letters of two brides-第29章

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and　the　flowers　of　loveall　of　which　you　describe　so　graphically；
that　I　might　be　watching　some　first…rate　acting　at　the　theatremine
is　as　monotonous　and　regular　as　though　it　were　passed　in　a　convent。

We　always　go　to　bed　at　nine　and　get　up　with　daybreak。　Our　meals　are
served　with　a　maddening　punctuality。　Nothing　ever　happens。　I　have
accustomed　myself　without　much　difficulty　to　this　mapping　out　of　the
day；　which　perhaps　is；　after　all；　in　the　nature　of　things。　Where　would
the　life　of　the　universe　be　but　for　that　subjection　to　fixed　laws
which；　according　to　the　astronomers；　so　Louis　tells　me；　rule　the
spheres！　It　is　not　order　of　which　we　weary。

Then　I　have　laid　upon　myself　certain　rules　of　dress；　and　these　occupy
my　time　in　the　mornings。　I　hold　it　part　of　my　duty　as　a　wife　to　look
as　charming　as　possible。　I　feel　a　certain　satisfaction　in　it；　and　it
causes　lively　pleasure　to　the　good　old　man　and　to　Louis。　After　lunch；
we　walk。　When　the　newspapers　arrive；　I　disappear　to　look　after　my
household　affairs　or　to　readfor　I　read　a　great　dealor　to　write　to
you。　I　come　back　to　the　others　an　hour　before　dinner；　and　after　dinner
we　play　cards；　or　receive　visits；　or　pay　them。　Thus　my　days　pass
between　a　contented　old　man；　who　has　done　with　passions；　and　the　man
who　owes　his　happiness　to　me。　Louis'　happiness　is　so　radiant　that　it
has　at　last　warmed　my　heart。

For　women；　happiness　no　doubt　cannot　consist　in　the　mere　satisfaction
of　desire。　Sometimes；　in　the　evening；　when　I　am　not　required　to　take　a
hand　in　the　game；　and　can　sink　back　in　my　armchair；　imagination　bears
me　on　its　strong　wings　into　the　very　heart　of　your　life。　Then；　its
riches；　its　changeful　tints；　its　surging　passions　become　my　own；　and　I
ask　myself　to　what　end　such　a　stormy　preface　can　lead。　May　I　not
swallow　up　the　book　itself？　For　you；　my　darling；　the　illusions　of　love
are　possible；　for　me；　only　the　facts　of　homely　life　remain。　Yes；　your
love　seems　to　me　a　dream！

Therefore　I　find　it　hard　to　understand　why　you　are　determined　to　throw
so　much　romance　over　it。　Your　ideal　man　must　have　more　soul　than　fire；
more　nobility　and　self…command　than　passion。　You　persist　in　trying　to
clothe　in　living　form　the　dream　ideal　of　a　girl　on　the　threshold　of
life；　you　demand　sacrifices　for　the　pleasure　of　rewarding　them；　you
submit　your　Felipe　to　tests　in　order　to　ascertain　whether　desire；
hope；　and　curiosity　are　enduring　in　their　nature。　But；　child；　behind
all　your　fantastic　stage　scenery　rises　the　altar；　where　everlasting
bonds　are　forged。　The　very　morrow　of　your　marriage　the　graceful
structure　raised　by　your　subtle　strategy　may　fall　before　that　terrible
reality　which　makes　of　a　girl　a　woman；　of　a　gallant　a　husband。
Remember　that　there　is　not　exemption　for　lovers。　For　them；　as　for
ordinary　folk　like　Louis　and　me；　there　lurks　beneath　the　wedding
rejoicings　the　great　〃Perhaps〃　of　Rabelais。

I　do　not　blame　you；　though；　of　course；　it　was　rash；　for　talking　with
Felipe　in　the　garden；　or　for　spending　a　night　with　him；　you　on　your
balcony；　he　on　his　wall；　but　you　make　a　plaything　of　life；　and　I　am
afraid　that　life　may　some　day　turn　the　tables。　I　dare　not　give　you　the
counsel　which　my　own　experience　would　suggest；　but　let　me　repeat　once
more　from　the　seclusion　of　my　valley　that　the　viaticum　of　married　life
lies　in　these　wordsresignation　and　self…sacrifice。　For；　spite　of　all
your　tests；　your　coyness；　and　your　vigilance；　I　can　see　that　marriage
will　mean　to　you　what　it　has　been　to　me。　The　greater　the　passion；　the
steeper　the　precipice　we　have　hewn　for　our　fallthat　is　the　only
difference。

Oh！　what　I　would　give　to　see　the　Baron　de　Macumer　and　talk　with　him
for　an　hour　or　two！　Your　happiness　lies　so　near　my　heart。



XXVI

LOUISE　DE　MACUMER　TO　RENEE　DE　L'ESTORADE
March。

As　Felipe　has　carried　out；　with　a　truly　Saracenic　generosity；　the
wishes　of　my　father　and　mother　in　acknowledging　the　fortune　he　has　not
received　from　me；　the　Duchess　has　become　even　more　friendly　to　me　than
before。　She　calls　me　little　sly…boots；　little　woman　of　the　world；　and
says　I　know　how　to　use　my　tongue。

