the sorrows of young werther(少年维特的烦恼)-第13章

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we　should　suffer　the　little　that　does　really　ripen；　to　rot；　decay；
and　perish　unenjoyed？　　Farewell！　　This　is　a　glorious　summer。　　I
often　climb　into　the　trees　in　Charlotte's　orchard；　and　shake　down
the　pears　that　hang　on　the　highest　branches。　　She　stands　below；
and　catches　them　as　they　fall。

AUGUST　3O。

Unhappy　being　that　I　am！　　Why　do　I　thus　deceive　myself？　　What　is
to　come　of　all　this　wild；　aimless；　endless　passion？　　I　cannot　pray
except　to　her。　　My　imagination　sees　nothing　but　her：　all　surrounding
objects　are　of　no　account；　except　as　they　relate　to　her。　　In　this
dreamy　state　I　enjoy　many　happy　hours；　till　at　length　I　feel
compelled　to　tear　myself　away　from　her。　　Ah；　Wilhelm；　to　what
does　not　my　heart　often　compel　me！　　When　I　have　spent　several　hours
in　her　company；　till　I　feel　completely　absorbed　by　her　figure；　her
grace；　the　divine　expression　of　her　thoughts；　my　mind　becomes
gradually　excited　to　the　highest　excess；　my　sight　grows　dim；　my
hearing　confused；　my　breathing　oppressed　as　if　by　the　hand　of　a
murderer；　and　my　beating　heart　seeks　to　obtain　relief　for　my　aching
senses。　　I　am　sometimes　unconscious　whether　I　really　exist。　　If
in　such　moments　I　find　no　sympathy；　and　Charlotte　does　not　allow
me　to　enjoy　the　melancholy　consolation　of　bathing　her　hand　with
my　tears；　I　feel　compelled　to　tear　myself　from　her；　when　I　either
wander　through　the　country；　climb　some　precipitous　cliff；　or　force
a　path　through　the　trackless　thicket；　where　I　am　lacerated　and
torn　by　thorns　and　briers；　and　thence　I　find　relief。　　Sometimes　I
lie　stretched　on　the　ground；　overcome　with　fatigue　and　dying　with
thirst；　sometimes；　late　in　the　night；　when　the　moon　shines　above
me；　I　recline　against　an　aged　tree　in　some　sequestered　forest；　to
rest　my　weary　limbs；　when；　exhausted　and　worn；　I　sleep　till　break
of　day。　　O　Wilhelm！　the　hermit's　cell；　his　sackcloth；　and　girdle
of　thorns　would　be　luxury　and　indulgence　compared　with　what　I　suffer。
Adieu！　　I　see　no　end　to　this　wretchedness　except　the　grave。

SEPTEMBER　3。

I　must　away。　　Thank　you；　Wilhelm；　for　determining　my　wavering
purpose。　　For　a　whole　fortnight　I　have　thought　of　leaving　her。　　I
must　away。　　She　has　returned　to　town；　and　is　at　the　house　of　a
friend。　　And　then；　Albert　　yes；　I　must　go。

SEPTEMBER　1O。

Oh；　what　a　night；　Wilhelm！　　I　can　henceforth　bear　anything。　　I
shall　never　see　her　again。　　Oh；　why　cannot　I　fall　on　your　neck；
and；　with　floods　of　tears　and　raptures；　give　utterance　to　all　the
passions　which　distract　my　heart！　　Here　I　sit　gasping　for　breath；
and　struggling　to　compose　myself。　　I　wait　for　day；　and　at　sunrise
the　horses　are　to　be　at　the　door。

And　she　is　sleeping　calmly；　little　suspecting　that　she　has　seen　me
for　the　last　time。　　I　am　free。　　I　have　had　the　courage；　in　an
interview　of　two　hours'　duration；　not　to　betray　my　intention。　　And
O　Wilhelm；　what　a　conversation　it　was！

Albert　had　promised　to　come　to　Charlotte　in　the　garden　immediately
after　supper。　　I　was　upon　the　terrace　under　the　tall　chestnut　trees；
and　watched　the　setting　sun。　　I　saw　him　sink　for　the　last　time
beneath　this　delightful　valley　and　silent　stream。　　I　had　often
visited　the　same　spot　with　Charlotte；　and　witnessed　that　glorious
sight；　and　now　　I　was　walking　up　and　down　the　very　avenue　which
was　so　dear　to　me。　　A　secret　sympathy　had　frequently　drawn　me
thither　before　I　knew　Charlotte；　and　we　were　delighted　when；　in
our　early　acquaintance；　we　discovered　that　we　each　loved　the　same
spot；　which　is　indeed　as　romantic　as　any　that　ever　captivated　the
fancy　of　an　artist。

》From　beneath　the　chestnut　trees；　there　is　an　extensive　view。　　But
I　remember　that　I　have　mentioned　all　this　in　a　former　letter；　and
have　described　the　tall　mass　of　beech　trees　at　the　end；　and　how
the　avenue　grows　darker　and　darker　as　it　winds　its　way　among　them；
till　it　ends　in　a　gloomy　recess；　which　has　all　the　charm　of　a
mysterious　solitude。　　I　still　remember　the　strange　feeling　of
melancholy　which　came　over　me　the　first　time　I　entered　that　dark
retreat；　at　bright　midday。　　I　felt　some　secret　foreboding　that　it
would；　one　day；　be　to　me　the　scene　of　some　happiness　or　misery。

