the life of charlotte bronte-1-第38章

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s　a　phase　of　imaginary　indisposition；　which　could　be　dissipated　by　a　good　scolding。　　She　had　been　brought　up　rather　in　a　school　of　Spartan　endurance　than　in　one　of　maudlin　self…indulgence；　and　could　bear　many　a　pain　and　relinquish　many　a　hope　in　silence。

After　she　had　been　at　home　about　a　week；　her　friend　proposed　that　she　should　accompany　her　in　some　little　excursion；　having　pleasure　alone　for　its　object。　　She　caught　at　the　idea　most　eagerly　at　first；　but　her　hope　stood　still；　waned；　and　had　almost　disappeared　before；　after　many　delays；　it　was　realised。　　In　its　fulfilment　at　last；　it　was　a　favourable　specimen　of　many　a　similar　air…bubble　dancing　before　her　eyes　in　her　brief　career；　in　which　stern　realities；　rather　than　pleasures；　formed　the　leading　incidents。


〃July　26th；　1839。

〃Your　proposal　has　almost　driven　me　'clean　daft'if　you　don't　understand　that　ladylike　expression；　you　must　ask　me　what　it　means　when　I　see　you。　　The　fact　is；　an　excursion　with　you　anywhere；　whether　to　Cleathorpe　or　Canada；just　by　ourselves；　would　be　to　me　most　delightful。　　I　should；　indeed；　like　to　go；　but　I　can't　get　leave　of　absence　for　longer　than　a　week；　and　I'm　afraid　that　would　not　suit　youmust　I　then　give　it　up　entirely？　　I　feel　as　if　I　COULD　NOT；　I　never　had　such　a　chance　of　enjoyment　before；　I　do　want　to　see　you　and　talk　to　you；　and　be　with　you。　　When　do　you　wish　to　go？　　Could　I　meet　you　at　Leeds？　　To　take　a　gig　from　Haworth　to　B。；　would　be　to　me　a　very　serious　increase　of　expense；　and　I　happen　to　be　very　low　in　cash。　　Oh！　rich　people　seem　to　have　many　pleasures　at　their　command　which　we　are　debarred　from！　However；　no　repining。

〃Say　when　you　go；　and　I　shall　be　able　in　my　answer　to　say　decidedly　whether　I　can　accompany　you　or　not。　　I　mustI　willI'm　set　upon　itI'll　be　obstinate　and　bear　down　all　opposition。

〃P。S。Since　writing　the　above；　I　find　that　aunt　and　papa　have　determined　to　go　to　Liverpool　for　a　fortnight；　and　take　us　all　with　them。　　It　is　stipulated；　however；　that　I　should　give　up　the　Cleathorpe　scheme。　　I　yield　reluctantly。〃


I　fancy　that；　about　this　time；　Mr。　Bronte　found　it　necessary；　either　from　failing　health　or　the　increased　populousness　of　the　parish；　to　engage　the　assistance　of　a　curate。　　At　least；　it　is　in　a　letter　written　this　summer　that　I　find　mention　of　the　first　of　a　succession　of　curates；　who　henceforward　revolved　round　Haworth　Parsonage；　and　made　an　impression　on　the　mind　of　one　of　its　inmates　which　she　has　conveyed　pretty　distinctly　to　the　world。　The　Haworth　curate　brought　his　clerical　friends　and　neighbours　about　the　place；　and　for　a　time　the　incursions　of　these；　near　the　parsonage　tea…time；　formed　occurrences　by　which　the　quietness　of　the　life　there　was　varied；　sometimes　pleasantly；　sometimes　disagreeably。　　The　little　adventure　recorded　at　the　end　of　the　following　letter　is　uncommon　in　the　lot　of　most　women；　and　is　a　testimony　in　this　case　to　the　unusual　power　of　attractionthough　so　plain　in　featurewhich　Charlotte　possessed；　when　she　let　herself　go　in　the　happiness　and　freedom　of　home。


〃August　4th；　1839。

〃The　Liverpool　journey　is　yet　a　matter　of　talk；　a　sort　of　castle　in　the　air；　but；　between　you　and　me；　I　fancy　it　is　very　doubtful　whether　it　will　ever　assume　a　more　solid　shape。　　Auntlike　many　other　elderly　peoplelikes　to　talk　of　such　things；　but　when　it　comes　to　putting　them　into　actual　execution；　she　rather　falls　off。　Such　being　the　case；　I　think　you　and　I　had　better　adhere　to　our　first　plan　of　going　somewhere　together　independently　of　other　people。　　I　have　got　leave　to　accompany　you　for　a　weekat　the　utmost　a　fortnightbut　no　more。　　Where　do　you　wish　to　go？　Burlington；　I　should　think；　from　what　M。　says；　would　be　as　eligible　a　place　as　any。　　When　do　you　set　off？　　Arrange　all　these　things　according　to　your　convenience；　I　shall　start　no　objections。　The　idea　of　seeing　the　seaof　being　near　itwatching　its　changes　by　sunrise；　sunset；　moonlight；　and　noon…dayin　calm；　perhaps　in　stormfills　and　satisfies　my　mind。　　I　shall　be　discontented　at　nothing。　　And　then　I　am　not　to　be　with　a　set　of　people　with　whom　I　have　nothing　in　commonwho　would　be　nuisances　and　bores：　　but　with　you；　whom　I　like　and　know；　and　who　knows　me。

