the ways of men-µÚ24ÕÂ
°´¼üÅÌÉÏ·½Ïò¼ü ¡û »ò ¡ú ¿É¿ìËÙÉÏÏ·ҳ£¬°´¼üÅÌÉ쵀 Enter ¼ü¿É»Øµ½±¾ÊéĿ¼ҳ£¬°´¼üÅÌÉÏ·½Ïò¼ü ¡ü ¿É»Øµ½±¾Ò³¶¥²¿£¡
¡ª¡ª¡ª¡ªÎ´ÔĶÁÍꣿ¼ÓÈëÊéÇ©ÒѱãÏ´μÌÐøÔĶÁ£¡
ce¡¡¡¡¡in¡¡her¡¡nurse's¡¡arms¡¡¡¡¡I¡¡smiled¡¡at¡¡what¡¡appeared¡¡to¡¡be¡¡¡¡needless¡¡punctilio£»¡¡then£»¡¡as¡¡is¡¡my¡¡habit£»¡¡began¡¡turning¡¡the¡¡¡¡subject¡¡over£»¡¡and¡¡gradually¡¡came¡¡to¡¡the¡¡conclusion¡¡that¡¡while¡¡¡¡it¡¡could¡¡doubtless¡¡be¡¡well¡¡to¡¡suppress¡¡much¡¡of¡¡the¡¡ceremonial¡¡¡¡encumbering¡¡court¡¡life£»¡¡it¡¡might¡¡not¡¡be¡¡amiss¡¡if¡¡we¡¡engrafted¡¡¡¡a¡¡little¡¡more¡¡etiquette¡¡into¡¡our¡¡intercourse¡¡with¡¡strangers¡¡¡¡and¡¡the¡¡home¡¡relations¡£¡¡¡¡In¡¡our¡¡dear¡¡free¡¡and¡¡easy¡going¡¡¡¡country¡¡there¡¡is¡¡a¡¡constant¡¡tendency¡¡to¡¡loosen¡¡the¡¡ties¡¡of¡¡¡¡fireside¡¡etiquette¡¡until¡¡any¡¡manners¡¡are¡¡thought¡¡good¡¡enough£»¡¡¡¡as¡¡any¡¡toilet¡¡is¡¡considered¡¡sufficiently¡¡attractive¡¡for¡¡home¡¡¡¡use¡£¡¡¡¡A¡¡singular¡¡impression¡¡has¡¡grown¡¡up¡¡that¡¡formal¡¡¡¡politeness¡¡and¡¡the¡¡saying¡¡of¡¡gracious¡¡and¡¡complimentary¡¡things¡¡¡¡betray¡¡the¡¡toady¡¡and¡¡the¡¡hypocrite£»¡¡both¡¡if¡¡whom¡¡are¡¡abhorrent¡¡¡¡to¡¡Americans¡£
By¡¡the¡¡force¡¡of¡¡circumstances¡¡most¡¡people¡¡are¡¡civil¡¡enough¡¡in¡¡¡¡general¡¡society£»¡¡while¡¡many¡¡fail¡¡to¡¡keep¡¡to¡¡their¡¡high¡¡¡¡standard¡¡in¡¡the¡¡intimacy¡¡of¡¡home¡¡life¡¡and¡¡in¡¡their¡¡intercourse¡¡¡¡with¡¡inferiors£»¡¡which¡¡is¡¡a¡¡pity£»¡¡as¡¡these¡¡are¡¡the¡¡two¡¡cases¡¡¡¡where¡¡self¡restraint¡¡and¡¡amenity¡¡are¡¡most¡¡required¡£¡¡¡¡¡¡Politeness¡¡is£»¡¡after¡¡all£»¡¡but¡¡the¡¡dictate¡¡of¡¡a¡¡kind¡¡heart£»¡¡and¡¡¡¡supplies¡¡the¡¡oil¡¡necessary¡¡to¡¡make¡¡the¡¡social¡¡machinery¡¡run¡¡¡¡smoothly¡£¡¡¡¡In¡¡home¡¡life£»¡¡which¡¡is¡¡the¡¡association¡¡during¡¡many¡¡¡¡hours¡¡each¡¡day¡¡of¡¡people¡¡of¡¡varying¡¡dispositions£»¡¡views£»¡¡and¡¡¡¡occupations£»¡¡friction¡¡is¡¡inevitable£»¡¡and¡¡there¡¡is¡¡especial¡¡¡¡need¡¡of¡¡lubrication¡¡to¡¡lessen¡¡the¡¡wear¡¡and¡¡tear¡¡and¡¡eliminate¡¡¡¡jarring¡£