I　had　spent　half　an　hour　struggling　between　the　contending　thoughts
of　going　and　returning；　when　I　heard　them　coming　up　the　terrace。
I　ran　to　meet　them。　　I　trembled　as　I　took　her　hand；　and　kissed　it。
As　we　reached　the　top　of　the　terrace；　the　moon　rose　from　behind
the　wooded　hill。　　We　conversed　on　many　subjects；　and；　without
perceiving　it；　approached　the　gloomy　recess。　　Charlotte　entered；
and　sat　down。　　Albert　seated　himself　beside　her。　　I　did　the　same；
but　my　agitation　did　not　suffer　me　to　remain　long　seated。　　I　got
up；　and　stood　before　her；　then　walked　backward　and　forward；　and
sat　down　again。　　I　was　restless　and　miserable。　　Charlotte　drew　our
attention　to　the　beautiful　effect　of　the　moonlight；　which　threw　a
silver　hue　over　the　terrace　in　front　of　us；　beyond　the　beech　trees。
It　was　a　glorious　sight；　and　was　rendered　more　striking　by　the
darkness　which　surrounded　the　spot　where　we　were。　　We　remained　for
some　time　silent；　when　Charlotte　observed；　〃Whenever　I　walk　by
moonlight；　it　brings　to　my　remembrance　all　my　beloved　and　departed
friends；　and　I　am　filled　with　thoughts　of　death　and　futurity。　　We
shall　live　again；　Werther！〃　she　continued；　with　a　firm　but　feeling
voice；　〃but　shall　we　know　one　another　again　what　do　you　think？
what　do　you　say？〃

〃Charlotte；〃　I　said；　as　I　took　her　hand　in　mine；　and　my　eyes　filled
with　tears；　〃we　shall　see　each　other　again　　here　and　hereafter
we　shall　meet　again。〃　　I　could　say　no　more。　　Why；　Wilhelm；　should
she　put　this　question　to　me；　just　at　the　monent　when　the　fear　of
our　cruel　separation　filled　my　heart？

〃And　oh！　do　those　departed　ones　know　how　we　are　employed　here？　do
they　know　when　we　are　well　and　happy？　do　they　know　when　we　recall
their　memories　with　the　fondest　love？　　In　the　silent　hour　of
evening　the　shade　of　my　mother　hovers　around　me；　when　seated
in　the　midst　of　my　children；　I　see　them　assembled　near　me；　as
they　used　to　assemble　near　her；　and　then　I　raise　my　anxious　eyes
to　heaven；　and　wish　she　could　look　down　upon　us；　and　witness　how
I　fulfil　the　promise　I　made　to　her　in　her　last　moments；　to　be　a
mother　to　her　children。　　With　what　emotion　do　I　then　exclaim；
'Pardon；　dearest　of　mothers；　pardon　me；　if　I　do　not　adequately
supply　your　place！　　Alas！　　I　do　my　utmost。　　They　are　clothed　and
fed；　and；　still　better；　they　are　loved　and　educated。　　Could　you
but　see；　sweet　saint！　the　peace　and　harmony　that　dwells　amongst
us；　you　would　glorify　God　with　the　warmest　feelings　of　gratitude；
to　whom；　in　your　last　hour；　you　addressed　such　fervent　prayers　for
our　happiness。'〃　　Thus　did　she　express　herself；　but　O　Wilhelm！　who
can　do　justice　to　her　language？　how　can　cold　and　passionless　words
convey　the　heavenly　expressions　of　the　spirit？　　Albert　interrupted
her　gently。　　〃This　affects　you　too　deeply；　my　dear　Charlotte。　　I
know　your　soul　dwells　on　such　recollections　wlth　intense　delight；
but　I　implore　　〃　　〃O　Albert！〃　she　continued；　〃I　am　sure　you　do
not　forget　the　evenings　when　we　three　used　to　sit　at　the　little
round　table；　when　papa　was　absent；　and　the　little　ones　had　retired。
You　often　had　a　good　book　with　you；　but　seldom　read　it；　the
conversation　of　that　noble　being　was　preferable　to　everything；　
that　beautiful；　bright；　gentle；　and　yet　ever…toiling　woman。　　God
alone　knows　how　I　have　supplicated　with　tears　on　my　nightly　couch；
that　I　might　be　like　her。〃

I　threw　myself　at　her　feet；　and；　seizing　her　hand；　bedewed　it　with
a　thousand　tears。　　〃Charlotte！〃　I　exclaimed；　〃God's　blessing　and
your　mother's　spirit　are　upon　you。〃　　〃Oh！　that　you　had　known　her；〃
she　said；　with　a　warm　pressure　of　the　hand。　〃She　was　worthy　of
being　known　to　you。〃　　I　thought　I　should　have　fainted：　never　had
I　received　praise　so　flattering。　　She　continued；　〃And　yet　she　was
doomed　to　die　in　the　flower　of　her　youth；　when　her　youngest　child
was　scarcely　six　months　old。　　Her　illness　was　but　short；　but　she
was　calm　and　resigned；　and　it　was　only　for　her　children；　especially
the　youngest；　that　she　felt　unhappy。　　When　her　end　drew　nigh；　she
bade　me　bring　them　to　her。　　I　obeyed。