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further removed from instinct it were hard to fancy; and one is 

even stirred to a certain impatience with a character so destitute 

of spontaneity; so passionless in justice; and so priggishly 

obedient to the voice of reason。



There are not many dogs like this good Coolin; and not many people。  

But the type is one well marked; both in the human and the canine 

family。  Gallantry was not his aim; but a solid and somewhat 

oppressive respectability。  He was a sworn foe to the unusual and 

the conspicuous; a praiser of the golden mean; a kind of city uncle 

modified by Cheeryble。  And as he was precise and conscientious in 

all the steps of his own blameless course; he looked for the same 

precision and an even greater gravity in the bearing of his deity; 

my father。  It was no sinecure to be Coolin's idol: he was exacting 

like a rigid parent; and at every sign of levity in the man whom he 

respected; he announced loudly the death of virtue and the 

proximate fall of the pillars of the earth。



I have called him a snob; but all dogs are so; though in varying 

degrees。  It is hard to follow their snobbery among themselves; for 

though I think we can perceive distinctions of rank; we cannot 

grasp what is the criterion。  Thus in Edinburgh; in a good part of 

the town; there were several distinct societies or clubs that met 

in the morning to … the phrase is technical … to 〃rake the backets〃 

in a troop。  A friend of mine; the master of three dogs; was one 

day surprised to observe that they had left one club and joined 

another; but whether it was a rise or a fall; and the result of an 

invitation or an expulsion; was more than he could guess。  And this 

illustrates pointedly our ignorance of the real life of dogs; their 

social ambitions and their social hierarchies。  At least; in their 

dealings with men they are not only conscious of sex; but of the 

difference of station。  And that in the most snobbish manner; for 

the poor man's dog is not offended by the notice of the rich; and 

keeps all his ugly feeling for those poorer or more ragged than his 

master。  And again; for every station they have an ideal of 

behaviour; to which the master; under pain of derogation; will do 

wisely to conform。  How often has not a cold glance of an eye 

informed me that my dog was disappointed; and how much more gladly 

would he not have taken a beating than to be thus wounded in the 

seat of piety!



I knew one disrespectable dog。  He was far liker a cat; cared 

little or nothing for men; with whom he merely coexisted as we do 

with cattle; and was entirely devoted to the art of poaching。  A 

house would not hold him; and to live in a town was what he 

refused。



He led; I believe; a life of troubled but genuine pleasure; and 

perished beyond all question in a trap。  But this was an exception; 

a marked reversion to the ancestral type; like the hairy human 

infant。  The true dog of the nineteenth century; to judge by the 

remainder of my fairly large acquaintance; is in love with 

respectability。  A street…dog was once adopted by a lady。  While 

still an Arab; he had done as Arabs do; gambolling in the mud; 

charging into butchers' stalls; a cat…hunter; a sturdy beggar; a 

common rogue and vagabond; but with his rise into society he laid 

aside these inconsistent pleasures。  He stole no more; he hunted no 

more cats; and conscious of his collar; he ignored his old 

companions。  Yet the canine upper class was never brought to 

recognise the upstart; and from that hour; except for human 

countenance; he was alone。  Friendless; shorn of his sports and the 

habits of a lifetime; he still lived in a glory of happiness; 

content with his acquired respectability; and with no care but to 

support it solemnly。  Are we to condemn or praise this self…made 

dog?  We praise his human brother。  And thus to conquer vicious 

habits is as rare with dogs as with men。  With the more part; for 

all their scruple…mongering and moral thought; the vices that are 

born with them remain invincible throughout; and they live all 

their years; glorying in their virtues; but still the slaves of 

their defects。  Thus the sage Coolin was a thief to the last; among 

a thousand peccadilloes; a whole goose and a whole cold leg of 

mutton lay upon his conscience; but Woggs; (7) whose soul's 

shipwreck in the matter of gallantry I have recounted above; has 

only twice been known to steal; and has often nobly conquered the 

temptation。  The eighth is his favourite commandment。  There is 

something painfully human in these unequal virtues and mortal 

frailties of the best。  Still more painful is the bearing of those 

〃stammering professors〃 in the house of sickness and under the 

terror of death。  It is beyond a doubt to me that; somehow or 

other; the dog connects together; or confounds; the uneasiness of 

sickness and the consciousness of guilt。  To the pains of the body 

he often adds the tortures of the conscience; and at these times 

his haggard protestations form; in regard to the human deathbed; a 

dreadful parody or parallel。



I once supposed that I had found an inverse relation between the 

double etiquette which dogs obey; and that those who were most 

addicted to the showy street life among other dogs were less 

careful in the practice of home virtues for the tyrant man。  But 

the female dog; that mass of carneying affectations; shines equally 

in either sphere; rules her rough posse of attendant swains with 

unwearying tact and gusto; and with her master and mistress pushes 

the arts of insinuation to their crowning point。  The attention of 

man and the regard of other dogs flatter (it would thus appear) the 

same sensibility; but perhaps; if we could read the canine heart; 

they would be found to flatter it in very different degrees。  Dogs 

live with man as courtiers round a monarch; steeped in the flattery 

of his notice and enriched with sinecures。  To push their favour in 

this world of pickings and caresses is; perhaps; the business of 

their lives; and their joys may lie outside。  I am in despair at 

our persistent ignorance。  I read in the lives of our companions 

the same processes of reason; the same antique and fatal conflicts 

of the right against the wrong; and of unbitted nature with too 

rigid custom; I see them with our weaknesses; vain; false; 

inconstant against appetite; and with our one stalk of virtue; 

devoted to the dream of an ideal; and yet; as they hurry by me on 

the street with tail in air; or come singly to solicit my regard; I 

must own the secret purport of their lives is still inscrutable to 

man。  Is man the friend; or is he the patron only?  Have they 

indeed forgotten nature's voice? or are those moments snatched from 

courtiership when they touch noses with the tinker's mongrel; the 

brief reward and pleasure of their artificial lives?  Doubtless; 

when man shares with his dog the toils of a profession and the 

pleasures of an art; as with the shepherd or the poacher; the 

affection warms and strengthens till it fills the soul。  But 

doubtless; also; the masters are; in many cases; the object of a 

merely interested cultus; sitting aloft like Louis Quatorze; giving 

and receiving flattery and favour; and the dogs; like the majority 

of men; have but foregone their true existence and become the dupes 

of their ambition。









CHAPTER XIII。 A PENNY PLAIN AND TWOPENCE COLOURED





THESE words will be familiar to all students of Skelt's Juvenile 

Drama。  That national monument; after having changed its name to 

Park's; to Webb's; to Redington's; and last of all to Pollock's; 

has now become; for the most part; a memory。  Some of its pillars; 

like Stonehenge; are still afoot; the rest clean vanished。  It may 

be the Museum numbers a full set; and Mr。 Ionides perhaps; or else 

her gracious Majesty; may boast their great collections; but to the 

plain priv

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