Americans¡¡are¡¡always¡¡much¡¡shocked¡¡to¡¡learn¡¡that¡¡we¡¡are¡¡not¡¡¡¡popular¡¡on¡¡the¡¡Continent¡£¡¡¡¡Such¡¡a¡¡discovery¡¡comes¡¡to¡¡either¡¡a¡¡¡¡nation¡¡or¡¡an¡¡individual¡¡like¡¡a¡¡douche¡¡of¡¡cold¡¡water¡¡on¡¡nice£»¡¡¡¡warm¡¡conceit£»¡¡and¡¡brings¡¡with¡¡it¡¡a¡¡feeling¡¡of¡¡discouragement£»¡¡¡¡of¡¡being¡¡unjustly¡¡treated£»¡¡that¡¡is¡¡painful£»¡¡for¡¡we¡¡are¡¡very¡¡¡¡¡¨touchy¡¨¡¡in¡¡America£»¡¡and¡¡cry¡¡out¡¡when¡¡a¡¡foreigner¡¡expresses¡¡¡¡anything¡¡but¡¡admiration¡¡for¡¡our¡¡ways£»¡¡yet¡¡we¡¡are¡¡the¡¡last¡¡to¡¡¡¡lend¡¡ourselves¡¡to¡¡foreign¡¡customs¡£
It¡¡has¡¡been¡¡a¡¡home¡¡thrust¡¡for¡¡many¡¡of¡¡us¡¡to¡¡find¡¡that¡¡our¡¡dear¡¡¡¡friends¡¡the¡¡French¡¡sympathized¡¡warmly¡¡with¡¡Spain¡¡in¡¡the¡¡recent¡¡¡¡struggle£»¡¡and¡¡had¡¡little¡¡but¡¡sneers¡¡for¡¡us¡£¡¡¡¡One¡¡of¡¡the¡¡¡¡reasons¡¡for¡¡this¡¡partiality¡¡is¡¡not¡¡hard¡¡to¡¡discover¡£
The¡¡Spanish¡¡who¡¡travel¡¡are¡¡mostly¡¡members¡¡of¡¡an¡¡aristocracy¡¡¡¡celebrated¡¡for¡¡its¡¡grave¡¡courtesy£»¡¡which¡¡has¡¡gone¡¡a¡¡long¡¡way¡¡¡¡toward¡¡making¡¡them¡¡popular¡¡on¡¡the¡¡Continent£»¡¡while¡¡we¡¡have¡¡for¡¡¡¡years¡¡been¡¡riding¡¡rough¡shod¡¡over¡¡the¡¡feelings¡¡and¡¡prejudices¡¡¡¡of¡¡the¡¡European¡¡peoples£»¡¡under¡¡the¡¡pleasing¡¡but¡¡fallacious¡¡¡¡illusion¡¡that¡¡the¡¡money¡¡we¡¡spent¡¡so¡¡lavishly¡¡in¡¡foreign¡¡lands¡¡¡¡would¡¡atone¡¡for¡¡all¡¡our¡¡sins¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡large¡¡majority¡¡of¡¡our¡¡¡¡travelling¡¡compatriots¡¡forget¡¡that¡¡an¡¡elaborate¡¡etiquette¡¡¡¡exists¡¡abroad¡¡regulating¡¡the¡¡intercourse¡¡between¡¡one¡¡class¡¡and¡¡¡¡another£»¡¡the¡¡result¡¡of¡¡centuries¡¡of¡¡civilization£»¡¡and¡¡as¡¡the¡¡¡¡Medic¡¡and¡¡Persian¡¡laws¡¡for¡¡durability¡£¡¡¡¡In¡¡our¡¡ignorance¡¡we¡¡¡¡break¡¡many¡¡of¡¡these¡¡social¡¡laws¡¡and¡¡give¡¡offence¡¡where¡¡none¡¡¡¡was¡¡intended¡£
