letters of two brides-第3章

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way　of　looking　at　things。

From　seven　years　old　till　I　was　ten；　I　never　left　her　side；　it　pleased
her　to　attract　me　as　much　as　it　pleased　me　to　go。　This　preference　was
the　cause　of　more　than　one　passage　at　arms　between　her　and　my　mother；
and　nothing　intensifies　feeling　like　the　icy　breath　of　persecution。
How　charming　was　her　greeting；　〃Here　you　are；　little　rogue！〃　when
curiosity　had　taught　me　how　to　glide　with　stealthy　snake…like
movements　to　her　room。　She　felt　that　I　loved　her；　and　this　childish
affection　was　welcome　as　a　ray　of　sunshine　in　the　winter　of　her　life。

I　don't　know　what　went　on　in　her　rooms　at　night；　but　she　had　many
visitors；　and　when　I　came　on　tiptoe　in　the　morning　to　see　if　she　were
awake；　I　would　find　the　drawing…room　furniture　disarranged；　the　card…
tables　set　out；　and　patches　of　snuff　scattered　about。

This　drawing…room　is　furnished　in　the　same　style　as　the　bedroom。　The
chairs　and　tables　are　oddly　shaped；　with　claw　feet　and　hollow
mouldings。　Rich　garlands　of　flowers；　beautifully　designed　and　carved；
wind　over　the　mirrors　and　hang　down　in　festoons。　On　the　consoles　are
fine　china　vases。　The　ground　colors　are　scarlet　and　white。　My
grandmother　was　a　high…spirited；　striking　brunette；　as　might　be
inferred　from　her　choice　of　colors。　I　have　found　in　the　drawing…room　a
writing…table　I　remember　well；　the　figures　on　it　used　to　fascinate　me；
it　is　plaited　in　graven　silver；　and　was　a　present　from　one　of　the
Genoese　Lomellini。　Each　side　of　the　table　represents　the　occupations
of　a　different　season；　there　are　hundreds　of　figures　in　each　picture；
and　all　in　relief。

I　remained　alone　for　two　hours；　while　old　memories　rose　before　me；　one
after　another；　on　this　spot；　hallowed　by　the　death　of　a　woman　most
remarkable　even　among　the　witty　and　beautiful　Court　ladies　of　Louis
XV。's　day。

You　know　how　abruptly　I　was　parted　from　her；　at　a　day's　notice；　in
1816。

〃Go　and　bid　good…bye　to　your　grandmother；〃　said　my　mother。

The　Princess　received　me　as　usual；　without　any　display　of　feeling；　and
expressed　no　surprise　at　my　departure。

〃You　are　going　to　the　convent；　dear；〃　she　said；　〃and　will　see　your
aunt　there；　who　is　an　excellent　woman。　I　shall　take　care；　though；　that
they　don't　make　a　victim　of　you；　you　shall　be　independent；　and　able　to
marry　whom　you　please。〃

Six　months　later　she　died。　Her　will　had　been　given　into　the　keeping　of
the　Prince　de　Talleyrand；　the　most　devoted　of　all　her　old　friends。　He
contrived；　while　paying　a　visit　to　Mlle。　de　Chargeboeuf；　to　intimate
to　me；　through　her；　that　my　grandmother　forbade　me　to　take　the　vows。　I
hope；　sooner　or　later；　to　meet　the　Prince；　and　then　I　shall　doubtless
learn　more　from　him。

Thus；　sweetheart；　if　I　have　found　no　one　in　flesh　and　blood　to　meet
me；　I　have　comforted　myself　with　the　shade　of　the　dear　Princess；　and
have　prepared　myself　for　carrying　out　one　of　our　pledges；　which　was；
as　you　know；　to　keep　each　other　informed　of　the　smallest　details　in
our　homes　and　occupations。　It　makes　such　a　difference　to　know　where
and　how　the　life　of　one　we　love　is　passed。　Send　me　a　faithful　picture
of　the　veriest　trifles　around　you；　omitting　nothing；　not　even　the
sunset　lights　among　the　tall　trees。

October　19th。

It　was　three　in　the　afternoon　when　I　arrived。　About　half…past　five；
Rose　came　and　told　me　that　my　mother　had　returned；　so　I　went
downstairs　to　pay　my　respects　to　her。

My　mother　lives　in　a　suite　on　the　ground　floor；　exactly　corresponding
to　mine；　and　in　the　same　block。　I　am　just　over　her　head；　and　the　same
secret　staircase　serves　for　both。　My　father's　rooms　are　in　the　block
opposite；　but　are　larger　by　the　whole　of　the　space　occupied　by　the
grand　staircase　on　our　side　of　the　building。　These　ancestral　mansions
are　so　spacious；　that　my　father　and　mother　continue　to　occupy　the
ground…floor　rooms；　in　spite　of　the　social　duties　which　have　once　more
devolved　on　them　with　the　return　of　the　Bourbons；　and　are　even　able　to
receive　in　them。

