a simpleton-第90章

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that。〃

Her　conduct　and　conversation　afford　this　cynic　constant　food　for
observation；　and　he　has　delivered　himself　oracularly　at　various
stages　of　the　study：　but　I　cannot　say　that　his　observations；　taken
as　a　whole；　present　that　consistency　which　entitles　them　to　be
regarded　as　a　body　of　philosophy。　　Examples：　　In　the　second　month
after　Mrs。　Staines　came　to　live　with　him；　he　delivered　himself
thus：　〃My　niece　Rosa　is　an　anomaly。　　She　gives　you　the　impression
she　is　shallow。　　Mind　your　eye：　in　one　moment　she　will　take　you　out
of　your　depth　or　any　man's　depth。　　She　is　like　those　country
streams　I　used　to　fish　for　pike　when　I　was　young；　you　go　along；
seeing　the　bottom　everywhere；　but　presently　you　come　to　a　corner；
and　it　is　fifteen　deep　all　in　a　moment；　and　souse　you　go　over　head
and　ears：　that's　my　niece　Rosa。〃

In　six　months　he　had　got　to　thisand；　mind　you；　each　successive
dogma　was　delivered　in　a　loud；　aggressive　tone；　and　in　sublime
oblivion　of　the　preceding　oracle〃My　niece　Rosa　is　the　most　artful
woman。　　（You　may　haw！　haw！　haw！　as　much　as　you　like。　　You　have　not
found　out　her　little　gameI　have。）　　What　is　the　aim　of　all　women？
To　be　beloved　by　an　unconscionable　number　of　people。　　Well；　she
sets　up　for　a　simpleton；　and　so　disarms　all　the　brilliant　people；
and　they　love　her。　　Everybody　loves　her。　　Just　you　put　her　down　in
a　room　with　six　clever　women；　and　you　will　see　who　is　the　favorite。
She　looks　as　shallow　as　a　pond；　and　she　is　as　deep　as　the　ocean。〃

At　the　end　of　the　year　he　threw　off　the　mask　altogether。　　〃The
great　sweetener　of　a　man's　life；〃　said　he；　〃is　'a　simpleton。'　　I
shall　not　go　abroad　any　more；　my　house　has　become　attractive：　I've
got　a　simpleton。　　When　I　have　a　headache；　her　eyes　fill　with　tender
concern；　and　she　hovers　about　me　and　pesters　me　with　pillows：　when
I　am　cross　with　her；　she　is　afraid　I　am　ill。　　When　I　die；　and　leave
her　a　lot　of　money；　she　will　howl　for　months；　and　say　I　don't　want
his　money：　'I　waw…waw…waw…waw…want　my　Uncle　Philip；　to　love　me；　and
scold　me。'　　One　day　she　told　me；　with　a　sigh；　I　hadn't　lectured　her
for　a　month。　　'I　am　afraid　I　have　offended　you；'　says　she；　'or　else
worn　you　out；　dear。'　　When　I　am　well；　give　me　a　simpleton；　to　make
me　laugh。　　When　I　am　ill；　give　me　a　simpleton　to　soothe　me　with　her
innocent　tenderness。　　A　simpleton　shall　wipe　the　dews　of　death；　and
close　my　eyes：　and　when　I　cross　the　river　of　death；　let　me　be　met
by　a　band　of　the　heavenly　host；　who　were　all　simpletons　here　on
earth；　and　too　good　for　such　a　hole；　so　now　they　are　in　heaven；　and
their　garments　always　whitebecause　there　are　no　laundresses　there。〃

Arrived　at　this　point；　the　Anglo…Saxon　race　will　retire；　grinning；
to　fresh　pastures；　and　leave　this　champion　of　〃a　Simpleton；〃　to
thunder　paradoxes　in　a　desert。





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