for　sentiment。〃

The　twins　were　wet　and　tired；　and　they　proceeded　to　undress　without…any
preliminary　remarks。　　The　abundance　of　sleeve　made　the　partnership　coat
hard　to　get　off；　for　it　was　like　skinning　a　tarantula；　but　it　came　at
last；　after　much　tugging　and　perspiring。　　The　mutual　vest　followed。　　Then
the　brothers　stood　up　before　the　glass；　and　each　took　off　his　own　cravat
and　collar。　　The　collars　were　of　the　standing　kind；　and　came　high　up
under　the　ears；　like　the　sides　of　a　wheelbarrow；　as　required　by　the
fashion　of　the　day。　　The　cravats　were　as　broad　as　a　bank…bill；　with
fringed　ends　which　stood　far　out　to　right　and　left　like　the　wings　of　a
dragon…fly；　and　this　also　was　strictly　in　accordance　with　the　fashion　of
the　time。　　Each　cravat；　as　to　color；　was　in　perfect　taste；　so　far　as　its
owner's　complexion　was　concerneda　delicate　pink；　in　the　case　of　the
blond　brother；　a　violent　scarlet　in　the　case　of　the　brunettebut　as　a
combination　they　broke　all　the　laws　of　taste　known　to　civilization。
Nothing　more　fiendish　and　irreconcilable　than　those　shrieking　and
blaspheming　colors　could　have　been　contrived；　The　wet　boots　gave　no　end
of　troubleto　Luigi。　　When　they　were　off　at　last；　Angelo　said；　with
bitterness：

〃I　wish　you　wouldn't　wear　such　tight　boots；　they　hurt　my　feet。〃

Luigi　answered　with　indifference：

〃My　friend；　when　I　am　in　command　of　our　body；　I　choose　my　apparel
according　to　my　own　convenience；　as　I　have　remarked　more　than　several
times　already。　　When　you　are　in　command；　I　beg　you　will　do　as　you
please。〃

Angelo　was　hurt；　and　the　tears　came　into　his　eyes。　　There　was　gentle
reproach　in　his　voice；　but；　not　anger；　when　he　replied：

〃Luigi；　I　often　consult　your　wishes；　but　you　never　consult　mine。　　When　I
am　in　command　I　treat　you　as　a　guest；　I　try　to　make　you　feel　at　home；
when　you　are　in　command　you　treat　me　as　an　intruder；　you　make　me　feel
unwelcome。　　It　embarrasses　me　cruelly　in　company；　for　I　can；　see　that
people　notice　it　and　comment　on　it。〃

〃Oh；　damn　the　people；〃　responded　the　brother　languidly；　and　with　the　air
of　one　who　is　tired　of　the　subject。

A　slight　shudder　shook　the　frame　of　Angelo；　but　he　said　nothing　and　the
conversation　ceased。　　Each　buttoned　his　own　share　of　the　nightshirt　in
silence；　then　Luigi；　with　Paine's　Age　of　Reason　in　his　hand；　sat　down　in
one　chair　and　put　his　feet　in　another　and　lit　his　pipe；　while　Angelo　took
his　Whole　Duty　of　Man；　and　both　began　to　read。　　Angelo　presently　began　to
cough；　his　coughing　increased　and　became　mixed　with　gaspings　for　breath；
and　he　was　finally　obliged　to　make　an　appeal　to　his　brother's　humanity：

〃Luigi；　if　you　would　only　smoke　a　little　milder　tobacco；　I　am　sure　I
could　learn　not　to　mind　it　in　time；　but　this　is　so　strong；　and　the　pipe
is　so　rank　that〃

〃Angelo；　I　wouldn't　be　such　a　baby！　　I　have　learned　to　smoke　in　a　week；
and　the　trouble　is　already　over　with　me；　if　you　would　try；　you　could
learn　too；　and　then　you　would　stop　spoiling　my　comfort　with　your
everlasting　complaints。〃

〃Ah；　brother；　that　is　a　strong　wordeverlasting　and　isn't　quite　fair。
I　only　complain　when　I　suffocate；　you　know　I　don't　complain　when　we　are
in　the　open　air。〃

〃Well；　anyway；　you　could　learn　to　smoke　yourself。〃

〃But　my　principles；　Luigi；　you　forget　my　principles。　　You　would　not　have
me　do　a　thing　which　I　regard　as　a　sin？〃

