crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第6章
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did！ Weeping and sobbing and wringing her hands； she married me！ For
she had nowhere to turn！ Do you understand； sir； do you understand
what it means when you have absolutely nowhere to turn？ No； that you
don't understand yet。。。。 And for a whole year； I performed my duties
conscientiously and faithfully； and did not touch this〃 （he tapped the
jug with his finger）； 〃for I have feelings。 But even so； I could not
please her； and then I lost my place too； and that through no fault of
mine but through changes in the office； and then I did touch it！。。。 It
will be a year and a half ago soon since we found ourselves at last
after many wanderings and numerous calamities in this magnificent
capital； adorned with innumerable monuments。 Here I obtained a
situation。。。。 I obtained it and I lost it again。 Do you understand？
This time it was through my own fault I lost it： for my weakness had
come out。。。。 We have now part of a room at Amalia Fyodorovna
Lippevechsel's； and what we live upon and what we pay our rent with； I
could not say。 There are a lot of people living there besides
ourselves。 Dirt and disorder； a perfect Bedlam。。。 hm。。。 yes。。。 And
meanwhile my daughter by my first wife has grown up； and what my
daughter has had to put up with from her step…mother whilst she was
growing up； I won't speak of。 For； though Katerina Ivanovna is full of
generous feelings； she is a spirited lady； irritable and
short…tempered。。。。 Yes。 But it's no use going over that！ Sonia； as you
may well fancy； has had no education。 I did make an effort four
years ago to give her a course of geography and universal history； but
as I was not very well up in those subjects myself and we had no
suitable books； and what books we had。。。 hm； any way we have not
even those now； so all our instruction came to an end。 We stopped at
Cyrus of Persia。 Since she has attained years of maturity； she has
read other books of romantic tendency and of late she had read with
great interest a book she got through Mr。 Lebeziatnikov； Lewes'
Physiology… do you know it？… and even recounted extracts from it to
us： and that's the whole of her education。 And now may I venture to
address you； honoured sir； on my own account with a private
question。 Do you suppose that a respectable poor girl can earn much by
honest work？ Not fifteen farthings a day can she earn； if she is
respectable and has no special talent and that without putting her
work down for an instant！ And what's more； Ivan Ivanitch Klopstock the
civil counsellor… have you heard of him？… has not to this day paid her
for the half…dozen linen shirts she made him and drove her roughly
away； stamping and reviling her； on the pretext that the shirt collars
were not made like the pattern and were put in askew。 And there are
the little ones hungry。。。。 And Katerina Ivanovna walking up and down
and wringing her hands； her cheeks flushed red； as they always are
in that disease： 'Here you live with us；' says she； 'you eat and drink
and are kept warm and you do nothing to help。' And much she gets to
eat and drink when there is not a crust for the little ones for
three days！ I was lying at the time。。。 well； what of it！ I was lying
drunk and I heard my Sonia speaking （she is a gentle creature with a
soft little voice。。。 fair hair and such a pale； thin little face）。 She
said： 'Katerina Ivanovna； am I really to do a thing like that？' And
Darya Frantsovna； a woman of evil character and very well known to the
police； had two or three times tried to get at her through the
landlady。 'And why not？' said Katerina Ivanovna with a jeer； 'you
are something mighty precious to be so careful of！' But don't blame
her； don't blame her； honoured sir； don't blame her！ She was not
herself when she spoke； but driven to distraction by her illness and
the crying of the hungry children； and it was said more to wound her
than anything else。。。。 For that's Katerina Ivanovna's character； and
when children cry； even from hunger； she falls to beating them at
once。 At six o'clock I saw Sonia get up； put on her kerchief and her
cape； and go out of the room and about nine o'clock she came back。 She
walked straight up to Katerina Ivanovna and she laid thirty roubles on
the table before her in silence。 She did not utter a word； she did not
even look at her； she simply picked up our big green drap de dames
shawl （we have a shawl； made of drap de dames）； put it over her head
and face and lay down on the bed with her face to the wall； only her
little shoulders and her body kept shuddering。。。。 And I went on
lying there； just as before。。。。 And then I saw； young man； I saw
Katerina Ivanovna； in the same silence go up to Sonia's little bed；
she was on her knees all the evening kissing Sonia's feet； and would
not get up； and then they both fell asleep in each other's arms。。。
together； together。。。 yes。。。 and I。。。 lay drunk。〃
Marmeladov stopped short； as though his voice had failed him。 Then
he hurriedly filled his glass； drank； and cleared his throat。
〃Since then； sir；〃 he went on after a brief pause… 〃Since then；
owing to an unfortunate occurrence and through information given by
evil…intentioned persons… in all which Darya Frantsovna took a leading
part on the pretext that she had been treated with want of respect…
since then my daughter Sofya Semyonovna has been forced to take a
yellow ticket； and owing to that she is unable to go on living with
us。 For our landlady； Amalia Fyodorovna would not hear of it （though
she had backed up Darya Frantsovna before） and Mr。 Lebeziatnikov
too。。。 hm。。。。 All the trouble between him and Katerina Ivanovna was on
Sonia's account。 At first he was for making up to Sonia himself and
then all of a sudden he stood on his dignity： 'how；' said he； 'can a
highly educated man like me live in the same rooms with a girl like
that？' And Katerina Ivanovna would not let it pass； she stood up for
her。。。 and so that's how it happened。 And Sonia comes to us now；
mostly after dark； she comforts Katerina Ivanovna and gives her all
she can。。。。 She has a room at the Kapernaumovs； the tailors； she
lodges with them； Kapernaumov is a lame man with a cleft palate and
all of his numerous family have cleft palates too。 And his wife；
too； has a cleft palate。 They all live in one room； but Sonia has
her own； partitioned off。。。。 Hm。。。 yes。。。 very poor people and all
with cleft palates。。。 yes。 Then I got up in the morning； and put on my
rags； lifted up my hands to heaven and set off to his excellency
Ivan Afanasyevitch。 His excellency Ivan Afanasyevitch； do you know
him？ No？ Well； then； it's a man of God you don't know。 He is wax。。。
wax before the face of the Lord； even as wax melteth！。。。 His eyes were
dim when he heard my story。 'Marmeladov； once already you have
deceived my expectations。。。 I'll take you once more on my own
responsibility'… that's what he said； 'remember；' he said； 'and now
you can go。' I kissed the dust at his feet… in thought only； for in
reality he would not have allowed me to do it； being a statesman and a
man of modern political and enlightened ideas。 I returned home； and
when I announced that I'd been taken back into the service and
should receive a salary；
