notes from the underground-第18章

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for　them　ever　since　the　previous　day；　but　I　had　not　expected　such

condescension；　such　high…official　courtesy。　　So；　then；　he　felt

himself　ineffably　superior　to　me　in　every　respect！　　If　he　only

meant　to　insult　me　by　that　high…official　tone；　it　would　not

matter；　I　thoughtI　could　pay　him　back　for　it　one　way　or

another。　　But　what　if；　in　reality；　without　the　least　desire　to　be

offensive；　that　sheepshead　had　a　notion　in　earnest　that　he　was

superior　to　me　and　could　only　look　at　me　in　a　patronising　way？　

The　very　supposition　made　me　gasp。



〃I　was　surprised　to　hear　of　your　desire　to　join　us；〃　he　began；

lisping　and　drawling；　which　was　something　new。　　〃You　and　I　seem

to　have　seen　nothing　of　one　another。　　You　shy　away　from　us。　　You

shouldn't。　　We　are　not　such　terrible　people　as　you　think。　　Well；

anyway；　I　am　glad　to　renew　our　acquaintance。〃



And　he　turned　carelessly　to　put　down　his　hat　on　the　window。



〃Have　you　been　waiting　long？〃　Trudolyubov　inquired。



〃I　arrived　at　five　o'clock　as　you　told　me　yesterday；〃　I　answered

aloud；　with　an　irritability　that　threatened　an　explosion。



〃Didn't　you　let　him　know　that　we　had　changed　the　hour？〃　said

Trudolyubov　to　Simonov。



〃No；　I　didn't。　　I　forgot；〃　the　latter　replied；　with　no　sign　of

regret；　and　without　even　apologising　to　me　he　went　off　to　order

the　hors　d'oeuvre。



〃So　you've　been　here　a　whole　hour？　　Oh；　poor　fellow！〃　Zverkov

cried　ironically；　for　to　his　notions　this　was　bound　to　be

extremely　funny。　　That　rascal　Ferfitchkin　followed　with　his　nasty

little　snigger　like　a　puppy　yapping。　　My　position　struck　him；

too；　as　exquisitely　ludicrous　and　embarrassing。



〃It　isn't　funny　at　all！〃　I　cried　to　Ferfitchkin；　more　and　more

irritated。　　〃It　wasn't　my　fault；　but　other　people's。　　They

neglected　to　let　me　know。　　It　was。。。it　was。。。it　was　simply

absurd。〃



〃It's　not　only　absurd；　but　something　else　as　well；〃　muttered

Trudolyubov；　naively　taking　my　part。　　〃You　are　not　hard　enough

upon　it。　　It　was　simply　rudenessunintentional；　of　course。　　And

how　could　Simonov。。。h'm！〃



〃If　a　trick　like　that　had　been　played　on　me；〃　observed

Ferfitchkin；　〃I　should。。。〃



〃But　you　should　have　ordered　something　for　yourself；〃　Zverkov

interrupted；　〃or　simply　asked　for　dinner　without　waiting　for　us。〃



〃You　will　allow　that　I　might　have　done　that　without　your

permission；〃　I　rapped　out。　　〃If　I　waited；　it　was。。。〃



〃Let　us　sit　down；　gentlemen；〃　cried　Simonov；　coming　in。　

〃Everything　is　ready；　I　can　answer　for　the　champagne；　it　is

capitally　frozen。。。。You　see；　I　did　not　know　your　address；　where

was　I　to　look　for　you？〃　he　suddenly　turned　to　me；　but　again　he

seemed　to　avoid　looking　at　me。　　Evidently　he　had　something

against　me。　　It　must　have　been　what　happened　yesterday。



All　sat　down；　I　did　the　same。　　It　was　a　round　table。　　Trudolyubov

was　on　my　left；　Simonov　on　my　right；　Zverkov　was　sitting

opposite；　Ferfitchkin　next　to　him；　between　him　and　Trudolyubov。



〃Tell　me；　are　you。。。in　a　government　office？〃　Zverkov　went　on

attending　to　me。　　Seeing　that　I　was　embarrassed　he　seriously

thought　that　he　ought　to　be　friendly　to　me；　and；　so　to　speak；

cheer　me　up。



〃Does　he　want　me　to　throw　a　bottle　at　his　head？〃　I　thought；　in　a

fury。　　In　my　novel　surroundings　I　was　unnaturally　ready　to　be

irritated。　　　　　　



〃In　the　N…　office；〃　I　answered　jerkily；　with　my　eyes　on　my

plate。



〃And　ha…ave　you　a　go…od　berth？　　I　say；　what　ma…a…de　you　leave

your　original　job？〃



〃What　ma…a…de　me　was　that　I　wanted　to　leave　my　original　job；〃　I

drawled　more　than　he；　hardly　able　to　control　myself。　　Ferfitchkin

went　off　into　a　guffaw。　　Simonov　looked　at　me　ironically。　

Trudolyubov　left　off　eating　and　began　looking　at　me　with

curiosity。



Zverkov　winced；　but　he　tried　not　to　notice　it。



　〃And　the　remuneration？〃



〃What　remuneration？〃



〃I　mean；　your　sa…a…lary？〃



〃Why　are　you　cross…examining　me？〃　　However；　I　told　him　at　once