A¡¡single¡¡illustration¡¡will¡¡explain¡¡my¡¡meaning¡£¡¡¡¡A¡¡young¡¡¡¡American¡¡girl¡¡once¡¡went¡¡to¡¡the¡¡mistress¡¡of¡¡a¡¡PENSION¡¡where¡¡she¡¡¡¡was¡¡staying¡¡and¡¡complained¡¡that¡¡the¡¡CONCIERGE¡¡of¡¡the¡¡house¡¡had¡¡¡¡been¡¡impertinent¡£¡¡¡¡When¡¡the¡¡proprietress¡¡asked¡¡the¡¡CONCIERGE¡¡¡¡what¡¡this¡¡meant£»¡¡the¡¡latter¡¡burst¡¡out¡¡with¡¡her¡¡wrongs¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨Since¡¡¡¡Miss¡¡B¡£¡¡has¡¡been¡¡in¡¡this¡¡house£»¡¡she¡¡has¡¡never¡¡once¡¡bowed¡¡to¡¡¡¡me£»¡¡or¡¡addressed¡¡a¡¡word¡¡to¡¡either¡¡my¡¡husband¡¡or¡¡myself¡¡that¡¡¡¡was¡¡not¡¡a¡¡question¡¡or¡¡an¡¡order£»¡¡she¡¡walks¡¡in¡¡and¡¡out¡¡of¡¡my¡¡¡¡LOGE¡¡to¡¡look¡¡for¡¡letters¡¡or¡¡take¡¡her¡¡key¡¡as¡¡though¡¡my¡¡room¡¡¡¡were¡¡the¡¡street£»¡¡I¡¡won't¡¡stand¡¡such¡¡treatment¡¡from¡¡any¡¡one£»¡¡¡¡much¡¡less¡¡from¡¡a¡¡girl¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡duchess¡¡who¡¡lives¡¡AU¡¡QUATRIEME¡¡¡¡never¡¡passes¡¡without¡¡a¡¡kind¡¡word¡¡or¡¡an¡¡inquiry¡¡after¡¡the¡¡¡¡children¡¡or¡¡my¡¡health¡£¡¨
Now¡¡this¡¡American¡¡girl¡¡had¡¡erred¡¡through¡¡ignorance¡¡of¡¡the¡¡fact¡¡¡¡that¡¡in¡¡France¡¡servants¡¡are¡¡treated¡¡as¡¡humble¡¡friends¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡¡¡man¡¡who¡¡brings¡¡your¡¡matutinal¡¡coffee¡¡says¡¡¡¨Good¡¡morning¡¨¡¡on¡¡¡¡entering¡¡the¡¡room£»¡¡and¡¡inquires¡¡if¡¡¡¨Monsieur¡¡has¡¡slept¡¡well£»¡¨¡¡¡¡expecting¡¡to¡¡be¡¡treated¡¡with¡¡the¡¡same¡¡politeness¡¡he¡¡shows¡¡to¡¡¡¡you¡£
