those extraordinary twins-第2章
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names now; but it was too much trouble to remove them all through; so I
left them christened as they were and made no explanation。
CHAPTER I
THE TWINS AS THEY REALLY WERE
The conglomerate twins were brought on the the stage in Chapter I of the
original extravaganza。 Aunt Patsy Cooper has received their letter
applying for board and lodging; and Rowena; her daughter; insane with
joy; is begging for a hearing of it:
〃Well; set down then; and be quiet a minute and don't fly around so; it
fairly makes me tired to see you。 It starts off so: 'HONORED MADAM'〃
〃I like that; ma; don't you? It shows they're high…bred。〃
〃Yes; I noticed that when I first read it。 'My brother and I have seen
your advertisement; by chance; in a copy of your local journal'
〃It's so beautiful and smooth; ma…don't you think so?〃
〃Yes; seems so to me'and beg leave to take the room you offer。 We are
twenty…four years of age; and twins'〃
〃Twins ! How sweet! I do hope they are handsome; and I just know they
are! Don't you hope they are; ma?〃
〃Land; I ain't particular。 'We are Italians by birth'〃
〃It's so romantic! Just think there's never been one in this town; and
everybody will want to see them; and they're all ours! Think of that!〃
〃'but have lived long in the various countries of Europe; and several
years in the United States。'〃
〃Oh; just think what wonders they've seen; ma! Won't it be good to hear
them talk?〃
〃I reckon so; yes; I reckon so。 'Our names are Luigi and Angelo Capello…
…'〃
〃Beautiful; perfectly beautiful! Not like Jones and Robinson and those
horrible names。〃
〃'You desire but one guest; but dear madam; if you will allow us to pay
for two we will not discommode you。 We will sleep together in the same
bed。 We have always been used to this; and prefer it。 And then he goes
on to say they will be down Thursday。〃
〃And this is TuesdayI don't know how I'm ever going to wait; ma! The
time does drag along so; and I'm so dying to see them! Which of them do
you reckon is the tallest; ma?〃
〃How do you s'pose I can tell; child? Mostly they are the same
size…twins are。〃
〃'Well then; which do you reckon is the best looking?〃
〃Goodness knowsI don't。〃
〃I think Angelo is; it's the prettiest name; anyway。 Don't you think
it's a sweet name; ma?〃
〃Yes; it's well enough。 I'd like both of them better if I knew the way
to pronounce themthe Eyetalian way; I mean。 The Missouri way and the
Eyetalian way is different; I judge。〃
〃Maybeyes。 It's Luigi that writes the letter。 What do you reckon is
the reason Angelo didn't write it?〃
〃Why; how can I tell? What's the difference who writes it; so long as
it's done?〃
〃Oh; I hope it wasn't because he is sick! You don't think he is sick; do
you; ma?〃
〃Sick your granny; what's to make him sick?〃
〃Oh; there's never any telling。 These foreigners with that kind of names
are so delicate; and of course that kind of names are not suited to our
climateyou wouldn't expect it。〃
'And so…on and so…on; no end。 The time drags along; Thursday comes: the
boat arrives in a pouring storm toward midnight。'
At last there was a knock at the door and the anxious family jumped to
open it。 Two negro men entered; each carrying a trunk; and proceeded
upstairs toward the guest…room。 Then followed a stupefying apparition
a double…headed human creature with four arms; one body; and a single
pair of legs! Itor they; as you pleasebowed with elaborate foreign
formality; but the Coopers could not respond immediately; they were
paralyzed。 At this moment there came from the rear of the group a
fervent ejaculation〃My lan'!〃followed by a crash of crockery; and the
slave…wench Nancy stood petrified and staring; with a tray of wrecked
tea…things at her feet。 The incident broke the spell; and brought the
family to consciousness。 The beautiful heads of the new…comer bowed
again; and one of them said with easy grace and dignity:
〃I crave the honor; madam and miss; to introduce to you my brother; Count
