part8-第3章

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my　life；　and　a　greater　detestation　of　my　past　sins；　from　a　sense　

of　the　goodness　which　I　had　tasted　in　this　case；　than　I　had　in　

all　my　sorrow　before。



This　may　be　thought　inconsistent　in　itself；　and　wide　from　the　

business　of　this　book；　particularly；　I　reflect　that　many　of　those　

who　may　be　pleased　and　diverted　with　the　relation　of　the　wild　

and　wicked　part　of　my　story　may　not　relish　this；　which　is　

really　the　best　part　of　my　life；　the　most　advantageous　to　myself；　

and　the　most　instructive　to　others。　　Such；　however；　will；　I　hope；　

allow　me　the　liberty　to　make　my　story　complete。　　It　would　be　

a　severe　satire　on　such　to　say　they　do　not　relish　the　repentance　

as　much　as　they　do　the　crime；　and　that　they　had　rather　the　

history　were　a　complete　tragedy；　as　it　was　very　likely　to　have　been。



But　I　go　on　with　my　relation。　　The　next　morning　there　was　a　

sad　scene　indeed　in　the　prison。　　The　first　thing　I　was　saluted　

with　in　the　morning　was　the　tolling　of　the　great　bell　at　St。　

Sepulchre's；　as　they　call　it；　which　ushered　in　the　day。　　As　soon　

as　it　began　to　toll；　a　dismal　groaning　and　crying　was　heard　

from　the　condemned　hole；　where　there　lay　six　poor　souls　who　

were　to　be　executed　that　day；　some　from　one　crime；　some　for　

another；　and　two　of　them　for　murder。



This　was　followed　by　a　confused　clamour　in　the　house；　among　

the　several　sorts　of　prisoners；　expressing　their　awkward　sorrows　

for　the　poor　creatures　that　were　to　die；　but　in　a　manner　extremely　

differing　one　from　another。　　Some　cried　for　them；　some　huzzaed；　

and　wished　them　a　good　journey；　some　damned　and　cursed　those　

that　had　brought　them　to　itthat　is；　meaning　the　evidence；　or　

prosecutorsmany　pitying　them；　and　some　few；　but　very　few；　

praying　for　them。



There　was　hardly　room　for　so　much　composure　of　mind　as　

was　required　for　me　to　bless　the　merciful　Providence　that　had；　

as　it　were；　snatched　me　out　of　the　jaws　of　this　destruction。　　I　

remained；　as　it　were；　dumb　and　silent；　overcome　with　the　

sense　of　it；　and　not　able　to　express　what　I　had　in　my　heart；　for　

the　passions　on　such　occasions　as　these　are　certainly　so　agitated　

as　not　to　be　able　presently　to　regulate　their　own　motions。



All　the　while　the　poor　condemned　creatures　were　preparing　

to　their　death；　and　the　ordinary；　as　they　call　him；　was　busy　

with　them；　disposing　them　to　submit　to　their　sentenceI　say；　

all　this　while　I　was　seized　with　a　fit　of　trembling；　as　much　as　

I　could　have　been　if　I　had　been　in　the　same　condition；　as　to　be　

sure　the　day　before　I　expected　to　be；　I　was　so　violently　agitated　

by　this　surprising　fit；　that　I　shook　as　if　it　had　been　in　the　cold　

fit　of　an　ague；　so　that　I　could　not　speak　or　look　but　like　one　

distracted。　　As　soon　as　they　were　all　put　into　carts　and　gone；　

which；　however；　I　had　not　courage　enough　to　seeI　say；　as　

soon　as　they　were　gone；　I　fell　into　a　fit　of　crying　involuntarily；　

and　without　design；　but　as　a　mere　distemper；　and　yet　so　violent；　

and　it　held　me　so　long；　that　I　knew　not　what　course　to　take；　

nor　could　I　stop；　or　put　a　check　to　it；　no；　not　with　all　the　

strength　and　courage　I　had。



This　fit　of　crying　held　me　near　two　hours；　and；　as　I　believe；　

held　me　till　they　were　all　out　of　the　world；　and　then　a　most　

humble；　penitent；　serious　kind　of　joy　succeeded；　a　real　transport　

it　was；　or　passion　of　joy　and　thankfulness；　but　still　unable　to　

give　vent　to　it　by　words；　and　in　this　I　continued　most　part　of　

the　day。



In　the　evening　the　good　minister　visited　me　again；　and　then　

fell　to　his　usual　good　discourses。　　He　congratulated　my　having　

a　space　yet　allowed　me　for　repentance；　whereas　the　state　of　

those　six　poor　creatures　was　determined；　and　they　were　now　

past　the　offers　of　salvation；　he　earnestly　pressed　me　to　retain　

the　same　sentiments　of　the　things　of　life　that　I　had　when　I　had　

a　view　of　eternity；　and　at　the　end　of　all　told　me　I　should　not　

conclude　that　all　was　over；　that　a　reprieve　was　not　a　pardon；　