The¡¡lady¡¡who¡¡sits¡¡at¡¡the¡¡CAISSE¡¡of¡¡the¡¡restaurant¡¡you¡¡frequent¡¡¡¡is¡¡as¡¡sure¡¡of¡¡her¡¡position¡¡as¡¡her¡¡customers¡¡are¡¡of¡¡theirs£»¡¡and¡¡¡¡exacts¡¡a¡¡courteous¡¡salutation¡¡from¡¡every¡¡one¡¡entering¡¡or¡¡¡¡leaving¡¡her¡¡presence£»¡¡logically£»¡¡for¡¡no¡¡gentleman¡¡would¡¡enter¡¡¡¡a¡¡ladies'¡¡drawing¡room¡¡without¡¡removing¡¡his¡¡hat¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡fact¡¡¡¡that¡¡a¡¡woman¡¡is¡¡obliged¡¡to¡¡keep¡¡a¡¡shop¡¡in¡¡no¡¡way¡¡relieves¡¡him¡¡¡¡of¡¡this¡¡obligation¡£
People¡¡on¡¡the¡¡Continent¡¡know¡¡their¡¡friends'¡¡servants¡¡by¡¡name£»¡¡¡¡and¡¡speak¡¡to¡¡them¡¡on¡¡arriving¡¡at¡¡a¡¡house£»¡¡and¡¡thank¡¡them¡¡for¡¡¡¡an¡¡opened¡¡door¡¡or¡¡offered¡¡coat£»¡¡if¡¡a¡¡tip¡¡is¡¡given¡¡it¡¡is¡¡¡¡accompanied¡¡by¡¡a¡¡gracious¡¡word¡£¡¡¡¡So¡¡rare¡¡is¡¡this¡¡form¡¡of¡¡¡¡civility¡¡in¡¡America¡¡and¡¡England¡¡£¨for¡¡Britons¡¡err¡¡as¡¡gravely¡¡in¡¡¡¡this¡¡matter¡¡as¡¡ourselves£©¡¡that¡¡our¡¡servants¡¡are¡¡surprised¡¡and¡¡¡¡inclined¡¡to¡¡resent¡¡politeness£»¡¡as¡¡in¡¡the¡¡case¡¡of¡¡an¡¡English¡¡¡¡butler¡¡who¡¡recently¡¡came¡¡to¡¡his¡¡master¡¡and¡¡said¡¡he¡¡should¡¡be¡¡¡¡¡¨obliged¡¡to¡¡leave¡£¡¨¡¡¡¡On¡¡being¡¡questioned¡¡it¡¡came¡¡out¡¡that¡¡one¡¡¡¡of¡¡the¡¡guests¡¡was¡¡in¡¡the¡¡habit¡¡of¡¡chatting¡¡with¡¡him£»¡¡¡¨and£»¡¨¡¡¡¡added¡¡the¡¡Briton£»¡¡¡¨I¡¡won't¡¡stand¡¡being¡¡took¡¡liberties¡¡with¡¡by¡¡¡¡no¡¡one¡£¡¨
Some¡¡years¡¡ago¡¡I¡¡happened¡¡to¡¡be¡¡standing¡¡in¡¡the¡¡vestibule¡¡of¡¡¡¡the¡¡Hotel¡¡Bristol¡¡as¡¡the¡¡Princess¡¡of¡¡Wales¡¡and¡¡her¡¡daughters¡¡¡¡were¡¡leaving¡£¡¡¡¡Mr¡£¡¡Morlock£»¡¡the¡¡proprietor£»¡¡was¡¡at¡¡the¡¡foot¡¡of¡¡¡¡the¡¡stairs¡¡to¡¡take¡¡leave¡¡of¡¡those¡¡ladies£»¡¡who¡¡shook¡¡hands¡¡with¡¡¡¡and¡¡thanked¡¡him¡¡for¡¡his¡¡attention¡¡during¡¡their¡¡stay£»¡¡and¡¡for¡¡¡¡the¡¡flowers¡¡he¡¡had¡¡sent¡£¡¡¡¡Nothing¡¡could¡¡have¡¡been¡¡more¡¡¡¡gracious¡¡and¡¡freer¡¡from¡¡condescension¡¡than¡¡their¡¡manner£»¡¡and¡¡¡¡it¡¡undoubtedly¡¡produced¡¡the¡¡best¡¡impression¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡waiter¡¡who¡¡¡¡served¡¡me¡¡at¡¡that¡¡time¡¡was¡¡also¡¡under¡¡their¡¡charm£»¡¡and¡¡¡¡remarked¡¡several¡¡times¡¡that¡¡¡¨there¡¡had¡¡never¡¡been¡¡ladies¡¡so¡¡¡¡easy¡¡to¡¡please¡¡or¡¡so¡¡considerate¡¡of¡¡the¡¡servants¡£¡¨
