the history of john bull-第17章
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Austria talked very high。
Frog had given his word that he would meet the above…mentioned company at the 〃Salutation；〃 to talk of this agreement。 Though he durst not directly break his appointment； he made many a shuffling excuse： one time he pretended to be seized with the gout in his right knee； then he got a great cold； that had struck him deaf of one ear； afterwards two of his coach…horses fell sick； and he durst not go by water； for fear of catching an ague。 John would take no excuse； but hurried him away。 〃Come； Nic。；〃 says he； 〃let's go and hear at least what this old fellow has to propose； I hope there's no hurt in that。〃 〃Be it so；〃 quoth Nic。； 〃but if I catch any harm； woe be to you； my wife and children will curse you as long as they live。〃 When they were come to the 〃Salutation；〃 John concluded all was sure then； and that he should be troubled no more with law affairs。 He thought everybody as plain and sincere as he was。 〃Well； neighbours；〃 quoth he； 〃let's now make an end of all matters； and live peaceably together for the time to come。 If everybody is as well inclined as I； we shall quickly come to the upshot of our affair。〃 And so； pointing to Frog to say something； to the great surprise of all the company； Frog was seized with a dead palsy in the tongue。 John began to ask him some plain questions； and whooped and hallooed in his ear： 〃Let's come to the point。 Nic。； who wouldst thou have to be Lord Strutt？ Wouldst thou have Philip Baboon？〃 Nic。 shook his head； and said nothing。 〃Wilt thou； then； have Esquire South to be Lord Strutt？〃 Nic。 shook his head a second time。 〃Then who the devil wilt thou have？ Say something or another。〃 Nic。 opened his mouth and pointed to his tongue； and cried； 〃A； a； a； a！〃 which was as much as to say he could not speak。
JOHN BULL。〃Shall I serve Philip Baboon with broadcloth； and accept of the composition that he offers； with the liberty of his parks and fishponds？〃 Then Nic。 roared like a bull； 〃O； o； o； o！〃
JOHN BULL。〃If thou wilt not let me have them； wilt thou take them thyself？〃 Then Nic。 grinned； cackled； and laughed； till he was like to kill himself； and seemed to be so pleased that he fell a frisking and dancing about the room。
JOHN BULL。〃Shall I leave all this matter to thy management； Nic。； and go about my business？〃 Then Nic。 got up a glass and drank to John； shaking him by the hand till he had like to have shook his shoulder out of joint。
JOHN BULL。〃I understand thee； Nic。； but I shall make thee speak before I go。〃 Then Nic。 put his finger in his cheek and made it cry 〃buck！〃 which was as much as to say； 〃I care not a farthing for thee。〃
JOHN BULL。〃I have done； Nic。； if thou wilt not speak； I'll make my own terms with old Lewis here。〃
John； perceiving that Frog would not speak； turns to old Lewis： 〃Since we cannot make this obstinate fellow speak； Lewis； pray condescend a little to his humour； and set down thy meaning upon paper； that he may answer it in another scrap。〃
〃I am infinitely sorry；〃 quoth Lewis； 〃that it happens so unfortunately； for； playing a little at cudgels t'other day； a fellow has given me such a rap over the right arm that I am quite lame。 I have lost the use of my forefinger and my thumb； so that I cannot hold my pen。〃
JOHN BULL。〃That's all one； let me write for you。〃
LEWIS。〃But I have a misfortune that I cannot read anybody's hand but my own。〃
JOHN BULL。〃Try what you can do with your left hand。〃
LEWIS。〃That's impossible； it will make such a scrawl that it will not be legible。〃
As they were talking of this matter； in came Esquire South； all dressed up in feathers and ribbons； stark staring mad； brandishing his sword； as if he would have cut off their heads； crying 〃Room； room； boys； for the grand esquire of the world！ the flower of esquires！ What！ covered in my presence？ I'll crush your souls； and crack you like lice！〃 With that he had like to have struck John Bull's hat into the fire； but John； who was pretty strong…fisted； gave him such a squeeze as made his eyes water。 He went on still in his mad pranks： 〃When I am lord of the universe； the sun shall prostrate and adore me！ Thou； Frog； shalt be my bailiff； Lewis my tailor； and thou； John Bull； shalt be my fool！〃
All this while Frog laughed in his sleeve； gave the esquire the other noggan of brandy； and clapped him on the back； which made him ten times madder。
Poor John stood in amaze； talking thus to himself： 〃Well； John； thou art got into rare company！ One has a dumb devil； the other a mad devil； and the third a spirit of infirmity。 An honest man has a fine time on it amongst such rogues。 What art thou asking of them after all？ Some mighty boon one would think！ only to sit quietly at thy own fireside。 What have I to do with such fellows？ John Bull； after all his losses and crosses； can live better without them than they can without him。 Would I lived a thousand leagues off them！ but the devil's in it； John Bull is in； and John Bull must get out as well as he can。〃
As he was talking to himself； he observed Frog and old Lewis edging towards one another to whisper；* so that John was forced to sit with his arms akimbo； to keep them asunder。
* Some attempts of secret negotiation between the French and the Dutch。
Some people advised John to bleed Frog under the tongue； or take away his bread…and…butter； which would certainly make him speak； to give Esquire South hellebore； as for Lewis； some were for emollient poultices； others for opening his arm with an incision knife。
CHAPTER XI。* The apprehending； examination； and imprisonment of Jack for suspicion of poisoning。
* The four following chapters contain the history of passing the Bill against Occasional Conformity； and of the Whigs agreeing to it。
The attentive reader cannot have forgot that the story of Van Ptschirnsooker's powder was interrupted by a message from Frog。 I have a natural compassion for curiosity； being much troubled with the distemper myself； therefore to gratify that uneasy itching sensation in my reader； I have procured the following account of that matter。
Van Ptschirnsooker came off （as rogues usually do upon such occasions） by peaching his partner； and being extremely forward to bring him to the gallows； Jack* was accused as the contriver of all the roguery。 And； indeed； it happened unfortunately for the poor fellow； that he was known to bear a most inveterate spite against the old gentlewoman； and； consequently； that never any ill accident happened to her but he was suspected to be at the bottom of it。 If she pricked her finger； Jack； to be sure； laid the pin in the way； if some noise in the street disturbed her rest； who could it be but Jack in some of his nocturnal rambles？ If a servant ran away； Jack had debauched him。 Every idle tittle…tattle that went about； Jack was always suspected for the author of it。 However； all was nothing to this last affair of the temperating； moderating powder。
* All the misfortunes of the Church charged upon the Puritan party。
The hue and cry went after Jack to apprehend him dead or alive； wherever he could be found。 The constables looked out for him in all his usual haunts； but to no purpose。 Where d'ye think they found him at last？ Even smoking his pipe； very quietly； at his brother Martin's； from whence he was carried with a vast mob at his heels； before the worshipful Mr。 Justice Overdo。 Several of his neighbours made oath；* that of late； the prisoner had been observed to lead a very dissolute life； renouncing even his usual hypocrisy and pretences to sobriety； that he frequented taverns and eating…houses； and had been often guilty of drunkenness and gluttony at my Lord Mayor's table； that he had been seen in the company of lewd women； that he had transferred his usual care of the engrossed copy of his father's will to bank bills； orders for tallies； and debentures：** these he now affirmed； with more literal truth； to be meat； drink； and cloth； the philosopher's stone； and the universal medicine；*** that he was so far from showing his customary reverence to the will； that he kept company with those that called his father a cheating rogue； and his will a forgery； that he not onl
