all roads lead to calvary-第41章

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；　it　was　clear；　was　going　to　be　no　help　to　her。

For　her　father's　sake；　she　made　pretence　of　eagerness；　but　as　the　sea　widened　between　her　and　the　harbour　lights　it　seemed　as　if　a　part　of　herself　were　being　torn　away　from　her。

They　travelled　leisurely　through　Holland　and　the　Rhine　land；　and　that　helped　a　little：　　the　new　scenes　and　interests；　and　in　Switzerland　they　discovered　a　delightful　little　village　in　an　upland　valley　with　just　one　small　hotel；　and　decided　to　stay　there　for　a　while；　so　as　to　give　themselves　time　to　get　their　letters。　They　took　long　walks　and　climbs；　returning　tired　and　hungry；　looking　forward　to　their　dinner　and　the　evening　talk　with　the　few　other　guests　on　the　veranda。　　The　days　passed　restfully　in　that　hidden　valley。　　The　great　white　mountains　closed　her　in。　　They　seemed　so　strong　and　clean。

It　was　on　the　morning　they　were　leaving　that　a　telegram　was　put　into　her　hands。　　Mrs。　Phillips　was　ill　at　lodgings　in　Folkestone。　She　hoped　that　Joan；　on　her　way　back；　would　come　to　see　her。

She　showed　the　telegram　to　her　father。　　〃Do　you　mind；　Dad；　if　we　go　straight　back？〃　she　asked。

〃No；　dear；〃　he　answered；　〃if　you　wish　it。〃

〃I　would　like　to　go　back；〃　she　said。



CHAPTER　XIII



Mrs。　Phillips　was　sitting　up　in　an　easy　chair　near　the　heavily…　curtained　windows　when　Joan　arrived。　　It　was　a　pleasant　little　house　in　the　old　part　of　the　town；　and　looked　out　upon　the　harbour。　She　was　startlingly　thin　by　comparison　with　what　she　had　been；　but　her　face　was　still　painted。　　Phillips　would　run　down　by　the　afternoon　train　whenever　he　could　get　away。　　She　never　knew　when　he　was　coming；　so　she　explained；　and　she　could　not　bear　the　idea　of　his　finding　her　〃old　and　ugly。〃　　She　had　fought　against　his　wish　that　she　should　go　into　a　nursing　home；　and　Joan；　who　in　the　course　of　her　work　upon　the　Nursing　Times　had　acquired　some　knowledge　of　them　as　a　whole；　was　inclined　to　agree　with　her。　　She　was　quite　comfortable　where　she　was。　　The　landlady；　according　to　her　account；　was　a　dear。　　She　had　sent　the　nurse　out　for　a　walk　on　getting　Joan's　wire；　so　that　they　could　have　a　cosy　chat。　　She　didn't　really　want　much　attendance。　　It　was　her　heart。　　It　got　feeble　now　and　then；　and　she　had　to　keep　very　still；　that　was　all。　　Joan　told　how　her　father　had　suffered　for　years　from　much　the　same　complaint。　So　long　as　you　were　careful　there　was　no　danger。　　She　must　take　things　easily　and　not　excite　herself。

Mrs。　Phillips　acquiesced。　　〃It's　turning　me　into　a　lazy…bones；〃　she　said　with　a　smile。　　〃I　can　sit　here　by　the　hour；　just　watching　the　bustle。　　I　was　always　one　for　a　bit　of　life。〃

The　landlady　entered　with　Joan's　tea。　　Joan　took　an　instinctive　dislike　to　her。　　She　was　a　large；　flashy　woman；　wearing　a　quantity　of　cheap　jewellery。　　Her　familiarity　had　about　it　something　almost　threatening。　　Joan　waited　till　she　heard　the　woman's　heavy　tread　descending　the　stairs；　before　she　expressed　her　opinion。

〃I　think　she　only　means　to　be　cheerful；〃　explained　Mrs。　Phillips。　〃She's　quite　a　good　sort；　when　you　know　her。〃　　The　subject　seemed　in　some　way　to　trouble　her；　and　Joan　dropped　it。

They　watched　the　loading　of　a　steamer　while　Joan　drank　her　tea。

〃He　will　come　this　afternoon；　I　fancy；〃　said　Mrs。　Phillips。　　〃I　seem　to　feel　it。　　He　will　be　able　to　see　you　home。〃

Joan　started。　　She　had　been　thinking　about　Phillips；　wondering　what　she　should　say　to　him　when　they　met。

〃What　does　he　think；〃　she　asked；　〃about　your　illness？〃

〃Oh；　it　worries　him；　of　course；　poor　dear；〃　Mrs。　Phillips　answered。　〃You　see；　I've　always　been　such　a　go…ahead；　as　a　rule。　　But　I　think　he's　getting　more　hopeful。　　As　I　tell　him；　I'll　be　all　right　by　the　autumn。　　It　was　that　spell　of　hot　weather　that　knocked　me　over。〃

Joan　was　still　looking　out　of　the　window。　　She　didn't　quite　know　what　to　say。　　The　woman's　altered　appearance　had　shocked　her。　Suddenly　she　felt　a　touch　upon　her　hand。

〃You'll　look　after　him　if　anything　does　happen；　won't　you？〃　　The　woman's　eyes　were　pleading　with　her。　　They　seemed　to　have　grown　larger。　　〃You　know　what　I　mean；　dear；　don't　you？〃　she　continued。　〃It　will　be　such　a　comfort　to　me　to　know　that　it's　all　right。〃

