all roads lead to calvary-第7章

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　they　enjoy　life：　　just　like　a　dog　does；　whether　it's　wet　or　fine。　　We　are　always　blinking　up　at　the　clouds　and　worrying　about　our　hat。　　It　would　be　so　nice　to　be　able　to　have　friendship　with　them。

〃I　don't　mean　that　it's　all　their　fault；〃　she　continued。　　〃We　do　all　we　can　to　attract　themthe　way　we　dress。　　Who　was　it　said　that　to　every　woman　every　man　is　a　potential　lover。　　We　can't　get　it　out　of　our　minds。　　It's　there　even　when　we　don't　know　it。　　We　will　never　succeed　in　civilizing　Nature。〃

〃We　won't　despair　of　her；〃　laughed　Joan。　　〃She's　creeping　up；　poor　lady；　as　Whistler　said　of　her。　　We　have　passed　the　phase　when　everything　she　did　was　right　in　our　childish　eyes。　　Now　we　dare　to　criticize　her。　　That　shows　we　are　growing　up。　　She　will　learn　from　us；　later　on。　　She's　a　dear　old　thing；　at　heart。〃

〃She's　been　kind　enough　to　you；〃　replied　Madge；　somewhat　irrelevantly。　　There　was　a　note　of　irritation　in　her　tone。　　〃I　suppose　you　know　you　are　supremely　beautiful。　　You　seem　so　indifferent　to　it；　I　wonder　sometimes　if　you　do。〃

〃I'm　not　indifferent　to　it；〃　answered　Joan。　　〃I'm　reckoning　on　it　to　help　me。〃

〃Why　not？〃　she　continued；　with　a　flash　of　defiance；　though　Madge　had　not　spoken。　　〃It　is　a　weapon　like　any　otherknowledge；　intellect；　courage。　　God　has　given　me　beauty。　　I　shall　use　it　in　His　service。〃

They　formed　a　curious　physical　contrast；　these　two　women　in　this　moment。　　Joan；　radiant；　serene；　sat　upright　in　her　chair；　her　head　slightly　thrown　back；　her　fine　hands　clasping　one　another　so　strongly　that　the　delicate　muscles　could　be　traced　beneath　the　smooth　white　skin。　　Madge；　with　puckered　brows；　leant　forward　in　a　crouching　attitude；　her　thin　nervous　hands　stretched　out　towards　the　fire。

〃How　does　one　know　when　one　is　serving　God？〃　she　asked　after　a　pause；　apparently　rather　of　herself　than　of　Joan。　　〃It　seems　so　difficult。〃

〃One　feels　it；〃　explained　Joan。

〃Yes；　but　didn't　they　all　feel　it；〃　Madge　suggested。　　She　still　seemed　to　be　arguing　with　herself　rather　than　with　Joan。　〃Nietzsche。　　I　have　been　reading　him。　　They　are　forming　a　Nietzsche　Society　to　give　lectures　about　himpropagate　him　over　here。　Eleanor's　in　it　up　to　the　neck。　　It　seems　to　me　awful。　　Every　fibre　in　my　being　revolts　against　him。　　Yet　they're　all　cocksure　that　he　is　the　coming　prophet。　　He　must　have　convinced　himself　that　he　is　serving　God。　　If　I　were　a　fighter　I　should　feel　I　was　serving　God　trying　to　down　Him。　　How　do　I　know　which　of　us　is　right？　TorquemadaCalvin；〃　she　went　on；　without　giving　Joan　the　chance　of　a　reply。　　〃It's　easy　enough　to　see　they　were　wrong　now。　　But　at　the　time　millions　of　people　believed　in　themfelt　it　was　God's　voice　speaking　through　them。　　Joan　of　Arc！　　Fancy　dying　to　put　a　thing　like　that　upon　a　throne。　　It　would　be　funny　if　it　wasn't　so　tragic。　You　can　say　she　drove　out　the　Englishsaved　France。　　But　for　what？　The　Bartholomew　massacres。　　The　ruin　of　the　Palatinate　by　Louis　XIV。　　The　horrors　of　the　French　Revolution；　ending　with　Napoleon　and　all　the　misery　and　degeneracy　that　he　bequeathed　to　Europe。　History　might　have　worked　itself　out　so　much　better　if　the　poor　child　had　left　it　alone　and　minded　her　sheep。〃

〃Wouldn't　that　train　of　argument　lead　to　nobody　ever　doing　anything？〃　suggested　Joan。

〃I　suppose　it　would　mean　stagnation；〃　admitted　Madge。　　〃And　yet　I　don't　know。　　Are　there　not　forces　moving　towards　right　that　are　crying　to　us　to　help　them；　not　by　violence；　which　only　interrupts　delays　them；　but　by　quietly　preparing　the　way　for　them？　　You　know　what　I　mean。　　Erasmus　always　said　that　Luther　had　hindered　the　Reformation　by　stirring　up　passion　and　hate。〃　　She　broke　off　suddenly。　　There　were　tears　in　her　eyes。　　〃Oh；　if　God　would　only　say　what　He　wants　of　us；〃　she　almost　cried；　〃call　to　us　in　trumpet　tones　that　would　ring　through　the　world；　compelling　us　to　take　sides。　　Why　can't　He　speak？〃

〃He　does；〃　answered　Joan。　　〃I　hear　His　voice。　　There　are　things　I've　got　to　do。　　Wrongs　that　I　must　fight　against。　　Rights　that　I　must　never　dare　to　rest　till　they　are　won。〃　　Her　lips　were　parted。　Her　breasts　heaving。　　〃He　does　call　to　us。　　He　has　girded　His　sword　upon　me。〃

