the history of john bull-第16章

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　cordials。〃　　I　came　into　the　room　with　a　good　deal　of　concern；　and　asked　them　what　they　thought　of　my　mother？　　〃In　no　manner　of　danger；　I　vow　to　God；〃　quoth　Garth；　〃the　old　woman　is　hysterical；　fanciful；　sir；　I　vow　to　God。〃　　〃I　tell　you；　sir；〃　says　Ratcliff；　〃she　cannot　live　three　days　to　an　end；　unless　there　is　some　very　effectual　course　taken　with　her；　she　has　a　malignant　fever。〃　　Then　〃fool；〃　〃puppy；〃　and　〃blockhead；〃　were　the　best　words　they　gave。　　I　could　hardly　restrain　them　from　throwing　the　ink…bottles　at　one　another's　heads。　　I　forgot　to　tell　you　that　one　party　of　the　physicians　desired　I　would　take　my　sister　Peg　into　the　house　to　nurse　her；　but　the　old　gentlewoman　would　not　hear　of　that。　　At　last　one　physician　asked　if　the　lady　had　ever　been　used　to　take　laudanum？　　Her　maid　answered；　not　that　she　knew；　but；　indeed；　there　was　a　High　German　liveryman　of　hers；　one　Van　Ptschirnsooker；**　that　gave　her　a　sort　of　a　quack　powder。　　The　physician　desired　to　see　it。　　〃Nay；〃　says　he；　〃there　is　opium　in　this；　I　am　sure。〃

*　Garth；　the　Low　Church　party。　　Ratcliff；　High　Church　party。　**　Van　Ptschirnsooker；　a　bishop　at　that　time；　a　great　dealer　in　politics　and　physic。

MRS。　BULL。I　hope　you　examined　a　little　into　this　matter？

JOHN　BULL。I　did；　indeed；　and　discovered　a　great　mystery　of　iniquity。　　The　witnesses　made　oath　that　they　had　heard　some　of　the　liverymen*　frequently　railing　at　their　mistress。　　They　said　she　was　a　troublesome　fiddle…faddle　old　woman；　and　so　ceremonious　that　there　was　no　bearing　of　her。　　They　were　so　plagued　with　bowing　and　cringing　as　they　went　in　and　out　of　the　room　that　their　backs　ached。　She　used　to　scold　at　one　for　his　dirty　shoes；　at　another　for　his　greasy　hair　and　not　combing　his　head。　　Then　she　was　so　passionate　and　fiery　in　her　temper　that　there　was　no　living　with　her。　　She　wanted　something　to　sweeten　her　blood。　　That　they　never　had　a　quiet　night's　rest　for　getting　up　in　the　morning　to　early　Sacraments。　They　wished　they　could　find　some　way　or　another　to　keep　the　old　woman　quiet　in　her　bed。　　Such　discourses　were　often　overheard　among　the　liverymen；　while　the　said　Van　Ptschirnsooker　had　undertook　this　matter。　　A　maid　made　affidavit　〃That　she　had　seen　the　said　Van　Ptschirnsooker；　one　of　the　liverymen；　frequently　making　up　of　medicines　and　administering　them　to　all　the　neighbours；　that　she　saw　him　one　morning　make　up　the　powder　which　her　mistress　took；　that　she　had　the　curiosity　to　ask　him　whence　he　had　the　ingredients。　　'They　come；'　says　he；　'from　several　parts　of　de　world。　　Dis　I　have　from　Geneva；　dat　from　Rome；　this　white　powder　from　Amsterdam；　and　the　red　from　Edinburgh；　but　the　chief　ingredient　of　all　comes　from　Turkey。〃　It　was　likewise　proved　that　the　said　Van　Ptschirnsooker　had　been　frequently　seen　at　the　〃Rose〃　with　Jack；　who　was　known　to　bear　an　inveterate　spite　to　his　mistress。　　That　he　brought　a　certain　powder　to　his　mistress　which　the　examinant　believes　to　be　the　same；　and　spoke　the　following　words：〃Madam；　here　is　grand　secret　van　de　world；　my　sweetening　powder；　it　does　temperate　de　humour；　dispel　the　windt；　and　cure　de　vapour；　it　lulleth　and　quieteth　the　animal　spirits；　procuring　rest　and　pleasant　dreams。　　It　is　de　infallible　receipt　for　de　scurvy；　all　heats　in　de　bloodt；　and　breaking　out　upon　de　skin。　　It　is　de　true　bloodstancher；　stopping　all　fluxes　of　de　blood。　　If　you　do　take　dis；　you　will　never　ail　anyding；　it　will　cure　you　of　all　diseases。〃　　And　abundance　more　to　this　purpose；　which　the　examinant　does　not　remember。

*　The　clergy。

John　Bull　was　interrupted　in　his　story　by　a　porter；　that　brought　him　a　letter　from　Nicholas　Frog；　which　is　as　follows。



