the life of charlotte bronte-1-第58章
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reminded by her friends that Brussels and Haworth were not so very far apart； that access from one place to the other was not so difficult or impracticable as her tears would seem to predicate； nay； there was some talk of one of Madame Heger's daughters being sent to her as a pupil； if she fulfilled her intention of trying to begin a school。 To facilitate her success in this plan； should she ever engage in it； M。 Heger gave her a kind of diploma； dated from； and sealed with the seal of the Athenee Royal de Bruxelles； certifying that she was perfectly capable of teaching the French language； having well studied the grammar and composition thereof； and； moreover； having prepared herself for teaching by studying and practising the best methods of instruction。 This certificate is dated December 29th 1843； and on the 2nd of January； 1844； she arrived at Haworth。
On the 23rd of the month she writes as follows：…
〃Every one asks me what I am going to do； now that I am returned home； and every one seems to expect that I should immediately commence a school。 In truth； it is what I should wish to do。 I desire it above all things。 I have sufficient money for the undertaking； and I hope now sufficient qualifications to give me a fair chance of success； yet I cannot yet permit myself to enter upon lifeto touch the object which seems now within my reach； and which I have been so long straining to attain。 You will ask me why？ It is on papa's account； he is now； as you know； getting old； and it grieves me to tell you that he is losing his sight。 I have felt for some months that I ought not to be away from him； and I feel now that it would be too selfish to leave him （at least； as long as Branwell and Anne are absent）； in order to pursue selfish interests of my own。 With the help of God； I will try to deny myself in this matter； and to wait。
〃I suffered much before I left Brussels。 I think； however long I live； I shall not forget what the parting with M。 Heger cost me。 It grieved me so much to grieve him who has been so true； kind； and disinterested a friend。 At parting he gave me a kind of diploma certifying my abilities as a teacher； sealed with the seal of the Athenee Royal； of which he is professor。 I was surprised also at the degree of regret expressed by my Belgian pupils； when they knew I was going to leave。 I did not think it had been in their phlegmatic nature 。 。 。 I do not know whether you feel as I do； but there are times now when it appears to me as if all my ideas and feelings； except a few friendships and affections； are changed from what they used to be； something in me； which used to be enthusiasm； is tamed down and broken。 I have fewer illusions； what I wish for now is active exertiona stake in life。 Haworth seems such a lonely； quiet spot； buried away from the world。 I no longer regard myself as youngindeed； I shall soon be twenty… eight； and it seems as if I ought to be working and braving the rough realities of the world； as other people do。 It is； however； my duty to restrain this feeling at present； and I will endeavour to do so。〃
Of course her absent sister and brother obtained a holiday to welcome her return home； and in a few weeks she was spared to pay a visit to her friend at B。 But she was far from well or strong； and the short journey of fourteen miles seems to have fatigued her greatly。
Soon after she came back to Haworth； in a letter to one of the household in which she had been staying； there occurs this passage：… 〃Our poor little cat has been ill two days； and is just dead。 It is piteous to see even an animal lying lifeless。 Emily is sorry。〃 These few words relate to points in the characters of the two sisters； which I must dwell upon a little。 Charlotte was more than commonly tender in her treatment of all dumb creatures； and they； with that fine instinct so often noticed； were invariably attracted towards her。 The deep and exaggerated consciousness of her personal defectsthe constitutional absence of hope； which made her slow to trust in human affection； and； consequently； slow to respond to any manifestation of itmade her manner shy and constrained to men and women； and even to children。 We have seen something of this trembling distrust of her own capability of inspiring affection； in the grateful surprise she expresses at the regret felt by her Belgian pupils at her departure。 But not merely were her actions kind； her words and tones were ever gentle and caressing； towards animals： and she quickly noticed the least want of care or tenderness on the part of others towards any poor brute creature。 The readers of 〃Shirley〃 may remember that it is one of the tests which the heroine applies to her lover。
〃Do you know what soothsayers I would consult？〃 。 。 。 〃The little Irish beggar that comes barefoot to my door； the mouse that steals out of the cranny in my wainscot； the bird in frost and snow that pecks at my window for a crumb； the dog that licks my hand and sits beside my knee。 I know somebody to whose knee the black cat loves to climb； against whose shoulder and cheek it likes to purr。 The old dog always comes out of his kennel and wags his tail； and whines affectionately when somebody passes。〃 ＇For 〃somebody〃 and 〃he；〃 read 〃Charlotte Bronte〃 and 〃she。〃＇ 〃He quietly strokes the cat； and lets her sit while he conveniently can； and when he must disturb her by rising； he puts her softly down； and never flings her from him roughly： he always whistles to the dog； and gives him a caress。〃
The feeling； which in Charlotte partook of something of the nature of an affection； was； with Emily； more of a passion。 Some one speaking of her to me； in a careless kind of strength of expression； said； 〃she never showed regard to any human creature； all her love was reserved for animals。〃 The helplessness of an animal was its passport to Charlotte's heart； the fierce； wild； intractability of its nature was what often recommended it to Emily。 Speaking of her dead sister； the former told me that from her many traits in Shirley's character were taken； her way of sitting on the rug reading； with her arm round her rough bull… dog's neck； her calling to a strange dog； running past； with hanging head and lolling tongue； to give it a merciful draught of water； its maddened snap at her； her nobly stern presence of mind； going right into the kitchen； and taking up one of Tabby's red…hot Italian irons to sear the bitten place； and telling no one； till the danger was well…nigh over； for fear of the terrors that might beset their weaker minds。 All this； looked upon as a well… invented fiction in 〃Shirley；〃 was written down by Charlotte with streaming eyes； it was the literal true account of what Emily had done。 The same tawny bull…dog （with his 〃strangled whistle〃）； called 〃Tartar〃 in 〃Shirley；〃 was 〃Keeper〃 in Haworth parsonage； a gift to Emily。 With the gift came a warning。 Keeper was faithful to the depths of his nature as long as he was with friends； but he who struck him with a stick or whip； roused the relentless nature of the brute； who flew at his throat forthwith； and held him there till one or the other was at the point of death。 Now Keeper's household fault was this。 He loved to steal upstairs； and stretch his square； tawny limbs； on the comfortable beds； covered over with delicate white counterpanes。 But the cleanliness of the parsonage arrangements was perfect； and this habit of Keeper's was so objectionable； that Emily； in reply to Tabby's remonstrances； declared that； if he was found again transgressing； she herself； in defiance of warning and his well…known ferocity of nature； would beat him so severely that he would never offend again。 In the gathering dusk of an autumn evening； Tabby came； half… triumphantly； half…tremblingly； but in great wrath； to tell Emily that Keeper was lying on the best bed； in drowsy voluptuousness。 Charlotte saw Emily's whitening face； and set mouth； but dared not speak to interfere； no one dared when Emily's eyes glowed in that manner out of the paleness of her face； and when her lips were so compressed into stone。 She went upstairs； and Tabby and Charlotte stood in the gloomy passage below； full of the dark shadows of coming night。 D
