notes from the underground-第5章

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tomorrow；　at　the　latest；　you　will　begin　despising　yourself　for

having　knowingly　deceived　yourself。　　Result：　a　soap…bubble　and

inertia。　　Oh；　gentlemen；　do　you　know；　perhaps　I　consider　myself

an　intelligent　man；　only　because　all　my　life　I　have　been　able

neither　to　begin　nor　to　finish　anything。　　Granted　I　am　a　babbler；

a　harmless　vexatious　babbler；　like　all　of　us。　　But　what　is　to　be

done　if　the　direct　and　sole　vocation　of　every　intelligent　man　is

babble；　that　is；　the　intentional　pouring　of　water　through　a

sieve？

　



VI



Oh；　if　I　had　done　nothing　simply　from　laziness！　　Heavens；　how　I

should　have　respected　myself；　then。　　I　should　have　respected

myself　because　I　should　at　least　have　been　capable　of　being　lazy；

there　would　at　least　have　been　one　quality；　as　it　were；　positive

in　me；　in　which　I　could　have　believed　myself。　　Question：　What　is

he？　　Answer：　A　sluggard；　how　very　pleasant　it　would　have　been　to

hear　that　of　oneself！　　It　would　mean　that　I　was　positively

defined；　it　would　mean　that　there　was　something　to　say　about　me。　

〃Sluggard〃why；　it　is　a　calling　and　vocation；　it　is　a　career。　

Do　not　jest；　it　is　so。　　I　should　then　be　a　member　of　the　best

club　by　right；　and　should　find　my　occupation　in　continually

respecting　myself。　　I　knew　a　gentleman　who　prided　himself　all　his

life　on　being　a　connoisseur　of　Lafitte。　　He　considered　this　as

his　positive　virtue；　and　never　doubted　himself。　　He　died；　not

simply　with　a　tranquil；　but　with　a　triumphant　conscience；　and　he

was　quite　right；　too。　　Then　I　should　have　chosen　a　career　for

myself；　I　should　have　been　a　sluggard　and　a　glutton；　not　a　simple

one；　but；　for　instance；　one　with　sympathies　for　everything

sublime　and　beautiful。　　How　do　you　like　that？　　I　have　long　had

visions　of　it。　　That　〃sublime　and　beautiful〃　weighs　heavily　on　my

mind　at　forty　But　that　is　at　forty；　thenoh；　then　it　would　have

been　different！　　I　should　have　found　for　myself　a　form　of

activity　in　keeping　with　it；　to　be　precise；　drinking　to　the

health　of　everything　〃sublime　and　beautiful。〃　I　should　have

snatched　at　every　opportunity　to　drop　a　tear　into　my　glass　and

then　to　drain　it　to　all　that　is　〃sublime　and　beautiful。〃　I　should

then　have　turned　everything　into　the　sublime　and　the　beautiful；

in　the　nastiest；　unquestionable　trash；　I　should　have　sought　out

the　sublime　and　the　beautiful。　　I　should　have　exuded　tears　like　a

wet　sponge。　　An　artist；　for　instance；　paints　a　picture　worthy　of

Gay。　　At　once　I　drink　to　the　health　of　the　artist　who　painted　the

picture　worthy　of　Gay；　because　I　love　all　that　is　〃sublime　and

beautiful。〃　　An　author　has　written　〃As　you　will〃；　at　once　I　drink

to　the　health　of　〃anyone　you　will〃　because　I　love　all　that　is

〃sublime　and　beautiful。〃　　I　should　claim　respect　for　doing　so。　　I

should　persecute　anyone　who　would　not　show　me　respect。　　I　should

live　at　ease；　I　should　die　with　dignity；　why；　it　is　charming；

perfectly　charming！　　And　what　a　good　round　belly　I　should　have

grown；　what　a　treble　chin　I　should　have　established；　what　a　ruby

nose　I　should　have　coloured　for　myself；　so　that　everyone　would

have　said；　looking　at　me：　〃Here　is　an　asset！　　Here　is　something

real　and　solid！〃　　And；　say　what　you　like；　it　is　very　agreeable　to

hear　such　remarks　about　oneself　in　this　negative　age。





VII



But　these　are　all　golden　dreams。　　Oh；　tell　me；　who　was　it　first

announced；　who　was　it　first　proclaimed；　that　man　only　does　nasty

things　because　he　does　not　know　his　own　interests；　and　that　if　he

were　enlightened；　if　his　eyes　were　opened　to　his　real　normal

interests；　man　would　at　once　cease　to　do　nasty　things；　would　at

once　become　good　and　noble　because；　being　enlightened　and

understanding　his　real　advantage；　he　would　see　his　own　advantage

in　the　good　and　nothing　else；　and　we　all　know　that　not　one　man

can；　consciously；　act　against　his　own　interests；　consequently；　so

to　say；　through　necessity；　he　would　begin　doing　good？　　Oh；　the