what　my　salary　was。　　I　turned　horribly　red。



〃It　is　not　very　handsome；〃　Zverkov　observed　majestically



〃Yes；　you　can't　afford　to　dine　at　cafes　on　that；〃　Ferfitchkin

added　insolently



〃To　my　thinking　it's　very　poor；〃　Trudolyubov　observed　gravely。



〃And　how　thin　you　have　grown！　　How　you　have　changed！〃　added

Zverkov；　with　a　shade　of　venom　in　his　voice；　scanning　me　and　my

attire　with　a　sort　of　insolent　compassion。



〃Oh；　spare　his　blushes；〃　cried　Ferfitchkin；　sniggering。



〃My　dear　sir；　allow　me　to　tell　you　I　am　not　blushing；〃　I　broke

out　at　last；　〃do　you　hear？　　I　am　dining　here；　at　this　cafe；　at　my

own　expense；　not　at　other　people'snote　that；　Mr。　Ferfitchkin。〃



〃Wha…at？　　Isn't　every　one　here　dining　at　his　own　expense？　　You

would　seem　to　be　。。。〃　Ferfitchkin　flew　out　at　me；　turning　as　red

as　a　lobster；　and　looking　me　in　the　face　with　fury。



〃Tha…at；〃　I　answered；　feeling　I　had　gone　too　far；　〃and　I　imagine

it　would　be　better　to　talk　of　something　more　intelligent。〃



〃You　intend　to　show　off　your　intelligence；　I　suppose？〃



〃Don't　disturb　yourself；　that　would　be　quite　out　of　place　here。〃



〃Why　are　you　clacking　away　like　that；　my　good　sir；　eh？　　Have　you

gone　out　of　your　wits　in　your　office？〃



〃Enough；　gentlemen；　enough！〃　Zverkov　cried；　authoritatively。



〃How　stupid　it　is！〃　muttered　Simonov。



〃It　really　is　stupid。　　We　have　met　here；　a　company　of　friends；

for　a　farewell　dinner　to　a　comrade　and　you　carry　on　an

altercation；〃　said　Trudolyubov；　rudely　addressing　himself　to　me

alone。　　〃You　invited　yourself　to　join　us；　so　don't　disturb　the

general　harmony。〃



〃Enough；　enough！〃　cried　Zverkov。　　〃Give　over；　gentlemen；　it's　out

of　place。　　Better　let　me　tell　you　how　I　nearly　got　married　the

day　before　yesterday　。。。。〃



And　then　followed　a　burlesque　narrative　of　how　this　gentleman　had

almost　been　married　two　days　before。　　There　was　not　a　word　about

the　marriage；　however；　but　the　story　was　adorned　with　generals；

colonels　and　kammer…junkers；　while　Zverkov　almost　took　the　lead

among　them。　　It　was　greeted　with　approving　laughter；　Ferfitchkin

positively　squealed。



No　one　paid　any　attention　to　me；　and　I　sat　crushed　and

humiliated。



〃Good　Heavens；　these　are　not　the　people　for　me！〃　I　thought。　　〃And

what　a　fool　I　have　made　of　myself　before　them！　　I　let　Ferfitchkin

go　too　far；　though。　　The　brutes　imagine　they　are　doing　me　an

honour　in　letting　me　sit　down　with　them。　　They　don't　understand

that　it's　an　honour　to　them　and　not　to　me！　　I've　grown　thinner！　

My　clothes！　　Oh；　damn　my　trousers！　　Zverkov　noticed　the　yellow

stain　on　the　knee　as　soon　as　he　came　in。。。。　But　what's　the　use！　

I　must　get　up　at　once；　this　very　minute；　take　my　hat　and　simply

go　without　a　word。。。with　contempt！　　And　tomorrow　I　can　send　a

challenge。　　The　scoundrels！　　As　though　I　cared　about　the　seven

roubles。　　They　may　think。。。。　Damn　it！　　I　don't　care　about　the

seven　roubles。　　I'll　go　this　minute！〃



Of　course　I　remained。　　I　drank　sherry　and　Lafitte　by　the　glassful

in　my　discomfiture。　　Being　unaccustomed　to　it；　I　was　quickly

affected。　　My　annoyance　increased　as　the　wine　went　to　my　head。　　I

longed　all　at　once　to　insult　them　all　in　a　most　flagrant　manner

and　then　go　away。　　To　seize　the　moment　and　show　what　I　could　do；

so　that　they　would　say；　〃He's　clever；　though　he　is　absurd；〃

and。。。and。。。in　fact；　damn　them　all！　　　　　　　



I　scanned　them　all　insolently　with　my　drowsy　eyes。　　But　they

seemed　to　have　forgotten　me　altogether。　　They　were　noisy；

vociferous；　cheerful。　　Zverkov　was　talking　all　the　time。　　I　began

listening。　　Zverkov　was　talking　of　some　exuberant　lady　whom　he

had　at　last　led　on　to　declaring　her　love　（of　course；　he　was　lying

like　a　horse）；　and　how　he　had　been　helped　in　this　affair　by　an

intimate　friend　of　his；　a　Prince　Kolya；　an　officer　in　the

hussars；　who　had　three　thousand　serfs。



〃And　yet　this　Kolya；　who　has　three　thousand　serfs；　has　not　put　in

an　appearance　here　tonight　to　see　you　off；〃　I　cut　in　suddenly。　

For　one