the history of john bull-第23章
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FRIEND。It is evident to all that are versed in history that there were two sisters that played false two thousand years ago。 Therefore it plainly follows that it is not lawful for John Bull to have any manner of intercourse with Lewis Baboon。 If it is not lawful for John Bull to have any manner of intercourse （correspondence； if you will； that is much the same thing） then； a fortiori； it is much more unlawful for the said John to make over his wife and children to the said Lewis。 If his wife and children are not to be made over； he is not to wear a dagger and ratsbane in his pockets。 If he wears a dagger and ratsbane； it must be to do mischief to himself or somebody else。 If he intends to do mischief； he ought to be under guardians； and there is none so fit as myself and some other worthy persons who have a commission for that purpose from Nic。 Frog； the executor of his will and testament。
JOHN BULL。And this is your sorites； you say？
With that he snatched a good tough oaken cudgel； and began to brandish it。 Then happy was the man that was first at the door。 Crowding to get out； they tumbled down…stairs。 And it is credibly reported some of them dropped very valuable things in the hurry； which were picked up by others of the family。
〃That any of these rogues；〃 quoth John； 〃should imagine I am not as much concerned as they about having my affairs in a settled condition； or that I would wrong my heir for I know not what！ Well； Nic。； I really cannot but applaud thy diligence。 I must own this is really a pretty sort of a trick； but it sha'n't do thy business； for all that。〃
CHAPTER XVIII。 How Lewis Baboon came to visit John Bull； and what passed between them。 *
* Private negotiations about Dunkirk。
I think it is but ingenuous to acquaint the reader that this chapter was not wrote by Sir Humphrey himself； but by another very able pen of the university of Grub Street。
John had； by some good instructions given him by Sir Roger； got the better of his choleric temper； and wrought himself up to a great steadiness of mind to pursue his own interest through all impediments that were thrown in the way。 He began to leave off some of his old acquaintance； his roaring and bullying about the streets。 He put on a serious air； knit his brows； and； for the time； had made a very considerable progress in politics； considering that he had been kept a stranger to his own affairs。 However； he could not help discovering some remains of his nature when he happened to meet with a football or a match at cricket； for which Sir Roger was sure to take him to task。 John was walking about his room with folded arms and a most thoughtful countenance。 His servant brought him word that one Lewis Baboon below wanted to speak with him。 John had got an impression that Lewis was so deadly cunning a man that he was afraid to venture himself alone with him。 At last he took heart of grace。 〃Let him come up；〃 quoth he； 〃it is but sticking to my point； and he can never over…reach me。〃
LEWIS BABOON。Monsieur Bull； I will frankly acknowledge that my behaviour to my neighbours has been somewhat uncivil； and I believe you will readily grant me that I have met with usage accordingly。 I was fond of back…sword and cudgel…play from my youth； and I now bear in my body many a black and blue gash and scar； God knows。 I had as good a warehouse and as fair possessions as any of my neighbours； though I say it。 But a contentious temper； flattering servants； and unfortunate stars have brought me into circumstances that are not unknown to you。 These my misfortunes are heightened by domestic calamities。 That I need not relate。 I am a poor old battered fellow； and I would willingly end my days in peace。 But； alas！ I see but small hopes of that； for every new circumstance affords an argument to my enemies to pursue their revenge。 Formerly I was to be banged because I was too strong； and now because I am too weak to resist； I am to be brought down when too rich； and oppressed when too poor。 Nic。 Frog has used me like a scoundrel。 You are a gentleman； and I freely put myself in your hands to dispose of me as you think fit。
JOHN BULL。Look you； Master Baboon； as to your usage of your neighbours； you had best not dwell too much upon that chapter。 Let it suffice at present that you have been met with。 You have been rolling a great stone up…hill all your life； and at last it has come tumbling down till it is like to crush you to pieces。 Plain…dealing is best。 If you have any particular mark； Mr。 Baboon； whereby one may know when you fib and when you speak truth； you had best tell it me； that one may proceed accordingly。 But since at present I know of none such； it is better that you should trust me than that I should trust you。
LEWIS BABOON。I know of no particular mark of veracity amongst us tradesmen but interest； and it is manifestly mine not to deceive you at this time。 You may safely trust me； I can assure you。
JOHN BULL。The trust I give is； in short； this： I must have something in hand before I make the bargain； and the rest before it is concluded。
LEWIS BABOON。To show you I deal fairly； name your something。
JOHN BULL。I need not tell thee； old boy； thou canst guess。
LEWIS BABOON。Ecclesdown Castle；* I'll warrant you； because it has been formerly in your family。 Say no more； you shall have it。
* Dunkirk。
JOHN BULL。I shall have it to my own self？
LEWIS BABOON。To thine own self。
JOHN BULL。Every wall； gate； room； and inch of Ecclesdown Castle； you say？
LEWIS BABOON。Just so。
JOHN BULL。Every single stone of Ecclesdown Castle； to my own self； speedily？
LEWIS BABOON。When you please； what needs more words？
JOHN BULL。But tell me； old boy； hast thou laid aside all thy equivocals and mentals in this case？
LEWIS BABOON。There's nothing like matter of fact； seeing is believing。
JOHN BULL。Now thou talkest to the purpose； let us shake hands； old boy。 Let me ask thee one question more； what hast thou to do to meddle with the affairs of my family？ to dispose of my estate； old boy？
LEWIS BABOON。Just as much as you have to do with the affairs of Lord Strutt。
JOHN BULL。Ay； but my trade； my very being was concerned in that。
LEWIS BABOON。And my interest was concerned in the other。 But let us drop both our pretences； for I believe it is a moot point； whether I am more likely to make a Master Bull； or you a Lord Strutt。
JOHN BULL。Agreed； old boy； but then I must have security that I shall carry my broadcloth to market； old boy。
LEWIS BABOON。That you shall： Ecclesdown Castle！ Ecclesdown！ Remember that。 Why wouldst thou not take it when it was offered thee some years ago？
JOHN BULL。I would not take it； because they told me thou wouldst not give it me。
LEWIS BABOON。How could Monsieur Bull be so grossly abused by downright nonsense？ they that advised you to refuse； must have believed I intended to give； else why would they not make the experiment？ But I can tell you more of that matter than perhaps you know at present。
JOHN BULL。But what say'st thou as to the Esquire； Nic。 Frog； and the rest of the tradesmen？ I must take care of them。
LEWIS BABOON。Thou hast but small obligations to Nic。 to my certain knowledge： he has not used me like a gentleman。
JOHN BULL。Nic。 indeed is not very nice in your punctilios of ceremony； he is clownish； as a man may say： belching and calling of names have been allowed him time out of mind； by prescription： but； however； we are engaged in one common cause； and I must look after him。
LEWIS BABOON。All matters that relate to him； and the rest of the plaintiff's in this lawsuit； I will refer to your justice。
CHAPTER XIX。 Nic。 Frog's letter to John Bull： wherein he endeavours to vindicate all his conduct； with relation to John Bull and the lawsuit。
Nic。 perceived now that his Cully had eloped； that John intended henceforth to deal without a broker； but he was resolved to leave no stone unturned to cover his bubble。 Amongst other artifices he wrote a most obliging letter； which he sent him printed in a fair character。
〃DEAR FRIEND；When I consider the late ill…usage I have met with from you； I was reflecting what it was that could provoke you to