In　answer　the　tears　sprang　to　Joan's　eyes。　　She　knelt　down　and　put　her　arms　about　the　woman。

〃Don't　be　so　silly；〃　she　cried。　　〃There's　nothing　going　to　happen。　You're　going　to　get　fat　and　well　again；　and　live　to　see　him　Prime　Minister。〃

〃I　am　getting　thin；　ain't　I？〃　she　said。　　〃I　always　wanted　to　be　thin。〃　　They　both　laughed。

〃But　I　shan't　see　him　that；　even　if　I　do　live；〃　she　went　on。　〃He'll　never　be　that；　without　you。　　And　I'd　be　so　proud　to　think　that　he　would。　　I　shouldn't　mind　going　then；〃　she　added。

Joan　did　not　answer。　　There　seemed　no　words　that　would　come。

〃You　will　promise；　won't　you？〃　she　persisted；　in　a　whisper。　　〃It's　only　'in　case'just　that　I　needn't　worry　myself。〃

Joan　looked　up。　　There　was　something　in　the　eyes　looking　down　upon　her　that　seemed　to　be　compelling　her。

〃If　you'll　promise　to　try　and　get　better；〃　she　answered。

Mrs。　Phillips　stooped　and　kissed　her。　　〃Of　course；　dear；〃　she　said。　〃Perhaps　I　shall；　now　that　my　mind　is　easier。〃

Phillips　came；　as　Mrs。　Phillips　had　predicted。　　He　was　surprised　at　seeing　Joan。　　He　had　not　thought　she　could　get　back　so　soon。　　He　brought　an　evening　paper　with　him。　　It　contained　a　paragraph　to　the　effect　that　Mrs。　Phillips；　wife　of　the　Rt。　Hon。　Robert　Phillips；　M。P。；　was　progressing　favourably　and　hoped　soon　to　be　sufficiently　recovered　to　return　to　her　London　residence。　　It　was　the　first　time　she　had　had　a　paragraph　all　to　herself；　headed　with　her　name。　　She　flushed　with　pleasure；　and　Joan　noticed　that；　after　reading　it　again；　she　folded　the　paper　up　small　and　slipped　it　into　her　pocket。　　The　nurse　came　in　from　her　walk　a　little　later　and　took　Joan　downstairs　with　her。

〃She　ought　not　to　talk　to　more　than　one　person　at　a　time；〃　the　nurse　explained；　with　a　shake　of　the　head。　　She　was　a　quiet；　business…like　woman。　　She　would　not　express　a　definite　opinion。

〃It's　her　mental　state　that　is　the　trouble；〃　was　all　that　she　would　say。　　〃She　ought　to　be　getting　better。　　But　she　doesn't。〃

〃You're　not　a　Christian　Scientist；　by　any　chance？〃　she　asked　Joan　suddenly。

〃No；〃　answered　Joan。　　〃Surely　you're　not　one？〃

〃I　don't　know；〃　answered　the　woman。　　〃I　believe　that　would　do　her　more　good　than　anything　else。　　If　she　would　listen　to　it。　　She　seems　to　have　lost　all　will…power。〃

The　nurse　left　her；　and　the　landlady　came　in　to　lay　the　table。　　She　understood　that　Joan　would　be　dining　with　Mr。　Phillips。　　There　was　no　train　till　the　eight…forty。　　She　kept　looking　at　Joan　as　she　moved　about　the　room。　　Joan　was　afraid　she　would　begin　to　talk；　but　she　must　have　felt　Joan's　antagonism　for　she　remained　silent。　　Once　their　eyes　met；　and　the　woman　leered　at　her。

Phillips　came　down　looking　more　cheerful。　　He　had　detected　improvement　in　Mrs。　Phillips。　　She　was　more　hopeful　in　herself。　They　talked　in　low　tones　during　the　meal；　as　people　do　whose　thoughts　are　elsewhere。　　It　happened　quite　suddenly；　Phillips　explained。　　They　had　come　down　a　few　days　after　the　rising　of　Parliament。　　There　had　been　a　spell　of　hot　weather；　but　nothing　remarkable。　　The　first　attack　had　occurred　about　three　weeks　ago。　It　was　just　after　Hilda　had　gone　back　to　school。　　He　wasn't　sure　whether　he　ought　to　send　for　Hilda；　or　not。　　Her　mother　didn't　want　him　tonot　just　yet。　　Of　course；　if　she　got　worse；　he　would　have　to。　　What　did　Joan　think？did　she　think　there　was　any　real　danger？

Joan　could　not　say。　　So　much　depended　upon　the　general　state　of　health。　　There　was　the　case　of　her　own　father。　　Of　course　she　would　always　be　subject　to　attacks。　　But　this　one　would　have　warned　her　to　be　careful。

Phillips　thought　that　living　out　of　town　might　be　better　for　her；　in　the　futuresomewhere　in　Surrey；　where　he　could　easily　get　up　and　down。　　He　could　sleep　himself　at　the　club　on　nights　when　he　had　to　be　late。

They　talked　without　looking　at　one　another。　　They　did　not　speak　about　themselves。

Mrs。　Phillips　was　in　bed　when　Joan　went　up　to　say　good…bye。　〃You'll　come　again　soon？〃　she　asked；　and　Joan　promised。　　〃You've　made　me　so　happy；〃　she　whispered。　　The　nurse　was　in　the　room。

They　d