tea-table talk-第5章

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　picture　to　the　real　thing；　it　was　so　much　more　artistic。　　In　the　landscape　itself；　she　complained；　there　was　sure　to　be　a　chimney　in　the　distance；　or　a　restaurant　in　the　foreground；　that　spoilt　the　whole　effect。　　The　artist　left　it　out。　　If　necessary；　he　could　put　in　a　cow　or　a　pretty　girl　to　help　the　thing。　　The　actual　cow；　if　it　happened　to　be　there　at　all；　would　probably　be　standing　the　wrong　way　round；　the　girl；　in　all　likelihood；　would　be　fat　and　plain；　or　be　wearing　the　wrong　hat。　The　artist　knew　precisely　the　sort　of　girl　that　ought　to　be　there；　and　saw　to　it　that　she　was　there；　with　just　the　right　sort　of　hat。　She　said　she　had　found　it　so　all　through　lifethe　poster　was　always　an　improvement　on　the　play。〃

〃It　is　rapidly　coming　to　that；〃　answered　the　Minor　Poet。　　〃Nature；　as　a　well　known　painter　once　put　it；　is　not　'creeping　up'　fast　enough　to　keep　pace　with　our　ideals。　　In　advanced　Germany　they　improve　the　waterfalls　and　ornament　the　rocks。　　In　Paris　they　paint　the　babies'　faces。〃

〃You　can　hardly　lay　the　blame　for　that　upon　civilisation；〃　pleaded　the　Girton　Girl。　　〃The　ancient　Briton　had　a　pretty　taste　in　woads。〃

〃Man's　first　feeble　steps　upon　the　upward　path　of　Art；〃　assented　the　Minor　Poet；　〃culminating　in　the　rouge…pot　and　the　hair…dye。〃

〃Come！〃　laughed　the　Old　Maid；　〃you　are　narrow…minded。　　Civilisation　has　given　us　music。　　Surely　you　will　admit　that　has　been　of　help　to　us？〃

〃My　dear　lady；〃　replied　the　Minor　Poet；　〃you　speak　of　the　one　accomplishment　with　which　Civilisation　has　had　little　or　nothing　to　do；　the　one　art　that　Nature　has　bestowed　upon　man　in　common　with　the　birds　and　insects；　the　one　intellectual　enjoyment　we　share　with　the　entire　animal　creation；　excepting　only　the　canines；　and　even　the　howling　of　the　dogone　cannot　be　suremay　be　an　honest；　however　unsatisfactory；　attempt　towards　a　music　of　his　own。　　I　had　a　fox　terrier　once　who　invariably　howled　in　tune。　　Jubal　hampered；　not　helped　us。　　He　it　was　who　stifled　music　with　the　curse　of　professionalism；　so　that　now；　like　shivering　shop…boys　paying　gate…　money　to　watch　games　they　cannot　play；　we　sit　mute　in　our　stalls　listening　to　the　paid　performer。　　But　for　the　musician；　music　might　have　been　universal。　　The　human　voice　is　still　the　finest　instrument　that　we　possess。　　We　have　allowed　it　to　rust；　the　better　to　hear　clever　manipulators　blow　through　tubes　and　twang　wires。　　The　musical　world　might　have　been　a　literal　expression。　　Civilisation　has　contracted　it　to　designate　a　coterie。〃

〃By　the　way；〃　said　the　Woman　of　the　World；　〃talking　of　music；　have　you　heard　that　last　symphony　of　Grieg's？　　It　came　in　the　last　parcel。　　I　have　been　practising　it。〃

〃Oh！　do　let　us　hear　it；〃　urged　the　Old　Maid。　　〃I　love　Grieg。〃

The　Woman　of　the　World　rose　and　opened　the　piano。

〃Myself；　I　have　always　been　of　opinion〃　I　remarked。

〃Please　don't　chatter；〃　said　the　Minor　Poet。



CHAPTER　III



〃I　never　liked　her；〃　said　the　Old　Maid；　〃I　always　knew　she　was　heartless。〃

〃To　my　thinking；〃　said　the　Minor　Poet；　〃she　has　shown　herself　a　true　woman。〃

〃Really；〃　said　the　Woman　of　the　World；　laughing；　〃I　shall　have　to　nickname　you　Dr。　　Johnson　Redivivus。　　I　believe；　were　the　subject　under　discussion；　you　would　admire　the　coiffure　of　the　Furies。　　It　would　occur　to　you　that　it　must　have　been　naturally　curly。〃

〃It　is　the　Irish　blood　flowing　in　his　veins；〃　I　told　them。　　〃He　must　always　be　'agin　the　Government。'〃

〃We　ought　to　be　grateful　to　him；〃　remarked　the　Philosopher。　　〃What　can　be　more　uninteresting　than　an　agreeable　conversation　I　mean；　a　conversationwhere　everybody　is　in　agreement？　　Disagreement；　on　the　other　hand；　is　stimulating。〃

〃Maybe　that　is　the　reason；〃　I　suggested；　〃why　modern　society　is　so　tiresome　an　affair。　　By　tabooing　all　difference　of　opinion　we　have　eliminated　all　zest　from　our　intercourse。　　Religion；　sex；　politics　any　subject　on　which　man　really　thinks；　is　scrupulously　excluded　from　all　polite　gatherings。　　Conversation　has　become　a　chorus；　or；　as　a　writer　wittily　expressed　it；　the　pursuit　of　the　obvious　to　no　conclusion。　　When　not　occupied　with　mumbling；　'I　quite　agree　with　you''As　you　say''That　is　precisely　my　opinion'we　sit　about　and　ask　each　other　riddles：　　'What　did　the　Pro…Boer？'　　'Why　did　Julius　Caesar？'〃

