the brotherhood of consolation-第15章

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that　by　reason　of　my　loan　my　friend　was　a　sort　of　vassal　of　mine；　who
owed　me　a　number　of　things　besides　the　interest　on　my　money。　We　all
think　that。　Mongenod　not　only　did　not　send　me　a　ticket；　but　I　saw　him
from　a　distance　coming　towards　me　in　that　dark　passage　under　the
Theatre　Feydeau；　well　dressed；　almost　elegant；　he　pretended　not　to　see
me；　then；　after　he　had　passed　and　I　turned　to　run　after　him；　my　debtor
hastily　escaped　through　a　transverse　alley。　This　circumstance　greatly
irritated　me；　and　the　irritation；　instead　of　subsiding　with　time；　only
increased；　and　for　the　following　reason：　Some　days　after　this
encounter；　I　wrote　to　Mongenod　somewhat　in　these　terms：　'My　friend；
you　ought　not　to　think　me　indifferent　to　whatever　happens　to　you　of
good　or　evil。　Are　you　satisfied　with　the　success　of　'Les　Peruviens'？
You　forgot　me　（of　course　it　was　your　right　to　do　so）　for　the　first
representation；　at　which　I　should　have　applauded　you。　But；
nevertheless；　I　hope　you　found　a　Peru　in　your　Peruvians；　for　I　have
found　a　use　for　my　funds；　and　shall　look　to　you　for　the　payment　of
them　when　the　note　falls　due。　Your　friend；　Alain。'　After　waiting　two
weeks　for　an　answer；　I　went　to　the　rue　des　Moineaux。　The　landlady　told
me　that　the　little　wife　really　did　go　away　with　her　father　at　the　time
when　Mongenod　told　Bordin　of　their　departure。　Mongenod　always　left　the
garret　very　early　in　the　morning　and　did　not　return　till　late　at
night。　Another　two　weeks；　I　wrote　again；　thus：　'My　dear　Mongenod；　I
cannot　find　you；　and　you　do　not　reply　to　my　letters。　I　do　not
understand　your　conduct。　If　I　behaved　thus　to　you；　what　would　you
think　of　me？'　I　did　not　subscribe　the　letter　as　before；　'Your　friend；'
I　merely　wrote；　'Kind　regards。'

〃Well；　it　was　all　of　no　use；〃　said　Monsieur　Alain。　〃A　month　went　by
and　I　had　no　news　of　Mongenod。　'Les　Peruviens'　did　not　obtain　the
great　success　on　which　he　counted。　I　went　to　the　twentieth
representation；　thinking　to　find　him　and　obtain　my　money。　The　house
was　less　than　half　full；　but　Madame　Scio　was　very　beautiful。　They　told
me　in　the　foyer　that　the　play　would　run　a　few　nights　longer。　I　went
seven　different　times　to　Mongenod's　lodging　and　did　not　find　him；　each
time　I　left　my　name　with　the　landlady。　At　last　I　wrote　again：
'Monsieur；　if　you　do　not　wish　to　lose　my　respect；　as　you　have　my
friendship；　you　will　treat　me　now　as　a　stranger；that　is　to　say；　with
politeness；　and　you　will　tell　me　when　you　will　be　ready　to　pay　your
note；　which　is　now　due。　I　shall　act　according　to　your　answer。　Your
obedient　servant；　Alain。'　No　answer。　We　were　then　in　1799；　one　year；
all　but　two　months；　had　expired。　At　the　end　of　those　two　months　I　went
to　Bordin。　Bordin　took　the　note；　had　it　protested；　and　sued　Mongenod
for　me。　Meantime　the　disasters　of　the　French　armies　had　produced　such
depreciation　of　the　Funds　that　investors　could　buy　a　five…francs
dividend　on　seven　francs　capital。　Therefore；　for　my　hundred　louis　in
gold；　I　might　have　bought　myself　fifteen　hundred　francs　of　income。
Every　morning；　as　I　took　my　coffee　and　read　the　paper；　I　said　to
myself：　'That　cursed　Mongenod！　if　it　were　not　for　him　I　should　have
three　thousand　francs　a　year　to　live　on。'　Mongenod　became　by　/bete…
noire/；　I　inveighed　against　him　even　as　I　walked　the　streets。　'Bordin
is　there；'　I　thought　to　myself；　'Bordin　will　put　the　screws　on；　and　a
good　thing；　too。'　My　feelings　turned　to　hatred；　and　my　hatred　to
imprecations；　I　cursed　the　man；　and　I　believed　he　had　every　vice。　'Ah！
Monsieur　Barillaud　was　very　right；'　thought　I；　'in　all　he　told　me！'〃

