all roads lead to calvary-第13章

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e　blazonry　of　autumn　woods；　its　purple　moors　and　the　wonder　of　its　silent　mountains；　its　cobwebs　glittering　with　a　thousand　jewels；　the　pageantry　of　starry　nights。　　Form；　colour；　music！　　The　feathered　choristers　of　bush　and　brake　raising　their　matin　and　their　evensong；　the　whispering　of　the　leaves；　the　singing　of　the　waters；　the　voices　of　the　winds。　　Beauty　and　grace　in　every　living　thing；　but　man。　　The　leaping　of　the　hares；　the　grouping　of　cattle；　the　flight　of　swallows；　the　dainty　loveliness　of　insects'　wings；　the　glossy　skin　of　horses　rising　and　falling　to　the　play　of　mighty　muscles。　　Was　it　not　seeking　to　make　plain　to　us　that　God's　language　was　beauty。　　Man　must　learn　beauty　that　he　may　understand　God。

She　saw　the　London　of　the　future。　　Not　the　vision　popular　just　then：　　a　soaring　whirl　of　machinery　in　motion；　of　moving　pavements　and　flying　omnibuses；　of　screaming　gramophones　and　standardized　〃homes〃：　　a　city　where　Electricity　was　King　and　man　its　soulless　slave。　　But　a　city　of　peace；　of　restful　spaces；　of　leisured　men　and　women；　a　city　of　fine　streets　and　pleasant　houses；　where　each　could　live　his　own　life；　learning　freedom；　individuality；　a　city　of　noble　schools；　of　workshops　that　should　be　worthy　of　labour；　filled　with　light　and　air；　smoke　and　filth　driven　from　the　land：　　science；　no　longer　bound　to　commercialism；　having　discovered　cleaner　forces；　a　city　of　gay　playgrounds　where　children　should　learn　laughter；　of　leafy　walks　where　the　creatures　of　the　wood　and　field　should　be　as　welcome　guests　helping　to　teach　sympathy　and　kindliness：　　a　city　of　music；　of　colour；　of　gladness。　　Beauty　worshipped　as　religion；　ugliness　banished　as　a　sin：　　no　ugly　slums；　no　ugly　cruelty；　no　slatternly　women　and　brutalized　men；　no　ugly；　sobbing　children；　no　ugly　vice　flaunting　in　every　highway　its　insult　to　humanity：　　a　city　clad　in　beauty　as　with　a　living　garment　where　God　should　walk　with　man。

She　had　reached　a　neighbourhood　of　narrow；　crowded　streets。　　The　women　were　mostly　without　hats；　and　swarthy　men；　rolling　cigarettes；　lounged　against　doorways。　　The　place　had　a　quaint　foreign　flavour。　　Tiny　cafes；　filled　with　smoke　and　noise；　and　clean；　inviting　restaurants　abounded。　　She　was　feeling　hungry；　and；　choosing　one　the　door　of　which　stood　open；　revealing　white　tablecloths　and　a　pleasant　air　of　cheerfulness；　she　entered。　　It　was　late　and　the　tables　were　crowded。　　Only　at　one；　in　a　far　corner；　could　she　detect　a　vacant　place；　opposite　to　a　slight；　pretty…looking　girl　very　quietly　dressed。　　She　made　her　way　across　and　the　girl；　anticipating　her　request；　welcomed　her　with　a　smile。　They　ate　for　a　while　in　silence；　divided　only　by　the　narrow　table；　their　heads；　when　they　leant　forward；　almost　touching。　　Joan　noticed　the　short；　white　hands；　the　fragrance　of　some　delicate　scent。　　There　was　something　odd　about　her。　　She　seemed　to　be　unnecessarily　conscious　of　being　alone。　　Suddenly　she　spoke。

〃Nice　little　restaurant；　this；〃　she　said。　　〃One　of　the　few　places　where　you　can　depend　upon　not　being　annoyed。〃

Joan　did　not　understand。　　〃In　what　way？〃　she　asked。

〃Oh；　you　know；　men；〃　answered　the　girl。　　〃They　come　and　sit　down　opposite　to　you；　and　won't　leave　you　alone。　　At　most　of　the　places；　you've　got　to　put　up　with　it　or　go　outside。　　Here；　old　Gustav　never　permits　it。〃

Joan　was　troubled。　　She　was　rather　looking　forward　to　occasional　restaurant　dinners；　where　she　would　be　able　to　study　London's　Bohemia。

〃You　mean；〃　she　asked；　〃that　they　force　themselves　upon　you；　even　if　you　make　it　plain〃

〃Oh；　the　plainer　you　make　it　that　you　don't　want　them；　the　more　sport　they　think　it；〃　interrupted　the　girl　with　a　laugh。

Joan　hoped　she　was　exaggerating。　　〃I　must　try　and　select　a　table　where　there　is　some　good…natured　girl　to　keep　me　in　countenance；〃　she　said　with　a　smile。

〃Yes；　I　was　glad　to　see　you；〃　answered　the　girl。　　〃It's　hateful；　dining　by　oneself。　　Are　you　living　alone？〃

〃Yes；〃　answered　Joan。　　〃I'm　a　journalist。〃

〃I　thought　you　were　something；〃　answered　the　girl。　　〃I'm　an　artist。　Or；　rather；　was；〃　she　added　after　a　pause。

〃Why　did　you　give　it　up？〃　asked　Joan。

〃Oh；　I　haven't　given　it　up；　not　entirely；〃　the　girl　answered。　　〃I　can　always　get　a　couple　of　sovereigns　for　a　sketch；　if　I　want　it；　from　one　or　another　of　the　frame…makers。　　And　they　can　generally　sell　them　for　a　fiver。　　I've　seen　them　marked　up。　　Have　you　been　long　in　London？〃

