the history of john bull-第2章

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y　cook　maids；　or　mournful　ditties　of　departing　lovers；　or　if　to　Maeonian　strains　thou　raisedst　thy　voice；　to　record　the　stratagems；　the　arduous　exploits；　and　the　nocturnal　scalade　of　needy　heroes；　the　terror　of　your　peaceful　citizens；　describing　the　powerful　Betty　or　the　artful　Picklock；　or　the　secret　caverns　and　grottoes　of　Vulcan　sweating　at　his　forge；　and　stamping　the　queen's　image　on　viler　metals　which　he　retails　for　beef　and　pots　of　ale；　or　if　thou　wert　content　in　simple　narrative；　to　relate　the　cruel　acts　of　implacable　revenge；　or　the　complaint　of　ravished　virgins　blushing　to　tell　their　adventures　before　the　listening　crowd　of　city　damsels；　whilst　in　thy　faithful　history　thou　intermingledst　the　gravest　counsels　and　the　purest　morals。　　Nor　less　acute　and　piercing　wert　thou　in　thy　search　and　pompous　descriptions　of　the　works　of　nature；　whether　in　proper　and　emphatic　terms　thou　didst　paint　the　blazing　comet's　fiery　tail；　the　stupendous　force　of　dreadful　thunder　and　earthquakes；　and　the　unrelenting　inundations。　Sometimes；　with　Machiavelian　sagacity；　thou　unravelledst　intrigues　of　state；　and　the　traitorous　conspiracies　of　rebels；　giving　wise　counsel　to　monarchs。　　How　didst　thou　move　our　terror　and　our　pity　with　thy　passionate　scenes　between　Jack　Catch　and　the　heroes　of　the　Old　Bailey？　　How　didst　thou　describe　their　intrepid　march　up　Holborn　Hill？　　Nor　didst　thou　shine　less　in　thy　theological　capacity；　when　thou　gavest　ghostly　counsels　to　dying　felons；　and　didst　record　the　guilty　pangs　of　Sabbath　breakers。　　How　will　the　noble　arts　of　John　Overton's**　painting　and　sculpture　now　languish？　where　rich　invention；　proper　expression；　correct　design；　divine　attitudes；　and　artful　contrast；　heightened　with　the　beauties　of　Clar。　Obscur。；　embellished　thy　celebrated　pieces；　to　the　delight　and　astonishment　of　the　judicious　multitude！　　Adieu；　persuasive　eloquence！　the　quaint　metaphor；　the　poignant　irony；　the　proper　epithet；　and　the　lively　simile；　are　fled　for　ever！　　Instead　of　these；　we　shall　have；　I　know　not　what！　　The　illiterate　will　tell　the　rest　with　pleasure。

*　Act　restraining　the　liberty　of　the　press；　etc。　**　The　engraver　of　the　cuts　before　the　Grub　Street　papers。

I　hope　the　reader　will　excuse　this　digression；　due　by　way　of　condolence　to　my　worthy　brethren　of　Grub　Street；　for　the　approaching　barbarity　that　is　likely　to　overspread　all　its　regions　by　this　oppressive　and　exorbitant　tax。　　It　has　been　my　good　fortune　to　receive　my　education　there；　and　so　long　as　I　preserved　some　figure　and　rank　amongst　the　learned　of　that　society；　I　scorned　to　take　my　degree　either　at　Utrecht　or　Leyden；　though　I　was　offered　it　gratis　by　the　professors　in　those　universities。

And　now　that　posterity　may　not　be　ignorant　in　what　age　so　excellent　a　history　was　written　（which　would　otherwise；　no　doubt；　be　the　subject　of　its　inquiries）；　I　think　it　proper　to　inform　the　learned　of　future　times；　that　it　was　compiled　when　Louis　XIV。　was　King　of　France；　and　Philip　his　grandson　of　Spain；　when　England　and　Holland；　in　conjunction　with　the　Emperor　and　the　Allies；　entered　into　a　war　against　these　two　princes；　which　lasted　ten　years；　under　the　management　of　the　Duke　of　Marlborough；　and　was　put　to　a　conclusion　by　the　Treaty　of　Utrecht；　under　the　ministry　of　the　Earl　of　Oxford；　in　the　year　1713。

Many　at　that　time　did　imagine　the　history　of　John　Bull；　and　the　personages　mentioned　in　it；　to　be　allegorical；　which　the　author　would　never　own。　　Notwithstanding；　to　indulge　the　reader's　fancy　and　curiosity；　I　have　printed　at　the　bottom　of　the　page　the　supposed　allusions　of　the　most　obscure　parts　of　the　story。



THE　HISTORY　OF　JOHN　BULL。



CHAPTER　I。　The　Occasion　of　the　Law　Suit。

I　need　not　tell　you　of　the　great　quarrels　that　have　happened　in　our　neighbourhood　since　the　death　of　the　late　Lord　Strutt；*　how　the　parson**　and　a　cunning　attorney　got　him　to　settle　his　estate　upon　his　cousin　Philip　Baboon；　to　the　great　disappointment　of　his　cousin　Esquire　South。　　Some　stick　not　to　say　that　the　parson　and　the　attorney　forged　a　will；　for　which　they　were　well　paid　by　the　family　of　the　Baboons。　　Let　that　be　as　it　will；　it　is　matter　of　fact　that　the　honour　and　estate　have　continued　ever　since　in　the　person　of　Philip　Baboon。