My¡¡neighbor¡¡at¡¡dinner¡¡the¡¡other¡¡evening¡¡confided¡¡to¡¡me¡¡that¡¡¡¡she¡¡was¡¡¡¨worn¡¡out¡¡being¡¡fitted¡£¡¨¡¡¡¡¡¨I¡¡had¡¡such¡¡an¡¡unpleasant¡¡¡¡experience¡¡this¡¡morning£»¡¨¡¡she¡¡added¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨The¡¡JUPIERE¡¡could¡¡not¡¡¡¡get¡¡one¡¡of¡¡my¡¡skirts¡¡to¡¡hang¡¡properly¡£¡¡¡¡After¡¡a¡¡dozen¡¡attempts¡¡¡¡I¡¡told¡¡her¡¡to¡¡send¡¡for¡¡the¡¡forewoman£»¡¡when£»¡¡to¡¡my¡¡horror£»¡¡the¡¡¡¡girl¡¡burst¡¡out¡¡crying£»¡¡and¡¡said¡¡she¡¡should¡¡lose¡¡her¡¡place¡¡if¡¡I¡¡¡¡did¡£¡¡¡¡I¡¡was¡¡very¡¡sorry¡¡for¡¡her£»¡¡but¡¡what¡¡else¡¡could¡¡I¡¡do£¿¡¨¡¡¡¡It¡¡¡¡does¡¡not¡¡seem¡¡as¡¡if¡¡that¡¡lady¡¡could¡¡be¡¡very¡¡popular¡¡with¡¡¡¡inferiors£»¡¡does¡¡it£¿
That¡¡it¡¡needs¡¡a¡¡lighter¡¡hand¡¡and¡¡more¡¡tact¡¡to¡¡deal¡¡with¡¡¡¡tradespeople¡¡than¡¡with¡¡equals¡¡is¡¡certain£»¡¡and¡¡we¡¡are¡¡sure¡¡to¡¡¡¡be¡¡the¡¡losers¡¡when¡¡we¡¡fail¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡last¡¡time¡¡I¡¡was¡¡in¡¡the¡¡East¡¡a¡¡¡¡friend¡¡took¡¡me¡¡into¡¡the¡¡bazaars¡¡to¡¡see¡¡a¡¡carpet¡¡he¡¡was¡¡anxious¡¡¡¡to¡¡buy¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡price¡¡asked¡¡was¡¡out¡¡of¡¡all¡¡proportion¡¡to¡¡its¡¡¡¡value£»¡¡but¡¡we¡¡were¡¡gravely¡¡invited¡¡by¡¡the¡¡merchant¡¡to¡¡be¡¡¡¡seated¡¡and¡¡coffee¡¡was¡¡served£»¡¡that¡¡bargaining¡¡£¨which¡¡is¡¡the¡¡¡¡backbone¡¡of¡¡Oriental¡¡trade£©¡¡might¡¡be¡¡carried¡¡on¡¡at¡¡leisure¡£¡¡¡¡¡¡My¡¡friend£»¡¡nervous¡¡and¡¡impatient£»¡¡like¡¡all¡¡our¡¡race£»¡¡turned¡¡to¡¡¡¡me¡¡and¡¡said£»¡¡¡¨What's¡¡all¡¡this¡¡tomfoolery£¿¡¡¡¡Tell¡¡him¡¡I'll¡¡give¡¡¡¡so¡¡much