stage-land-第13章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


closing…time；　she　puts　on　the　blue　ulster　and　the　red　bonnet　again　and
comes　in　at　the　old　original　door。

Then　he　recognizes　her　and　asks　her　where　she　has　been　all　these　cruel
years。

Even　the　bad　people；　who　as　a　rule　do　possess　a　little　senseindeed；
they　are　the　only　persons　in　the　play　who　ever　pretend　to　anyare
deceived　by　singularly　thin　disguises。

The　detective　comes　in　to　their　secret　councils；　with　his　hat　drawn
down　over　his　eyes；　and　followed　by　the　hero　speaking　in　a　squeaky
voice；　and　the　villains　mistake　them　for　members　of　the　band　and　tell
them　all　their　plans。

If　the　villains　can't　get　themselves　found　out　that　way；　then　they　go
into　a　public　tea…garden　and　recount　their　crimes　to　one　another　in　a
loud　tone　of　voice。

They　evidently　think　that　it　is　only　fair　to　give　the　detective　a
chance。

The　detective　must　not　be　confounded　with　the　policeman。　　The　stage
policeman　is　always　on　the　side　of　the　villain；　the　detective　backs
virtue。

The　stage　detective　is；　in　fact；　the　earthly　agent　of　a　discerning　and
benevolent　Providence。　　He　stands　by　and　allows　vice　to　be　triumphant
and　the　good　people　to　be　persecuted　for　awhile　without　interference。
Then　when　he　considers　that　we　have　all　had　about　enough　of　it　（to
which　conclusion；　by　the　bye；　he　arrives　somewhat　late）　he　comes
forward；　handcuffs　the　bad　people；　sorts　out　and　gives　back　to　the
good　people　all　their　various　estates　and　wives；　promises　the　chief
villain　twenty　years'　penal　servitude；　and　all　is　joy。



THE　SAILOR。

He　does　suffer　so　with　his　trousers。　　He　has　to　stop　and　pull　them　up
about　twice　every　minute。

One　of　these　days；　if　he　is　not　careful；　there　will　be　an　accident
happen　to　those　trousers。

If　the　stage　sailor　will　follow　our　advice；　he　will　be　warned　in　time
and　will　get　a　pair　of　braces。

Sailors　in　real　life　do　not　have　nearly　so　much　trouble　with　their
trousers　as　sailors　on　the　stage　do。　　Why　is　this？　　We　have　seen　a
good　deal　of　sailors　in　real　life；　but　on　only　one　occasion；　that　we
can　remember；　did　we　ever　see　a　real　sailor　pull　his　trousers　up。

And　then　he　did　not　do　it　a　bit　like　they　do　it　on　the　stage。

The　stage　sailor　places　his　right　hand　behind　him　and　his　left　in
front；　leaps　up　into　the　air；　kicks　out　his　leg　behind　in　a　gay　and
bird…like　way；　and　the　thing　is　done。

The　real　sailor　that　we　saw　began　by　saying　a　bad　word。　　Then　he
leaned　up　against　a　brick　wall　and　undid　his　belt；　pulled　up　his
〃bags〃　as　he　stood　there　（he　never　attempted　to　leap　up　into　the　air）；
tucked　in　his　jersey；　shook　his　legs；　and　walked　on。

It　was　a　most　unpicturesque　performance　to　watch。

The　thing　that　the　stage　sailor　most　craves　in　this　life　is　that
somebody　should　shiver　his　timbers。

〃Shiver　my　timbers！〃　is　the　request　he　makes　to　every　one　he　meets。
But　nobody　ever　does　it。

His　chief　desire　with　regard　to　the　other　people　in　the　play　is　that
they　should　〃belay　there；　avast！〃　　We　do　not　know　how　this　is　done；
but　the　stage　sailor　is　a　good　and　kindly　man；　and　we　feel　convinced
he　would　not　recommend　the　exercise　if　it　were　not　conducive　to　piety

and　health。

The　stage　sailor　is　good　to　his　mother　and　dances　the　hornpipe
beautifully。　　We　have　never　found　a　real　sailor　who　could　dance　a
hornpipe；　though　we　have　made　extensive　inquiries　throughout　the
profession。　　We　were　introduced　to　a　ship's　steward　who　offered　to　do
us　a　cellar…flap　for　a　pot　of　four…half；　but　that　was　not　what　we
wanted。