Luigi Capello;〃 (the other head bowed) 〃and myselfCount Angelo; and at
the same time offer sincere apologies for the lateness of our coming;
which was unavoidable;〃 and both heads bowed again。
The poor old lady was in a whirl of amazement and confusion; but she
managed to stammer out:
〃I'm sure I'm glad to make your acquaintance; sirI mean; gentlemen。
As for the delay; it is nothing; don't mention it。 This is my daughter
Rowena; sirgentlemen。 Please step into the parlor and sit down and
have a bite and sup; you are dreadful wet and must be uncomfortable
both of you; I mean。〃
But to the old lady's relief they courteously excused themselves; saying
it would be wrong to keep the family out of their beds longer; then each
head bowed in turn and uttered a friendly good night; and the singular
figure moved away in the wake of Rowena's small brothers; who bore
candles; and disappeared up the stairs。
The widow tottered into the parlor and sank into a chair with a gasp;
and Rowena followed; tongue…tied and dazed。 The two sat silent in the
throbbing summer heat unconscious of the million…voiced music of the
mosquitoes; unconscious of the roaring gale; the lashing and thrashing of
the rain along the windows and the roof; the white glare of the
lightning; the tumultuous booming and bellowing of the thunder; conscious
of nothing but that prodigy; that uncanny apparition that had come and
gone so suddenlythat weird strange thing that was so soft…spoken and so
gentle of manner and yet had shaken them up like an earthquake with the
shock of its gruesome aspect。 At last a cold little shudder quivered
along down the widow's meager frame and she said in a weak voice:
〃Ugh; it was awful just the mere look of that phillipene!〃
Rowena did not answer。 Her faculties were still caked; she had not yet
found her voice。 Presently the widow said; a little resentfully:
〃Always been used to sleeping togetherin…fact; prefer it。 And I was
thinking it was to accommodate me。 I thought it was very good of them;
whereas a person situated as that young man is〃
〃Ma; you oughtn't to begin by getting up a prejudice against him。
I'm sure he is good…hearted and means well。 Both of his faces show it。〃
〃I'm not so certain about that。 The one on the leftI mean the one on
it's lefthasn't near as good a face; in my opinion; as its brother。〃
〃That's Luigi。〃
〃Yes; Luigi; anyway it's the dark…skinned one; the one that was west of
his brother when they stood in the door。 Up to all kinds of mischief and
disobedience when he was a boy; I'll be bound。 I lay his mother had
trouble to lay her hand on him when she wanted him。 But the one on the
right is as good as gold; I can see that。〃
〃That's Angelo。〃
〃Yes; Angelo; I reckon; though I can't tell t'other from which by their
names; yet awhile。 But it's the right…hand onethe blond one。 He has
such kind blue eyes; and curly copper hair and fresh complexion〃
〃And such a noble face!oh; it is a noble face; ma; just royal; you may
say! And beautiful deary me; how beautiful! But both are that; the dark
one's as beautiful asa picture。 There's no such wonderful faces and
handsome heads in this town none that even begin。 And such hands;
especially Angelo'sso shapely and〃
〃Stuff; how could you tell which they belonged to?they had gloves on。〃
〃Why; didn't I see them take off their hats?〃
〃That don't signify。 They might have taken off each other's hats。
Nobody could tell。 There was just a wormy squirming of arms in the air
seemed to be a couple of dozen of them; all writhing at once; and it
just made me dizzy to see them go。〃
〃Why; ma; I hadn't any difficulty。 There's two arms on each shoulder〃
〃There; now。 One arm on each shoulder belongs to each of the creatures;
don't it? For a person to have two arms on one shoulder wouldn't do him
any good; would it? Of course not。 Each has an arm on each shoulder。
Now then; you tell me which of them belongs to which; if you can。 They
don't know; themselvesthey just work whichever arm comes handy。 Of
course they do; especially if they are in a hurry and can't stop t