the history of john bull-第7章

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ning　the　doctrine　of　unlimited　conjugal　fidelity；　and　so　to　neglect　a　due　watchfulness　over　the　manners　of　their　wives；　that　the　greatest　security　to　husbands　was　a　good　usage　of　their　wives　and　keeping　them　from　temptation；　many　husbands　having　been　sufferers　by　their　trusting　too　much　to　general　professions；　as　was　exemplified　in　the　case　of　a　foolish　and　negligent　husband；　who；　trusting　to　the　efficacy　of　this　principle；　was　undone　by　his　wife's　elopement　from　him。



CHAPTER　XV。　　An　Account　of　the　Conference　between　Mrs。　Bull　and　Don　Diego。*

*　A　Tory　nobleman　who；　by　his　influence　upon　the　House　of　Commons；　endeavoured　to　stop　the　Treaty。

The　lawyers；　as　their　last　effort　to　put　off　the　composition；　sent　Don　Diego　to　John。　　Don　Diego　was　a　very　worthy　gentleman；　a　friend　to　John；　his　mother；　and　present　wife；　and；　therefore；　supposed　to　have　some　influence　over　her。　　He　had　been　ill　used　himself　by　John's　lawyers；　but　because　of　some　animosity　to　Sir　Roger　was　against　the　composition。　　The　conference　between　him　and　Mrs。　Bull　was　word　for　word　as　follows：

DON　DIEGO。Is　it　possible；　cousin　Bull；　that　you　can　forget　the　honourable　maxims　of　the　family　you　are　come　of；　and　break　your　word　with　three　of　the　honestest；　best…meaning　persons　in　the　world　Esquires　South；　Frog；　and　Hocusthat　have　sacrificed　their　interests　to　yours？　　It　is　base　to　take　advantage　of　their　simplicity　and　credulity；　and　leave　them　in　the　lurch　at　last。

MRS。　BULLI　am　sure　they　have　left　my　family　in　a　bad　condition；　we　have　hardly　money　to　go　to　market；　and　nobody　will　take　our　words　for　sixpence。　　A　very　fine　spark　this　Esquire　South！　　My　husband　took　him　in；　a　dirty　boy。　　It　was　the　business　of　half　the　servants　to　attend　him。*　　The　rogue　did　bawl　and　make　such　a　noise：　sometimes　he　fell　in　the　fire　and　burnt　his　face；　sometimes　broke　his　shins　clambering　over　the　benches；　and　always　came　in　so　dirty；　as　if　he　had　been　dragged　through　the　kennel　at　a　boarding…school。　He　lost　his　money　at　chuck…farthing；　shuffle…cap；　and　all…fours；　sold　his　books；　pawned　his　linen；　which　we　were　always　forced　to　redeem。　　Then　the　whole　generation　of　him　are　so　in　love　with　bagpipes　and　puppet…shows！　　I　wish　you　knew　what　my　husband　has　paid　at　the　pastry…cook's　and　confectioner's　for　Naples　biscuits；　tarts；　custards；　and　sweetmeats。　　All　this　while　my　husband　considered　him　as　a　gentleman　of　a　good　family　that　had　fallen　into　decay；　gave　him　good　education；　and　has　settled　him　in　a　good　creditable　way　of　livinghaving　procured　him；　by　his　interest；　one　of　the　best　places　of　the　country。　　And　what　return；　think　you；　does　this　fine　gentleman　make　us？　he　will　hardly　give　me　or　my　husband　a　good　word；　or　a　civil　expression。　　Instead　of　Sir　and　Madam　（which；　though　I　say　it；　is　our　due）；　he　calls　us　〃goody　〃　and　〃gaffer〃　such…a…one；　says　he　did　us　a　great　deal　of　honour　to　board　with　us；　huffs　and　dings　at　such　a　rate；　because　we　will　not　spend　the　little　we　have　left　to　get　him　the　title　and　estate　of　Lord　Strutt；　and　then　forsooth；　we　shall　have　the　honour　to　be　his　woollen…drapers。**　Besides；　Esquire　South　will　be　Esquire　South　still；　fickle；　proud；　and　ungrateful。　　If　he　behaves　himself　so　when　he　depends　on　us　for　his　daily　bread；　can　any　man　say　what　he　will　do　when　he　is　got　above　the　world？

*　Something　relating　to　the　manners　of　a　great　prince；　superstition；　love　of　operas；　shows；　etc。　**　Something　relating　to　forms　and　titles。

D。　DIEGO。And　would　you　lose　the　honour　of　so　noble　and　generous　an　undertaking？　　Would　you　rather　accept　this　scandalous　composition；　and　trust　that　old　rogue；　Lewis　Baboon？

MRS。　BULL。Look　you；　Friend　Diego；　if　we　law　it　on　till　Lewis　turns　honest；　I　am　afraid　our　credit　will　run　low　at　Blackwell　Hall。　　I　wish　every　man　had　his　own；　but　I　still　say；　that　Lord　Strutt's　money　shines　as　bright　and　chinks　as　well　as　Esquire　South's。　　I　don't　know　any　other　hold　that　we　tradesmen　have　of　these　great　folks　but　their　interest：　　buy　dear　and　sell　cheap；　and　I　warrant　ye　you　will　keep　your　customer。　　The　worst　is；　that　Lord　Strutt's　servants　have　got　such　a　haunt　about　that　old　rogue's　shop；　that　it　will　cost　us　many　a　firkin　of　strong　beer　to　bring　them　back　again；　and　the　longer　they　are　in　a　bad　road；　the　harder　it　will　be　to　get　them　out　of　it。