CHAPTER　IX。

A　Copy*　of　Nic。　Frog's　Letter　to　John　Bull。

＇John　Bull　reads。＇

FRIEND　JOHN；What　schellum　is　it　that　makes　thee　jealous　of　thy　old　friend　Nicholas？　　Hast　thou　forgot　how　some　years　ago　he　took　thee　out　of　the　sponging…house？**　　＇'Tis　true；　my　friend　Nic。　did　so；　and　I　thank　him；　but　he　made　me　pay　a　swinging　reckoning。＇　　Thou　beginnest　now　to　repent　thy　bargain　that　thou　wast　so　fond　of；　and；　if　thou　durst；　would　forswear　thy　own　hand　and　seal。　　Thou　sayest　that　thou　hast　purchased　me　too　great　an　estate　already；　when；　at　the　same　time；　thou　knowest　I　have　only　a　mortgage。　　'Tis　true　I　have　possession；　and　the　tenants　own　me　for　master；　but　has　not　Esquire　South　the　equity　of　redemption？　　＇No　doubt；　and　will　redeem　it　very　speedily；　poor　Nic。　has　only　possessioneleven　points　of　the　law。＇　　As　for　the　turnpikes***　I　have　set　up；　they　are　for　other　people；　not　for　my　friend　John。　　I　have　ordered　my　servant　constantly　to　attend；　to　let　thy　carriages　through　without　paying　anything；　only　I　hope　thou　wilt　not　come　too　heavy　laden　to　spoil　my　ways。　　Certainly　I　have　just　cause　of　offence　against　thee；　my　friend；　for　supposing　it　possible　that　thou　and　I　should　ever　quarrel。　　What　houndsfoot　is　it　that　puts　these　whims　in　thy　head？　Ten　thousand　last　of　devils　haul　me；　if　I　don't　love　thee　as　I　love　my　life。　　＇No　question；　as　the　Devil　loves　holy…water！＇　　Does　not　thy　own　hand　and　seal　oblige　thee　to　purchase　for　me　till　I　say　it　is　enough？　　Are　not　these　words　plain？　　I　say　it　is　not　enough。　Dost　thou　think　thy　friend　Nicholas　Frog　made　a　child's　bargain？　Mark　the　words　of　thy　contract；　tota　pecunia　（with　all　thy　money）。　＇Very　well！　I　have　purchased　with　my　own　money；　my　children's　and　my　grandchildren's　moneyis　not　that　enough？　　Well；　tota　pecunia　let　it　be；　for　at　present　I　have　none　at　all；　he　would　not　have　me　purchase　with　other　people's　money；　sure？　　Since　tota　pecunia　is　the　bargain；　I　think　it　is　plainno　more　money；　no　more　purchase。＇　　And　whatever　the　world　may　say；　Nicholas　Frog　is　but　a　poor　man　in　comparison　of　the　rich；　the　opulent　John　Bull；　great　clothier　of　the　world。　　I　have　had　many　losses；　six　of　my　best　sheep　were　drowned；　and　the　water　has　come　into　my　cellar；　and　spoiled　a　pipe　of　my　best　brandy。　　It　would　be　a　more　friendly　act　in　thee　to　carry　a　brief　about　the　country　to　repair　the　losses　of　thy　poor　friend。　　Is　it　not　evident　to　all　the　world　that　I　am　still　hemmed　in　by　Lewis　Baboon？　　Is　he　not　just　upon　my　borders？　　＇And　so　he　will　be　if　I　purchase　a　thousand　acres　more；　unless　he　gets　somebody　betwixt　them。＇　　I　tell　thee；　friend　John；　thou　hast　flatterers　that　persuade　thee　that　thou　art　a　man　of　business；　do　not　believe　them。　　If　thou　wouldst　still　leave　thy　affairs　in　my　hands；　thou　shouldst　see　how　handsomely　I　would　deal　by　thee。　　That　ever　thou　shouldst　be　dazzled　with　the　enchanted　islands　and　mountains　of　gold　that　old　Lewis　promises　thee！　　'Dswounds！　why　dost　thou　not　lay　out　thy　money　to　purchase　a　place　at　court　of　honest　Israel？　　I　tell　thee；　thou　must　not　so　much　as　think　of　a　composition。　　＇Not　think　of　a　composition；　that's　hard　indeed；　I　can't　help　thinking　of　it；　if　I　would。＇　　Thou　complainest　of　want　of　moneylet　thy　wife　and　daughters　burn　the　gold　lace　of　their　petticoats；　sell　thy　fat　cattle；　retrench　but　a　sirloin　of　beef　and　a　peck…loaf　in　a　week　from　thy　gormandising。　＇Retrench　my　beefa　dog！　　Retrench　my　beef；　then　it　is　plain　the　rascal　has　an　ill　design　upon　mehe　would　starve　me。＇　　Mortgage　thy　manor　of　Bullock's　Hatch；　or　pawn　thy　crop　for　ten　years。　　＇A　rogue！　part　with　my　country…seat；　my　patrimony；　all　that　I　have　left　in　the　world；　I'll　see　him　hanged　first。＇　　Why　hast　thou　changed　thy　attorney？　　Can　any　man　manage　thy　cause　better　for　thee？　　＇Very　pleasant！　because　a　man　has　a　good　attorney；　he　must　never　make　an　end　of　his　law…suit。＇　　Ah；　John！　John！　I　wish　thou　knewest　thine　own　mind。　　Thou　art　as　fickle　as　the　wind。　　I　tell　thee；　thou　hadst　better　let　this　composition　alone；　or　leave　it　to　thy　　　　　　Loving　friend；　　　　　　　　　　　Nic。　FROG。

*　A　letter　from　the　States…General。　**　Alluding　to　the　Rebellion。　***　The　Dutch　prohibition　of　trade。



CHAPTER　X。　　Of　some　extraordinary　Things*　that　passed　at　the　〃Salutation〃　Tavern；　in　the　Conference　between　Bull；　Frog；　Esquire　South；　and　Lewis　Baboon。

*　The　Treaty　of　Utrecht：　　the　difficulty　to　get　them　to　meet。　　When　met；　the　Dutch　would　not　speak　their　sentiments；　nor　the　French　deliver　in　their　proposals。　　The　House　of　Austria　talked　very　high。

Frog　had　given　his　word　that　he　would　meet　the　above…mentioned　company