〃I　have　an　odd　circumstance　to　relate　to　you：　　prepare　for　a　hearty　laugh！　　The　other　day；　Mr。　…；　a　vicar；　came　to　spend　the　day　with　us；　bringing　with　him　his　own　curate。　　The　latter　gentleman；　by　name　Mr。　B。；　is　a　young　Irish　clergyman；　fresh　from　Dublin　University。　　It　was　the　first　time　we　had　any　of　us　seen　him；　but；　however；　after　the　manner　of　his　countrymen；　he　soon　made　himself　at　home。　　His　character　quickly　appeared　in　his　conversation；　witty；　lively；　ardent；　clever　too；　but　deficient　in　the　dignity　and　discretion　of　an　Englishman。　　At　home；　you　know；　I　talk　with　ease；　and　am　never　shynever　weighed　down　and　oppressed　by　that　miserable　MAUVAISE　HONTE　which　torments　and　constrains　me　elsewhere。　　So　I　conversed　with　this　Irishman；　and　laughed　at　his　jests；　and；　though　I　saw　faults　in　his　character；　excused　them　because　of　the　amusement　his　originality　afforded。　　I　cooled　a　little；　indeed；　and　drew　in　towards　the　latter　part　of　the　evening；　because　he　began　to　season　his　conversation　with　something　of　Hibernian　flattery；　which　I　did　not　quite　relish。　However；　they　went　away；　and　no　more　was　thought　about　them。　　A　few　days　after；　I　got　a　letter；　the　direction　of　which　puzzled　me；　it　being　in　a　hand　I　was　not　accustomed　to　see。　　Evidently；　it　was　neither　from　you　nor　Mary；　my　only　correspondents。　　Having　opened　and　read　it；　it　proved　to　be　a　declaration　of　attachment　and　proposal　of　matrimony；　expressed　in　the　ardent　language　of　the　sapient　young　Irishman！　　I　hope　you　are　laughing　heartily。　　This　is　not　like　one　of　my　adventures；　is　it？　　It　more　nearly　resembles　Martha's。　　I　am　certainly　doomed　to　be　an　old　maid。　　Never　mind。　I　made　up　my　mind　to　that　fate　ever　since　I　was　twelve　years　old。

〃Well！　thought　I；　I　have　heard　of　love　at　first　sight；　but　this　beats　all！　　I　leave　you　to　guess　what　my　answer　would　be；　convinced　that　you　will　not　do　me　the　injustice　of　guessing　wrong。〃


〃On　the　14th　of　August　she　still　writes　from　Haworth：…

〃I　have　in　vain　packed　my　box；　and　prepared　everything　for　our　anticipated　journey。　　It　so　happens　that　I　can　get　no　conveyance　this　week　or　the　next。　　The　only　gig　let　out　to　hire　in　Haworth；　is　at　Harrowgate；　and　likely　to　remain　there；　for　aught　I　can　hear。　　Papa　decidedly　objects　to　my　going　by　the　coach；　and　walking　to　B。；　though　I　am　sure　I　could　manage　it。　　Aunt　exclaims　against　the　weather；　and　the　roads；　and　the　four　winds　of　heaven；　so　I　am　in　a　fix；　and；　what　is　worse；　so　are　you。　　On　reading　over；　for　the　second　or　third　time；　your　last　letter　（which；　by　the　by；　was　written　in　such　hieroglyphics　that；　at　the　first　hasty　perusal；　I　could　hardly　make　out　two　consecutive　words）；　I　find　you　intimate　that　if　I　leave　this　journey　till　Thursday　I　shall　be　too　late。　　I　grieve　that　I　should　have　so　inconvenienced　you；　but　I　need　not　talk　of　either　Friday　or　Saturday　now；　for　I　rather　imagine　there　is　small　chance　of　my　ever　going　at　all。　　The　elders　of　the　house　have　never　cordially　acquiesced　in　the　measure；　and　now　that　impediments　seem　to　start　up　at　every　step；　opposition　grows　more　open。　　Papa；　indeed；　would　willingly　indulge　me；　but　this　very　kindness　of　his　makes　me　doubt　whether　I　ought　to　draw　upon　it；　so；　though　I　could　battle　out　aunt's　discontent；　I　yield　to　papa's　indulgence。　　He　does　not　say　so；　but　I　know　he　would　rather　I　stayed　at　home；　and　aunt　meant　well　too；　I　dare　say；　but　I　am　provoked　that　she　reserved　the　expression　of　her　decided　disapproval　till　all　was　settled　between　you　and　myself。　　Reckon　on　me　no　more；　leave　me　out　in　your　calculations：　　perhaps　I　ought；　in　the　beginning；　to　have　had　prudence　sufficient　to　shut　my　eyes　against　such　a　prospect　of　pleasure；　so　as　to　deny　myself　the　hope　of　it。　　Be　as　angry　as　you　please　with　me　for　disappointing　you。　　I　did　not　intend　it；　and　have　only　one　thing　more　to　sayif　you　do　not　go　immediately　to　the　sea；　will　you　come　to　see　us　at　Haworth？　　This　invitation　is　not　mine　only；　but　papa's　and　aunt's。〃


However；　a　little　more　patience；　a　little　more　delay；　and　she　enjoyed　the　pleas