〃But；　dear　mamma；〃　I　said　to　her　the　evening　before　the　contract　was
signed；　〃you　attribute　to　cunning　and　smartness　on　my　part　what　is
really　the　outcome　of　the　truest；　simplest；　most　unselfish；　most
devoted　love　that　ever　was！　I　assure　you　that　I　am　not　at　all　the
'woman　of　the　world'　you　do　me　the　honor　of　believing　me　to　be。〃

〃Come；　come；　Armande；〃　she　said；　putting　her　arm　on　my　neck　and
drawing　me　to　her；　in　order　to　kiss　my　forehead；　〃you　did　not　want　to
go　back　to　the　convent；　you　did　not　want　to　die　an　old　maid；　and；　like
a　fine；　noble…hearted　Chaulieu；　as　you　are；　you　recognized　the
necessity　of　building　up　your　father's　family。　（The　Duke　was
listening。　If　you　knew；　Renee；　what　flattery　lies　for　him　in　these
words。）　I　have　watched　you　during　the　whole　winter；　poking　your　little
nose　into　all　that　goes　on；　forming　very　sensible　opinions　about　men
and　the　present　state　of　society　in　France。　And　you　have　picked　out
the　one　Spaniard　capable　of　giving　you　the　splendid　position　of　a
woman　who　reigns　supreme　in　her　own　house。　My　little　girl；　you　treated
him　exactly　as　Tullia　treats　your　brother。〃

〃What　lessons　they　give　in　my　sister's　convent！〃　exclaimed　my　father。

A　glance　at　my　father　cut　him　short　at　once；　then；　turning　to　the
Duchess；　I　said：

〃Madame；　I　love　my　future　husband；　Felipe　de　Soria；　with　all　the
strength　of　my　soul。　Although　this　love　sprang　up　without　my
knowledge；　and　though　I　fought　it　stoutly　when　it　first　made　itself
felt；　I　swear　to　you　that　I　never　gave　way　to　it　till　I　had　recognized
in　the　Baron　de　Macumer　a　character　worthy　of　mine；　a　heart　of　which
the　delicacy；　the　generosity；　the　devotion；　and　the　temper　are　suited
to　my　own。〃

〃But；　my　dear；〃　she　began；　interrupting　me；　〃he　is　as　ugly　as　。　。　。〃

〃As　anything　you　like；〃　I　retorted　quickly；　〃but　I　love　his　ugliness。〃

〃If　you　love　him；　Armande；〃　said　my　father；　〃and　have　the　strength　to
master　your　love；　you　must　not　risk　your　happiness。　Now；　happiness　in
marriage　depends　largely　on　the　first　days〃

〃Days　only？〃　interrupted　my　mother。　Then；　with　a　glance　at　my　father；
she　continued；　〃You　had　better　leave　us；　my　dear；　to　have　our　talk
together。〃

〃You　are　to　be　married；　dear　child；〃　the　Duchess　then　began　in　a　low
voice；　〃in　three　days。　It　becomes　my　duty；　therefore；　without　silly
whimpering；　which　would　be　unfitting　our　rank　in　life；　to　give　you　the
serious　advice　which　every　mother　owes　to　her　daughter。　You　are
marrying　a　man　whom　you　love；　and　there　is　no　reason　why　I　should　pity
you　or　myself。　I　have　only　known　you　for　a　year；　and　if　this　period
has　been　long　enough　for　me　to　learn　to　love　you；　it　is　hardly
sufficient　to　justify　floods　of　tears　at　the　idea　of　losing　you。　Your
mental　gifts　are　even　more　remarkable　than　those　of　your　person；　you
have　gratified　maternal　pride；　and　have　shown　yourself　a　sweet　and
loving　daughter。　I；　in　my　turn；　can　promise　you　that　you　will　always
find　a　staunch　friend　in　your　mother。　You　smile？　Alas！　it　too　often
happens　that　a　mother　who　has　lived　on　excellent　terms　with　her
daughter；　as　long　as　the　daughter　is　a　mere　girl；　comes　to　cross
purposes　with　her　when　they　are　both　women　together。

〃It　is　your　happiness　which　I　want；　so　listen　to　my　words。　The　love
which　you　now　feel　is　that　of　a　young　girl；　and　is　natural　to　us　all；
for　it　is　woman's　destiny　to　cling　to　a　man。　Unhappily；　pretty　one；
there　is　but　one　man　in　the　world　for　a　woman！　And　sometimes　this　man；
whom　fate　has　marked　out　for　us；　is　not　the　one　whom　we；　mistaking　a
passing　fancy　for　love；　choose　as　husband。　Strange　as　what　I　say　may
appear　to　you；　it　is　worth　noting。　If　we　cannot　love　the　man　we　have
chosen；　the　fault　is　not　exclusively　ours；　it　lies　with　both；　or
sometimes　with　circumstances　over　which　we　have　no　control。　Yet　there
is　no　reason　why　the　man　chosen　for　us　by　our　family；　the　man　to　whom
our　fancy　has　gone　out；　should　not　be　the　man　whom　we　can　love。　The
barriers　which　arise　later　between　husband　and　wife　are　often　due　to
lack　of　perseverance　on　both　sides。　The　task　of　transforming　a　husband
into　a