the brotherhood of consolation-第2章
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her old age with two thousand francs a year； gave the rest of the
fortune to Godefroid。 Thus possessed； at the age of twenty…five； of
ten thousand francs a year； he felt himself rich； and he was so；
relatively to the past。 Until then his life had been spent on acts
without will； on wishes that were impotent； now； to advance with the
age； to act； to play a part； he resolved to enter some career or find
some connection that should further his fortunes。 He first thought of
journalism； which always opens its arms to any capital that may come
in its way。 To be the owner of a newspaper is to become a personage at
once； such a man works intellect； and has all the gratifications of it
and none of the labor。 Nothing is more tempting to inferior minds than
to be able to rise in this way on the talents of others。 Paris has
seen two or three parvenus of this kind；men whose success is a
disgrace； both to the epoch and to those who have lent them their
shoulders。
In this sphere Godefroid was soon outdone by the brutal
Machiavellianism of some； or by the lavish prodigality of others； by
the fortunes of ambitious capitalists； or by the wit and shrewdness of
editors。 Meantime he was drawn into all the dissipations that arise
from literary or political life； and he yielded to the temptations
incurred by journalists behind the scenes。 He soon found himself in
bad company； but this experience taught him that his appearance was
insignificant； that he had one shoulder higher than the other； without
the inequality being redeemed by either malignancy or kindness of
nature。 Such were the truths these artists made him feel。
Small； ill…made； without superiority of mind or settled purpose； what
chance was there for a man like that in an age when success in any
career demands that the highest qualities of the mind be furthered by
luck； or by tenacity of will which commands luck。
The revolution of 1830 stanched Godefroid's wounds。 He had the courage
of hope； which is equal to that of despair。 He obtained an
appointment； like other obscure journalists； to a government situation
in the provinces； where his liberal ideas； conflicting with the
necessities of the new power； made him a troublesome instrument。
Bitten with liberalism； he did not know； as cleverer men did； how to
steer a course。 Obedience to ministers he regarded as sacrificing his
opinions。 Besides； the government seemed to him to be disobeying the
laws of its own origin。 Godefroid declared for progress； where the
object of the government was to maintain the /statu quo/。 He returned
to Paris almost poor； but faithful still to the doctrines of the
Opposition。
Alarmed by the excesses of the press； more alarmed still by the
attempted outrages of the republican party； he sought in retirement
from the world the only life suitable for a being whose faculties were
incomplete； and without sufficient force to bear up against the rough
jostling of political life； the struggles and sufferings of which
confer no credit；a being； too； who was wearied with his many
miscarriages； without friends； for friendship demands either striking
merits or striking defects； and yet possessing a sensibility of soul
more dreamy than profound。 Surely a retired life was the course left
for a young man whom pleasure had more than once misled；whose heart
was already aged by contact with a world as restless as it was
disappointing。
His mother； who was dying in the peaceful village of Auteuil； recalled
her son to live with her； partly to have him near her； and partly to
put him in the way of finding an equable； tranquil happiness which
might satisfy a soul like his。 She had ended by judging Godefroid；
finding him at twenty…eight with two…thirds of his fortune gone； his
desires dulled； his pretended capacities extinct； his activity dead；
his ambition humbled； and his hatred against all that reached
legitimate success increased by his own shortcomings。
She tried to marry him to an excellent young girl； the only daughter
of a retired merchant；a woman well fitted to play the part of
guardian to the sickened soul of her son。 But the father had the
business spirit which never abandons an old merchant； especially in
matrimonial negotiations； and after a year of attentions and
neighborly intercourse； Godefroid was not accepted。 In the first
place； his former career seemed to these worthy people profoundly
immoral； then； during this very year； he had made still further
inroads into his capital； as much to dazzle the parents as to please
the daughter。 This vanity； excusable as it was； caused his final
rejection by the family； who held dissipation of property in holy
horror； and who now discovered that in six years Godefroid had spent
or lost a hundred and fifty thousand francs of his capital。
This blow struck the young man's already wounded heart the more deeply
because the girl herself had no personal beauty。 But； guided by his
mother in judging her character； he had ended by recognizing in the
woman he sought the great value of an earnest soul； and the vast
advantages of a sound mind。 He had grown accustomed to the face； he
had studied the countenance； he loved the voice； the manners； the
glance of that young girl。 Having cast on this attachment the last
stake of his life； the disappointment he endured was the bitterest of
all。 His mother died； and he found himself； he who had always desired
luxury； with five thousand francs a year for his whole fortune； and
with the certainty that never in his future life could he repair any
loss whatsoever； for he felt himself incapable of the effort expressed
in that terrible injunction； to /make his way/。
Weak； impatient grief cannot easily be shaken off。 During his
mourning； Godefroid tried the various chances and distractions of
Paris； he dined at table…d'hotes； he made acquaintances heedlessly； he
sought society； with no result but that of increasing his
expenditures。 Walking along the boulevards； he often suffered deeply
at the sight of a mother walking with a marriageable daughter；a
sight which caused him as painful an emotion as he formerly felt when
a young man passed him riding to the Bois； or driving in an elegant
equipage。 The sense of his impotence told him that he could never hope
for the best of even secondary positions； nor for any easily won
career； and he had heart enough to feel constantly wounded； mind
enough to make in his own breast the bitterest of elegies。
Unfitted to struggle against circumstances； having an inward
consciousness of superior faculties without the will that could put
them in action； feeling himself incomplete； without force to undertake
any great thing； without resistance against the tastes derived from
his earlier life； his education； and his indolence； he was the victim
of three maladies； any one of which would be enough to sicken of life
a young man long alienated from religious faith。
Thus it was that Godefroid presented； even to the eye； the face that
we meet so often in Paris that it might be called the type of the
Parisian； in it we may see ambitions deceived or dead； inward
wretchedness； hatred sleeping in the indolence of a life passed in
watching the daily and external life of Paris； apathy which seeks
stimulation； lament without talent； a mimicry of strength； the venom
of past disappointments which excites to cynicism； and spits upon all
that enlarges and grows； misconceives all necessary authority；
rejoicing in its embarrassments； and will not hold to any social form。
This Parisian malady is to the active and permanent impulse towards
conspiracy in persons of energy what the sapwood is to the sap of the
trees； it preserves it； feeds it； and conceals it。
II
OLD HOUSE； OLD PEOPLE； OLD CUSTOMS
Weary of himself； Godefroid attempted one day to give a meaning to his
life； after meeting a former comrade who had been the tortoise in the
fable； while he in earlier days had been the hare。 In one of those
conversations which arise when schoolmates meet again in after years；
a conversation held as they were walking together in the sunshine on
the boulevard des Italiens；he was startled to learn the success of a
man endowe