I　found　my　mother；　dressed　for　the　evening；　in　her　drawing…room；　where
nothing　is　changed。　I　came　slowly　down　the　stairs；　speculating　with
every　step　how　I　should　be　met　by　this　mother　who　had　shown　herself　so
little　of　a　mother　to　me；　and　from　whom；　during　eight　years；　I　had
heard　nothing　beyond　the　two　letters　of　which　you　know。　Judging　it
unworthy　to　simulate　an　affection　I　could　not　possibly　feel；　I　put　on
the　air　of　a　pious　imbecile；　and　entered　the　room　with　many　inward
qualms；　which　however　soon　disappeared。　My　mother's　tack　was　equal　to
the　occasion。　She　made　no　pretence　of　emotion；　she　neither　held　me　at
arm's…length　nor　hugged　me　to　her　bosom　like　a　beloved　daughter；　but
greeted　me　as　though　we　had　parted　the　evening　before。　Her　manner　was
that　of　the　kindliest　and　most　sincere　friend；　as　she　addressed　me
like　a　grown　person；　first　kissing　me　on　the　forehead。

〃My　dear　little　one；〃　she　said；　〃if　you　were　to　die　at　the　convent；　it
is　much　better　to　live　with　your　family。　You　frustrate　your　father's
plans　and　mine；　but　the　age　of　blind　obedience　to　parents　is　past。　M。
de　Chaulieu's　intention；　and　in　this　I　am　quite　at　one　with　him；　is　to
lose　no　opportunity　of　making　your　life　pleasant　and　of　letting　you
see　the　world。　At　your　age　I　should　have　thought　as　you　do；　therefore
I　am　not　vexed　with　you；　it　is　impossible　you　should　understand　what
we　expected　from　you。　You　will　not　find　any　absurd　severity　in　me；　and
if　you　have　ever　thought　me　heartless；　you　will　soon　find　out　your
mistake。　Still；　though　I　wish　you　to　feel　perfectly　free；　I　think
that；　to　begin　with；　you　would　do　well　to　follow　the　counsels　of　a
mother；　who　wishes　to　be　a　sister　to　you。〃

I　was　quite　charmed　by　the　Duchess；　who　talked　in　a　gentle　voice；
straightening　my　convent　tippet　as　she　spoke。　At　the　age　of　thirty…
eight　she　is　still　exquisitely　beautiful。　She　has　dark…blue　eyes；　with
silken　lashes；　a　smooth　forehead；　and　a　complexion　so　pink　and　white
that　you　might　think　she　paints。　Her　bust　and　shoulders　are　marvelous；
and　her　waist　is　as　slender　as　yours。　Her　hand　is　milk…white　and
extraordinarily　beautiful；　the　nails　catch　the　light　in　their　perfect
polish；　the　thumb　is　like　ivory；　the　little　finger　stands　just　a
little　apart　from　the　rest；　and　the　foot　matches　the　hand；　it　is　the
Spanish　foot　of　Mlle。　de　Vandenesse。　If　she　is　like　this　at　forty；　at
sixty　she　will　still　be　a　beautiful　woman。

I　replied；　sweetheart；　like　a　good　little　girl。　I　was　as　nice　to　her
as　she　to　me；　nay；　nicer。　Her　beauty　completely　vanquished　me；　it
seemed　only　natural　that　such　a　woman　should　be　absorbed　in　her　regal
part。　I　told　her　this　as　simply　as　though　I　had　been　talking　to　you。　I
daresay　it　was　a　surprise　to　her　to　hear　words　of　affection　from　her
daughter's　mouth；　and　the　unfeigned　homage　of　my　admiration　evidently
touched　her　deeply。　Her　manner　changed　and　became　even　more　engaging；
she　dropped　all　formality　as　she　said：

〃I　am　much　pleased　with　you；　and　I　hope　we　shall　remain　good　friends。〃

The　words　struck　me　as　charmingly　naive；　but　I　did　not　let　this
appear；　for　I　saw　at　once　that　the　prudent　course　was　to　allow　her　to
believe　herself　much　deeper　and　cleverer　than　her　daughter。　So　I　only
stared　vacantly　and　she　was　delighted。　I　kissed　her　hands　repeatedly；
telling　her　how　happy　it　made　me　to　be　so　treated　and　to　feel　at　my
ease　with　her。　I　even　confided　to　her　my　previous　tremors。　She　smiled；
put　her　arm　round　my　neck；　and　drawing　me　towards　her；　kissed　me　on
the　forehead　most　affectionately。

〃Dear　child；〃　she　said；　〃we　have　people　coming　to　dinner　to…day。
Perhaps　you　will　agree　with　me　that　it　is　better　for　you　not　to　make
your　first　appearance　in　society　till　you　have　been　in　the
dressmaker's　hands；　so；　after　you　have　seen　your　father　and　brother；
you　can　go　upstairs　again。〃

I　assented　most　heartily。　My　mother's　exquisite　dress　was　the　first
revelation　to　me　of　the　world　which　our　dreams　had　pictured；　but　I　did
not　feel　the　slightest　desire　to　rival　her。

My　father　now　entered；　and　the　Duchess　presented　me　to　him。

He　became　all　at　once　most　affectionate；　and　played　the　father's　part
so　well；　that　I　could　not　but　believe　his　heart　to　be　in　it。　Taking　my