〃Fashion　has　succeeded　where　Force　for　centuries　has　failed；〃　added　the　Philosopher。　　〃One　notices　the　tendency　even　in　public　affairs。　It　is　bad　form　nowadays　to　belong　to　the　Opposition。　　The　chief　aim　of　the　Church　is　to　bring　itself　into　line　with　worldly　opinion。　The　Nonconformist　Conscience　grows　every　day　a　still　smaller　voice。〃

〃I　believe；〃　said　the　Woman　of　the　World；　〃that　was　the　reason　why　Emily　never　got　on　with　poor　dear　George。　　He　agreed　with　her　in　everything。　　She　used　to　say　it　made　her　feel　such　a　fool。〃

〃Man　is　a　fighting　animal；〃　explained　the　Philosopher。　　〃An　officer　who　had　been　through　the　South　African　War　was　telling　me　only　the　other　day：　　he　was　with　a　column；　and　news　came　in　that　a　small　commando　was　moving　in　the　neighbourhood。　　The　column　set　off　in　the　highest　of　spirits；　and　after　three　days'　trying　work　through　a　difficult　country　came　up　with；　as　they　thought；　the　enemy。　　As　a　matter　of　fact；　it　was　not　the　enemy；　but　a　troop　of　Imperial　Yeomanry　that　had　lost　its　way。　　My　friend　informs　me　that　the　language　with　which　his　column　greeted　those　unfortunate　Yeomen　their　fellow　countrymen；　men　of　their　own　bloodwas　most　unsympathetic。〃

〃Myself；　I　should　hate　a　man　who　agreed　with　me；〃　said　the　Girton　Girl。

〃My　dear；〃　replied　the　Woman　of　the　World；　〃I　don't　think　any　would。〃

〃Why　not？〃　demanded　the　Girton　Girl。

〃I　was　thinking　more　of　you；　dear；〃　replied　the　Woman　of　the　World。

〃I　am　glad　you　all　concur　with　me；〃　murmured　the　Minor　Poet。　　〃I　have　always　myself　regarded　the　Devil's　Advocate　as　the　most　useful　officer　in　the　Court　of　Truth。〃

〃I　remember　being　present　one　evening；〃　I　observed；　〃at　a　dinner…　party　where　an　eminent　judge　met　an　equally　eminent　K。　　C。；　whose　client　the　judge　that　very　afternoon　had　condemned　to　be　hanged。　'It　is　always　a　satisfaction；'　remarked　to　him　genially　the　judge；　'condemning　any　prisoner　defended　by　you。　　One　feels　so　absolutely　certain　he　was　guilty。'　　The　K。　　C。　　responded　that　he　should　always　remember　the　judge's　words　with　pride。〃

〃Who　was　it；〃　asked　the　Philosopher；　〃who　said：　　'Before　you　can　attack　a　lie；　you　must　strip　it　of　its　truth'？〃

〃It　sounds　like　Emerson；〃　I　ventured。

〃Very　possibly；〃　assented　the　Philosopher；　〃very　possibly　not。　There　is　much　in　reputation。　　Most　poetry　gets　attributed　to　Shakespeare。〃

〃I　entered　a　certain　drawing…room　about　a　week　ago；〃　I　said。　　〃'We　were　just　speaking　about　you；'　exclaimed　my　hostess。　　'Is　not　this　yours？'　　She　pointed　to　an　article　in　a　certain　magazine　lying　open　on　the　table。　　'No；'　I　replied；　'one　or　two　people　have　asked　me　that　same　question。　　It　seems　to　me　rather　an　absurd　article；'　I　added。　　'I　cannot　say　I　thought　very　much　of　it；'　agreed　my　hostess。〃

〃I　can't　help　it；〃　said　the　Old　Maid。　　〃I　shall　always　dislike　a　girl　who　deliberately　sells　herself　for　money。〃

〃But　what　else　is　there　to　sell　herself　for？〃　asked　the　Minor　Poet。

〃She　should　not　sell　herself　at　all；〃　retorted　the　Old　Maid；　with　warmth。　　〃She　should　give　herself；　for　love。〃

〃Are　we　not　in　danger　of　drifting　into　a　difference　of　opinion　concerning　the　meaning　of　words　merely？〃　replied　the　Minor　Poet。　〃We　have　all　of　us；　I　suppose；　heard　the　story　of　the　Jew　clothier　remonstrated　with　by　the　Rabbi　for　doing　business　on　the　Sabbath。　'Doing　bithness！'　retorted　the　accused　with　indignation；　'you　call　thelling　a　thuit　like　that　for　eighteen　shillings　doing　bithness！　By；　ith's　tharity！'　　This　'love'　for　which　the　maiden　gives　herself…　…let　us　be　a　little　more　exactdoes　it　not　include；　as　a　matter　of　course；　material　more　tangible？　　Would　not　the　adored　one　look　somewhat　astonished　on　discovering　that；　having　given　herself　for　'love；'　love　was　all　that　her　lover　proposed　to　give　for　her。　　Would　she　not　naturally　exclaim：　　'But　where's　the　house；　to　say　nothing　of　the　fittings？　　And　what　are　we　to　live　on'？〃

〃It　is　you　now　who　are　playing　with　words；〃　asserted　the　Old　Maid。　〃The　greate