letters of two brides-第5章
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my mother。
Another trifling piece of news！ My father has this morning refused the
appointment as Minister of State which was offered him。 This accounts
for his preoccupied manner last night。 He says he would prefer an
embassy to the worries of public debate。 Spain in especial attracts
him。
This news was told me at lunch； the one moment of the day when my
father； mother； and brother see each other in an easy way。 The
servants then only come when they are rung for。 The rest of the day my
brother； as well as my father； spends out of the house。 My mother has
her toilet to make； between two and four she is never visible； at four
o'clock she goes out for an hour's drive； when she is not dining out；
she receives from six to seven； and the evening is given to
entertainments of various kindstheatres； balls； concerts； at homes。
In short； her life is so full； that I don't believe she ever has a
quarter of an hour to herself。 She must spend a considerable time
dressing in the morning； for at lunch； which takes place between
eleven and twelve； she is exquisite。 The meaning of the things that
are said about her is dawning on me。 She begins the day with a bath
barely warmed； and a cup of cold coffee with cream； then she dresses。
She is never； except on some great emergency； called before nine
o'clock。 In summer there are morning rides； and at two o'clock she
receives a young man whom I have never yet contrived to see。
Behold our family life！ We meet at lunch and dinner； though often I am
alone with my mother at this latter meal； and I foresee that still
oftener I shall take it in my own rooms （following the example of my
grandmother） with only Miss Griffith for company； for my mother
frequently dines out。 I have ceased to wonder at the indifference my
family have shown to me。 In Paris； my dear； it is a miracle of virtue
to love the people who live with you； for you see little enough of
them； as for the absentthey do not exist！
Knowing as this may sound； I have not yet set foot in the streets； and
am deplorably ignorant。 I must wait till I am less of the country
cousin and have brought my dress and deportment into keeping with the
society I am about to enter； the whirl of which amazes me even here；
where only distant murmurs reach my ear。 So far I have not gone beyond
the garden； but the Italian opera opens in a few days； and my mother
has a box there。 I am crazy with delight at the thought of hearing
Italian music and seeing French acting。
Already I begin to drop convent habits for those of society。 I spend
the evening writing to you till the moment for going to bed arrives。
This has been postponed to ten o'clock； the hour at which my mother
goes out； if she is not at the theatre。 There are twelve theatres in
Paris。
I am grossly ignorant and I read a lot； but quite indiscriminately；
one book leading to another。 I find the names of fresh books on the
cover of the one I am reading； but as I have no one to direct me； I
light on some which are fearfully dull。 What modern literature I have
read all turns upon love； the subject which used to bulk so largely in
our thoughts； because it seemed that our fate was determined by man
and for man。 But how inferior are these authors to two little girls；
known as Sweetheart and Darlingotherwise Renee and Louise。 Ah！ my
love； what wretched plots； what ridiculous situations； and what
poverty of sentiment！ Two books； however； have given me wonderful
pleasure/Corinne/ and /Adolphe/。 Apropos of this； I asked my father
one day whether it would be possible for me to see Mme。 de Stael。 My
father； mother； and Alphonse all burst out laughing； and Alphonse
said：
〃Where in the world has she sprung from？〃
To which my father replied：
〃What fools we are！ She springs from the Carmelites。〃
〃My child； Mme。 de Stael is dead；〃 said my mother gently。
When I finished /Adolphe/； I asked Miss Griffith how a woman could be
betrayed。
〃Why； of course； when she loves；〃 was her reply。
Renee； tell me； do you think we could be betrayed by a man？
Miss Griffith has at last discerned that I am not an utter ignoramus；
that I have somewhere a hidden vein of knowledge； the knowledge we
learned from each other in our random arguments。 She sees that it is
only superficial facts of which I am ignorant。 The poor thing has
opened her heart to me。 Her curt reply to my question； when I compare
it with all the sorrows I can imagine； makes me feel quite creepy。
Once more she urged me not to be dazzled by the glitter of society； to
be always on my guard； especially against what most attracted me。 This
is the sum…total of her wisdom； and I can get nothing more out of her。
Her lectures； therefore； become a trifle monotonous； and she might be
compared in this respect to the bird which has only one cry。
III
THE SAME TO THE SAME
December。
My Darling；Here I am ready to make my bow to the world。 By way of
preparation I have been trying to commit all the follies I could think
of before sobering down for my entry。 This morning； I have seen
myself； after many rehearsals； well and duly equippedstays； shoes；
curls； dress； ornaments；all in order。 Following the example of
duelists before a meeting； I tried my arms in the privacy of my
chamber。 I wanted to see how I would look； and had no difficulty in
discovering a certain air of victory and triumph； bound to carry all
before it。 I mustered all my forces； in accordance with that splendid
maxim of antiquity； 〃Know thyself！〃 and boundless was my delight in
thus making my own acquaintance。 Griffith was the sole spectator of
this doll's play； in which I was at once doll and child。 You think you
know me？ You are hugely mistaken。
Here is a portrait； then； Renee； of your sister； formerly disguised as
a Carmelite； now brought to life again as a frivolous society girl。
She is one of the greatest beauties in FranceProvence； of course；
excepted。 I don't see that I can give a more accurate summary of this
interesting topic。
True； I have my weak points； but were I a man； I should adore them。
They arise from what is most promising in me。 When you have spent a
fortnight admiring the exquisite curves of your mother's arms； and
that mother the Duchesse de Chaulieu； it is impossible； my dear； not
to deplore your own angular elbows。 Yet there is consolation in
observing the fineness of the wrist； and a certain grace of line in
those hollows； which will yet fill out and show plump； round； and well
modeled； under the satiny skin。 The somewhat crude outline of the arms
is seen again in the shoulders。 Strictly speaking； indeed； I have no
shoulders； but only two bony blades； standing out in harsh relief。 My
figure also lacks pliancy； there is a stiffness about the side lines。
Poof！ There's the worst out。 But then the contours are bold and
delicate； the bright； pure flame of health bites into the vigorous
lines； a flood of life and of blue blood pulses under the transparent
skin； and the fairest daughter of Eve would seem a Negress beside me！
I have the foot of a gazelle！ My joints are finely turned； my features
of a Greek correctness。 It is true； madame； that the flesh tints do
not melt into each other； but； at least； they stand out clear and
bright。 In short； I am a very pretty green fruit； with all the charm
of unripeness。 I see a great likeness to the face in my aunt's old
missal； which rises out of a violet lily。
There is no silly weakness in the blue of my insolent eyes； the white
is pure mother…of…pearl； prettily marked with tiny veins； and the
thick； long lashes fall like a silken fringe。 My forehead sparkles；
and the hair grows deliciously； it ripples into waves of pale gold；
growing browner towards the centre； whence escape little rebel locks；
which alone would tell that my fairness is not of the insipid and
hysterical type。 I am a tropical blonde； with plenty of blood in my
veins； a blonde more apt to strike than to turn the cheek。 What do you
think the hairdresser proposed？ He wanted； if you please； to smooth my
hair into two bands； and place over my forehead a pearl； kept in place
by a gold chain！ He said it would recall the Middle Ages。
I told him I was not age