The　stage　sailor　is　gay　and　rollicking：　the　real　sailors　we　have　met
have　been；　some　of　them；　the　most　worthy　and　single…minded　of　men；　but
they　have　appeared　sedate　rather　than　gay；　and　they　haven't　rollicked
much。

The　stage　sailor　seems　to　have　an　easy　time　of　it　when　at　sea。　　The
hardest　work　we　have　ever　seen　him　do　then　has　been　folding　up　a　rope
or　dusting　the　sides　of　the　ship。

But　it　is　only　in　his　very　busy　moments　that　he　has　to　work　to　this
extent；　most　of　his　time　is　occupied　in　chatting　with　the　captain。

By　the　way；　speaking　of　the　sea；　few　things　are　more　remarkable　in
their　behavior　than　a　stage　sea。　　It　must　be　difficult　to　navigate　in
a　stage　sea；　the　currents　are　so　confusing。

As　for　the　waves；　there　is　no　knowing　how　to　steer　for　them；　they　are
so　tricky。　　At　one　moment　they　are　all　on　the　larboard；　the　sea　on　the
other　side　of　the　vessel　being　perfectly　calm；　and　the　next　instant
they　have　crossed　over　and　are　all　on　the　starboard；　and　before　the
captain　can　think　how　to　meet　this　new　dodge；　the　whole　ocean　has　slid
round　and　got　itself　into　a　heap　at　the　back　of　him。

Seamanship　is　useless　against　such　very　unprofessional　conduct　as
this；　and　the　vessel　is　wrecked。

A　wreck　at　（stage）　sea　is　a　truly　awful　sight。　　The　thunder　and
lightning　never　leave　off　for　an　instant；　the　crew　run　round　and　round
the　mast　and　scream；　the　heroine；　carrying　the　stage　child　in　her　arms
and　with　her　back　hair　down；　rushes　about　and　gets　in　everybody's　way。
The　comic　man　alone　is　calm！

The　next　instant　the　bulwarks　fall　down　flat　on　the　deck　and　the　mast
goes　straight　up　into　the　sky　and　disappears；　then　the　water　reaches
the　powder　magazine　and　there　is　a　terrific　explosion。

This　is　followed　by　a　sound　as　of　linen　sheets　being　ripped　up；　and
the　passengers　and　crew　hurry　downstairs　into　the　cabin；　evidently
with　the　idea　of　getting　out　of　the　way　of　the　sea；　which　has　climbed
up　and　is　now　level　with　the　deck。

The　next　moment　the　vessel　separates　in　the　middle　and　goes　off　R。
and　L。；　so　as　to　make　room　for　a　small　boat　containing　the　heroine；
the　child；　the　comic　man；　and　one　sailor。

The　way　small　boats　are　managed　at　（stage）　sea　is　even　more　wonderful
than　the　way　in　which　ships　are　sailed。

To　begin　with；　everybody　sits　sideways　along　the　middle　of　the　boat；
all　facing　the　starboard。　　They　do　not　attempt　to　row。　　One　man　does
all　the　work　with　one　scull。　　This　scull　he　puts　down　through　the
water　till　it　touches　the　bed　of　the　ocean；　and　then　he　shoves。

〃Deep…sea　punting〃　would　be　the　technical　term　for　the　method；　we
presume。

In　this　way　do　they　toilor　rather；　to　speak　correct｛y；　does　the　one
man　toilthrough　the　awful　night；　until　with　joy　they　see　before　them
the　light…house　rocks。

The　light…house　keeper　comes　out　with　a　lantern。　　The　boat　is　run　in
among　the　breakers　and　all　are　saved。

And　then　the　band　plays。







THE　END。