¡¡for¡¡his¡¡carpet£»¡¡he¡¡can¡¡take¡¡it¡¡or¡¡leave¡¡it¡£¡¨¡¡¡¡When¡¡¡¡this¡¡was¡¡interpreted¡¡to¡¡the¡¡bearded¡¡tradesman£»¡¡he¡¡smiled¡¡and¡¡¡¡came¡¡down¡¡a¡¡few¡¡dollars¡¡in¡¡his¡¡price£»¡¡and¡¡ordered¡¡more¡¡coffee¡£¡¡¡¡¡¡By¡¡this¡¡time¡¡we¡¡were¡¡outside¡¡his¡¡shop£»¡¡and¡¡left¡¡without¡¡the¡¡¡¡carpet¡¡simply¡¡because¡¡my¡¡friend¡¡could¡¡not¡¡conform¡¡to¡¡the¡¡¡¡customs¡¡of¡¡the¡¡country¡¡he¡¡was¡¡visiting¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡sale¡¡of¡¡his¡¡¡¡carpet¡¡was¡¡a¡¡big¡¡affair¡¡for¡¡the¡¡Oriental£»¡¡he¡¡intended¡¡to¡¡carry¡¡¡¡it¡¡through¡¡with¡¡all¡¡the¡¡ceremony¡¡the¡¡occasion¡¡required£»¡¡and¡¡¡¡would¡¡sooner¡¡not¡¡make¡¡a¡¡sale¡¡than¡¡be¡¡hustled¡¡out¡¡of¡¡his¡¡¡¡stately¡¡routine¡£
It¡¡is¡¡not¡¡only¡¡in¡¡intercourse¡¡with¡¡inferiors¡¡that¡¡tact¡¡is¡¡¡¡required¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡treatment¡¡of¡¡children¡¡and¡¡young¡¡people¡¡in¡¡a¡¡¡¡family¡¡calls¡¡for¡¡delicate¡¡handling¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡habit¡¡of¡¡taking¡¡¡¡liberties¡¡with¡¡young¡¡relations¡¡is¡¡a¡¡common¡¡form¡¡of¡¡a¡¡relaxed¡¡¡¡social¡¡code¡¡and¡¡the¡¡besetting¡¡sin¡¡of¡¡elderly¡¡people£»¡¡who£»¡¡¡¡having¡¡little¡¡to¡¡interest¡¡them¡¡in¡¡their¡¡own¡¡lives£»¡¡imagine¡¡¡¡that¡¡their¡¡mission¡¡is¡¡to¡¡reform¡¡the¡¡ways¡¡and¡¡manners¡¡of¡¡their¡¡¡¡family¡£¡¡¡¡Ensconced¡¡behind¡¡the¡¡respect¡¡which¡¡the¡¡young¡¡are¡¡¡¡supposed¡¡to¡¡pay¡¡them£»¡¡they¡¡give¡¡free¡¡vent¡¡to¡¡inclination£»¡¡and¡¡¡¡carp£»¡¡cavil£»¡¡and¡¡correct¡£¡¡¡¡The¡¡victims¡¡may¡¡have¡¡reached¡¡¡¡maturity¡¡or¡¡even¡¡middle¡¡age£»¡¡but¡¡remain¡¡always¡¡children¡¡to¡¡¡¡these¡¡social¡¡policemen£»¡¡to¡¡be¡¡reproved¡¡and¡¡instructed¡¡in¡¡and¡¡¡¡out¡¡of¡¡season¡£¡¡¡¡¡¨I¡¡am¡¡doing¡¡this¡¡for¡¡your¡¡own¡¡good£»¡¨¡¡is¡¡an¡¡¡¡excuse¡¡that¡¡apparentl