crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第13章
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before she made up her mind； and； thinking that I was asleep； she
got out of bed and was walking up and down the room all night； at last
she knelt down before the ikon and prayed long and fervently and in
the morning she told me that she had decided。
〃I have mentioned already that Pyotr Petrovitch is just setting
off for Petersburg； where he has a great deal of business； and he
wants to open a legal bureau。 He has been occupied for many years in
conducting civil and commercial litigation； and only the other day
he won an important case。 He has to be in Petersburg because he has an
important case before the Senate。 So； Rodya dear； he may be of the
greatest use to you； in every way indeed； and Dounia and I have agreed
that from this very day you could definitely enter upon your career
and might consider that your future is marked out and assured for you。
Oh； if only this comes to pass！ This would be such a benefit that we
could only look upon it as a providential blessing。 Dounia is dreaming
of nothing else。 We have even ventured already to drop a few words
on the subject to Pyotr Petrovitch。 He was cautious in his answer； and
said that； of course； as he could not get on without a secretary； it
would be better to be paying a salary to a relation than to a
stranger； if only the former were fitted for the duties （as though
there could be doubt of your being fitted！） but then he expressed
doubts whether your studies at the university would leave you time for
work at his office。 The matter dropped for the time； but Dounia is
thinking of nothing else now。 She has been in a sort of fever for
the last few days； and has already made a regular plan for your
becoming in the end an associate and even a partner in Pyotr
Petrovitch's business； which might well be； seeing that you are a
student of law。 I am in complete agreement with her； Rodya； and
share all her plans and hopes； and think there is every probability of
realising them。 And in spite of Pyotr Petrovitch's evasiveness； very
natural at present； （since he does not know you） Dounia is firmly
persuaded that she will gain everything by her good influence over her
future husband； this she is reckoning upon。 Of course we are careful
not to talk of any of these more remote plans to Pyotr Petrovitch；
especially of your becoming his partner。 He is a practical man and
might take this very coldly； it might all seem to him simply a
day…dream。 Nor has either Dounia or I breathed a word to him of the
great hopes we have of his helping us to pay for your university
studies； we have not spoken of it in the first place； because it
will come to pass of itself； later on； and he will no doubt without
wasting words offer to do it of himself； （as though he could refuse
Dounia that） the more readily since you may by your own efforts become
his right hand in the office； and receive this assistance not as a
charity； but as a salary earned by your own work。 Dounia wants to
arrange it all like this and I quite agree with her。 And we have not
spoken of our plans for another reason； that is； because I
particularly wanted you to feel on an equal footing when you first
meet him。 When Dounia spoke to him with enthusiasm about you； he
answered that one could never judge of a man without seeing him close；
for oneself； and that he looked forward to forming his own opinion
when he makes your acquaintance。 Do you know； my precious Rodya； I
think that perhaps for some reasons （nothing to do with Pyotr
Petrovitch though； simply for my own personal； perhaps old…womanish；
fancies） I should do better to go on living by myself； apart； than
with them； after the wedding。 I am convinced that he will be
generous and delicate enough to invite me and to urge me to remain
with my daughter for the future； and if he has said nothing about it
hitherto； it is simply because it has been taken for granted； but I
shall refuse。 I have noticed more than once in my life that husbands
don't quite get on with their mothers…in…law； and I don't want to be
the least bit in any one's way； and for my own sake； too； would rather
be quite independent； so long as I have a crust of bread of my own；
and such children as you and Dounia。 If possible； I would settle
somewhere near you； for the most joyful piece of news； dear Rodya； I
have kept for the end of my letter： know then； my dear boy； that we
may； perhaps； be all together in a very short time and may embrace one
another again after a separation of almost three years！ It is
settled for certain that Dounia and I are to set off for Petersburg；
exactly when I don't know； but very； very soon； possibly in a week。 It
all depends on Pyotr Petrovitch who will let us know when he has had
time to look round him in Petersburg。 To suit his own arrangements
he is anxious to have the ceremony as soon as possible； even before
the fast of Our Lady； if it could be managed； or if that is too soon
to be ready； immediately after。 Oh； with what happiness I shall
press you to my heart！ Dounia is all excitement at the joyful
thought of seeing you； she said one day in joke that she would be
ready to marry Pyotr Petrovitch for that alone。 She is an angel！ She
is not writing anything to you now； and has only told me to write that
she has so much； so much to tell you that she is not going to take
up her pen now； for a few lines would tell you nothing； and it would
only mean upsetting herself； she bids me send you her love and
innumerable kisses。 But although we shall be meeting so soon；
perhaps I shall send you as much money as I can in a day or two。 Now
that every one has heard that Dounia is to marry Pyotr Petrovitch；
my credit has suddenly improved and I know that Afanasy Ivanovitch
will trust me now even to seventy…five roubles on the security of my
pension； so that perhaps I shall be able to send you twenty…five or
even thirty roubles。 I would send you more； but I am uneasy about
our travelling expenses； for though Pyotr Petrovitch has been so
kind as to undertake part of the expenses of the journey； that is to
say； he has taken upon himself the conveyance of our bags and big
trunk （which will be conveyed through some acquaintances of his）； we
must reckon upon some expenses on our arrival in Petersburg； where
we can't be left without a halfpenny； at least for the first few days。
But we have calculated it all； Dounia and I； to the last penny； and we
see that the journey will not cost very much。 It is only ninety versts
from us to the railway and we have come to an agreement with a
driver we know； so as to be in readiness； and from there Dounia and
I can travel quite comfortably third class。 So that I may very
likely be able to send to you not twenty…five； but thirty roubles。 But
enough； I have covered two sheets already and there is no space left
for more； our whole history； but so many events have happened！ And
now； my precious Rodya； I embrace you and send you a mother's blessing
till we meet。 Love Dounia your sister； Rodya； love her as she loves
you and understand that she loves you beyond everything； more than
herself。 She is an angel and you； Rodya； you are everything to us… our
one hope； our one consol