〃Oh；　bosh！〃

The　conversation　ceased　again；　for　Angelo　was　sick　and　discouraged　and
strangling；　but　after　some　time　he　closed　his　book　and　asked　Luigi　to
sing　〃From　Greenland's　Icy　Mountains〃　with　him；　but　he　would　not；　and
when　he　tried　to　sing　by　himself　Luigi　did　his　best　to　drown　his
plaintive　tenor　with　a　rude　and　rollicking　song　delivered　in　a　thundering
bass。

After　the　singing　there　was　silence；　and　neither　brother　was　happy。
Before　blowing　the　light　out　Luigi　swallowed　half　a　tumbler　of　whisky；
and　Angelo；　whose　sensitive　organization　could　not　endure　intoxicants　of
any　kind；　took　a　pill　to　keep　it　from　giving　him　the　headache。




CHAPTER　II

MA　COOPER　GETS　ALL　MIXED　UP

The　family　sat　in　the　breakfast…room　waiting　for　the　twins　to　come　down。
The　widow　was　quiet；　the　daughter　was　alive　with　happy　excitement。　　She
said：

〃Ah；　they're　a　boon；　ma；　just　a　boon！　　don't　you　think　so？〃

〃Laws；　I　hope　so；　I　don't　know。〃

〃Why；　ma；　yes　you　do。　　They're　so　fine　and　handsome；　and　high…bred　and
polite；　so　every　way　superior　to　our　gawks　here　in　this　village；　why；
they'll　make　life　different　from　what　it　wasso　humdrum　and　commonplace；
you　knowoh；　you　may　be　sure　they're　full　of　accomplishments；　and
knowledge　of　the　world；　and　all　that；　that　will　be　an　immense　advantage
to　society　here。　　Don't　you　think　so；　ma？〃

〃Mercy　on　me；　how　should　I　know；　and　I've　hardly　set　eyes　on　them　yet。〃
After　a　pause　she　added；　〃They　made　considerable　noise　after　they　went
up。〃

〃Noise？　　Why；　ma；　they　were　singing！　　And　it　was　beautiful；　too。〃

〃Oh；　it　was　well　enough；　but　too　mixed…up；　seemed　to　me。〃

〃Now；　ma；　honor　bright；　did　you　ever　hear　'Greenland's　Icy　Mountains'
sung　sweeternow　did　you？〃

〃If　it　had　been　sung　by　itself；　it　would　have　been　uncommon　sweet；　I
don't　deny　it；　but　what　they　wanted　to　mix　it　up　with　'Old　Bob　Ridley'
for；　I　can't　make　out。　　Why；　they　don't　go　together；　at　all。　　They　are
not　of　the　same　nature。　　'Bob　Ridley'　is　a　common　rackety　slam…bang
secular　song；　one　of　the　rippingest　and　rantingest　and　noisiest　there　is。
I　am　no　judge　of　music；　and　I　don't　claim　it；　but　in　my　opinion　nobody
can　make　those　two　songs　go　together　right。〃

〃Why；　ma；　I　thought〃

〃It　don't　make　any　difference　what　you　thought；　it　can't　be　done。　　They
tried　it；　and　to　my　mind　it　was　a　failure。　　I　never　heard　such　a　crazy
uproar；　seemed　to　me；　sometimes；　the　roof　would　come　off；　and　as　for　the
catswell；　I've　lived　a　many　a　year；　and　seen　cats　aggravated　in　more
ways　than　one；　but　I've　never　seen　cats　take　on　the　way　they　took　on　last
night。〃

〃Well；　I　don't　think　that　that　goes　for　anything；　ma；　because　it　is　the
nature　of　cats　that　any　sound　that　is　unusual〃

〃Unusual！　　You　may　well　call　it　so。　　Now　if　they　are　going　to　sing　duets
every　night；　I　do　hope　they　will　both　sing　the　same　tune　at　the　same
time；　for　in　my　opinion　a　duet　that　is　made　up　of　two　different　tunes　is
a　mistake；　especially　when　the　tunes　ain't　any　kin　to　one　another；　that
way。〃

〃But；　ma；　I　think　it　must　be　a　foreign　custom；　and　it　must　be　right　too；
and　the　best　way；　because　they　have　had　every　oppo