letters of two brides-第6章
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hair into two bands； and place over my forehead a pearl； kept in place
by a gold chain！ He said it would recall the Middle Ages。
I told him I was not aged enough to have reached the middle； or to
need an ornament to freshen me up！
The nose is slender； and the well…cut nostrils are separated by a
sweet little pink partitionan imperious； mocking nose； with a tip
too sensitive ever to grow fat or red。 Sweetheart； if this won't find
a husband for a dowerless maiden； I'm a donkey。 The ears are daintily
curled； a pearl hanging from either lobe would show yellow。 The neck
is long； and has an undulating motion full of dignity。 In the shade
the white ripens to a golden tinge。 Perhaps the mouth is a little
large。 But how expressive！ what a color on the lips！ how prettily the
teeth laugh！
Then； dear； there is a harmony running through all。 What a gait！ what
a voice！ We have not forgotten how our grandmother's skirts fell into
place without a touch。 In a word； I am lovely and charming。 When the
mood comes； I can laugh one of our good old laughs； and no one will
think the less of me； the dimples； impressed by Comedy's light fingers
on my fair cheeks； will command respect。 Or I can let my eyes fall and
my heart freeze under my snowy brows。 I can pose as a Madonna with
melancholy； swan…like neck； and the painters' virgins will be nowhere；
my place in heaven would be far above them。 A man would be forced to
chant when he spoke to me。
So； you see； my panoply is complete； and I can run the whole gamut of
coquetry from deepest bass to shrillest treble。 It is a huge advantage
not to be all of one piece。 Now； my mother is neither playful nor
virginal。 Her only attitude is an imposing one； when she ceases to be
majestic； she is ferocious。 It is difficult for her to heal the wounds
she makes； whereas I can wound and heal together。 We are absolutely
unlike； and therefore there could not possibly be rivalry between us；
unless indeed we quarreled over the greater or less perfection of our
extremities； which are similar。 I take after my father； who is shrewd
and subtle。 I have the manner of my grandmother and her charming
voice； which becomes falsetto when forced； but is a sweet…toned chest
voice at the ordinary pitch of a quiet talk。
I feel as if I had left the convent to…day for the first time。 For
society I do not yet exist； I am unknown to it。 What a ravishing
moment！ I still belong only to myself； like a flower just blown；
unseen yet of mortal eye。
In spite of this； my sweet； as I paced the drawing…room during my
self…inspection； and saw the poor cast…off school…clothes； a queer
feeling came over me。 Regret for the past； anxiety about the future；
fear of society； a long farewell to the pale daisies which we used to
pick and strip of their petals in light…hearted innocence； there was
something of all that； but strange； fantastic visions also rose； which
I crushed back into the inner depths； whence they had sprung； and
whither I dared not follow them。
My Renee； I have a regular trousseau！ It is all beautifully laid away
and perfumed in the cedar…wood drawers with lacquered front of my
charming dressing…table。 There are ribbons； shoes； gloves； all in
lavish abundance。 My father has kindly presented me with the pretty
gewgaws a girl lovesa dressing…case； toilet service； scent…box； fan；
sunshade； prayer…book； gold chain； cashmere shawl。 He has also
promised to give me riding lessons。 And I can dance！ To…morrow； yes；
to…morrow evening； I come out！
My dress is white muslin； and on my head I wear a garland of white
roses in Greek style。 I shall put on my Madonna face； I mean to play
the simpleton； and have all the women on my side。 My mother is miles
away from any idea of what I write to you。 She believes me quite
destitute of mind； and would be dumfounded if she read my letter。 My
brother honors me with a profound contempt； and is uniformly and
politely indifferent。
He is a handsome young fellow； but melancholy； and given to moods。 I
have divined his secret； though neither the Duke nor Duchess has an
inkling of it。 In spite of his youth and his title； he is jealous of
his father。 He has no position in the State； no post at Court； he
never has to say； 〃I am going to the Chamber。〃 I alone in the house
have sixteen hours for meditation。 My father is absorbed in public
business and his own amusements； my mother； too； is never at leisure；
no member of the household practises self…examination； they are
constantly in company； and have hardly time to live。
I should immensely like to know what is the potent charm wielded by
society to keep people prisoner from nine every evening till two or
three in the morning； and force them to be so lavish alike of strength
and money。 When I longed for it； I had no idea of the separations it
brought about； or its overmastering spell。 But； then； I forget； it is
Paris which does it all。
It is possible； it seems； for members of one family to live side by
side and know absolutely nothing of each other。 A half…fledged nun
arrives； and in a couple of weeks has grasped domestic details； of
which the master diplomatist at the head of the house is quite
ignorant。 Or perhaps he /does/ see； and shuts his eyes deliberately；
as part of the father's /role/。 There is a mystery here which I must
plumb。
IV
THE SAME TO THE SAME
December 15th。
Yesterday； at two o'clock； I went to drive in the Champs…Elysees and
the Bois de Boulogne。 It was one of those autumn days which we used to
find so beautiful on the banks of the Loire。 So I have seen Paris at
last！ The Place Louis XV。 is certainly very fine； but the beauty is
that of man's handiwork。
I was dressed to perfection； pensive； with set face （though inwardly
much tempted to laugh）； under a lovely hat； my arms crossed。 Would you
believe it？ Not a single smile was thrown at me； not one poor youth
was struck motionless as I passed； not a soul turned to look again；
and yet the carriage proceeded with a deliberation worthy of my pose。
No； I am wrong； there was onea duke； and a charming manwho
suddenly reined in as we went by。 The individual who thus saved
appearances for me was my father； and he proclaimed himself highly
gratified by what he saw。 I met my mother also； who sent me a
butterfly kiss from the tips of her fingers。 The worthy Griffith； who
fears no man； cast her glances hither and thither without
discrimination。 In my judgment； a young woman should always know
exactly what her eye is resting on。
I was mad with rage。 One man actually inspected my carriage without
noticing me。 This flattering homage probably came from a carriage…
maker。 I have been quite out in the reckoning of my forces。 Plainly；
beauty； that rare gift which comes from heaven； is commoner in Paris
than I thought。 I saw hats doffed with deference to simpering fools； a
purple face called forth murmurs of； 〃It is she！〃 My mother received
an immense amount of admiration。 There is an answer to this problem；
and I mean to find it。
The men； my dear； seemed to me generally very ugly。 The very few
exceptions are bad copies of us。 Heaven knows what evil genius has
inspired their costume； it is amazingly inelegant compared with those
of former generations。 It has no distinction； no beauty of color or
romance； it appeals neither to the senses； nor the mind； nor the eye；
and it must be very uncomfortable。 It is meagre and stunted。 The hat；
above all； struck me； it is a sort of truncated column； and does not
adapt itself in the least to the shape of the head； but I am told it
is easier to bring about a revolution than to invent a graceful hat。
Courage in Paris recoils before the thought of appearing in a round
felt； and for lack of one day's daring； men stick all their lives to
this ridiculous headpiece。 And yet Frenchmen are said to be fickle！
The men are hideous anyway； whatever they put on their heads。 I have
seen nothing but worn； hard faces； with no calm nor peace in the
expression； the harsh lines and furrows speak of foiled ambition and
smarting vanity。 A fine forehead is rarely seen。
〃And these are the product of Paris！〃 I said to Miss Griffith。
〃Most cultivated and