〃No；〃　answered　Joan。　　〃I'm　a　Lancashire　lass。〃

〃Curious；〃　said　the　girl；　〃so　am　I。　　My　father's　a　mill　manager　near　Bolton。　　You　weren't　educated　there？〃

〃No；〃　Joan　admitted。　　〃I　went　to　Rodean　at　Brighton　when　I　was　ten　years　old；　and　so　escaped　it。　　Nor　were　you；〃　she　added　with　a　smile；　〃judging　from　your　accent。〃

〃No；〃　answered　the　other；　〃I　was　at　HastingsMiss　Gwyn's。　　Funny　how　we　seem　to　have　always　been　near　to　one　another。　　Dad　wanted　me　to　be　a　doctor。　　But　I'd　always　been　mad　about　art。〃

Joan　had　taken　a　liking　to　the　girl。　　It　was　a　spiritual；　vivacious　face　with　frank　eyes　and　a　firm　mouth；　and　the　voice　was　low　and　strong。

〃Tell　me；〃　she　said；　〃what　interfered　with　it？〃　　Unconsciously　she　was　leaning　forward；　her　chin　supported　by　her　hands。　　Their　faces　were　very　near　to　one　another。

The　girl　looked　up。　　She　did　not　answer　for　a　moment。　　There　came　a　hardening　of　the　mouth　before　she　spoke。

〃A　baby；〃　she　said。　　〃Oh；　it　was　my　own　fault；〃　she　continued。　　〃I　wanted　it。　　It　was　all　the　talk　at　the　time。　　You　don't　remember。　Our　right　to　children。　　No　woman　complete　without　one。　　Maternity；　woman's　kingdom。　　All　that　sort　of　thing。　　As　if　the　storks　brought　them。　　Don't　suppose　it　made　any　real　difference；　but　it　just　helped　me　to　pretend　that　it　was　something　pretty　and　high…class。　'Overmastering　passion'　used　to　be　the　explanation；　before　that。　　I　guess　it's　all　much　of　a　muchness：　　just　natural　instinct。〃

The　restaurant　had　been　steadily　emptying。　　Monsieur　Gustav　and　his　ample…bosomed　wife　were　seated　at　a　distant　table；　eating　their　own　dinner。

〃Why　couldn't　you　have　married？〃　asked　Joan。

The　girl　shrugged　her　shoulders。　　〃Who　was　there　for　me　to　marry？〃　she　answered。　　〃The　men　who　wanted　me：　　clerks；　young　tradesmen；　down　at　homeI　wasn't　taking　any　of　that　lot。　　And　the　men　I　might　have　fancied　were　all　of　them　too　poor。　　There　was　one　student。　He's　got　on　since。　　Easy　enough　for　him　to　talk　about　waiting。　Meanwhile。　　Well；　it's　like　somebody　suggesting　dinner　to　you　the　day　after　to…morrow。　　All　right　enough；　if　you're　not　troubled　with　an　appetite。〃

The　waiter　came　to　clear　the　table。　　They　were　almost　the　last　customers　left。　　The　man's　tone　and　manner　jarred　upon　Joan。　　She　had　not　noticed　it　before。　　Joan　ordered　coffee　and　the　girl；　exchanging　a　joke　with　the　waiter；　added　a　liqueur。

〃But　why　should　you　give　up　your　art？〃　persisted　Joan。　　It　was　that　was　sticking　in　her　mind。　　〃I　should　have　thought　that；　if　only　for　the　sake　of　the　child；　you　would　have　gone　on　with　it。〃

〃Oh；　I　told　myself　all　that；〃　answered　the　girl。　　〃Was　going　to　devote　my　life　to　it。　　Did　for　nearly　two　years。　　Till　I　got　sick　of　living　like　a　nun：　　never　getting　a　bit　of　excitement。　　You　see；　I've　got　the　poison　in　me。　　Or；　maybe；　it　had　always　been　there。〃

〃What's　become　of　it？〃　asked　Joan。　　〃The　child？〃

〃Mother's　got　it；〃　answered　the　girl。　　〃Seemed　best　for　the　poor　little　beggar。　　I'm　supposed　to　be　dead；　and　my　husband　gone　abroad。〃　　She　gave　a　short；　dry　laugh。　　〃Mother　brings　him　up　to　see　me　once　a　year。　　They've　got　quite　fond　of　him。〃

〃What　are　you　doing　now？〃　asked　Joan；　in　a　low　tone。

〃Oh；　you　needn't　look　so　scared；〃　laughed　the　girl；　〃I　haven't　come　down　to　that。〃　　Her　voice　had　changed。　　It　had　a　note　of　shrillness。　　In　some　indescribable　way　she　had　grown　coarse。　　〃I'm　a　kept　woman；〃　she　explained。　　〃What　else　is　any　woman？〃

She　reached　for　her　jacket；　and　the　waiter　sprang　forward　and　helped　her　on　with　it；　prolonging　the　business　needlessly。　　She　wished　him　〃Good　evening〃　in　a　tone　of　distant　hauteur；　and　led　the　way　to　the　door。　　Outside　the　street　was　dim　and　silent。　　Joan　held　out　her　hand。

〃No　hope　of　happy　endings；〃　she　said　with　a　forced　laugh。　〃Couldn't　marry　him　I　suppose？〃

〃He　has　asked　me；〃　answered　the　girl　with