letters of two brides-第48章

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perpetual　spring　of　purest　delight。

Yet　nature　allows　of　no　happiness　without　alloy；　and　deep　down；　in　the
innermost　recess　of　my　heart；　I　am　conscious　of　a　lurking　thought；　not
shared　with　her；　the　pang　of　which　is　for　me　alone。　You　have　too　often
come　to　the　help　of　my　inveterate　poverty　to　be　ignorant　how　desperate
matters　were　with　me。　Where　should　I　have　found　courage　to　keep　up　the
struggle　of　life；　after　seeing　my　hopes　so　often　blighted；　but　for
your　cheering　words；　your　tactful　aid；　and　the　knowledge　of　what　you
had　come　through？　Briefly；　then；　my　friend；　she　freed　me　from　that
crushing　load　of　debt；　which　was　no　secret　to　you。　She　is　wealthy；　I
am　penniless。　Many　a　time　have　I　exclaimed；　in　one　of　my　fits　of
idleness；　〃Oh　for　some　great　heiress　to　cast　her　eye　on　me！〃　And　now；
in　presence　of　this　reality；　the　boy's　careless　jest；　the　unscrupulous
cynicism　of　the　outcast；　have　alike　vanished；　leaving　in　their　place
only　a　bitter　sense　of　humiliation；　which　not　the　most　considerate
tenderness　on　her　part；　nor　my　own　assurance　of　her　noble　nature；　can
remove。　Nay；　what　better　proof　of　my　love　could　there　exist；　for　her
or　for　myself；　than　this　shame；　from　which　I　have　not　recoiled；　even
when　powerless　to　overcome　it？　The　fact　remains　that　there　is　a　point
where；　far　from　protecting；　I　am　the　protected。

This　is　my　pain　which　I　confide　to　you。

Except　in　this　one　particular；　dear　Daniel；　my　fondest　dreams　are　more
than　realized。　Fairest　and　noblest　among　women；　such　a　bride　might
indeed　raise　a　man　to　giddy　heights　of　bliss。　Her　gentle　ways　are
seasoned　with　wit；　her　love　comes　with　an　ever…fresh　grace　and　charm；
her　mind　is　well　informed　and　quick　to　understand；　in　person；　she　is
fair　and　lovely；　with　a　rounded　slimness；　as　though　Raphael　and　Rubens
had　conspired　to　create　a　woman！　I　do　not　know　whether　I　could　have
worshiped　with　such　fervor　at　the　shrine　of　a　dark　beauty；　a　brunette
always　strikes　me　as　an　unfinished　boy。　She　is　a　widow；　childless；　and
twenty…seven　years　of　age。　Though　brimful　of　life　and　energy；　she　has
her　moods　also　of　dreamy　melancholy。　These　rare　gifts　go　with　a　proud
aristocratic　bearing；　she　has　a　fine　presence。

She　belongs　to　one　of　those　old　families　who　make　a　fetich　of　rank；
yet　loves　me　enough　to　ignore　the　misfortune　of　my　birth。　Our　secret
passion　is　now　of　long　standing；　we　have　made　trial；　each　of　the
other；　and　find　that　in　the　matter　of　jealousy　we　are　twin　spirits；
our　thoughts　are　the　reverberation　of　the　same　thunderclap。　We　both
love　for　the　first　time；　and　this　bewitching　springtime　has　filled　its
days　for　us　with　all　the　images　of　delight　that　fancy　can　paint　in
laughing；　sweet；　or　musing　mood。　Our　path　has　been　strewn　with　the
flowers　of　tender　imaginings。　Each　hour　brought　its　own　wealth；　and
when　we　parted；　it　was　to　put　our　thoughts　in　verse。　Not　for　a　moment
did　I　harbor　the　idea　of　sullying　the　brightness　of　such　a　time　by
giving　the　rein　to　sensual　passion；　however　it　might　chafe　within。　She
was　a　widow　and　free；　intuitively；　she　realized　all　the　homage　implied
in　this　constant　self…restraint；　which　often　moved　her　to　tears。　Can
you　not　read　in　this；　my　friend；　a　soul　of　noble　temper？　In　mutual
fear　we　shunned　even　the　first　kiss　of　love。

〃We　have　each　a　wrong　to　reproach　ourselves　with；〃　she　said　one　day。

〃Where　is　yours？〃　I　asked。

〃My　marriage；〃　was　her　reply。

Daniel；　you　are　a　giant　among　us　and　you　love　one　of　the　most　gifted
women　of　the　aristocracy；　which　has　produced　my　Armande；　what　need　to
tell　you　more？　Such　an　answer　lays　bare　to　you　a　woman's　heart　and　all
the　happiness　which　is　in　store　for　your　friend；
MARIE　GASTON。



L

MME。　DE　L'ESTORADE　TO　MME。　DE　MACUMER

Louise；　can　it　be　that；　with　all　your　knowledge　of　the　deep…seated
mischief　wrought　by　the　indulgence　of　passion；　even　within　the　heart
of　marriage；　you　are　planning　a　life　of　wedded　solitude？　Having
sacrificed　your　first　husband　in　the　course　of　a　fashionable　career；
would　you　now　fly　to　the　desert　to　consume　a　second？　What　stores　of
misery　you　are　laying　up　for　yourself！

