liber amoris-第2章
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S。 I have no power to kill。
H。 You have; you haveYour charms are irresistible as your will is inexorable。 I wish I could see you always thus。 But I would have no one else see you so。 I am jealous of all eyes but my own。 I should almost like you to wear a veil; and to be muffled up from head to foot; but even if you were; and not a glimpse of you could be seen; it would be to no purposeyou would only have to move; and you would be admired as the most graceful creature in the world。 You smileWell; if you were to be won by fine speeches
S。 You could supply them!
H。 It is however no laughing matter with me; thy beauty kills me daily; and I shall think of nothing but thy charms; till the last word trembles on my tongue; and that will be thy name; my lovethe name of my Infelice! You will live by that name; you rogue; fifty years after you are dead。 Don't you thank me for that?
S。 I have no such ambition; Sir。 But Mrs。 E is waiting。
H。 She is not in love; like me。 You look so handsome to…day; I cannot let you go。 You have got a colour。
S。 But you say I look best when I am pale。
H。 When you are pale; I think so; but when you have a colour; I then think you still more beautiful。 It is you that I admire; and whatever you are; I like best。 I like you as Miss L; I should like you still more as Mrs。 。 I once thought you were half inclined to be a prude; and I admired you as a 〃pensive nun; devout and pure。〃 I now think you are more than half a coquet; and I like you for your roguery。 The truth is; I am in love with you; my angel; and whatever you are; is to me the perfection of thy sex。 I care not what thou art; while thou art still thyself。 Smile but so; and turn my heart to what shape you please!
S。 I am afraid; Sir; Mrs。 E will think you have forgotten her。
H。 I had; my charmer。 But go; and make her a sweet apology; all graceful as thou art。 One kiss! Ah! ought I not to think myself the happiest of men?
THE FLAGEOLET
H。 Where have you been; my love?
S。 I have been down to see my aunt; Sir。
H。 And I hope she has been giving you good advice。
S。 I did not go to ask her opinion about any thing。
H。 And yet you seem anxious and agitated。 You appear pale and dejected; as if your refusal of me had touched your own breast with pity。 Cruel girl! you look at this moment heavenly…soft; saint…like; or resemble some graceful marble statue; in the moon's pale ray! Sadness only heightens the elegance of your features。 How can I escape from you; when every new occasion; even your cruelty and scorn; brings out some new charm。 Nay; your rejection of me; by the way in which you do it; is only a new link added to my chain。 Raise those downcast eyes; bend as if an angel stooped; and kiss me。 。 。 。 Ah! enchanting little trembler! if such is thy sweetness where thou dost not love; what must thy love have been? I cannot think how any man; having the heart of one; could go and leave it。
S。 No one did; that I know of。
H。 Yes; you told me yourself he left you (though he liked you; and though he knewOh! gracious God! that you loved him) he left you because 〃the pride of birth would not permit a union。〃For myself; I would leave a throne to ascend to the heaven of thy charms。 I live but for thee; hereI only wish to live again to pass all eternity with thee。 But even in another world; I suppose you would turn from me to seek him out who scorned you here。
S。 If the proud scorn us here; in that place we shall all be equal。
H。 Do not look sodo not talk sounless you would drive me mad。 I could worship you at this moment。 Can I witness such perfection; and bear to think I have lost you for ever? Oh! let me hope! You see you can mould me as you like。 You can lead me by the hand; like a little child; and with you my way would be like a little child's:you could strew flowers in my path; and pour new life and hope into me。 I should then indeed hail the return of spring with joy; could I indulge the faintest hopewould you but let me try to please you!
S。 Nothing can alter my resolution; Sir。
H。 Will you go and leave me so?
S。 It is late; and my father will be getting impatient at my stopping so long。
H。 You know he has nothing to fear for youit is poor I that am alone in danger。 But I wanted to ask about buying you a flageolet。 Could I see that which you have? If it is a pretty one; it would hardly be worth while; but if it isn't; I thought of bespeaking an ivory one for you。 Can't you bring up your own to shew me?
S。 Not to…night; Sir。
H。 I wish you could。
S。 I cannotbut I will in the morning。
H。 Whatever you determine; I must submit to。 Good night; and bless thee!
'The next morning; S。 brought up the tea…kettle as usual; and looking towards the tea…tray; she said; 〃Oh! I see my sister has forgot the tea…pot。〃 It was not there; sure enough; and tripping down stairs; she came up in a minute; with the tea…pot in one hand; and the flageolet in the other; balanced so sweetly and gracefully。 It would have been awkward to have brought up the flageolet in the tea…tray and she could not have well gone down again on purpose to fetch it。 Something; therefore; was to be omitted as an excuse。 Exquisite witch! But do I love her the less dearly for it? I cannot。'
THE CONFESSION
H。 You say you cannot love。 Is there not a prior attachment in the case? Was there any one else that you did like?
S。 Yes; there was another。
H。 Ah! I thought as much。 Is it long ago then?
S。 It is two years; Sir。
H。 And has time made no alteration? Or do you still see him sometimes?
S。 No; Sir! But he is one to whom I feel the sincerest affection; and ever shall; though he is far distant。
H。 And did he return your regard?
S。 I had every reason to think so。
H。 What then broke off your intimacy?
S。 It was the pride of birth; Sir; that would not permit him to think of a union。
H。 Was he a young man of rank; then?
S。 His connections were high。
H。 And did he never attempt to persuade you to any other step?
S。 Nohe had too great a regard for me。
H。 Tell me; my angel; how was it? Was he so very handsome? Or was it the fineness of his manners?
S。 It was more his manner: but I can't tell how it was。 It was chiefly my own fault。 I was foolish to suppose he could ever think seriously of me。 But he used to make me read with himand I used to be with him a good deal; though not much neitherand I found my affections entangled before I was aware of it。
H。 And did your mother and family know of it?
S。 NoI have never told any one but you; nor I should not have mentioned it now; but I thought it might give you some satisfaction。
H。 Why did he go at last?
S。 We thought it better to part。
H。 And do you correspond?
S。 No; Sir。 But perhaps I may see him again some time or other; though it will be only in the way of friendship。
H。 My God! what a heart is thine; to live for years upon that bare hope!
S。 I did not wish to live always; SirI wished to die for a long time after; till I thought it not right; and since then I have endeavoured to be as resigned as I can。
H。 And do you think the impression will never wear out?
S。 Not if I can judge from my feelings hitherto。 It is now sometime since;and I find no difference。
H。 May God for ever bless you! How can I thank you for your condescension in letting me know your sweet sentiments? You have changed my esteem into adoration。Never can I harbour a thought of ill in thee again。
S。 Indeed; Sir; I wish for your good opinion and your friendship。
H。 And can you return them?
S。 Yes。
H。 And nothing more?
S。 No; Sir。
H。 You are an angel; and I will spend my life; if you will let me; in paying you the homage that my heart feels towards you。
THE QUARREL
H。 You are angry with me?
S。 Have I not reason?
H。 I hope you have; for I would give the world to believe my suspicions unjust。 But; oh! my God! after what I have thought of you and felt towards you; as little less than an angel; to have but a doubt cross my mind for an instant that you were what I dare not name