the brotherhood of consolation-第16章
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my misery。 A man who truly loves cannot be despicable。' At those words
I stretched out my hand to him。 He took it and wrung it。 'May heaven
protect you！' I said。 'Are we still friends？' he asked。 'Yes；' I
replied。 'It shall never be that my childhood's comrade and the friend
of my youth left me for America under the feeling that I was angry
with him。' Mongenod kissed me； with tears in his eyes； and rushed
away。〃
Monsieur Alain stopped in his narrative for an instant and looked at
Godefroid。 〃I remember that day with some satisfaction；〃 he said。 Then
he resumed：
〃A week or so later I met Bordin and told him of that interview。 He
smiled and said： 'I hope it was not a pretty bit of comedy。 Didn't he
ask for anything？' 'No；' I answered。 'Well； he came to see me the same
day。 I was almost as touched as you； and he asked me for means to get
food on his journey。 Well； well； time will show！' These remarks of
Bordin made me fear I had foolishly yielded to mistaken sensibility。
'Nevertheless；' I said to myself； 'he； the old lawyer； did as I did。'
I do not think it necessary to explain to you how I lost all； or
nearly all； my property。 I had placed a little in the Funds； which
gave me five hundred francs a year； all else was gone。 I was then
thirty…four years old。 I obtained； through the influence of Monsieur
Bordin； a place as clerk； with a salary of eight hundred francs； in a
branch office of the Mont…de…piete； rue des Augustins。＇*＇ From that
time I lived very modestly。 I found a small lodging in the rue des
Marais； on the third floor （two rooms and a closet）； for two hundred
and fifty francs a year。 I dined at a common boarding…house for forty
francs a month。 I copied writings at night。 Ugly as I was and poor； I
had to renounce marriage。〃
＇*＇ The Mont…de…Piete and its branches are pawn…shops under control of
the government。TR。
As Godefroid heard this judgment which the poor man passed upon
himself with beautiful simplicity and resignation； he made a movement
which proved； far more than any confidence in words could have done；
the resemblance of their destinies； and the goodman； in answer to that
eloquent gesture； seemed to expect the words that followed it。
〃Have you never been loved？〃 asked Godefroid。
〃Never！〃 he said； 〃except by Madame； who returns to us all the love we
have for her；a love which I may call divine。 You must be aware of
it。 We live through her life as she lives through ours； we have but
one soul among us； and such pleasures； though they are not physical；
are none the less intense； we exist through our hearts。 Ah； my child！〃
he continued； 〃when women come to appreciate moral qualities； they are
indifferent to others； and they are then oldOh！ I have suffered
deeply；yes； deeply！〃
〃And I； in the same way；〃 said Godefroid。
〃Under the Empire；〃 said the worthy man； resuming his narrative； 〃the
Funds did not always pay their dividends regularly； it was necessary
to be prepared for suspensions of payment。 From 1802 to 1814 there was
scarcely a week that I did not attribute my misfortune to Mongenod。
'If it were not for Mongenod；' I used to say to myself； 'I might have
married。 If I had never known him I should not be obliged to live in
such privation。' But then； again； there were other times when I said；
'Perhaps the unfortunate fellow has met with ill luck over there。' In
1806； at a time when I found my life particularly hard to bear； I
wrote him a long letter； which I sent by way of Holland。 I received no
answer。 I waited three years； placing all my hopes on that answer。 At
last I resigned myself to my life。 To the five hundred francs I
received from the Funds I now added twelve hundred from the Mont…de…
piete （for they raised my salary）； and five hundred which I obtained
from Monsieur Cesar Birotteau； perfumer； for keeping his books in the
evening。 Thus； not only did I manage to get along comfortably； but I
laid by eight hundred francs a year。 At the beginning of 1814 I
invested nine thousand francs of my savings at forty francs in the
Funds； and thus I was sure of sixteen hundred francs a year for my old
age。 By that time I had fifteen hundred a year from the Mont…de…piete；
six hundred for my book…keeping； sixteen hundred from the Funds； in
all； three thousand seven hundred francs a year。 I took a lodging in
the rue de Seine； and lived a little better。 My place had brought me
into relations with many unfortunates。 For the last twelve years I had
known better than any man whatsoever the misery of the poor。 Once or
twice I had been able to do a real service。 I felt a vivid pleasure
when I found that out of ten persons relieved； one or two households
had been put on their feet。 It came into my mind that benevolence
ought not to consist in throwing money to those who suffered。 'Doing
charity；' to use that common expression； seemed to me too often a
premium offered to crime。 I began to study the question。 I was then
fifty years of age； and my life was nearly over。 'Of what good am I？'
thought I。 'To whom can I leave my savings？ When I have furnished my
rooms handsomely； and found a good cook； and made my life suitable in
all respects； what then？how shall I employ my time？' Eleven years of
revolution； and fifteen years of poverty； had； as I may say； eaten up
the most precious parts of my life；used it up in sterile toil for my
own individual preservation。 No man at the age of fifty could spring
from that obscure； repressed condition to a brilliant future； but
every man could be of use。 I understood by this time that watchful
care and wise counsels have tenfold greater value than money given；
for the poor； above all things； need a guide； if only in the labor
they do for others； for speculators are never lacking to take
advantage of them。 Here I saw before me both an end and an occupation；
not to speak of the exquisite enjoyments obtained by playing in a
miniature way the role of Providence。〃
〃And to…day you play it in a grand way； do you not？〃 asked Godefroid；
eagerly。
〃Ah！ you want to know everything；〃 said the old man。 〃No； no！ Would
you believe it；〃 he continued after this interruption； 〃the smallness
of my means to do the work I now desired to do brought back the
thought of Mongenod。 'If it were not for Mongenod；' I kept saying to
myself； 'I could do so much more。 If a dishonest man had not deprived
me of fifteen hundred francs a year I could save this or that poor
family。' Excusing my own impotence by accusing another； I felt that
the miseries of those to whom I could offer nothing but words of
consolation were a curse upon Mongenod。 That thought soothed my heart。
One morning； in January； 1816； my housekeeper announced；whom do you
suppose？Mongenod！ Monsieur Mongenod！ And whom do you think I saw
enter my room？ The beautiful young woman I had once seen；only now
she was thirty…six years old；followed by her three children and
Mongenod。 He looked younger than when he went away； for prosperity and
happiness do shed a halo round their favorites。 Thin； pale； yellow；
shrivelled； when I last saw him； he was now plump； sleek； rosy as a
prebendary； and well dressed。 He flung himself into my arms。 Feeling；
perhaps； that I received him coldly； his first words were： 'Friend； I
could not come sooner。 The ocean was not free to passenger ships till
1815； then it took me a year to close up my business and realize my
property。 I have succeeded； my friend。 When I received your letter in
1806； I started in a Dutch vessel to bring you myself a little
fortune； but the union of Holland with the French Empire caused the
vessel to be taken by the English and sent to Jamaica； from which
island I escaped by mere chance。 When I reached New York I found I was
a victim to the bankruptcy of others。 In my absence my poor Charlotte
had not been able to protect herself against schemers。 I was therefore
forced to build up once more the edifice of my fortunes。 However； it
is all done now； and here we are。 By the way those children are
looking at you； you must be aware that we have often talked to them of
their father's benefactor。' 'Oh； yes； yes； monsieur！' said the
beautiful Mongenod； 'we have never passed a single day witho