D。　DIEGO。But　poor　Frog；　what　has　he　done！　　On　my　conscience；　if　there　be　an　honest；　sincere　man　in　the　world；　it　is　that　Frog。

MRS。　BULL。I　think　I　need　not　tell　you　how　much　Frog　has　been　obliged　to　our　family　from　his　childhood；　he　carries　his　head　high　now；　but　he　had　never　been　the　man　he　is　without　our　help。*　　Ever　since　the　commencement　of　this　lawsuit；　it　has　been　the　business　of　Hocus；　in　sharing　out　expenses；　to　plead　for　Frog。　　〃Poor　Frog；〃　says　he；　〃is　in　hard　circumstances；　he　has　a　numerous　family；　and　lives　from　hand　to　mouth；　his　children　don't　eat　a　bit　of　good　victuals　from　one　year's　end　to　the　other；　but　live　upon　salt　herring；　sour　curd；　and　borecole。　　He　does　his　utmost；　poor　fellow；　to　keep　things　even　in　the　world；　and　has　exerted　himself　beyond　his　ability　in　this　lawsuit；　but　he　really　has　not　wherewithal　to　go　on。　What　signifies　this　hundred　pounds？　place　it　upon　your　side　of　the　account；　it　is　a　great　deal　to　poor　Frog；　and　a　trifle　to　you。〃　This　has　been　Hocus's　constant　language；　and　I　am　sure　he　has　had　obligations　enough　to　us　to　have　acted　another　part。

*　Complaints　of　the　House　of　Commons　of　the　unequal　burden　of　the　war。

D。　DIEGO。No　doubt　Hocus　meant　all　this　for　the　best；　but　he　is　a　tender…hearted；　charitable　man；　Frog　is　indeed　in　hard　circumstances。

MRS。　BULLHard　circumstances！　　I　swear　this　is　provoking　to　the　last　degree。　　All　the　time　of　the　lawsuit；　as　fast　as　I　have　mortgaged；　Frog　has　purchased：　　from　a　plain　tradesman；　with　a　shop；　warehouse；　and　a　country　hut　with　a　dirty　fish…pond　at　the　end　of　it；　he　is　now　grown　a　very　rich　country　gentleman；　with　a　noble　landed　estate；　noble　palaces；　manors；　parks；　gardens；　and　farms；　finer　than　any　we　were　ever　master　of。*　　Is　it　not　strange；　when　my　husband　disbursed　great　sums　every　term；　Frog　should　be　purchasing　some　new　farm　or　manor？　so　that　if　this　lawsuit　lasts；　he　will　be　far　the　richest　man　in　his　country。　　What　is　worse　than　all　this；　he　steals　away　my　customers　every　day；　twelve　of　the　richest　and　the　best　have　left　my　shop　by　his　persuasion；　and　whom；　to　my　certain　knowledge；　he　has　under　bonds　never　to　return　again：　　judge　you　if　this　be　neighbourly　dealing。

*　The　Dutch　acquisitions　in　Flanders。

D。　DIEGOFrog　is　indeed　pretty　close　in　his　dealings；　but　very　honest：　　you　are　so　touchy；　and　take　things　so　hotly；　I　am　sure　there　must　be　some　mistake　in　this。

MRS。　BULLA　plaguy　one　indeed！　　You　know；　and　have　often　told　me　of　it；　how　Hocus　and　those　rogues　kept　my　husband；　John　Bull；　drunk　for　five　years　together　with　punch　and　strong　waters：　　I　am　sure　he　never　went　one　night　sober　to　bed；　till　they　got　him　to　sign　the　strangest　deed　that　ever　you　saw　in　your　life。　　The　methods　they　took　to　manage　him　I'll　tell　you　another　time；　at　present　I'll　read　only　the　writing。

Articles　of　Agreement　betwixt　JOHN　BULL；　Clothier；　and　NICHOLAS　FROG；　Linen…draper。*

*　The　sentiments　of　the　House　of　Commons；　and　their　representation　of　the　Barrier　Treaty。

I。　　That　for　maintaining　the　ancient　good　correspondence　and　friendship　between　the　said　parties；　I；　Nicholas　Frog；　do　solemnly　engage　and　promise　to　keep　peace　in　John　Bull's　family；　that　neither　his　wife；　children；　nor　servants；　give　him　any　trouble；　disturbance；　or　molestation　whatsoever；　but　to　oblige　them　all　to　do　their　duty　quietly　in　their　respective　stations。　　And　whereas　the　said　John　Bull；　from　the　assured　confidence　that　he　has　in　my　friendship；　has　appointed　me　executor　of　his　last　will　and　testament；　and　guardian　to　his　children；　I　do　undertake　for　me；　my　heirs　and　assigns；　to　see　the　same　duly　executed　and　performed；　and　that　it　shall　be　unalterable　in　all　its　parts　by　John　Bull；　or　anybody　else：　　for　that　purpose　it　shall　be　lawful　and　allowable　for　me　to　enter　his　house　at　any　hour　of　the　day　or　night；　to　break　open　bars；　bolts；　and　doors；　chests　of　drawers；　and　strong　boxes；　in　order　to　secure　the　peace　of　my　friend