14-a burleque biograhy-第2章

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been　resuscitated。



Charles　Henry　Twain　lived　during　the　latter　part　of　the　seventeenth

century；　and　was　a　zealous　and　distinguished　missionary。　

He　converted　sixteen　thousand　South　Sea　islanders；　and　taught　them

that　a　dog…tooth　necklace　and　a　pair　of　spectacles　was　not　enough

clothing　to　come　to　divine　service　in。　　His　poor　flock　loved

him　very；　very　dearly；　and　when　his　funeral　was　over；　they　got　up

in　a　body　（and　came　out　of　the　restaurant）　with　tears　in　their　eyes；

and　saying；　one　to　another；　that　he　was　a　good　tender　missionary；

and　they　wished　they　had　some　more　of　him。



Pah…go…to…wah…wah…pukketekeewis　（Mighty…Hunter…with…a…Hog…Eye…Twain）

adorned　the　middle　of　the　eighteenth　century；　and　aided　General

Braddock　with　all　his　heart　to　resist　the　oppressor　Washington。　

It　was　this　ancestor　who　fired　seventeen　times　at　our　Washington

from　behind　a　tree。　　So　far　the　beautiful　romantic　narrative

in　the　moral　story…books　is　correct；　but　when　that　narrative　goes

on　to　say　that　at　the　seventeenth　round　the　awe…stricken　savage

said　solemnly　that　that　man　was　being　reserved　by　the　Great　Spirit

for　some　mighty　mission；　and　he　dared　not　lift　his　sacrilegious　rifle

against　him　again；　the　narrative　seriously　impairs　the　integrity

of　history。　　What　he　did　say　was：



〃It　ain't　no　（hic）　no　use。　　'At　man's　so　drunk　he　can't　stan'

still　long　enough　for　a　man　to　hit　him。　　I　（hic）　I　can't　'ford

to　fool　away　any　more　am'nition　on　him。〃



That　was　why　he　stopped　at　the　seventeenth　round；　and　it　was　a　good；

plain；　matter…of…fact　reason；　too；　and　one　that　easily　commends　itself

to　us　by　the　eloquent；　persuasive　flavor　of　probability　there　is　about　it。



I　also　enjoyed　the　story…book　narrative；　but　I　felt　a　marring　misgiving

that　every　Indian　at　Braddock's　Defeat　who　fired　at　a　soldier

a　couple　of　times　（two　easily　grows　to　seventeen　in　a　century）；

and　missed　him；　jumped　to　the　conclusion　that　the　Great　Spirit

was　reserving　that　soldier　for　some　grand　mission；　and　so　I　somehow

feared　that　the　only　reason　why　Washington's　case　is　remembered

and　the　others　forgotten　is；　that　in　his　the　prophecy　came　true；

and　in　that　of　the　others　it　didn't。　There　are　not　books　enough

on　earth　to　contain　the　record　of　the　prophecies　Indians　and　other

unauthorized　parties　have　made；　but　one　may　carry　in　his　overcoat

pockets　the　record　of　all　the　prophecies　that　have　been　fulfilled。



I　will　remark　here；　in　passing；　that　certain　ancestors　of　mine　are

so　thoroughly　well…known　in　history　by　their　aliases；　that　I　have

not　felt　it　to　be　worth　while　to　dwell　upon　them；　or　even　mention

them　in　the　order　of　their　birth。　　Among　these　may　be　mentioned

Richard　Brinsley　Twain；　alias　Guy　Fawkes；　John　Wentworth　Twain；

alias　Sixteen…String　Jack；　William　Hogarth　Twain；　alias　Jack　Sheppard；

Ananias　Twain；　alias　Baron　Munchausen；　John　George　Twain；

alias　Captain　Kydd；　and　then　there　are　George　Francis　Twain；

Tom　Pepper；　Nebuchadnezzar；　and　Baalam's　Assthey　all　belong

to　our　family；　but　to　a　branch　of　it　somewhat　distinctly　removed

from　the　honorable　direct　linein　fact；　a　collateral　branch；

whose　members　chiefly　differ　from　the　ancient　stock　in　that；　in　order

to　acquire　the　notoriety　we　have　always　yearned　and　hungered　for；

they　have　got　into　a　low　way　of　going　to　jail　instead　of　getting　hanged。



It　is　not　well；　when　writing　an　autobiography；　to　follow　your　ancestry

down　too　close　to　your　own　timeit　is　safest　to　speak　only　vaguely

of　your　great…grandfather；　and　then　skip　from　there　to　yourself；

which　I　now　do。



I　was　born　without　teethand　there　Richard　III。　　had　the　advantage

of　me；　but　I　was　born　without　a　humpback；　likewise；　and　there　I

had　the　advantage　of　him。　　My　parents　were　neither　very　poor　nor

conspicuously　honest。



But　now　a　thought　occurs　to　me。　　My　own　history　would　really　seem

so　tame　contrasted　with　that　of　my　ancestors；　that　it　is　simply　wisdom

to　leave　it　unwritten　until　I　am　hanged。　　If　some　other　biographies　I

have　read　had　stopped　with　the　ancestry　until　a　like　event　occurred；

it　would　have　been　a　felicitous　thing　for　the　reading　public。　

How　does　it　strike　you？