But　I　see　from　the　way　you　have　set　about　it　that　there　is　no　going
back。　The　man　who　has　overcome　your　aversion　to　a　second　marriage　must
indeed　possess　some　magic　of　mind　and　heart；　and　you　can　only　be　left
to　your　illusions。　But　have　you　forgotten　your　former　criticism　on
young　men？　Not　one；　you　would　say；　but　has　visited　haunts　of　shame；
and　has　besmirched　his　purity　with　the　filth　of　the　streets。　Where　is
the　change；　prayin　them　or　in　you？

You　are　a　lucky　woman　to　be　able　to　believe　in　happiness。　I　have　not
the　courage　to　blame　you　for　it；　though　the　instinct　of　affection
urges　me　to　dissuade　you　from　this　marriage。　Yes；　a　thousand　times；
yes；　it　is　true　that　nature　and　society　are　at　one　in　making　war　on
absolute　happiness；　because　such　a　condition　is　opposed　to　the　laws　of
both；　possibly；　also；　because　Heaven　is　jealous　of　its　privileges。　My
love　for　you　forebodes　some　disaster　to　which　all　my　penetration　can
give　no　definite　form。　I　know　neither　whence　nor　from　whom　it　will
arise；　but　one　need　be　no　prophet　to　foretell　that　the　mere　weight　of
a　boundless　happiness　will　overpower　you。　Excess　of　joy　is　harder　to
bear　than　any　amount　of　sorrow。

Against　him　I　have　not　a　word　to　say。　You　love　him；　and　in　all
probability　I　have　never　seen　him；　but　some　idle　day　I　hope　you　will
send　me　a　sketch；　however　slight；　of　this　rare；　fine　animal。

If　you　see　me　so　resigned　and　cheerful；　it　is　because　I　am　convinced
that；　once　the　honeymoon　is　over　you　will　both　with　one　accord；　fall
back　into　the　common　track。　Some　day；　two　years　hence；　when　we　are
walking　along　this　famous　road；　you　will　exclaim；　〃Why；　there　is　the
chalet　which　was　to　be　my　home　for　ever！〃　And　you　will　laugh　your　dear
old　laugh；　which　shows　all　your　pretty　teeth！

I　have　said　nothing　yet　to　Louis；　it　would　be　too　good　an　opening　for
his　ridicule。　I　shall　tell　him　simply　that　you　are　going　to　be
married；　and　that　you　wish　it　kept　secret。　Unluckily；　you　need　neither
mother　nor　sister　for　your　bridal　evening。　We　are　in　October　now；　like
a　brave　woman；　you　are　grappling　with　winter　first。　If　it　were　not　a
question　of　marriage；　I　should　say　you　were　taking　the　bull　by　the
horns。　In　any　case；　you　will　have　in　me　the　most　discreet　and
intelligent　of　friends。　That　mysterious　region；　known　as　the　centre　of
Africa；　has　swallowed　up　many　travelers；　and　you　seem　to　me　to　be
launching　on　an　expedition　which；　in　the　domain　of　sentiment；
corresponds　to　those　where　so　many　explorers　have　perished；　whether　in
the　sands　or　at　the　hands　of　natives。　Your　desert　is；　happily；　only
two　leagues　from　Paris；　so　I　can　wish　you　quite　cheerfully；　〃A　safe
journey　and　speedy　return。〃



LI

THE　COMTESSE　DE　L'ESTORADE　TO　MME。　MARIE　GASTON
1835。

What　has　come　to　you；　my　dear？　After　a　silence　of　two　years；　surely
Renee　has　a　right　to　feel　anxious　about　Louise。　So　this　is　love！　It
brushes　aside　and　scatters　to　the　winds　a　friendship　such　as　ours！　You
must　admit　that；　devoted　as　I　am　to　my　childrenmore　even　perhaps
than　you　to　your　Gastona　mother's　love　has　something　expansive　about
it　which　does　not　allow　it　to　steal　from　other　affections；　or
interfere　with　the　claims　of　friendship。　I　miss　your　letters；　I　long
for　a　sight　of　your　dear；　sweet　face。　Oh！　Louise；　my　heart　has　only
conjecture　to　feed　upon！

As　regards　ourselves；　I　will　try　and　tell　you　everything　as　briefly　as
possible。

On　reading　your　last　letter　but　one；　I　find　some　stinging　comments　on
our　political　situation。　You　mocked　at　us　for　keeping　the　post　in　the
Audit　Department；　which；　as　well　as　the　title　of　Count；　Louis　owed　to
the　favor　of　Charles　X。　But　I　should　like　to　know；　please；　how　it
would　be　possible　out　of　an　income　of　forty　thousand　livres；　thirty
thousand　of　which　go　with　the　entail；　to　give　a　suitable　start　in　life
to　Athenais　and　my　poor　little　beggar　Rene。　Was　it　not　a　duty　to　live
on　our　salary　and　prudently　allow　the　income　of　the　estate　to
accumulate？　In　this　way　we　shall；　in　twenty　years；　have　put　together
about　six　hundred　thousand　francs；　which　will　provide　portions　for　m