barnaby rudge(巴纳比·卢杰)-第178章
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sensation； but a phantom without shape； or form； or visible
presence； pervading everything； but having no existence；
recognisable everywhere； but nowhere seen； or touched； or met
with face to face； until the sleep is past； and waking agony returns。
After a long time the door of his cell opened。 He looked up； saw
the blind man enter； and relapsed into his former position。
Guided by his breathing； the visitor advanced to where he sat；
and stopping beside him； and stretching out his hand to assure
himself that he was right； remained； for a good space； silent。
‘This is bad； Rudge。 This is bad；’ he said at length。
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The prisoner shuffled with his feet upon the ground in turning
his body from him； but made no other answer。
‘How were you taken？’ he asked。 ‘And where？ You never told
me more than half your secret。 No matter； I know it now。 How was
it； and where； eh？’ he asked again； coming still nearer to him。
‘At Chigwell；’ said the other。
‘At Chigwell！ How came you there？’
‘Because I went there to avoid the man I stumbled on；’ he
answered。 ‘Because I was chased and driven there； by him and
Fate。 Because I was urged to go there； by something stronger than
my own will。 When I found him watching in the house she used to
live in； night after night； I knew I never could escape him—never！
and when I heard the Bell—’
He shivered； muttered that it was very cold； paced quickly up
and down the narrow cell； and sitting down again； fell into his old
posture。
‘You were saying；’ said the blind man； after another pause； ‘that
when you heard the Bell—’
‘Let it be； will you？’ he retorted in a hurried voice。 ‘It hangs
there yet。’
The blind man turned a wistful and inquisitive face towards
him； but he continued to speak； without noticing him。
‘I went to Chigwell； in search of the mob。 I have been so hunted
and beset by this man； that I knew my only hope of safety lay in
joining them。 They had gone on before； I followed them when it
left off。’
‘When what left off？’
‘The Bell。 They had quitted the place。 I hoped that some of
them might be still lingering among the ruins； and was searching
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for them when I heard—’ he drew a long breath； and wiped his
forehead with his sleeve—‘his voice。’
‘Saying what？’
‘No matter what。 I don’t know。 I was then at the foot of the
turret； where I did the—’
‘Ay；’ said the blind man； nodding his head with perfect
composure； ‘I understand。’
‘I climbed the stair； or so much of it as was left； meaning to hide
till he had gone。 But he heard me； and followed almost as soon as I
set foot upon the ashes。’
‘You might have hidden in the wall； and thrown him down； or
stabbed him；’ said the blind man。
‘Might I？ Between that man and me； was one who led him on—
I saw it； though he did not—and raised above his head a bloody
hand。 It was in the room above that he and I stood glaring at each
other on the night of the murder； and before he fell he raised his
hand like that； and fixed his eyes on me。 I knew the chase would
end there。’
‘You have a strong fancy；’ said the blind man； with a smile。
‘Strengthen yours with blood； and see what it will come to。’
He groaned； and rocked himself； and looking up for the first
time； said； in a low； hollow voice：
‘Eight…and…twenty years！ Eight…and…twenty years！ He has never
changed in all that time； never grown older； nor altered in the
least degree。 He has been before me in the dark night； and the
broad sunny day； in the twilight； the moonlight； the sunlight； the
light of fire； and lamp； and candle； and in the deepest gloom。
Always the same！ In company； in solitude； on land； on shipboard；
sometimes leaving me alone for months； and sometimes always
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with me。 I have seen him； at sea； come gliding in the dead of night
along the bright reflection of the moon in the calm water； and I
have seen him； on quays and market…places； with his hand
uplifted； towering； the centre of a busy crowd； unconscious of the
terrible form that had its silent stand among them。 Fancy！ Are you
real？ Am I？ Are these iron fetters； riveted on me by the smith’s
hammer； or are they fancies I can shatter at a blow？’
The blind man listened in silence。
‘Fancy！ Do I fancy that I killed him？ Do I fancy that as I left the
chamber where he lay； I saw the face of a man peeping from a
dark door； who plainly showed me by his fearful looks that he
suspected what I had done？ Do I remember that I spoke fairly to
him—that I drew nearer—nearer yet—with the hot knife in my
sleeve？ Do I fancy how he died？ Did he stagger back into the angle
of the wall into which I had hemmed him； and； bleeding inwardly；
stand； not fail； a corpse before me？ Did I see him； for an instant； as
I see you now； erect and on his feet—but dead！’
The blind man； who knew that he had risen； motioned him to
sit down again upon his bedstead； but he took no notice of the
gesture。
‘It was then I thought； for the first time； of fastening the murder
upon him。 It was then I dressed him in my clothes； and dragged
him down the back…stairs to the piece of water。 Do I remember
listening to the bubbles that came rising up when I had rolled him
in？ Do I remember wiping the water from my face； and because
the body splashed it there； in its descent； feeling as if it must be
blood？
‘Did I go home when I had done？ And oh； my God！ how long it
took to do！ Did I stand before my wife； and tell her？ Did I see her
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fall upon the ground； and； when I stooped to raise her； did she
thrust me back with a force that cast me off as if I had been a
child； staining the hand with which she clasped my wrist？ Is that
fancy？
‘Did she go down upon her knees； and call on Heaven to
witness that she and her unborn child renounced me from that
hour； and did she； in words so solemn that they turned me cold—
me； fresh from the horrors my own hands had made—warn me to
fly while there was time； for though she would be silent； being my
wretched wife； she would not shelter me？ Did I go forth that night；
abjured of God and man； and anchored deep in hell； to wander at
my cable’s length about the earth； and surely be drawn down at
last
