manalive-第38章

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Becoming　yet　more　hysterical　and　extravagant；　she　made　a　series　of　most
improbable　statementsas；　that　she　was　engaged　to　the　barrel…organ　man；
that　he　was　in　the　habit　of　serenading　her　on　that　instrument；
that　she　was　in　the　habit　of　playing　back　to　him　upon　the　typewriter
（in　the　style　of　King　Richard　and　Blondel）；　and　that　the　organ　man's
musical　ear　was　so　exquisite　and　his　adoration　of　herself　so　ardent
that　he　could　detect　the　note　of　the　different　letters　on　the　machine；
and　was　enraptured　by　them　as　by　a　melody。　　To　all　these　statements
of　course　our　Mr。　Trip　and　the　rest　of　us　only　paid　that　sort　of　assent
that　is　paid　to　persons　who　must　as　quickly　as　possible　be　put　in　the
charge　of　their　relations。　　But　on　our　conducting　the　lady　downstairs；
her　story　received　the　most　startling　and　even　exasperating　confirmation；
for　the　organ…grinder；　an　enormous　man　with　a　small　head　and　manifestly
a　fellow…lunatic；　had　pushed　his　barrel　organ　in　at　the　office　doors
like　a　battering…ram；　and　was　boisterously　demanding　his　alleged　fiancee。
When　I　myself　came　on　the　scene　he　was　flinging　his　great；　ape…like　arms　about
and　reciting　a　poem　to　her。　　But　we　were　used　to　lunatics　coming　and　reciting
poems　in　our　office；　and　we　were　not　quite　prepared　for　what　followed。
The　actual　verse　he　uttered　began；　I　think；

　　　　　　　　‘O　vivid；　inviolate　head；
　　　　　　　　　Ringed　'

but　he　never　got　any　further。　　Mr。　Trip　made　a　sharp
movement　towards　him；　and　the　next　moment　the　giant　picked
up　the　poor　lady　typewriter　like　a　doll；　sat　her　on　top
of　the　organ；　ran　it　with　a　crash　out　of　the　office　doors；
and　raced　away　down　the　street　like　a　flying　wheelbarrow。
I　put　the　police　upon　the　matter；　but　no　trace　of　the　amazing
pair　could　be　found。　　I　was　sorry　myself；　for　the　lady　was
not　only　pleasant　but　unusually　cultivated　for　her　position。
As　I　am　leaving　the　service　of　Messrs。　　Hanbury　and　Bootle；　I　put
these　things　in　a　record　and　leave　it　with　them。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃（Signed）　Aubrey　Clarke；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Publishers'　reader。〃


〃And　the　last　document；〃　said　Dr。　Pym　complacently；　〃is　from
one　of　those　high…souled　women　who　have　in　this　age　introduced
your　English　girlhood　to　hockey；　the　higher　mathematics；
and　every　form　of　ideality。


〃Dear　Sir　（she　writes）；I　have　no　objection　to　telling　you
the　facts　about　the　absurd　incident　you　mention；　though　I　would
ask　you　to　communicate　them　with　some　caution；　for　such　things；
however　entertaining　in　the　abstract；　are　not　always　auxiliary
to　the　success　of　a　girls'　school。　　The　truth　is　this：
I　wanted　some　one　to　deliver　a　lecture　on　a　philological
or　historical　questiona　lecture　which；　while　containing
solid　educational　matter；　should　be　a　little　more　popular　and
entertaining　than　usual；　as　it　was　the　last　lecture　of　the　term。
I　remembered　that　a　Mr。　Smith　of　Cambridge　had　written　somewhere
or　other　an　amusing　essay　about　his　own　somewhat　ubiquitous　name
an　essay　which　showed　considerable　knowledge　of　genealogy
and　topography。　　I　wrote　to　him；　asking　if　he　would　come　and
give　us　a　bright　address　upon　English　surnames；　and　he　did。
It　was　very　bright；　almost　too　bright。　　To　put　the　matter　otherwise；
by　the　time　that　he　was　halfway　through　it　became　apparent
to　the　other　mistresses　and　myself　that　the　man　was　totally
and　entirely　off　his　head。　　He　began　rationally　enough　by　dealing
with　the　two　departments　of　place　names　and　trade　names；　and　he　said
（quite　rightly；　I　dare　say）　that　the　loss　of　all　significance
in　names　was　an　instance　of　the　deadening　of　civilization。
But　then　he　went　on　calmly　to　maintain　that　every　man　who　had
a　place　name　ought　to　go　to　live　in　that　place；　and　that　every
man　who　had　a　trade　name　ought　instantly　to　adopt　that　trade；
that　people　named　after　colours　should　always　dress　in　those　colours；
and　that　people　named　after　trees　or　plants　（such　as　Beech　or　Rose）
ought　to　surround　and　decorate　themselves　with　these　vegetables。
In　a　slight　discussion　that　arose　afterwards　among　the　elder　girls
the　difficulties　of　the　proposal　were　clearly；　and　even　eagerly；
pointed　out。　　It　was　urged；　for　instance；　by　Miss　Younghusband
that　it　was　substantially　impossible　for　her　to　play　the　part
assigned　to　her；　Miss　Mann　was　in　a　similar　dilemma；　from　which
no　modern　views　on　the　sexes　could　apparently　extricate　her；
and　some　young　ladies；　whose　surnames　happened　to　be　Low；　Coward；
and　Craven；　were　quite　enthusiastic　against　the　idea。
But　all　this　happened　afterwards。　　What　happened　at　the　crucial
moment　was　that　the　lecturer　produced　several　horseshoes　and　a
large　iron　hammer　from　his　bag；　announced　his　immediate　intention
of　setting　up　a　smithy　in　the　neighbourhood；　and　called　on　every
one　to　rise　in　the　same　cause　as　for　a　heroic　revolution。
The　other　mistresses　and　I　attempted　to　stop　the　wretched　man；
but　I　must　confess　that　by　an　accident　this　very　intercession
produced　the　worst　explosion　of　his　insanity。　　He　was　waving
the　hammer；　and　wildly　demanding　the　names　of　everybody；
and　it　so　happened　that　Miss　Brown；　one　of　the　younger　teachers；
was　wearing　a　brown　dressa　reddish…brown　dress　that　went　quietly
enough　with　the　warmer　colour　of　her　hair；　as　well　she　knew。
She　was　a　nice　girl；　and　nice　girls　do　know　about　those　things。
But　when　our　maniac　discovered　that　we　really　had　a　Miss　Brown
who　WAS　brown；　his　~idee　fixe~　blew　up　like　a　powder　magazine；
and　there；　in　the　presence　of　all　the　mistresses　and　girls；
he　publicly　proposed　to　the　lady　in　the　red…brown　dress。
You　can　imagine　the　effect　of　such　a　scene　at　a　girls'　school。
At　least；　if　you　fail　to　imagine　it；　I　certainly　fail
to　describe　it。

