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keeping perfect order in his class by the spell of that very 

kindness。  I have heard him drift into reminiscences in class time; 

though not for long; and give us glimpses of old…world life in out…

of…the…way English parishes when he was young; thus playing the 

same part as Lindsay … the part of the surviving memory; signalling 

out of the dark backward and abysm of time the images of perished 

things。  But it was a part that scarce became him; he somehow 

lacked the means: for all his silver hair and worn face; he was not 

truly old; and he had too much of the unrest and petulant fire of 

youth; and too much invincible innocence of mind; to play the 

veteran well。  The time to measure him best; to taste (in the old 

phrase) his gracious nature; was when he received his class at 

home。  What a pretty simplicity would he then show; trying to amuse 

us like children with toys; and what an engaging nervousness of 

manner; as fearing that his efforts might not succeed!  Truly he 

made us all feel like children; and like children embarrassed; but 

at the same time filled with sympathy for the conscientious; 

troubled elder…boy who was working so hard to entertain us。  A 

theorist has held the view that there is no feature in man so tell…

tale as his spectacles; that the mouth may be compressed and the 

brow smoothed artificially; but the sheen of the barnacles is 

diagnostic。  And truly it must have been thus with Kelland; for as 

I still fancy I behold him frisking actively about the platform; 

pointer in hand; that which I seem to see most clearly is the way 

his glasses glittered with affection。  I never knew but one other 

man who had (if you will permit the phrase) so kind a spectacle; 

and that was Dr。 Appleton。  But the light in his case was tempered 

and passive; in Kelland's it danced; and changed; and flashed 

vivaciously among the students; like a perpetual challenge to 

goodwill。



I cannot say so much about Professor Blackie; for a good reason。  

Kelland's class I attended; once even gained there a certificate of 

merit; the only distinction of my University career。  But although 

I am the holder of a certificate of attendance in the professor's 

own hand; I cannot remember to have been present in the Greek class 

above a dozen times。  Professor Blackie was even kind enough to 

remark (more than once) while in the very act of writing the 

document above referred to; that he did not know my face。  Indeed; 

I denied myself many opportunities; acting upon an extensive and 

highly rational system of truantry; which cost me a great deal of 

trouble to put in exercise … perhaps as much as would have taught 

me Greek … and sent me forth into the world and the profession of 

letters with the merest shadow of an education。  But they say it is 

always a good thing to have taken pains; and that success is its 

own reward; whatever be its nature; so that; perhaps; even upon 

this I should plume myself; that no one ever played the truant with 

more deliberate care; and none ever had more certificates for less 

education。  One consequence; however; of my system is that I have 

much less to say of Professor Blackie than I had of Professor 

Kelland; and as he is still alive; and will long; I hope; continue 

to be so; it will not surprise you very much that I have no 

intention of saying it。



Meanwhile; how many others have gone … Jenkin; Hodgson; and I know 

not who besides; and of that tide of students that used to throng 

the arch and blacken the quadrangle; how many are scattered into 

the remotest parts of the earth; and how many more have lain down 

beside their fathers in their 〃resting…graves〃!  And again; how 

many of these last have not found their way there; all too early; 

through the stress of education!  That was one thing; at least; 

from which my truantry protected me。  I am sorry indeed that I have 

no Greek; but I should be sorrier still if I were dead; nor do I 

know the name of that branch of knowledge which is worth acquiring 

at the price of a brain fever。  There are many sordid tragedies in 

the life of the student; above all if he be poor; or drunken; or 

both; but nothing more moves a wise man's pity than the case of the 

lad who is in too much hurry to be learned。  And so; for the sake 

of a moral at the end; I will call up one more figure; and have 

done。  A student; ambitious of success by that hot; intemperate 

manner of study that now grows so common; read night and day for an 

examination。  As he went on; the task became more easy to him; 

sleep was more easily banished; his brain grew hot and clear and 

more capacious; the necessary knowledge daily fuller and more 

orderly。  It came to the eve of the trial and he watched all night 

in his high chamber; reviewing what he knew; and already secure of 

success。  His window looked eastward; and being (as I said) high 

up; and the house itself standing on a hill; commanded a view over 

dwindling suburbs to a country horizon。  At last my student drew up 

his blind; and still in quite a jocund humour; looked abroad。  Day 

was breaking; the cast was tinging with strange fires; the clouds 

breaking up for the coming of the sun; and at the sight; nameless 

terror seized upon his mind。  He was sane; his senses were 

undisturbed; he saw clearly; and knew what he was seeing; and knew 

that it was normal; but he could neither bear to see it nor find 

the strength to look away; and fled in panic from his chamber into 

the enclosure of the street。  In the cool air and silence; and 

among the sleeping houses; his strength was renewed。  Nothing 

troubled him but the memory of what had passed; and an abject fear 

of its return。



〃Gallo canente; spes redit;

Aegris salus refunditur;

Lapsis fides revertitur;〃



as they sang of old in Portugal in the Morning Office。  But to him 

that good hour of cockcrow; and the changes of the dawn; had 

brought panic; and lasting doubt; and such terror as he still shook 

to think of。  He dared not return to his lodging; he could not eat; 

he sat down; he rose up; he wandered; the city woke about him with 

its cheerful bustle; the sun climbed overhead; and still he grew 

but the more absorbed in the distress of his recollection and the 

fear of his past fear。  At the appointed hour; he came to the door 

of the place of examination; but when he was asked; he had 

forgotten his name。  Seeing him so disordered; they had not the 

heart to send him away; but gave him a paper and admitted him; 

still nameless; to the Hall。  Vain kindness; vain efforts。  He 

could only sit in a still growing horror; writing nothing; ignorant 

of all; his mind filled with a single memory of the breaking day 

and his own intolerable fear。  And that same night he was tossing 

in a brain fever。



People are afraid of war and wounds and dentists; all with 

excellent reason; but these are not to be compared with such 

chaotic terrors of the mind as fell on this young man; and made him 

cover his eyes from the innocent morning。  We all have by our 

bedsides the box of the Merchant Abudah; thank God; securely enough 

shut; but when a young man sacrifices sleep to labour; let him have 

a care; for he is playing with the lock。









CHAPTER III。 OLD MORTALITY





I





THERE is a certain graveyard; looked upon on the one side by a 

prison; on the other by the windows of a quiet hotel; below; under 

a steep cliff; it beholds the traffic of many lines of rail; and 

the scream of the engine and the shock of meeting buffers mount to 

it all day long。  The aisles are lined with the inclosed sepulchres 

of families; door beyond door; like houses in a street; and in the 

morning the shadow of the prison turrets; and of many tall 

memorials; fall upon the graves。  There; in the hot fits of youth; 

I came to be unhappy。  Pleasant incidents are woven with my memory 

of the place。  I here made

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