that　he　could　not　yet　answer　for　the　effects　of　it；　however；　I　

had　this　mercy；　that　I　had　more　time　given　me；　and　that　it　was　

my　business　to　improve　that　time。



This　discourse；　though　very　seasonable；　left　a　kind　of　sadness　

on　my　　heart；　as　if　I　might　expect　the　affair　would　have　a　

tragical　issue　still；　which；　however；　he　had　no　certainty　of；　

and　I　did　not　indeed；　at　that　time；　question　him　about　it；　he　

having　said　that　he　would　do　his　utmost　to　bring　it　to　a　good　

end；　and　that　he　hoped　he　might；　but　he　would　not　have　me　

be　secure；　and　the　consequence　proved　that　he　had　reason　for　

what　he　said。



It　was　about　a　fortnight　after　this　that　I　had　some　just　apprehensions　

that　I　should　be　included　in　the　next　dead　warrant　at　the　ensuing　

sessions；　and　it　was　not　without　great　difficulty；　and　at　last　a　

humble　petition　for　transportation；　that　I　avoided　it；　so　ill　was　

I　beholding　to　fame；　and　so　prevailing　was　the　fatal　report　of　

being　an　old　offender；　though　in　that　they　did　not　do　me　strict　

justice；　for　I　was　not　in　the　sense　of　the　law　an　old　offender；　

whatever　I　was　in　the　eye　of　the　judge；　for　I　had　never　been　

before　them　in　a　judicial　way　before；　so　the　judges　could　not　

charge　me　with　being　an　old　offender；　but　the　Recorder　was　

pleased　to　represent　my　case　as　he　thought　fit。



I　had　now　a　certainty　of　life　indeed；　but　with　the　hard　conditions　

of　being　ordered　for　transportation；　which　indeed　was　hard　

condition　in　itself；　but　not　when　comparatively　considered；　

and　therefore　I　shall　make　no　comments　upon　the　sentence；　

nor　upon　the　choice　I　was　put　to。　　We　shall　all　choose　anything　

rather　than　death；　especially　when　'tis　attended　with　an　

uncomfortable　prospect　beyond　it；　which　was　my　case。



The　good　minister；　whose　interest；　though　a　stranger　to　me；　

had　obtained　me　the　reprieve；　mourned　sincerely　for　this　part。　　

He　was　in　hopes；　he　said；　that　I　should　have　ended　my　days　

under　the　influence　of　good　instruction；　that　I　should　not　have　

been　turned　loose　again　among　such　a　wretched　crew　as　they　

generally　are；　who　are　thus　sent　abroad；　where；　as　he　said；　I　

must　have　more　than　ordinary　secret　assistance　from　the　grace　

of　God；　if　I　did　not　turn　as　wicked　again　as　ever。



I　have　not　for　a　good　while　mentioned　my　governess；　who　

had　during　most；　if　not　all；　of　this　part　been　dangerously　sick；　

and　being　in　as　near　a　view　of　death　by　her　disease　as　I　was　

by　my　sentence；　was　a　great　penitentI　say；　I　have　not　mentioned　

her；　nor　indeed　did　I　see　her　in　all　this　time；　but　being　now　

recovering；　and　just　able　to　come　abroad；　she　came　to　see　me。



I　told　her　my　condition；　and　what　a　different　flux　and　reflux　

of　tears　and　hopes　I　had　been　agitated　with；　I　told　her　what　I　

had　escaped；　and　upon　what　terms；　and　she　was　present　when　

the　minister　expressed　his　fears　of　my　relapsing　into　wickedness　

upon　my　falling　into　the　wretched　companies　that　are　generally　

transported。　　Indeed　I　had　a　melancholy　reflection　upon　it　in　

my　own　mind；　for　I　knew　what　a　dreadful　gang　was　always　

sent　away　together；　and　I　said　to　my　governess　that　the　good　

minister's　fears　were　not　without　cause。　　'Well；　well；'　says　　she；　

'but　I　hope　you　will　not　be　tempted　with　such　a　horrid　example　

as　that。'　　And　as　soon　as　the　minister　was　gone；　she　told　me　she　

would　not　have　me　discouraged；　for　perhaps　ways　and　means　

might　be　found　out　to　dispose　of　me　in　a　particular　way；　by　

myself；　of　which　she　would　talk　further　to　me　afterward。



I　looked　earnestly　at　her；　and　I　thought　she　looked　more　cheerful　

than　she　usually　had　done；　and　I　entertained　immediately　a　

thousand　notions　of　being　delivered；　but　could　not　for　my　life　

image　the　methods；　or　think　of　one　that　was　in　the　least　feasible；　

but　I　was　too　much　concerned　in　it　to　let　her　go　from　me　without　

explaining　herself；　which；　though　she　was　very　loth　to　do；　yet　

my　importunity　prevailed；　and；　while　I　was　still　pressing；　she　

answered