the history of john bull-第19章

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*　Habakkuk　Slyboots；　a　certain　great　man　who　persuaded　the　Dissenters　to　consent　to　the　Bill　against　Occasional　Conformity　as　being　for　their　interest。

HABAKKUK。Dear　Jack；　I　am　sorry　for　thy　misfortune：　　matters　have　not　been　carried　on　with　due　secrecy；　however；　we　must　make　the　best　of　a　bad　bargain。　　Thou　art　in　the　utmost　jeopardy；　that's　certain；　hang；　draw；　and　quarter；　are　the　gentlest　things　they　talk　of。　However；　thy　faithful　friends；　ever　watchful　for　thy　security；　bid　me　tell　thee　that　they　have　one　infallible　expedient　left　to　save　thy　life。　　Thou　must　know　we　have　got　into　some　understanding　with　the　enemy　by　the　means　of　Don　Diego；*　he　assures　us　there　is　no　mercy　for　thee；　and　that　there　is　only　one　way　left　to　escape。　　It　is；　indeed；　somewhat　out　of　the　common　road；　however；　be　assured　it　is　the　result　of　most　mature　deliberation。

*　A　noble　Tory　lord。

JACK。Prithee　tell　me　quickly；　for　my　heart　is　sunk　down　in　the　very　bottom　of　my　belly。

HAB。It　is　the　unanimous　opinion　of　your　friends　that　you　make　as　if　you　hanged　yourself；*　they　will　give　it　out　that　you　are　quite　dead；　and　convey　your　body　out　of　prison　in　a　bier；　and　John　Bull；　being　busied　with　his　lawsuit；　will　not　inquire　further　into　the　matter。

*　Consent　to　the　Bill　against　Occasional　Conformity。

JACK。How　d'ye　mean；　make　as　if　I　hanged　myself？

HAB。Nay；　you　must　really　hang　yourself　up　in　a　true　genuine　rope；　that　there　may　appear　no　trick　in　it；　and　leave　the　rest　to　your　friends。

JACK。Truly　this　is　a　matter　of　some　concern；　and　my　friends；　I　hope；　won't　take　it　ill　if　I　inquire　a　little　into　the　means　by　which　they　intend　to　deliver　me。　　A　rope　and　a　noose　are　no　jesting　matters！

HAB。Why　so　mistrustful？　hast　thou　ever　found　us　false　to　thee？　　I　tell　thee　there　is　one　ready　to　cut　thee　down。

JACK。May　I　presume　to　ask　who　it　is　that　is　entrusted　with　so　important　an　office？

HAB。Is　there　no　end　of　thy　hows　and　thy　whys？　　That's　a　secret。

JACK。A　secret；　perhaps；　that　I　may　be　safely　trusted　with；　for　I　am　not　like　to　tell　it　again。　　I　tell　you　plainly　it　is　no　strange　thing　for　a　man　before　he　hangs　himself　up　to　inquire　who　is　to　cut　him　down。

HAB。Thou　suspicious　creature！　if　thou　must　needs　know　it；　I　tell　thee　it　is　Sir　Roger；*　he　has　been　in　tears　ever　since　thy　misfortune。　　Don　Diego　and　we　have　laid　it　so　that　he　is　to　be　in　the　next　room；　and　before　the　rope　is　well　about　thy　neck；　rest　satisfied　he　will　break　in　and　cut　thee　down。　　Fear　not；　old　boy；　we'll　do　it；　I'll　warrant　thee。

*　It　was　given　out　that　the　Earl　of　Oxford　would　oppose　the　occasional　Bill；　and　so　lose　his　credit　with　the　Tories；　and　the　Dissenters　did　believe　he　would　not　suffer　it　to　pass。

JACK。So　I　must　hang　myself　up　upon　hopes　that　Sir　Roger　will　cut　me　down；　and　all　this　upon　the　credit　of　Don　Diego。　　A　fine　stratagem；　indeed；　to　save　my　life；　that　depends　upon　hanging；　Don　Diego；　and　Sir　Roger！

HAB。I　tell　thee　there　is　a　mystery　in　all　this；　my　friend；　a　piece　of　profound　policy；　if　thou　knew　what　good　this　will　do　to　the　common　cause；　thy　heart　would　leap　for　joy。　　I　am　sure　thou　wouldst　not　delay　the　experiment　one　moment。

JACK。This　is　to　the　tune　of　〃All　for　the　better。〃　　What's　your　cause　to　me　when　I　am　hanged？

HAB。Refractory　mortal！　if　thou　wilt　not　trust　thy　friends；　take　what　follows。　　Know　assuredly；　before　next　full　moon；　that　thou　wilt　be　hung　up　in　chains；　or　thy　quarters　perching　upon　the　most　conspicuous　places　of　the　kingdom。　　Nay；　I　don't　believe　they　will　he　contented　with　hanging；　they　talk　of　impaling；　or　breaking　on　the　wheel；　and　thou　choosest　that　before　a　gentle　suspending　of　thyself　for　one　minute。　　Hanging　is　not　so　painful　a　thing　as　thou　imaginest。　　I　have　spoken　with　several　that　have　undergone　it；　they　all　agree　it　is　no　manner　of　uneasiness。　　Be　sure　thou　take　good　notice　of　the　symptoms；　the　relation　will　be　curious。　　It　is　but　a　kick　or　two　with　thy　heels；　and　a　wry　mouth　or　so：　　Sir　Roger　will　be　with　thee　in　the　twinkling　of　an　eye。

