the purcell papers-2-第5章

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with　a　view　to　his　amusement　or　to　some

more　serious　advantage；　were　so　obviously

and　perseveringly　directed　to　me；　that

young　and　inexperienced　as　I　was；　even　_I_

could　not　be　ignorant　of　his　preference。　I

felt　more　provoked　by　this　odious　persecution

than　I　can　express；　and　discouraged

him　with　so　much　vigour；　that　I　employed

even　rudeness　to　convince　him　that　his

assiduities　were　unwelcome；　but　all　in

vain。



This　had　gone　on　for　nearly　a　twelve…

month；　to　my　infinite　annoyance；　when　one

day　as　I　was　sitting　at　some　needle…work

with　my　companion　Emily；　as　was　my

habit；　in　the　parlour；　the　door　opened；

and　my　cousin　Edward　entered　the　room。

There　was　something；　I　thought；　odd　in

his　mannera　kind　of　struggle　between

shame　and　impudencea　kind　of　flurry

and　ambiguity　which　made　him　appear；

if　possible；　more　than　ordinarily　disagreeable。



'Your　servant；　ladies；'　he　said；　seating

himself　at　the　same　time；　'sorry　to　spoil

your　tete…a…tete；　but　never　mind；　I'll　only

take　Emily's　place　for　a　minute　or　two；

and　then　we　part　for　a　while；　fair　cousin。

Emily；　my　father　wants　you　in　the　corner

turret。　No　shilly…shally；　he's　in　a　hurry。'

She　hesitated。　'Be　offtramp；　march！'

he　exclaimed；　in　a　tone　which　the　poor　girl

dared　not　disobey。



She　left　the　room；　and　Edward　followed

her　to　the　door。　He　stood　there　for　a

minute　or　two；　as　if　reflecting　what　he

should　say；　perhaps　satisfying　himself

that　no　one　was　within　hearing　in　the

hall。



At　length　he　turned　about；　having　closed

the　door；　as　if　carelessly；　with　his　foot；　and

advancing　slowly；　as　if　in　deep　thought；　he

took　his　seat　at　the　side　of　the　table

opposite　to　mine。



There　was　a　brief　interval　of　silence；

after　which　he　said：



'I　imagine　that　you　have　a　shrewd

suspicion　of　the　object　of　my　early　visit；　but

I　suppose　I　must　go　into　particulars。

Must　I？'



'I　have　no　conception；'　I　replied；　'what

your　object　may　be。'



'Well；　well；'　said　he；　becoming　more　at

his　ease　as　he　proceeded；　'it　may　be　told　in

a　few　words。　You　know　that　it　is　totally

impossiblequite　out　of　the　question

that　an　offhand　young　fellow　like　me；　and

a　good…looking　girl　like　yourself；　could

meet　continually；　as　you　and　I　have　done；

without　an　attachmenta　liking　growing

up　on　one　side　or　other；　in　short；　I　think

I　have　let　you　know　as　plain　as　if　I　spoke

it；　that　I　have　been　in　love　with　you

almost　from　the　first　time　I　saw

you。'



He　paused；　but　I　was　too　much　horrified

to　speak。　He　interpreted　my　silence

favourably。



'I　can　tell　you；'　he　continued；　'I'm

reckoned　rather　hard　to　please；　and　very

hard　to　HIT。　I　can't　say　when　I　was　taken

with　a　girl　before；　so　you　see　fortune

reserved　me'



Here　the　odious　wretch　wound　his　arm

round　my　waist。　The　action　at　once

restored　me　to　utterance；　and　with　the　most

indignant　vehemence　I　released　myself

from　his　hold；　and　at　the　same　time

said：



'I　have　not　been　insensible；　sir；　of　your

most　disagreeable　attentionsthey　have

long　been　a　source　of　much　annoyance　to

me；　and　you　must　be　aware　that　I　have

marked　my　disapprobationmy　disgust

as　unequivocally　as　I　possibly　could；　without

actual　indelicacy。'