*　Late　King　of　Spain。　**　Cardinal　Portocarero。

You　know　that　the　Lord　Strutts　have　for　many　years　been　possessed　of　a　very　great　landed　estate；　well　conditioned；　wooded；　watered；　with　coal；　salt；　tin；　copper；　iron；　etc。；　all　within　themselves；　that　it　has　been　the　misfortune　of　that　family　to　be　the　property　of　their　stewards；　tradesmen；　and　inferior　servants；　which　has　brought　great　incumbrances　upon　them；　at　the　same　time；　their　not　abating　of　their　expensive　way　of　living　has　forced　them　to　mortgage　their　best　manors。　　It　is　credibly　reported　that　the　butcher's　and　baker's　bill　of　a　Lord　Strutt　that　lived　two　hundred　years　ago　are　not　yet　paid。

When　Philip　Baboon　came　first　to　the　possession　of　the　Lord　Strutt's　estate；　his　tradesmen；*　as　is　usual　upon　such　occasions；　waited　upon　him　to　wish　him　joy　and　bespeak　his　custom。　　The　two　chief　were　John　Bull；**　the　clothier；　and　Nic。　　Frog；***　the　linendraper。　　They　told　him　that　the　Bulls　and　Frogs　had　served　the　Lord　Strutts　with　draperyware　for　many　years；　that　they　were　honest　and　fair　dealers；　that　their　bills　had　never　been　questioned；　that　the　Lord　Strutts　lived　generously；　and　never　used　to　dirty　their　fingers　with　pen；　ink；　and　counters；　that　his　lordship　might　depend　upon　their　honesty　that　they　would　use　him　as　kindly　as　they　had　done　his　predecessors。　The　young　lord　seemed　to　take　all　in　good　part；　and　dismissed　them　with　a　deal　of　seeming　content；　assuring　them　he　did　not　intend　to　change　any　of　the　honourable　maxims　of　his　predecessors。

*　The　first　letters　of　congratulation　from　King　William　and　the　States　of　Holland　upon　King　Philip's　accession　to　the　crown　of　Spain。　**　The　English。　***　The　Dutch。



CHAPTER　II。　　How　Bull　and　Frog　grew　jealous　that　the　Lord　Strutt　intended　to　give　all　his　custom　to　his　grandfather　Lewis　Baboon。

It　happened　unfortunately　for　the　peace　of　our　neighbourhood　that　this　young　lord　had　an　old　cunning　rogue；　or；　as　the　Scots　call　it；　a　false　loon　of　a　grandfather；　that　one　might　justly　call　a　Jack…　of…all…Trades。*　　Sometimes　you　would　see　him　behind　his　counter　selling　broadcloth；　sometimes　measuring　linen；　next　day　he　would　be　dealing　in　merceryware。　　High　heads；　ribbons；　gloves；　fans；　and　lace　he　understood　to　a　nicety。　　Charles　Mather　could　not　bubble　a　young　beau　better　with　a　toy；　nay；　he　would　descend　even　to　the　selling　of　tape；　garters；　and　shoe…buckles。　　When　shop　was　shut　up　he　would　go　about　the　neighbourhood　and　earn　half…a…crown　by　teaching　the　young　men　and　maids　to　dance。　　By　these　methods　he　had　acquired　immense　riches；　which　he　used　to　squander*　away　at　back…sword；　quarter…staff；　and　cudgel…play；　in　which　he　took　great　pleasure；　and　challenged　all　the　country。　　You　will　say　it　is　no　wonder　if　Bull　and　Frog　should　be　jealous　of　this　fellow。　　〃It　is　not　impossible；〃　says　Frog　to　Bull；　〃but　this　old　rogue　will　take　the　management　of　the　young　lord's　business　into　his　hands；　besides；　the　rascal　has　good　ware；　and　will　serve　him　as　cheap　as　anybody。　　In　that　case；　I　leave　you　to　judge　what　must　become　of　us　and　our　families；　we　must　starve；　or　turn　journeyman　to　old　Lewis　Baboon。　　Therefore；　neighbour；　I　hold　it　advisable　that　we　write　to　young　Lord　Strutt　to　know　the　bottom　of　this　matter。〃

*　The　character　and　trade　of　the　French　nation。　**　The　King's　disposition　to　war。



CHAPTER　III。　　A　Copy　of　Bull　and　Frog's　Letter　to　Lord　Strutt。

My　Lord；I　suppose　your　lordship　knows　that　the　Bulls　and　the　Frogs　have　served　the　Lord　Strutts　with　all　sorts　of　draperyware　time　out　of　mind。　　And　whereas　we　are　jealous；　not　without　reason；　that　your　lordship　intends　henceforth　to　buy　of　your　grandsire　old　Lewis　Baboon；　this　is　to　inform　your　lordship　that　this　proceeding　does　not　suit　with　the　circumstances　of　our　families；　who　have　lived　and　made　a　good　figure　in　the　world　by　the　generosity　of　the　Lord　Strutts。　　Therefore　we　think　fit　to　acquaint　your　lordship　that　you　must　find　sufficient　security　to　us；　our　heirs；　and　assigns　that　you　will　not　e