the sorrows of young werther(少年维特的烦恼)-第24章
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forsook me； in the intense delight of ending my sorrows and my
sufferings by a plunge into that gulf！ And then I felt as if I
were rooted to the earth； and incapable of seeking an end to my
woes！ But my hour is not yet come： I feel it is not。 O Wilhelm；
how willingly could I abandon my existence to ride the whirlwind；
or to embrace the torrent！ and then might not rapture perchance be
the portion of this liberated soul？
I turned my sorrowful eyes toward a favourite spot； where I was
accustomed to sit with Charlotte beneath a willow after a fatiguing
walk。 Alas！ it was covered with water； and with difficulty I found
even the meadow。 And the fields around the hunting…lodge； thought
I。 Has our dear bower been destroyed by this unpitying storm？
And a beam of past happiness streamed upon me； as the mind of a
captive is illumined by dreams of flocks and herds and bygone joys
of home！ But I am free from blame。 I have courage to die！ Perhaps
I have； but I still sit here； like a wretched pauper； who collects
fagots； and begs her bread from door to door； that she may prolong
for a few days a miserable existence which she is unwilling to resign。
DECEMBER 15。
What is the matter with me； dear Wilhelm？ I am afraid of myself！
Is not my love for her of the purest； most holy； and most brotherly
nature？ Has my soul ever been sullied by a single sensual desire？
but I will make no protestations。 And now； ye nightly visions；
how truly have those mortals understood you； who ascribe your
various contradictory effects to some invincible power！ This night
I tremble at the avowal I held her in my arms； locked in a close
embrace： I pressed her to my bosom； and covered with countless
kisses those dear lips which murmured in reply soft protestations
of love。 My sight became confused by the delicious intoxication
of her eyes。 Heavens！ is it sinful to revel again in such happiness；
to recall once more those rapturous moments with intense delight？
Charlotte！ Charlotte！ I am lost！ My senses are bewildered； my
recollection is confused； mine eyes are bathed in tears I am
ill； and yet I am well I wish for nothing I have no desires
it were better I were gone。
Under the circumstances narrated above； a determination to quit
this world had now taken fixed possession of Werther's soul。 Since
Charlotte's return； this thought had been the final object of all
his hopes and wishes； but he had resolved that such a step should
not be taken with precipitation； but with calmness and tranquillity；
and with the most perfect deliberation。
His troubles and internal struggles may be understood from the
following fragment； which was found； without any date； amongst
his papers； and appears to have formed the beginning of a letter
to Wilhelm。
〃Her presence； her fate； her sympathy for me； have power still to
extract tears from my withered brain。
〃One lifts up the curtain； and passes to the other side； that
is all！ And why all these doubts and delays？ Because we know not
what is behind because there is no returning and because our
mind infers that all is darkness and confusion； where we have
nothing but uncertainty。〃
His appearance at length became quite altered by the effect of
his melancholy thoughts； and his resolution was now finally and
irrevocably taken； of which the following ambiguous letter； which
he addressed to his friend； may appear to afford some proof。
DECEMBER 2O。
I am grateful to your love； Wilhelm； for having repeated your
advice so seasonably。 Yes； you are right： it is undoubtedly
better that I should depart。 But I do not entirely approve your
scheme of returning at once to your neighbourhood； at least； I
should Iike to make a little excursion on the way； particularly
as we may now expect a continued frost； and consequently good
roads。 I am much pleased with your intention of coming to fetch
me； only delay your journey for a fortnight； and wait for another
letter from me。 One should gather nothing before it is ripe； and
a fortnight sooner or later makes a great difference。 Entreat my
mother to pray for her son； and tell her I beg her pardon for all
the unhappiness I have occasioned her。 It has ever been my fate
to give pain to those whose happiness I should have promoted。
Adieu； my dearest friend。 May every blessing of Heaven attend
you！ Farewell。
We find it difficult to express the emotions with which Charlotte's
soul was agitated during the whole of this time； whether in relation
to her husband or to her unfortunate friend； although we are enabled；
by our knowledge of her character； to understand their nature。
It is certain that she had formed a determination； by every means
in her power to keep Werther at a distance； and； if she hesitated
in her decision； it was from a sincere feeling of friendly pity；
knowing how much it would cost him； indeed； that he would find it
almost impossible to comply with her wishes。 But various causes
now urged her to be firm。 Her hushand preserved a strict silence
about the whole matter； and she never made it a subject of
conversation； feeling bound to prove to him by her conduct that
her sentiments agreed with his。
The same day； which was the Sunday before Christmas； after Werther
had written the last…mentioned letter to his friend； he came in
the evening to Charlotte's house； and found her alone。 She was
busy preparing some little gifts for her brothers and sisters；
which were to be distributed to them on Christmas Day。 He began
talking of the delight of the children； and of that age when the
sudden appearance of the Christmas…tree； decorated with fruit and
sweetmeats； and lighted up with wax candles； causes such transports
of joy。 〃You shall have a gift too； if you behave well；〃 said
Charlotte； hiding her embarrassment under sweet smile。 〃And what
do you call behaving well？ What should I do； what can I do； my
dear Charlotte？〃 said he。 〃Thursday night；〃 she answered； 〃is
Christmas Eve。 The children are all to be here； and my father too：
there is a present for each； do you come likewise； but do not come
before that time。〃 Werther started。 〃I desire you will not： it must
be so；〃 she continued。 〃I ask it of you as a favour； for my own
peace and tranquillity。 We cannot go on in this manner any longer。〃
He turned away his face walked hastily up and down the room； muttering
indistinctly； 〃We cannot go on in this manner any longer！〃 Charlotte；
seeing the violent agitation into which these words had thrown him；
endeavoured to divert his thoughts by different questions； but in vain。
〃No； Charlotte！〃 he exclaimed； 〃I will never see you any more！〃
〃And why so？〃 she answered。 〃We may we must see each other
again； only let it be with more discretion。 Oh！ why were you born
with that excessive； that ungovernable passion for everything that
is dear to you？〃 Then； taking his hand； she said； 〃I entreat of
you to be more calm： your talents； your understanding； your genius；
will furnish you with a thousand resources。 Be a man； and conquer
an unhappy attachment toward a creature who can do nothing but pity
you。〃 He bit his lips； and looked at her with a gloomy countenance。
She continued to hold his hand。 〃Grant me but a moment's patience；
Werther；〃 she said。 〃Do you not see that you are deceiving yourself；
that you are seeking your own destruction？ Why must you love me；
me only； who belong to another？ I fear； I much fear； that it is
only the impossibility of possessing me which makes your desire for
me so strong。〃 He drew back his hand； whilst he surveyed her with
a wild and angry look。 〃'Tis well！〃 he exclaimed； 〃'tis very well！
Did not Albert furnish you with this reflection？ It is profound；
a very profound remark。〃 〃A reflection that any one might easily
make；〃 she answered； 〃and is there not a woman in the whole world
who is at liberty； and has the power to make you happy？ Conquer
yourself： look for such a being； and believe me when I say that you
will certainly find her。 I have long felt for you； and for us all：
you have confined yourself too long within the limits of too narrow
a circle。 Conquer yourself； make an effort： a short journey