Madge　looked　at　her　in　silence　for　quite　a　while。　　〃How　confident　you　are；〃　she　said。　　〃How　I　envy　you。〃

They　talked　for　a　time　about　domestic　matters。　　Joan　had　established　herself　in　furnished　rooms　in　a　quiet　street　of　pleasant　Georgian　houses　just　behind　the　Abbey；　a　member　of　Parliament　and　his　wife　occupied　the　lower　floors；　the　landlord；　a　retired　butler；　and　his　wife；　an　excellent　cook；　confining　themselves　to　the　basement　and　the　attics。　　The　remaining　floor　was　tenanted　by　a　shy　young　mana　poet；　so　the　landlady　thought；　but　was　not　sure。　　Anyhow　he　had　long　hair；　lived　with　a　pipe　in　his　mouth；　and　burned　his　lamp　long　into　the　night。　　Joan　had　omitted　to　ask　his　name。　　She　made　a　note　to　do　so。

They　discussed　ways　and　means。　　Joan　calculated　she　could　get　through　on　two　hundred　a　year；　putting　aside　fifty　for　dress。　Madge　was　doubtful　if　this　would　be　sufficient。　　Joan　urged　that　she　was　〃stock　size〃　and　would　be　able　to　pick　up　〃models〃　at　sales；　but　Madge；　measuring　her　against　herself；　was　sure　she　was　too　full。

〃You　will　find　yourself　expensive　to　dress；〃　she　told　her；　〃cheap　things　won't　go　well　on　you；　and　it　would　be　madness；　even　from　a　business　point　of　view；　for　you　not　to　make　the　best　of　yourself。〃

〃Men　stand　more　in　awe　of　a　well…dressed　woman　than　they　do　even　of　a　beautiful　woman；〃　Madge　was　of　opinion。　　〃If　you　go　into　an　office　looking　dowdy　they'll　beat　you　down。　　Tell　them　the　price　they　are　offering　you　won't　keep　you　in　gloves　for　a　week　and　they'll　be　ashamed　of　themselves。　　There's　nothing　infra　dig。　in　being　mean　to　the　poor；　but　not　to　sympathize　with　the　rich　stamps　you　as　middle　class。〃　　She　laughed。

Joan　was　worried。　　〃I　told　Dad　I　should　only　ask　him　for　enough　to　make　up　two　hundred　a　year；〃　she　explained。　　〃He'll　laugh　at　me　for　not　knowing　my　own　mind。〃

〃I　should　let　him；〃　advised　Madge。　　She　grew　thoughtful　again。　　〃We　cranky　young　women；　with　our　new…fangled；　independent　ways；　I　guess　we　hurt　the　old　folks　quite　enough　as　it　is。〃

The　bell　rang　and　Madge　opened　the　door　herself。　　It　turned　out　to　be　Flossie。　　Joan　had　not　seen　her　since　they　had　been　at　Girton　together；　and　was　surprised　at　Flossie's　youthful　〃get　up。〃　Flossie　explained；　and　without　waiting　for　any　possible　attack　flew　to　her　own　defence。

〃The　revolution　that　the　world　is　waiting　for；〃　was　Flossie's　opinion；　〃is　the　providing　of　every　man　and　woman　with　a　hundred　and　fifty　a　year。　　Then　we　shall　all　be　able　to　afford　to　be　noble　and　high…minded。　　As　it　is；　nine…tenths　of　the　contemptible　things　we　do　comes　from　the　necessity　of　our　having　to　earn　our　living。　　A　hundred　and　fifty　a　year　would　deliver　us　from　evil。〃

〃Would　there　not　still　be　the　diamond　dog…collar　and　the　motor　car　left　to　tempt　us？〃　suggested　Madge。

〃Only　the　really　wicked；〃　contended　Flossie。　　〃It　would　classify　us。　　We　should　know　then　which　were　the　sheep　and　which　the　goats。　At　present　we're　all　jumbled　together：　　the　ungodly　who　sin　out　of　mere　greed　and　rapacity；　and　the　just　men　compelled　to　sell　their　birthright　of　fine　instincts　for　a　mess　of　meat　and　potatoes。〃

〃Yah；　socialist；〃　commented　Madge；　who　was　busy　with　the　tea　things。

Flossie　seemed　struck　by　an　idea。

〃By　Jove；〃　she　exclaimed。　　〃Why　did　I　never　think　of　it。　　With　a　red　flag　and　my　hair　down；　I'd　be　in　all　the　illustrated　papers。　It　would　put　up　my　price　no　end。　　And　I'd　be　able　to　get　out　of　this　silly　job　of　mine。　　I　can't　go　on　much　longer。　　I'm　getting　too　well　known。　　I　do　believe　I'll　try　it。　　The　shouting's　easy　enough。〃　　She　turned　to　Joan。　　〃Are　you　going　to　take　up　socialism？〃　she　demanded。

〃I　may；〃　answered　Joan。　　〃Just　to　spank　it；　and　put　it　down　again。　I'm　rather　a　believer　in　temptationthe　struggle　for　existence。　　I　only　want　to　make　it　a　finer　existence；　more　worth　the　struggle；　in　which　the　best　man　shall　rise　to　the　top。　　Your　'universal　security'that　will　be　the　last　act　of　the　human　drama；　the　cue　for　ringing　down　the　curtain。〃

〃But　do　not　all　our　Isms　work　towards　that　end？〃　suggested　Madge。

Joan　was　about　to　reply　when　the　maid's