crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第148章
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to say； its corrective； a protest。 So that indeed it's not
humiliating。。。 and if I ever； to suppose an absurdity； were to be
legally married； I should be positively glad of it。 I should say to my
wife： 'My dear； hitherto I have loved you； now I respect you； for
you've shown you can protest！' You laugh！ That's because you are of
incapable of getting away from prejudices。 Confound it all！ I
understand now where the unpleasantness is of being deceived in a
legal marriage； but it's simply a despicable consequence of a
despicable position in which both are humiliated。 When the deception
is open； as in a free marriage； then it does not exist； it's
unthinkable。 Your wife will only prove how she respects you by
considering you incapable of opposing her happiness and avenging
yourself on her for her new husband。 Damn it all！ I sometimes dream if
I were to be married； foo！ I mean if I were to marry； legally or
not； it's just the same； I should present my wife with a lover if
she had not found one for herself。 'My dear；' I should say； 'I love
you； but even more than that I desire you to respect me。 See！' Am I
not right？〃
Pyotr Petrovitch sniggered as he listened； but without much
merriment。 He hardly heard it indeed。 He was preoccupied with
something else and even Lebeziatnikov at last noticed it。 Pyotr
Petrovitch seemed excited and rubbed his hands。 Lebeziatnikov
remembered all this and reflected upon it afterwards。
Chapter Two
IT WOULD be difficult to explain exactly what could have
originated the idea of that senseless dinner in Katerina Ivanovna's
disordered brain。 Nearly ten of the twenty roubles； given by
Raskolnikov for Marmeladov's funeral； were wasted upon it。 Possibly
Katerina Ivanovna felt obliged to honour the memory of the deceased
〃suitably；〃 that all the lodgers； and still more Amalia Ivanovna；
might know 〃that he was in no way their inferior； and perhaps very
much their superior；〃 and that no one had the right 〃to turn up his
nose at him。〃 Perhaps the chief element was that peculiar 〃poor
man's pride；〃 which compels many poor people to spend their last
savings on some traditional social ceremony； simply in order to do
〃like other people；〃 and not to 〃be looked down upon。〃 It is very
probable； too； that Katerina Ivanovna longed on this occasion； at
the moment when she seemed to be abandoned by every one； to show those
〃wretched contemptible lodgers〃 that she knew 〃how to do things； how
to entertain〃 and that she had been brought up 〃in a genteel； she
might almost say aristocratic colonel's family〃 and had not been meant
for sweeping floors and washing the children's rags at night。 Even the
poorest and most broken…spirited people are sometimes liable to
these paroxysms of pride and vanity which take the form of an
irresistible nervous craving。 And Katerina Ivanovna was not
broken…spirited； she might have been killed by circumstance； but her
spirit could not have been broken； that is； she could not have been
intimidated； her will could not be crushed。 Moreover Sonia had said
with good reason that her mind was unhinged。 She could not be said
to be insane； but for a year past she had been so harassed that her
mind might well be overstrained。 The later stages of consumption are
apt； doctors tell us； to affect the intellect。
There was no great variety of wines； nor was there Madeira； but wine
there was。 There was vodka； rum and Lisbon wine； all of the poorest
quality but in sufficient quantity。 Besides the traditional rice and
honey； there were three or four dishes； one of which consisted of
pancakes； all prepared in Amalia Ivanovna's kitchen。 Two samovars were
boiling； that tea and punch might be offered after dinner。 Katerina
Ivanovna had herself seen to purchasing the provisions； with the
help of one of the lodgers； an unfortunate little Pole who had somehow
been stranded at Madame Lippevechsel's。 He promptly put himself at
Katerina Ivanovna's disposal and had been all that morning and all the
day before running about as fast as his legs could carry him； and very
anxious that every one should be aware of it。 For every trifle he
ran to Katerina Ivanovna； even hunting her out at the bazaar； at every
instant called her 〃Pani。〃 She was heartily sick of him before the
end； though she had declared at first that she could not have got on
without this 〃serviceable and magnanimous man。〃 It was one of Katerina
Ivanovna's characteristics to paint every one she met in the most
glowing colours。 Her praises were so exaggerated as sometimes to be
embarrassing； she would invent various circumstances to the credit
of her new acquaintance and quite genuinely believe in their
reality。 Then all of a sudden she would be disillusioned and would
rudely and contemptuously repulse the person she had only a few
hours before been literally adoring。 She was naturally of a gay；
lively and peace…loving disposition； but from continual failures and
misfortunes she had come to desire so keenly that all should live in
peace and joy and should not dare to break the peace； that the
slightest jar； the smallest disaster reduced her almost to frenzy； and
she would pass in an instant from the brightest hopes and fancies to
cursing her fate and raving； and knocking her head against the wall。
Amalia Ivanovna； too； suddenly acquired extraordinary importance
in Katerina Ivanovna's eyes and was treated by her with
extraordinary respect； probably only because Amalia Ivanovna had
thrown herself heart and soul into the preparations。 She had
undertaken to lay the table； to provide the linen； crockery； &c。；
and to cook the dishes in her kitchen； and Katerina Ivanovna had
left it all in her hands and gone herself to the cemetery。
Everything had been well done。 Even the tablecloth was nearly clean；
the crockery； knives； forks and glasses were； of course； of all shapes
and patterns； lent by different lodgers； but the table was properly
laid at the time fixed； and Amalia Ivanovna； feeling she had done
her work well； had put on a black silk dress and a cap with new
mourning ribbons and met the returning party with some pride。 This
pride； though justifiable； displeased Katerina Ivanovna for some
reason： 〃as though the table could not have been laid except by Amalia
Ivanovna！〃 She disliked the cap with new ribbons； too。 〃Could she be
stuck up； the stupid German； because she was mistress of the house；
and had consented as a favour to help her poor lodgers！ As a favour！
Fancy that！ Katerina Ivanovna's father who had been a colonel and
almost a governor had sometimes had the table set for forty persons；
and then any one like Amalia Ivanovna； or rather Ludwigovna； would not
have been allowed into the kitchen。〃
Katerina Ivanovna； however； put off expressing her feelings for
the time and contente