I　paused；　almost　out　of　breath　from　the

rapidity　with　which　I　had　spoken；　and

without　giving　him　time　to　renew　the

conversation；　I　hastily　quitted　the　room；

leaving　him　in　a　paroxysm　of　rage　and

mortification。　As　I　ascended　the　stairs；

I　heard　him　open　the　parlour…door　with

violence；　and　take　two　or　three　rapid　strides

in　the　direction　in　which　I　was　moving。　I

was　now　much　frightened；　and　ran　the

whole　way　until　I　reached　my　room；　and

having　locked　the　door；　I　listened　breathlessly；

but　heard　no　sound。　This　relieved

me　for　the　present；　but　so　much　had　I

been　overcome　by　the　agitation　and　annoyance

attendant　upon　the　scene　which　I　had

just　gone　through；　that　when　my　cousin

Emily　knocked　at　my　door；　I　was　weeping

in　strong　hysterics。



You　will　readily　conceive　my　distress；

when　you　reflect　upon　my　strong　dislike　to

my　cousin　Edward；　combined　with　my

youth　and　extreme　inexperience。　Any

proposal　of　such　a　nature　must　have

agitated　me；　but　that　it　should　have　come

from　the　man　whom　of　all　others　I　most

loathed　and　abhorred；　and　to　whom　I　had；

as　clearly　as　manner　could　do　it；　expressed

the　state　of　my　feelings；　was　almost　too

overwhelming　to　be　borne。　It　was　a　calamity；

too；　in　which　I　could　not　claim　the　sym…

pathy　of　my　cousin　Emily；　which　had

always　been　extended　to　me　in　my　minor

grievances。　Still　I　hoped　that　it　might

not　be　unattended　with　good；　for　I

thought　that　one　inevitable　and　most

welcome　consequence　would　result　from

this　painful　eclaircissment；　in　the

discontinuance　of　my　cousin's　odious

persecution。



When　I　arose　next　morning；　it　was　with

the　fervent　hope　that　I　might　never　again

behold　the　face；　or　even　hear　the　name；　of

my　cousin　Edward；　but　such　a　consummation；

though　devoutly　to　be　wished；　was

hardly　likely　to　occur。　The　painful

impressions　of　yesterday　were　too　vivid　to

be　at　once　erased；　and　I　could　not　help

feeling　some　dim　foreboding　of　coming

annoyance　and　evil。



To　expect　on　my　cousin's　part　anything

like　delicacy　or　consideration　for　me；　was

out　of　the　question。　I　saw　that　he　had

set　his　heart　upon　my　property；　and　that

he　was　not　likely　easily　to　forego　such　an

acquisitionpossessing　what　might　have

been　considered　opportunities　and　facilities

almost　to　compel　my　compliance。



I　now　keenly　felt　the　unreasonableness

of　my　father's　conduct　in　placing　me　to

reside　with　a　family　of　all　whose　members；

with　one　exception；　he　was　wholly

ignorant；　and　I　bitterly　felt　the　helplessness

of　my　situation。　I　determined；　however；

in　case　of　my　cousin's　persevering　in

his　addresses；　to　lay　all　the　particulars

before　my　uncle；　although　he　had　never　in

kindness　or　intimacy　gone　a　step　beyond

our　first　interview；　and　to　throw　myself

upon　his　hospitality　and　his　sense　of　honour

for　protection　against　a　repetition　of　such

scenes。



My　cousin's　conduct　may　appear　to　have

been　an　inadequate　cause　for　such　serious

uneasiness；　but　my　alarm　was　caused

neither　by　his　acts　nor　words；　but　entirely

by　his　manner；　which　was　strange　and　even

intimidating　to　excess。　At　the　beginning

of　the　yesterday's　interview　there　was　a

sort　of　bullying　swagger　in　his　air；　which

towards　the　end　gave　place　to　the　brutal

vehemence　of　an　undisguised　ruffiana

transition　which　had　tempted　me　into　a　belief

that　he　might　seek　even　forcibly　to　extort

from　me　a　consent　to　his　wishes；　or　by

means　still　more　horrible；　of　which　I

scarcely　dared　to　trust　myself　to　think；

to　possess　himself　of　my　property。



I　was　early　next　day　summoned　to　attend

my　uncle　in　his　private　room；　which　lay　in

a　corner　turret　of　the　old　building；　and

thither　I　accordingly　went；　wondering　all

the　way　what　this　unusual　measure　might

prelude。　When　I　entered　the　room；　he

did　not　rise　in　his　usual　courteous　way　to

greet　me；　but　simply　pointed　to　a　chair

opposite　to　his　own。　This　boded　nothing

agreeable。　I　sat　down；　however；　silently

waiting　until　he　should　open　the　conversation。



'Lady　Margaret；'　at　length　he　said；　in　a

tone　of　greater　sternness　than　I　thought

him　capable　of　using；　'I　have　hitherto

spoken　to　you　as　a　friend；　but　I　have　not

forgotten　that　I　am　also　your　guardian；

and　that　my　authority　as　such　gives　me　a

right　to　control　your　conduct。　I　shall

put　a　question　to　you；　and　I　expect　and

will　demand　a　plain；　direct　answer。　Have

I　rightly　been　informed　that　you　have　con…

temptuously　rejected　the　suit　and　hand　of

my　son　Edward？'



I　stammered　forth　with　a　good　deal　of

trepidation：



'I　believethat　is；　I　have；　sir；　rejected

my　cousin's　proposals；　and　my　coldness

and　discouragement　might　have

convinced　hi