〃Of　course；　the　anarchy　died　down　in　a　week　or　two；　and　I　can
think　of　it　now　as　a　joke。　　There　was　only　one　curious　detail；
which　I　will　tell　you；　as　you　say　your　inquiry　is　vital；　but　I　should
desire　you　to　consider　it　a　little　more　confidential　than　the　rest。
Miss　Brown；　who　was　an　excellent　girl　in　every　way；　did　quite
suddenly　and　surreptitiously　leave　us　only　a　day　or　two　afterwards。
I　should　never　have　thought　that　her　head　would　be　the　one
to　be　really　turned　by　so　absurd　an　excitement。Believe　me；
yours　faithfully；　Ada　Gridley。


〃I　think；〃　said　Pym；　with　a　really　convincing　simplicity　and　seriousness；
〃that　these　letters　speak　for　themselves。〃

Mr。　Moon　rose　for　the　last　time　in　a　darkness　that　gave　no　hint
of　whether　his　native　gravity　was　mixed　with　his　native　irony。

〃Throughout　this　inquiry；〃　he　said；　〃but　especially　in　this　its
closing　phase；　the　prosecution　has　perpetually　relied　upon　one　argument；
I　mean　the　fact　that　no　one　knows　what　has　become　of　all　the　unhappy
women　apparently　seduced　by　Smith。　　There　is　no　sort　of　proof
that　they　were　murdered；　but　that　implication　is　perpetually　made
when　the　question　is　asked　as　to　how　they　died。　　Now　I　am　not
interested　in　how　they　died；　or　when　they　died；　or　whether　they　died。
But　I　am　interested　in　another　analogous　questionthat　of　how　they
were　born；　and　when　they　were　born；　and　whether　they　were　born。
Do　not　misunderstand　me。　　I　do　not　dispute　the　existence　of
these　women；　or　the　veracity　of　those　who　have　witnessed　to　them。
I　merely　remark　on　the　notable　fact　that　only　one　of　these　victims；
the　Maidenhead　girl；　is　described　as　having　any　home　or　parents。
All　the　rest　are　boarders　or　birds　of　passagea　guest；　a　solitary
dressmaker；　a　bachelor…girl　doing　typewriting。　　Lady　Bullingdon；
looking　from　her　turrets；　which　she　bought　from　the　Whartons　with
the　old　soap…boiler's　money　when　she　jumped　at　marrying　an　unsuccessful
gentleman　from　UlsterLady　Bullingdon；　looking　out　from　those　turrets；
did　really　see　an　object　which　she　describes　as　Green。　　Mr。　Trip；
of　Hanbury　and　Bootle；　really　did　have　a　typewriter　betrothed
to　Smith。　　Miss　Gridley；　though　idealistic；　is　absolutely　honest。
She　did　house；　feed；　and　teach　a　young　woman　whom　Smith　succeeded
in　decoying　away。　　We　admit　that　all　these　women　really　lived。
But　we　still　ask　whether　they　were　ever　born？〃

〃Oh；　crikey！〃　said　Moses　Gould；　stifled　with　amusement。

〃There　could　hardly；〃　interposed　Pym　with　a　quiet　smile；
〃be