babe！　　Oh；　the　pure；　innocent　child！　　Why；　in　the　first　place；

when　in　all　these　thousands　of　years　has　there　been　a　time　when

man　has　acted　only　from　his　own　interest？　　What　is　to　be　done

with　the　millions　of　facts　that　bear　witness　that　men；

_consciously_；　that　is　fully　understanding　their　real　interests；

have　left　them　in　the　background　and　have　rushed　headlong　on

another　path；　to　meet　peril　and　danger；　compelled　to　this　course

by　nobody　and　by　nothing；　but；　as　it　were；　simply　disliking　the

beaten　track；　and　have　obstinately；　wilfully；　struck　out　another

difficult；　absurd　way；　seeking　it　almost　in　the　darkness。　　So；　I

suppose；　this　obstinacy　and　perversity　were　pleasanter　to　them

than　any　advantage。。。。　Advantage！　　What　is　advantage？　　And　will

you　take　it　upon　yourself　to　define　with　perfect　accuracy　in　what

the　advantage　of　man　consists？　　And　what　if　it　so　happens　that　a

man's　advantage；　_sometimes_；　not　only　may；　but　even　must；

consist　in　his　desiring　in　certain　cases　what　is　harmful　to

himself　and　not　advantageous。　　And　if　so；　if　there　can　be　such　a

case；　the　whole　principle　falls　into　dust。　　What　do　you

thinkare　there　such　cases？　　You　laugh；　laugh　away；　gentlemen；

but　only　answer　me：　have　man's　advantages　been　reckoned　up　with

perfect　certainty？　　Are　there　not　some　which　not　only　have　not

been　included　but　cannot　possibly　be　included　under　any

classification？　　You　see；　you　gentlemen　have；　to　the　best　of　my

knowledge；　taken　your　whole　register　of　human　advantages　from　the

averages　of　statistical　figures　and　politico…economical　formulas。　

Your　advantages　are　prosperity；　wealth；　freedom；　peaceand　so

on；　and　so　on。　So　that　the　man　who　should；　for　instance；　go

openly　and　knowingly　in　opposition　to　all　that　list　would　to　your

thinking；　and　indeed　mine；　too；　of　course；　be　an　obscurantist　or

an　absolute　madman：　would　not　he？　　But；　you　know；　this　is　what　is

surprising：　why　does　it　so　happen　that　all　these　statisticians；

sages　and　lovers　of　humanity；　when　they　reckon　up　human

advantages　invariably　leave　out　one？　　　They　don't　even　take　it

into　their　reckoning　in　the　form　in　which　it　should　be　taken；　and

the　whole　reckoning　depends　upon　that。　　It　would　be　no　greater

matter；　they　would　simply　have　to　take　it；　this　advantage；　and

add　it　to　the　list。　　But　the　trouble　is；　that　this　strange

advantage　does　not　fall　under　any　classification　and　is　not　in

place　in　any　list。　　I　have　a　friend　for　instance　。。。　Ech！　

gentlemen；　but　of　course　he　is　your　friend；　too；　and　indeed　there

is　no　one；　no　one　to　whom　he　is　not　a　friend！　　When　he　prepares

for　any　undertaking　this　gentleman　immediately　explains　to　you；

elegantly　and　clearly；　exactly　how　he　must　act　in　accordance　with

the　laws　of　reason　and　truth。　　What　is　more；　he　will　talk　to　you

with　excitement　and　passion　of　the　true　normal　interests　of　man；

with　irony　he　will　upbraid　the　short…　sighted　fools　who　do　not

understand　their　own　interests；　nor　the　true　significance　of

virtue；　and；　within　a　quarter　of　an　hour；　without　any　sudden

outside　provocation；　but　simply　through　something　inside　him

which　is　stronger　than　all　his　interests；　he　will　go　off　on　quite

a　different　tackthat　is；　act　in　direct　opposition　to　what　he

has　just　been　saying　about　himself；　in　opposition　to　the　laws　of

reason；　in　opposition　to　his　own　advantage；　in　fact　in　opposition

to　everything　。。。　I　warn　you　that　my　friend　is　a　compound

personality　and　therefore　it　is　difficult　to　blame　him　as　an

individual。　　The　fact　is；　gentlemen；　it　seems　there　must　really

exist　something　that　is　dearer　to　almost　every　man　than　his

greatest　advantages；　or　（not　to　be　illogical）　there　is　a　most

advantageous　advantage　（the　very　one　omitted　of　which　we　spoke

just　now）　which　is　more　important　and　more　advantageous　than　all

other　advantages；　for　the　sake　of　which　a　man　if　necessary　is

ready　to　act　in　opposition　to　all　laws；　that　is；　in　opposition　to

reason；　honour；　peace；　prosperityin　fact；　in　opposition　to　all

those　excellent　and　useful　things　if　only　he