part8-第1章
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Part 8
My poor afflicted governess was now as much concerned as
I; and a great deal more truly penitent; though she had no
prospect of being brought to trial and sentence。 Not but that
she deserved it as much as I; and so she said herself; but she
had not done anything herself for many years; other than
receiving what I and others stole; and encouraging us to steal
it。 But she cried; and took on like a distracted body; wringing
her hands; and crying out that she was undone; that she
believed there was a curse from heaven upon her; that she
should be damned; that she had been the destruction of all her
friends; that she had brought such a one; and such a one; and
such a one to the gallows; and there she reckoned up ten or
eleven people; some of which I have given account of; that
came to untimely ends; and that now she was the occasion
of my ruin; for she had persuaded me to go on; when I would
have left off。 I interrupted her there。 'No; mother; no;' said I;
'don't speak of that; for you would have had me left off when
I got the mercer's money again; and when I came home from
Harwich; and I would not hearken to you; therefore you have
not been to blame; it is I only have ruined myself; I have
brought myself to this misery'; and thus we spent many hours
together。
Well; there was no remedy; the prosecution went on; and on
the Thursday I was carried down to the sessions…house; where
I was arraigned; as they called it; and the next day I was
appointed to be tried。 At the arraignment I pleaded 'Not guilty;'
and well I might; for I was indicted for felony and burglary;
that is; for feloniously stealing two pieces of brocaded silk;
value #46; the goods of Anthony Johnson; and for breaking
open his doors; whereas I knew very well they could not
pretend to prove I had broken up the doors; or so much as
lifted up a latch。
On the Friday I was brought to my trial。 I had exhausted my
spirits with crying for two or three days before; so that I slept
better the Thursday night than I expected; and had more courage
for my trial than indeed I thought possible for me to have。
When the trial began; the indictment was read; I would have
spoke; but they told me the witnesses must be heard first; and
then I should have time to be heard。 The witnesses were the
two wenches; a couple of hard…mouthed jades indeed; for
though the thing was truth in the main; yet they aggravated it
to the utmost extremity; and swore I had the goods wholly in
my possession; that I had hid them among my clothes; that I
was going off with them; that I had one foot over the threshold
when they discovered themselves; and then I put t' other over;
so that I was quite out of the house in the street with the goods
before they took hold of me; and then they seized me; and
brought me back again; and they took the goods upon me。 The
fact in general was all true; but I believe; and insisted upon it;
that they stopped me before I had set my foot clear of the
threshold of the house。 But that did not argue much; for certain
it was that I had taken the goods; and I was bringing them away;
if I had not been taken。
But I pleaded that I had stole nothing; they had lost nothing;
that the door was open; and I went in; seeing the goods lie
there; and with design to buy。 If; seeing nobody in the house; I
had taken any of them up in my hand it could not be concluded
that I intended to steal them; for that I never carried them
farther than the door to look on them with the better light。
The Court would not allow that by any means; and made a
kind of a jest of my intending to buy the goods; that being no
shop for the selling of anything; and as to carrying them to the
door to look at them; the maids made their impudent mocks
upon that; and spent their wit upon it very much; told the
Court I had looked at them sufficiently; and approved them
very well; for I had packed them up under my clothes; and
was a…going with them。
In short; I was found guilty of felony; but acquitted of the
burglary; which was but small comfort to me; the first bringing
me to a sentence of death; and the last would have done no
more。 The next day I was carried down to receive the dreadful
sentence; and when they came to ask me what I had to say
why sentence should not pass; I stood mute a while; but
somebody that stood behind me prompted me aloud to speak
to the judges; for that they could represent things favourably
for me。 This encouraged me to speak; and I told them I had
nothing to say to stop the sentence; but that I had much to say
to bespeak the mercy of the Court; that I hoped they would
allow something in such a case for the circumstances of it;
that I had broken no doors; had carried nothing off; that
nobody had lost anything; that the person whose goods they
were was pleased to say he desired mercy might be shown
(which indeed he very honestly did); that; at the worst; it was
the first offence; and that I had never been before any court
of justice before; and; in a word; I spoke with more courage
that I thought I could have done; and in such a moving tone;
and though with tears; yet not so many tears as to obstruct my
speech; that I could see it moved others to tears that heard me。
The judges sat grave and mute; gave me an easy hearing; and
time to say all that I would; but; saying neither Yes nor No to
it; pronounced the sentence of death upon me; a sentence that
was to me like death itself; which; after it was read; confounded
me。 I had no more spirit left in me; I had no tongue to speak;
or eyes to look up either to God or man。
My poor governess was utterly disconsolate; and she that was
my comforter before; wanted comfort now herself; and sometimes
mourning; sometimes raging; was as much out of herself; as to
all outward appearance; as any mad woman in Bedlam。 Nor
was she only disconsolate as to me; but she was struck with
horror at the sense of her own wicked life; and began to look
back upon it with a taste quite different from mine; for she
was penitent to the highest degree for her sins; as well as
sorrowful for the misfortune。 She sent for a minister; too; a
serious; pious; good man; and applied herself with such
earnestness; by his assistance; to the work of a sincere repentance;
that I believe; and so did the minister too; that she was a true
penitent; and; which is still more; she was not only so for the
occasion; and at that juncture; but she continued so; as I was
informed; to the day of her death。
It is rather to be thought of than expressed what was now my
condition。 I had nothing before me but present death; and as
I had no friends to assist me; or to stir for me; I expected
nothing but to find my name in the dead warrant; which was
to come down for the execution; the Friday afterwards; of five
more and myself。
In the meantime my poor distressed governess sent me a
minister; who at her request first; and at my own afterwards;
came to visit me。 He exhorted me seriously to repent of all
my sins; and to dally no longer with my soul; not flattering
myself with hopes of life; which; he said; he was informed
there was no room to expect; but unfeignedly to look up to
God with my whole soul; and to cry for pardon in the name
of Jesus Christ。 He backed his discourses with proper quotations
of Scripture; encouraging the greatest sinner to repent; and turn
from their evil way; and when he had done; he kneeled down
and prayed with me。
It was now that; for the first time; I felt any real signs of
repentance。 I now began to look back upon my past life with
abhorrence; and having a kind of view into the other side of
time; and things of life; as I believe they do with everybody
at such a time; began to look with a different aspect; and quite