how to learn any language-第9章
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a James Bond smile and three words： “Yes； a little。” It’s much better to let people
gradually realise that your “little” is really quite a bit than to have them realise that your
“Yes； I speak such and such” is a fraud。
Say you’ve been studying Indonesian； far from a commonplace language； and to
your amazement （and delight） one of the other guests for dinner is from Indonesia。
Repress the instinct to yelp at your good fortune。 Act at first as though you know nothing
of Indonesian。 Don’t even say “Pleased to meet you” in Indonesian。 There will be time。
At the right point； much later in the proceedings； you’ll have the opening to remark；
“That’s what the merchants of Djakarta would call…” and then let go your best burst of
wit – in Indonesian。
For you to actually speak Indonesian and allow so much time to elapse before
claiming your applause is downright noble。 Beware flying socks when you lean over to
your new Indonesian friend and； lowering your voice so as not to appear to be calling
attention to yourself； finally unleash your evening’s first volley of Indonesian。
Psych Up
Americans have grown up believing learning languages is hard。 It is not hard！ It merely
seems hard because language instruction in American schools and colleges has until
lately been so exasperatingly dull and unrewarding。
Grammar； I again protest； is usually presented in American classrooms as a kind of
obstacle course designed to leave you gasping face down on the Astroturf somewhere
between the pluperfect and the subjunctive。 Grammar can do that to you if you insist on
attacking it the old way： frontally； rule by rule； exception by exception； with no fun en
route and never feeling the joy of progress。
You’re going to learn grammar； all right； but the conquest will never give you pain。
You will waft through the thickest walls of grammar like a cartoon ghost and continue
your journey onward through the language。 Every time you look backward that wall will
be lower； thinner； full of increasingly wider openings； and eventually it will disappear
entirely。 Contrary to centuries of American superstition； you don’t have to conquer the
grammar to possess the language。 Conquer the language and you’ll possess the grammar！
I’ve long entertained the fantasy of putting the old orthodox grammarians on trial
for war crimes； the specific charge being assassination of the fun that flows from gaining
command of another language。 Their defense will predictably be “Bah； humbug。 You
can’t immerse； converse； rehearse； or even play around with a foreign language without a
good foundation in the grammar！”
They’re right in insisting on the importance of grammar； but who says you’ve got to
have it first； as some kind of brutal initiation？ Where is it written that you must wrap
cold； wet blankets of grammar around your eagerness to learn another language until it
disappears？ （Your eagerness； that is。 The grammar never does。）
A six year old in America doesn’t know what the word grammar means； but he
knows to say “he does” and not “he do。” How does he know？ “He do” just doesn’t sound
right。
That’s all！ And that’s enough！
Years later he will be taught that the English verb in the third person singular of the
present tense adds an s or es to the infinitive form； which serves uninflected for all other
persons singular and plural。
You don’t have to know grammar to obey grammar。 If you obey grammar from the
outset； when you turn around later and learn why you should say things the way you’re
already saying them； each grammatical rule will then become not an instrument of
abstract torture disconnected from anything you’ve experienced but rather an old friend
who now wants you to have his home address and private phone number。
When the grammatical rule come first； followed by its pitiful two or three examples
in the textbook； it seems to the student like an artificially confected bit of perversity
rolled down upon his head like a boulder。
When the grammatical rule comes after you’ve got some of the language in you； it
becomes a gift flashlight that makes you smile and say； “Now I understand why they say
it that way！”
So； you are right now and forevermore warned not to bridle or to question； “Why is
the word for ‘go’ in this French sentence vais and in the very next sentence aller？”
Simply embrace the faith that both sentences are correct and learn them like Catholic
children in strict parochial schools learn the Baltimore Catechism。
The more shaken you become by grammatical storms； the more tightly you must
hug the faith。 I vow it will all become clear。 And in this world。 You won’t have to wait
for any other。
It’s easy to reason； “Who am I trying to kid？ They’ll always know I’m a foreigner。
They’ll excuse my mistakes。 So forget about all those rules。 I just want to get by。 Gimme
some words and phrases and get out of my way。 As long as they understand！”
That’s an attitude to be resisted。 When you learn another language； you will be
accepted as an honoured volunteer into the culture of another people。 Do you want to be
accorded a low rank or a high rank？ Learn the language properly； which means
（eventual） conquest of the grammar。 Don’t be a buck private when； for a few minutes of
extra concentration； you can be a general。
Look at it this way。 Grammar is not a marathon run in which； if you tire； falter； or
fall； you fail。 Grammar is an edifice you must build on your property。 But it doesn’t have
to be done all at once。 At the appointed moment in your studies； I will advise you to
master the first five lessons in your grammar book。 （Some call it a textbook or a
workbook – it’s the book they’ll give you at the bookstore if you ask； “Have you got
anything that teaches you French？”） After that； you will advance through reading；
conversation； comprehension； and real world contact with the languages in addition to the
grammar。
As I grappled with the complexities of grammar in Russian； Finnish； Hungarian；
and； to a lesser extent； German； I had visions of those people way back when they were
wandering tribes。 I imagined the tribal elders squatting around campfires consulting with
soothsayers who warned them； “In the mid twentieth century a child will be born to the
Farber family in a place they’ll call America。 He will try to learn our language。 At
present it’s too simple。 Get back to work and come up with some more grammar。 Let our
noun endings mire him up to his hips。 Let the felsh of his face feel the thorns of our
verbs。 Flay his back with exceptions to our rules and let his hair get caught in our
inflecting negatives and perfective aspects。
“Hurry！” the soothsayer concludes。 “We haven’t got a century to waste。 Get in there
right now and mess our language up so that poor guy will never get it！”
Now let the adult mind enter and make peace。 Obviously； no language tries to be
hard just to keep you out。 Whatever rules you find perplexing in your target language；
that language came by them naturally and organically。 Grammar does change； but so
slowly you’ll never have to worry about it。 Approach the grammar with a smile and your
hand extended。 That which you understand； take and keep。 That which is confusing；
return to again and again。 That which seems impossible； return to again and again and
again； until it becomes merely confusing。 It will ultimately become clear。 Meanwhile；
however； you will be speeding ahead in your command of the language as you keep
returning to those stubborn fortresses of grammatical resistance。
I can honestly say I came to like the study of grammar。 Once you finally approach
grammar with the right attitude； it becomes both a map that shows you the pathways
through a language and a rocket that takes you there faster。
A paleontologist can find lifetime fascination with a fossil a child might ignore；
kick； or toss i