Monsieur　Alain　paused　reflectively。

〃Yes；〃　he　said　again；　〃I　thought　him　very　right　in　all　he　told　me。　At
last；　one　morning；　in　came　my　debtor；　no　more　embarrassed　than　if　he
didn't　owe　me　a　sou。　When　I　saw　him　I　felt　all　the　shame　he　ought　to
have　felt。　I　was　like　a　criminal　taken　in　the　act；　I　was　all　upset。
The　eighteenth　Brumaire　had　just　taken　place。　Public　affairs　were
doing　well；　the　Funds　had　gone　up。　Bonaparte　was　off　to　fight　the
battle　of　Marengo。　'It　is　unfortunate；　monsieur；'　I　said；　receiving
Mongenod　standing；　'that　I　owe　your　visit　to　a　sheriff's　summons。'
Mongenod　took　a　chair　and　sat　down。　'I　came　to　tell　you；'　he　said；
'that　I　am　totally　unable　to　pay　you。'　'You　made　me　miss　a　fine
investment　before　the　election　of　the　First　Consul；an　investment
which　would　have　given　me　a　little　fortune。'　'I　know　it；　Alain；'　he
said；　'I　know　it。　But　what　is　the　good　of　suing　me　and　crushing　me
with　bills　of　costs？　I　have　nothing　with　which　to　pay　anything。
Lately　I　received　letters　from　my　wife　and　father…in…law；　they　have
bought　land　with　the　money　you　lent　me；　and　they　send　me　a　list　of
things　they　need　to　improve　it。　Now；　unless　some　one　prevents　it；　I
shall　sail　on　a　Dutch　vessel　from　Flushing；　whither　I　have　sent　the
few　things　I　am　taking　out　to　them。　Bonaparte　has　won　the　battle　of
Marengo；　peace　will　be　signed；　I　may　safely　rejoin　my　family；　and　I
have　need　to；　for　my　dear　little　wife　is　about　to　give　birth　to　a
child。'　'And　so　you　have　sacrificed　me　to　your　own　interests？'　said　I。
'Yes；'　he　answered；　'for　I　believed　you　my　friend。'　At　that　moment　I
felt　myself　inferior　to　Mongenod；　so　sublime　did　he　seem　to　me　as　he
said　those　grand　words。　'Did　I　not　speak　to　you　frankly；'　he　said；　'in
this　very　room？　I　came　to　you；　Alain；　as　the　only　person　who　would
really　understand　me。　I　told　you　that　fifty　louis　would　be　lost；　but　a
hundred　I　could　return　to　you。　I　did　not　bind　myself　by　saying　when；
for　how　could　I　know　the　time　at　which　my　long　struggle　with　disaster
would　end？　You　were　my　last　friend。　All　others；　even　our　old　master
Bordin；　despised　me　for　the　very　reason　that　I　borrowed　money　of　them。
Oh！　you　do　not　know；　Alain；　the　dreadful　sensation　which　grips　the
heart　of　an　honest　man　when；　in　the　throes　of　poverty；　he　goes　to　a
friend　and　asks　him　for　succor；and　all　that　follows！　I　hope　you
never　may　know　it；　it　is　far　worse　than　the　anguish　of　death。　You　have
written　me　letters　which；　if　I　had　written　them　to　you　in　a　like
situation；　you　would　have　thought　very　odious。　You　expected　of　me　that
which　it　was　out　of　my　power　to　do。　But　you　are　the　only　person　to
whom　I　shall　try　to　justify　myself。　In　spite　of　your　severity；　and
though　from　being　a　friend　you　became　a　creditor　on　the　day　when
Bordin　asked　for　my　note　on　your　behalf　（thus　abrogating　the　generous
compact　you　had　made　with　me　there；　on　that　spot；　when　we　clasped
hands　and　mingled　our　tears）；well；　in　spite　of　all　that；　I　have
remembered　that　day；　and　because　of　it　I　have　come　here　to　say　to　you；
You　do　not　know　misery；　therefore　do　not　judge　it。　I　have　not　had　one
moment　when　I　could　answer　you。　Would　you　have　wished　me　to　come　here
and　cajole　you　with　words？　I　could　not　pay　you；　I　did　not　even　have
enough　for　the　bare　necessities　of　those　whose　lives　depended　on　me。
My　play　brought　little。　A　novice　in　theatrical　ways；　I　became　a　prey
to　musicians；　actors；　journalists；　orchestras。　To　get　the　means　to
leave　Paris　and　join　my　family；　and　carry　to　them　the　few　things　they
need；　I　have　sold　〃Les　Peruviens〃　outright　to　the　director；　with　two
other　pieces　which　I　had　in　my　portfolio。　I　start　for　Holland　without
a　sou；　I　must　reach　Flushing　as　best　I　can；　my　voyage　is　paid；　that　is
all。　Were　it　not　for　the　pity　of　my　landlady；　who　has　confidence　in
me；　I　should　have　to　travel　on　foot；　with　my　bag　upon　my　back。　But；　in
spite　of　your　doubts　of　me；　I；　remembering　that　without　you　I　never
could　have　sent　my　wife　and　father…in…law　to　New　York；　am　forever
grateful　to　you。　No；　Monsieur　Alain；　I　shall　not　forget　that　the
hundred　louis　d'or　you　lent　me　would　have　yielded　you　to…day　fifteen
hundred　francs　a　year。'　'I　desire　to　believe　you；　Mongenod；'　I　said；
shaken　by　the　tone　in　which　he　made　this　explanation。　'Ah；　you　no
longer　say　/monsieur/　to　me！'　he　said　quickly；　with　a　tender　glance。
'My　God！　I　shall　quit　France　with　less　regret　if　I　can　leave　one　man
behind　me　in　whose　eyes　I　am　not　half　a　swindler；　nor　a　spendthrift；
nor　a　man　of　illusions！　Alain；　I　have　loved　an　angel　in　the　midst　of
my　misery。　A　man　who　truly　loves　cannot　be　despicable。'　At　those　words
I　stre