JACK。But　what　if　Sir　Roger　should　not　come；　will　my　friends　be　there　to　succour　me？

HAB。Doubt　it　not；　I　will　provide　everything　against　to…morrow　morning：　　do　thou　keep　thy　own　secretsay　nothing。　　I　tell　thee　it　is　absolutely　necessary　for　the　common　good　that　thou　shouldst　go　through　this　operation。



CHAPTER　XIII。　　How　Jack　hanged　himself　up　by　the　persuasion　of　his　friends；　who　broke　their　words；　and　left　his　neck　in　the　noose。

Jack　was　a　professed　enemy　to　implicit　faith；　and　yet　I　dare　say　it　was　never　more　strongly　exerted　nor　more　basely　abused　than　upon　this　occasion。　　He　was　now；　with　his　old　friends；　in　the　state　of　a　poor　disbanded　officer　after　a　peace；　or　rather　a　wounded　soldier　after　a　battle；　like　an　old　favourite　of　a　cunning　Minister　after　the　job　is　over；　or　a　decayed　beauty　to　a　cloyed　lover　in　quest　of　new　game；　or　like　a　hundred　such　things　that　one　sees　every　day。　There　were　new　intrigues；　new　views；　new　projects；　on　foot。　　Jack's　life　was　the　purchase　of　Diego's　friendship；　much　good　may　it　do　them。　　The　interest　of　Hocus　and　Sir　William　Crawley　which　was　now　more　at　heart；　made　this　operation　upon　poor　Jack　absolutely　necessary。　　You　may　easily　guess　that　his　rest　that　night　was　but　small；　and　much　disturbed；　however；　the　remaining　part　of　his　time　he　did　not　employ　（as　his　custom　was　formerly）　in　prayer；　meditation；　or　singing　a　double　verse　of　a　Psalm；　but　amused　himself　with　disposing　of　his　bank　stock。　　Many　a　doubt；　many　a　qualm；　overspread　his　clouded　imagination：　　〃Must　I　then；〃　quoth　he；　〃hang　up　my　own　personal；　natural；　individual　self　with　these　two　hands！　Durus　Sermo！　　What　if　I　should　be　cut　down；　as　my　friends　tell　me？　There　is　something　infamous　in　the　very　attempt；　the　world　will　conclude　I　had　a　guilty　conscience。　　Is　it　possible　that　good　man；　Sir　Roger；　can　have　so　much　pity　upon　an　unfortunate　scoundrel　that　has　persecuted　him　so　many　years？　　No；　it　cannot　be；　I　don't　love　favours　that　pass　through　Don　Diego's　hands。　　On　the　other　side；　my　blood　chills　about　my　heart　at　the　thought　of　these　rogues　with　their　bloody　hands　pulling　out　my　very　entrails。　　Hang　it；　for　once　I'll　trust　my　friends。〃　　So　Jack　resolved；　but　he　had　done　more　wisely　to　have　put　himself　upon　the　trial　of　his　country；　and　made　his　defence　in　form；　many　things　happen　between　the　cup　and　the　lip…　…witnesses　might　have　been　bribed；　juries　managed；　or　prosecution　stopped。　　But　so　it　was；　Jack　for　this　time　had　a　sufficient　stock　of　implicit　faith；　which　led　him　to　his　ruin；　as　the　sequel　of　the　story　shows。

And　now　the　fatal　day　was　come　in　which　he　was　to　try　this　hanging　experiment。　　His　friends　did　not　fail　him　at　the　appointed　hour　to　see　it　put　in　practice。　　Habakkuk　brought　him　a　smooth；　strong；　tough　rope；　made　of　many　a　ply　of　wholesome　Scandinavian　hemp；　compactly　twisted　together；　with　a　noose　that　slipped　as　glib　as　a　birdcatcher's　gin。　　Jack　shrank　and　grew　pale　at　first　sight　of　it；　he　handled　it；　he　measured　it；　stretched　it；　fixed　it　against　the　iron　bar　of　the　window　to　try　its　strength；　but　no　familiarity　could　reconcile　him　to　it。　　He　found　fault　with　the　length；　the　thickness；　and　the　twist；　nay；　the　very　colour　did　not　please　him。　　〃Will　nothing　less　than　hanging　serve？〃　quoth　Jack。　　〃Won't　my　enemies　take　bail　for　my　good　behaviour？　　Will　they　accept　of　a　fine；　or　be　satisfied　with　the　pillory　and　imprisonment；　a　good　round　whipping；　or　burning　in　the　cheek？〃

HAB。Nothing　but　your　blood　will　appease　their　rage；　make　haste；　else　we　shall　be　discovered。　　There's　nothing　like　surprising　the　rogues。　　How　they　will　be　disappointed　when　they　hear　that　thou　hast　prevented　their　revenge　and　hanged　thine　own　self。

JACK。That's　true；　but　what　if　I　should　do　it　in　effigies？　　Is　there　never　an　old　pope　or　pretender　to　hang　up　in　my　stead？　　We　are　not　so　unlike　but　it　may　pass。

HAB。That　can　never　be　put　upon　Sir　Roger。

JACK。Are　you　sure　he　is　in　the　next　room？　　Have　you　provided　a　very　sharp　knife；　in　case　of　the　worst？

HAB。Dost　take　me　for　a　common　liar？　　Be　satisfied；　no　damage　can　happen　to　your　person；　your　friends　will　take　care　of　that。

JACK。Mayn't　I　quilt　my　rope？　　It　galls　my　neck　strangely：　besides；　I　don